


Fire is Catching

by Melusine11



Category: Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Eventual Romance, F/M, Role Reversal, but its a long road
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-17
Updated: 2017-10-29
Packaged: 2018-01-09 00:39:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 23
Words: 103,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1139391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melusine11/pseuds/Melusine11
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"If you'd been taken by the Capitol, and hijacked, and then tried to kill Peeta, is this the way he would be treating you?" What if Katniss hadn't been the one lifted out of the arena of the 75th hunger games by the Rebellion. </p><p>Role reversal told from (mostly) Peeta's point of view.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Beetee finishes laying out the plan for all of us and tells Johanna and Katniss they will be the ones to take the wire down to the water.

 My pulse quickens, “I want to go with them as a guard.” I say, my eyes locking on Katniss', I can't let her out of my sight, not after our conversation over the pearl.

 “You're too slow.” Beetee says and I swing my head around to look over at him. “Besides, I'll need you on this end. Katniss will guard, there's no time to debate this. I'm sorry. If the girls are to get out of there alive, they need to move now.” He says, handing the coil of wire to Johanna. He's right, I know he is, out of all of us, Beetee’s injuries notwithstanding, I am the slowest. Even though I know how right this sounds, I still don't like it, I will have to trust Beetee, which I do, not as much as Katniss seems to, but I do.

 “It's okay,” Katniss is saying now, “We'll just drop the coil and come straight back up.” I nod a little, Beetee is giving her a warning, a reminder, not back here, and I barely hear a word. I'm too focused on her, drinking in the sight of her, if something goes wrong, I will do what I need to, to keep her safe, to make her a Victor again; this could be the last time I see her.

 Her hands are cupping my face, her eyes searching mine, for what I'm not sure. “Don't worry; I'll see you at midnight.” She leans in, kisses me and brings down her hand to clasp mine. She slips something into it and folds my fingers tightly over it. “I promise.” She whispers and then she's turning, asking Johanna if she is ready and the two of them race off, gone from our sight in moments.

 Beetee is still fiddling with the wire; Finnick is switching between watching him intently and watching me. My hand opens slowly, my eyes quickly taking it in. The pearl. Why? My gift to her, the only thing I am capable of giving to her that she would willingly accept. Is this all part of her promise? That she will come back? Come back for the pearl? Come back for me? I grab another large leaf and wrap the pearl carefully, grabbing a vine and securing the bundle around my neck.

 I turn back and smile reassuringly at Finnick, and that's when it happens. The wire goes taut for a moment and then slack as it quickly starts to bounce its way back up to us. Beetee moves back from the tree and we all look back downhill. “I'll go!” Finnick says and he's bounding off before Beetee and I can say anything about it. I hold my dagger up and Beetee raises his hands in surrender, but I simply flip it around and hand it to him.

 “Be safe.” I say firmly, nodding to him and then I'm off as well, not stopping, waiting to see what Beetee will do. Perhaps this was the plan all along, divide and conquer. I'm determined to not let their plan succeed when the boom of the cannon sounds out through the arena.

“Katniss!” I call out to the Jungle, running back to the tree as fast as I could, my false leg doing nothing but burdening me in a moment I need it to work with me desperately. “Katniss!” Was she even still alive? She had to be, I refused to believe that cannon firing was the signal of her death.

 “Peeta!” I hear her voice yelling for me, and I release a breath I wasn't aware of even holding. “Peeta! I'm here! Peeta!” I can hear the desperation, the fear in her voice. Faster, I need to move faster, I will never make in time before the others arrive, for as well as I can hear her, I know the others can as well. They will all be making their way to her. “I'm here! I'm here!” I won't make it, why did I ever run away from that tree?

 Brutus and Chaff stumble into my path and I trip sideways into a tree. I watch in shock, anger; I'm not sure as Brutus finishes off Chaff, it’s clear they've been fighting for a while. Brutus is now looking at me, and I'm looking back, thinking of Chaff, friend to Haymitch, perhaps his only friend, someone who could keep him away from the darkness. I react quickly and before I know it Brutus is dead by my own hands.

 I am backing away when the cannons sound. “Katniss!” I cry, aware of how desperate I sound, I need her to know I'm still alive. I'm still crashing through the jungle when it happens. The lighting strikes and the dome of the arena flashes into a blinding white light, and the floor of it shakes. The force of the impact of whatever has happened knocked me back into a tree. I'm still lucid, but not functioning enough to move. Dazed, that is this feeling. I see the fireworks beginning to go off, brilliant hues of blue and green, red and purple; I'm so caught up in seeing this that I don't realize the claw to the hovercraft lowering above me until it is too late.

 It's claws gently grasp around my body and it's all I can do not to panic. What has happened? I'm not dead.

 I am lifted and released onto the floor of the hovercraft. My moment of panic is not nearly over. Plutarch Heavansbee is frowning down at me, what have I done that the head game maker is here? I feel the needle pierce my skin and hear Plutarch muttering to someone I cannot see, and that is all I know.

* * *

I come to in the medical area of the hovercraft, I sit up slowly. I'm not strapped down. What happened? I swing my legs over the side of the bed and rest my elbows on them, leaning my forehead heavily into my hands; my last moments in the arena flashing before my eyes. I groan and look up quickly. My eyes land quickly upon the pearl, still wrapped in its leaf. I snatch it up and look wildly around. Is she here?

 A quick perusal of the other beds reveals she is not. Beetee is however, so that is promising, even though he doesn't look too great at the moment. The Capitol doctors should be able to have him back to rights quickly enough though.

 The Capitol.

 They lifted me from the arena, so where were they? Why weren't they here, checking in on me? Why wasn’t I dead yet? This was very out of character.

 “We've lost contact with Seven, Ten and Twelve. Elven has control of transportation now, so hopefully they will be able to get some food out.” Plutarch. What was going on? Lost contact with districts? My mind was struggling to keep up with what could possibly lead to an explanation when I heard him speaking again, answering a question I didn't hear. “No, I'm sorry, there's just no way for us to get you in there. I've given special orders for her retrieval if we can, but that's the best I can do Finnick, I'm sorry.”

 Finnick. What was he doing here? No, there, why was he not in the medical bay with Beetee and me? He says something else, something I still can't understand, but I do understand the sadness, the desperation in his tone.

 “Don't be stupid! Do you want to get her killed, because that's exactly what will happen! No, you stay alive, and they'll keep her alive...for bait.” Haymitch growled out.

 Haymitch! This was a good sign, wasn't it? If Haymitch was here, Katniss was probably nearby; maybe Plutarch wasn't with the Capitol after all. I need to find out. I got up from the bed. My real leg is a little wobbly, but I managed through it, since my fake one really has nowhere to wobble to anymore. I'm determined to figure this out. I swallowed down the bile that was rising in my throat. My mind is racing, thinking over everything from the past year since Katniss and I made it out of the arena last time. Of all the secrets she kept with Haymitch, of all of the little things she finally told me. Our worst fears could be being realized right now. A rebellion?

 I tied the leaf with the pearl back around my neck and shuffled out of the medical ward. I make it into the room where they are. All seated around the table and I take in the scene quickly and my heart drops. Katniss, where is she?

 I turn to Haymitch. “Where is she?” I croak out. Finnick moans and throws his head down on the table as Haymitch takes a deep breath and stands slowly. “Where is she?” I ask again, more firmly now.

 Plutarch makes a small motion towards me, but Haymitch pushes him back down into his chair.

 “Peeta...” he starts, it’s a tone I've never once heard him use before and that's how I know. I tackle him to the ground with a yell. My hands bunch the collar of his shirt up, my knuckles pressing into his throat.

 “Where. Is. Katniss.” I demand.

 Haymitch coughs, but it is Plutarch who answers me. “Our plan was to get both you and Katniss out first, but we didn't have time. Johanna and Katniss were both taken by the Capitol. I'm very sorry Peeta.”

 “You!” I say rounding on Haymitch again. “This is all your fault! You promised!” I slam his head down against the floor, and lift my fist, intent on hitting him when his own hand comes up and catches my own, and then we are fighting, exchanging hits and insults. I reach my limit, feel the tears burning my eyes before they start making a trail down over my cheeks. “This is your fault.” I moan; moving away and slumping against the wall, head on my knees. “You made us both a promise, why did you have to keep hers? You know Haymitch! You know how I feel, how I can't. I won't be able to...” My voice breaks and heavy sobs shake my body. Noiseless sobs, so filled with grief they completely consume me, and then finally I can feel it, moving up from the dark pit inside of me and I am screaming. Screaming and crying because I can't enunciate into words how terrible I feel right now.

 I slowly become aware of Finnick kneeling in front of me. He places hand on my shoulder. “Peeta, it's going to be alright.” This is what he's saying, has been saying, but for how long, I have no idea. His tone is low, quiet, calming.

 I blink owlishly up at him and wipe my running nose with the back of my hand. “How do you know?” I sneer at him.

 Finnick's demeanor shifts immediately, becomes heavy with his own burden of grief. “Because the Capitol has someone I love too, and they'll keep her. Keep her safe, because she's more valuable to them alive then dead, because she will lead them to me. Without her, they know they will have no hold over me.” his voice breaks on the last word and I look at him. Really look at Finnick, like I'm seeing him for the first time, how I've misjudged this apparent playboy to the Capitol. “Now come on.” he says, sitting back on his heels and offering me a hand. “There's some stuff you're going to need to know.”

 I allow him to help me up and I allow myself to be ushered to the table where I collapse heavily into a chair. Haymitch is just getting back up and I watch him with a glare. Plutarch clears his throat and I look over at him. He gives me an uneasy smile that I don’t return.

 “So, Peeta, you must have so many questions…”

 I shake my head. “No, not really, just start at the beginning.” I tell him wearily, and so he does. I drift in and out of focus as he weaves his tale. I’ve lived through most of it, so I don’t need a complete refresher, and so when he speaks about the familiar I find my mind elsewhere. On her, the girl on fire, the girl that I love. Is she really okay? Is she still alive? That is the question that haunts me the most after Plutarch tells me it was Katniss who made the arena explode. They all saw her shoot her arrow into the force field surrounding us and then there were fireworks. Then the feed was lost. Could she have survived that? An arrow attached to wire wrapped around a tree that was struck by lightning. Electrocuted. That’s what keeps running through my mind. No, no, it cannot be true. I know, somewhere, somehow I would know, would feel her light blinking out of existence, out of my life.

 “…and so, here we are, headed to Thirteen, it should be only a few more hours until we arrive.” Plutarch is saying, and I know I’ve missed something. Something important.

 “Thirteen?” I ask, finally looking at him once more.

 He gives me an impatient look, but repeats whatever he’s been saying. “Yes Peeta, District Thirteen. Haven’t you been listening to anything I’ve been saying to you?” he asks, almost surprised. I’m sure; back in the Capitol he is hardly ever ignored. I however have more on my mind that a Head Gamemakers hurt feelings.

 “How long has it been?”

 “An hour.” Haymitch says, finally speaking up again. “We knocked you out briefly, just so we could assess any injuries you may or may not have had. We lifted you from the arena an hour ago.”

 An hour. I don’t remember the trip from the capitol to the arena taking more than an hour, but then again I wasn’t completely focused on the trip, only on Katniss and getting her out of there alive. Alive and safe. I shouldn’t have wasted my time. I have failed. If anything she should be here, on her way to Thirteen. Not me. No, I should be the one the Capitol took; she should have been the priority for these people, these rebels. She should be what they have apparently been trying to make her. Their Mockingjay. Not me.

 District Thirteen. I should have gone with her all of those months ago when she brought it up. I probably would not have made it, but maybe she would have been there by now, safe.

 I get up from the table without a word. No one tries to stop me. I shuffle back to the medical area. Beetee is still asleep. It’s probably for the best that he is. There are so many tubes and machines hooked up to him. I imagine I looked similar when I came out of my first Games.

 I lie back down on my bed and roughly pull my makeshift necklace off of me. My fingers are pulling frantically at the leaf, ripping it, tossing it to the floor until I finally get it out. I pinch it between my fingers and throw the rest of the plant on the floor.

 I stare at it again. My gift to her, her promise to me, to come back. I lay it in my palm and run my index finger from my other hand over it, rolling it back and forth, focusing on the iridescent surface of it, and knowing if I think on everything else I will truly be gone. I cannot do that. Not now. I have a purpose, a job to do, and that is to keep my promise and make her keep hers. It may not be midnight, but I will get her back, I will keep her safe; bring her home out of the arena.

 I am unaware that I am crying again until the pillow beneath my head becomes saturated with my tears. I roll over and clutch the pearl tightly in my hand. I close my eyes, two hours until our destination. Perhaps my nightmares will be a better escape from this terrible reality I now exist in.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Chapter is from Katniss' POV.

I could hear the hum and whirring of the machines, could feel the leather straps that were pulled taut across my body, not allowing me to get up, to really move.

My head was throbbing but I struggled to open my eyes anyway. Everything was blurry, but the brightness of the lights made me quickly shut my eyes again and question if I really wanted to be opening them. I did. Trying once more I gave it time, let my vision of the world around me come back into focus. Realization of where I was hit me in the chest like a ton of bricks.

I moaned, gaining the attention of one of the nurses wandering around. She checked me over, looked at the machines and then hurried off. I frowned, what was going on here? Why wasn’t I dead? Where was everyone else?

I could hear the beeping of the monitor becoming more and more frantic as I tried to look around. Being bound as I was I could only discern curtains on either side of me and that there was a bed across from me. I was unable to tell if it was occupied or not.

The nurse was back, and this time with a doctor. They didn’t speak to each other, but I noticed she had a small notepad; to take notes I suppose.

“Good afternoon Miss Everdeen, I’m glad to see you awake finally.” I could only nod, and then he was off talking again and it was all I could do to keep up. “We’ve taken care of your arm, the wound was quite ghastly and you have suffered a pretty severe concussion.” He fumbled around in his pocket for a moment and then pulled out a thin silver object, which I quickly learned was a light as he started shining it into my eyes and waving it around as he held my eyelids open.

“You’re mending. Slow process, one we cannot really give you medication for. Now that you’re awake we can get you to a psychiatrist. And he can help you out with everything. Fuzzy memories, stress, anger, and all sorts of things that are a result of this concussion you have.” What sort of things?

He stepped back a moment and just observed me and then he was speaking in hushed tones to the nurse who began to scribble frantically.

“Now, onto the bad news…” Was anything previous even good? “I’m sorry to say Miss Everdeen…Katniss, you lost the baby.” I frowned. “It was the stress. The Games are no place for a pregnant girl.” No place for a _girl_ or a boy. No place for a child, but I wasn’t going to say anything. “…and then of course the concussion didn’t help matters. I can’t imagine what you must be feeling right now, but I encourage you to discuss it with Dr. Beaker when he arrives. I’m afraid I’m not much help to you in a matter like this. Do you have any questions?”

Only a million that I would never ask, but only one that finds its way to my lips.

“Wh-” My voice croaks, and I wonder briefly how long I have been here and out of the arena. The nurse is handing me a glass of cool water. I sip it slowly, enough to cure my dry mouth for the moment. “Where’s Peeta?” I ask. My voice is timid, quiet and unused to being used at all. I find another question. “How long?” I clear my throat and take another sip of the water.

“You were lifted from the arena two and a half weeks ago.” The doctor is explaining. I struggle to keep my expression neutral. Two and a half weeks?! “Peeta isn’t here Miss Everdeen. The rebels captured him.” He is saying this part slowly to me, like he’s speaking to a child. “Katniss, did you hear what I said. Peeta isn’t here.”

I nod slowly. “The rebels?” I ask. I need to know, need to be sure.

His expression turns grim. “It seems district Thirteen was alive and well after all. I’m afraid I can’t say more than that. I’m sure once you are out of here you will be informed of the situation.” He doesn’t say anything else, and neither do I. He looks me over for a few more moments and then leaves, the nurse following after him.

I will most likely be sedated again soon, pumped full of pain medication, unable to function, to think. So before that happens I take a moment to relax my body. I close my eyes and smile. Peeta. Peeta is safe, I kept my promise. Peeta is alive. It was more than I could have hoped for at the moment. I know now, no matter what will happen to me that it was worth it. I wouldn’t be losing the boy with the bread.

* * *

 

I awake again the next morning. A doctor is sitting by my bed and a tray has been placed across my lap. We stare at each other for a few moments, the doctor and I, each assessing the other in our own way. I look away and I can hear my stomach growling. My right hand has been freed, but the rest of me is still very much secured in place. I look around quickly and decide that everything must be tied down under the bed, away from my free hand. With a heavy sigh I pick up my only utensil, a spoon and begin to shovel the mush that they have given me into my mouth slowly.

The doctor remains silent for the duration of my breakfast, and as soon as I’m done he reaches over and takes the tray from my lap.

“How are you feeling Katniss?” he asks. His tones are soft, almost soothing, and in complete contrast with the way he looks. Harsh. Every angle about the man was harsh. A sharp pointed chin, his nose a perfectly straight line down his face, his lips thin and turned down with a frown, and his eyebrows slanted up at an extremely sharp angle. His eyes were a light brown in color, his skin dyed an odd grey color, his head was shaved completely bald. I didn’t like him. I shrugged in answer to his question. He frowned.

“You’re going to have to speak to me in order for this to work. Now I’m sure all of this is overwhelming for you. What a year you’ve had! Winning the games, the victory tour, the Quarter Quell announcement. The Quarter Quell. Then of course, Peeta, the engagement, the wedding planning, the pregnancy.” At this last sentence he gives me a look, and I know then that I couldn’t convince him either. Who else was unconvinced by my tragic love story? I can feel the panic being to creep up on me. Is this the plan that Snow has concocted? Keep me alive; get me back up to standards in health and then…then what? What would be a fitting punishment for someone like me? A liar, a manipulator.

I can hear the machines begin to go off again. The doctor, Dr. Beaker, I remember, leans forward, tries to touch my arm, but I flinch away with a small scream. Someone needs to help me. This man, who is this man, he wants to hurt me, possibly kill me. There is no doubt in my mind that this man was handpicked by Snow. He is speaking to me, but all I can hear is the frantic beeping of the machines, keeping pace with my heart.

“…to calm down. Katniss, are you listening to me? You need to calm down. Take deep breaths. You are okay. No one is going to hurt you. Katniss, please. Calm down. Just take a few deep breaths.”

I do, I don’t believe him, about no one hurting me, but I do as he says and the beeping on the machines starts to slow down.

“Perhaps we should start somewhere else then? Hmm?” I nod slowly, because I know that I am unwilling and unable to speak about the farce that was my life only a few short weeks ago. “There are a few things that you need to know Katniss, and I need you to promise me to try and stay calm. Can you do that?” I nod and he gives me what is meant to be an encouraging smile. I will give him credit though, for all of the outward modifications he’s obviously made. He doesn’t seem near as empty headed as most of the people in the Capitol.

“Good! We will start small then. Everyone is very worried about you.” I give him a look. “Katniss, the people here love you. We’ve been trying to keep them updated about your health, but it isn’t enough. They want to SEE you, they miss their Victor. So soon, as soon as both you and I feel that you are ready, we’re going to do a small interview with Caesar, just enough to satisfy them. Let them know that you really are fine.” I nod, to acknowledge that I understand, but I know that I am anything but fine anymore. “See, that wasn’t so bad, was it?” He doesn’t let me answer. “Now, onto the tougher stuff. Katniss, you know Peeta was taken by the rebels in Thirteen. We may never know how involved they were in what happened, but what you did, when you blew up the arena. The Gamemakers aren’t very pleased, and neither is President Snow. Was that the plan all along?”

“What?” I ask, completely shocked. Was that the plan? My mind starts quickly turning over the events of the arena.

“Come now Katniss, you can tell me, honestly. I am sworn to secrecy you know. Blowing out the field around the arena. Who’s idea was it?”

I give him a long look. “Didn’t you watch the Games?” I ask slowly. I didn’t want to speak to this man at all. “Beetee, it was his idea. I don’t know. I don’t. I don’t.” I can feel the panic start to rise again. I can hear the accusations, understand them. They think I did this. I did do it! They think I know! I don’t know! How can I tell him so he knows, so he’s convinced.

“Katniss, I know it was Beetee’s idea, but who gave the idea to him. It was the rebels in Thirteen wasn’t it? It was how they knew to be there when the force field gave out, it was how they got Peeta, Finnick and Beetee out wasn’t it?”

I shake my head. The machine won’t stop beeping. No one is coming to help me. I feel helpless, strapped down. I have nowhere to run, am unable to run. “No.” I tell him. “I don’t know. I don’t know what you’re talking about. We only wanted to get rid of the careers.” I can feel the tears coming, I coke on a sob, trying to keep it down, trying to keep the tears away.

“You do know Katniss. Why did you shoot that arrow?”

Why am I still talking? “I don’t know. I got back to the tree. I don’t know. I needed to keep him safe. I promised. He needed to stay safe. I thought that’s what Beetee wanted. To put that knife through the force field. He would have died! It was better that I tried.” I was openly crying, struggling to speak at all and furiously wiping away my tears with my free hand.

“You could have died Katniss.” Dr. Beaker says slowly.

I nod. “That was the point! I needed him to make it, to live, to be safe. If I was gone with a few others, his odds would be better. I needed to know. To keep…”

A nurse came running over, startling me out of my train of thought and interrupting my speech. She didn’t say anything but gave the doctor a stern look. She looked furious. I watched, eyes wide as she stepped between the two of us made frantic motions towards the doctor, signaling he had to leave, and now.

He was slow to move, reluctant to go, but he did. Once he was out of sight, the nurse turned back to me. She made a move to touch my forehead, but when I flinched away she stopped. I didn’t want anyone to touch me. I watched, still hiccupping and crying, trying not to hear the frantic beeps of the machine, as she pulled out several syringes. One after the other she inserted them into one of the tubes attached to me. I began to calm down, the tears stopped, the hiccups were more persistent.

I was falling asleep. I wondered how long I would be out this time, and if I woke again tomorrow would I be subjected to Dr. Beaker again? Would every day be like this? The questions, the accusations, the attempts to gather truths that I had no knowledge of? Like last night, my last fleeting thought was of Peeta, and the fact that he at least had to be safer than me.


	3. Chapter 3

In the weeks since I have arrived in Thirteen, I have done nothing remarkable. They leave me alone, for the most part. The first few days I sat around, watching the machines hooked up to Beetee, watched as they kept him alive. I kept the pearl in my hand.

I’ve watched Prim come and go. She’s avoided me as much as I’ve avoided her. Or maybe I am just obvious about the fact that I want to be left alone. What would I say to her anyway? I’m sorry? Sorry doesn’t seem like it is enough. We’ll get her back? While possible, it seems unlikely, no one here even knows if she survived.

My first full day in Thirteen I was informed of what had happened back home. Home. That place exists no longer. The Capitol bombed it at around the same time I was watching the fireworks explode above my head in the arena. There has been no word of my family. I assume the worst. I also assume they thought they were safe. Safe from the Capitol, but I dragged them into this mess; they probably never would have been safe as long as I lived. As long as both Katniss and I lived. The same was true for her family, her mother, Prim, Gale. As long as we were alive they would never be safe. The guilt of this fact settles heavily on me.

I ball my hands into fists and press them into my eyes. Katniss should have killed me the first time we were in the arena. It would have been better, none of this would have happened the way it has.

I’m forced out of the hospital area after being there for less than a week. I’m assigned a room, a cell, a place for me to call ‘home’. If home is where the heart is, then my home is far from here. I’m not sure what to do with myself now that I am no longer able to supervise those machines hooked up to Beetee. I get a schedule printed on my arm every morning. I go through the motions. What else can I do?

I have yet to see Haymitch since our incident on the hovercraft. I like it better that way. I wonder briefly where he could be. While district Thirteen is vast as far as size goes, it’s pretty sparsely populated, there could only be so many places he could hide.

Plutarch allows me access to what I can only describe as some sort of media room. There are televisions on almost every wall and a huge panel of dials and switches.

This is where I can almost always be found. There are several other people in the room with me, but for the most part they keep to themselves, keep headsets over their ears so they can listen to what they are reviewing without disturbing others, and place any calls they might need to if something important comes up.

I spend my time in front of only one screen. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve watched it now, but I lost count after twenty. I don’t watch all of it. Only the last few hours, reliving it, because she was still with me then, and the horror of re-watching the Games was better than having to deal with her not being here.

I wasn't lying when I told her that she would have a life, could go on without me if she had killed me when she had the chance, had let me die in the riverbed.

My hands are shaking; this is my escape when there is nowhere to run. I wish I could paint. Decorate cakes. Anything, I would rather be doing anything. I’m very aware of what a lost cause this is, that I am. I fleetingly wonder if this is what it feels like to go crazy. To keep doing the same thing over and over with nothing ever changing, but hoping it will. I must be going crazy.

I am watching the fireworks on the screen again when the feed cuts out, just like it always does. This is when it ended for us all. I wonder what it was like for the citizens of the Capitol when this happened. As much as I hated them, hated what they did to us year after year, I know they knew no different. So used to frivolity in everything. Did chaos ensue there as well?

I sigh; this train of thought will accomplish nothing. I am moving to replay the games when the anthem of the Capitol begins to play and the seal flashes across the screen.

“Someone get Plutarch on, he’s going to want to see this. Carrie, page Coin.” A man behind me is up from his station, throwing his headset down onto his vacated seat and crossing over to the wall of screens in front of me. He looks like he wants to say something to me as we make eye contact, but instead he only frowns at me as I hear Carrie say that Coin is on her way and that Plutarch is with her. I burrow down into the chair I’m in, hoping to go unnoticed as everyone comes in.

There is a commotion at the door moments later, the anthem is still playing. It is Coin and Plutarch; they must have been close by. Carrie and the other man who was monitoring screens are now moving over to greet them. They exchange words I am unable to hear, and then they move back to their posts and begin frantically moving their hands over the dials. I’m torn between my curiosity to know what they’re doing and what will be happening on screen.

“Hello Peeta.” Plutarch greets me; I smile weakly up at him. “Peeta, this is President Coin.” He says gesturing to the woman standing next to him, I move to greet her, to say hello, but she is not looking at me, she is staring intently at the screen. I shrug, perhaps after I can greet her properly.

The anthem finally ends, I furrow my brow. That seemed a lot longer than it usually tended to be. I don’t have much time to think over it though because soon I am face to face with Caesar Flickerman and his lavender colored hair.

“So sorry for the delay tonight folks.” He says with that wide smile of his. He settles back in his chair, crosses his legs as the camera pans out. His interview chair is empty, and I feel foolish for letting my heart leap the way it did with hope.

“We certainly have a surprise for all of you! Now as you all know, the Quarter Quell ended a few weeks ago, without a true victor for the very first time.” A frown graces Caesars expression for the briefest of moments. “Well, tomorrow we will have one of the tributes here to speak to all of you about her experience in the Games.” His smile widens even more, and I can feel my heart beating a fast tattoo inside of my chest. I can hear the roar of the audience in the background. “Yes! You’ve guessed right folks. The girl on fire! Katniss Everdeen herself will be right here tomorrow evening for a special broadcast.”

There is complete silence in the room for a moment as we all seem to take a collective breath and then everyone is speaking all at once. For not many people, they make a lot of noise. I can no longer hear what Caesar is saying, I hope it is nothing important. Then the feed is cut off and all of the screens are black.

“Come with us Mr. Mellark.” I hear, I look over and Coin is standing by the door waiting for me, Plutarch is standing behind her, almost bouncing on his feet, his giddiness is palpable. Something is happening here. I can feel myself standing, shuffling over to them. Following them out of the door. I don’t notice where we are going all I can think of is her. She’s alive.

* * *

“Welcome to Command, Peeta.” Plutarch is saying, ushering me into a room. My eyes take it all in. It’s similar to the room I was just in, but all at once completely different. They spared nothing for this room. Several screens littered the wall; one seemed to be set to only air Capitol broadcasts. There were interactive maps on the wall, where you could zoom in and out of all areas in Panem with a few touches of your finger or only a few words. The other walls, that weren’t filled with TVs or maps, also appeared to be completely interactive. A large stainless steel table consumed the room, another map was showing on the surface of it, and control panels were situated at every chair.

I feel myself being ushered over to the table, pushed down into the chair, but I’m so wrapped up in taking it all in that I don’t notice a thing. Coin clears her throat, and I turn to look at her where she is hovering by the head of the table, Plutarch has seated himself to a chair to the left of her, a woman is seated next to him, I know I’ve seen her before. It takes me a moment, Fulvia, that’s her name; we met her while we were on our Victory Tour; what seems like a lifetime and more ago.

“Mr. Mellark, I am President Coin,” she starts, as if I am unaware of who she is. I know, even though I only saw her for the first time minutes ago. I watch her pull out the chair and sit down, her eyes locked on mine, and it almost unnerves me, but I hold her gaze. “I am sorry that I have yet to come see you, but unfortunately I have been busy, we have an impending war on our hands after all.” My face must show my shock, because she sits back, a smug look on her face. She isn’t smiling, but I can see her grin in her eyes, it’s disturbing. “You didn’t know?”

I shake my head and snap my mouth closed before clearing my throat. “No, I mean, I’ve been a bit occupied myself, orienting to life below ground, the shock that I am not actually dead, you know, those sort of things.” I say offhandedly, commanding myself to not touch the controls in front of me.

She scowls, and I know this isn’t what she was expecting me to say. I hide my own smug grin; I have no plans to play along with this strange, domineering woman. “Well, Peeta, once you’re done _orienting_ yourself, we have a bit of a project for you.”

“A project?” I ask, and watch as Fulvia pulls out a book from amongst the massive pile of papers in front of her and slides it over the table to me. I pull it towards me, my fingers running gently over the leather cover of it, wondering what it could possibly be. I slowly lift the corner and stare down at a hand drawn picture of Katniss in a costume. I don’t understand. I flip through the pages, still trying to understand what I’m seeing beyond the girl that I love, in what is becoming abundantly clear, dressed in armor. “What is this?” I croak out. I can feel my throat closing up on me. I turn to the last page. _I’m still betting on you_ is scrawled quickly across the page. I close my eyes and swallow quickly. Cinna. Of course, why did it take so long for me to realize. These could have been drawn by no other hand.

“Katniss is the Mockingjay.” Plutarch says simply, as this explains everything. This explains nothing. I shake my head, so he continues on. “Peeta, you know what you did, what you both did, when you won the first Games.”

“I am aware that it had an unwanted effect on the districts, at least, that is what Snow told Katniss.” I say, closing the book, no longer wanting to stare at this _creature_ before me, because she is not Katniss, she has been transformed into something that is not her.

Plutarch nods slowly. “Yes and the building tension in most of the districts finally spilled over on the night we lifted you from the arena. It was bound to happen either way, but you really tipped the scale.”

I did nothing; honestly, I wouldn’t change how I did things either. All I wanted was for Katniss to win, and that was how I played the Games, and I know that I wasn’t the only one who thought that way.

“This is all very interesting Plutarch, but I’d much rather just cut to the chase. What is this project?” I ask, knowing already that if I don’t stop him now he will continue on. This war, the conflicts in the districts, it isn’t just going to go away, it can wait for now. I’m one person underground in Thirteen, how much help can I be to twelve other districts…elven.

“Ah! Yes! Of course! Fulvia, if you would be so kind.” Plutarch says quickly. That’s when I know. As much as Coin is president and a heavy-weight here in Thirteen, Plutarch is calling most of the shots here, at least with whatever this project is. He is the Head Gamemaker.

I turn my attention to Fulvia, she’s shuffling through her papers and pulls out a notebook. “Now, Peeta, you must understand, there are going to be adjustments that we need to make, so this will take some time, but there is a change happening, a _revolution_ we want you to be the face of it.” She looks so excited, so sincere that I bite my tongue on the scathing reply I had in mind.

“Why?” I ask instead. “Why me?”

This gives them pause, I have my suspicions, but I want to hear it from someone. Plutarch and Fulvia exchange worried glances, but it is Coin who answers me. “I chose you Peeta.” She says simply, as if this is all the answer I need, as if it explains all everything.

“And you,” I say, looking at Plutarch. “Chose Katniss.” I flip open the book to a page of her fitted in armor.

“Yes.” He says with a short nod. “There wasn’t much of a choice, if we had the time, both of you, you’re better together, but we had orders if it couldn’t be done, just you.”

“Alright then, I’ll ask again, why me?” This time I’m looking at Coin. I grin. “I think we all know I’m not the best choice for the face of a revolution.”

“It wasn’t your face, or image that I wanted. What I had in mind were your words.”

“So you’d like me to what? Convert the ones who don’t support your cause? Encourage the ones who do and are suffering for it?”

She scoffs. “I hardly think anyone is suffering.”

“Have you met Finnick Odair?” I ask her curtly.

“Finnick is not suffering for his support of the cause, Peeta.” Plutarch interrupts.

I shake my head. “No, you’re right; the Capitol is simply keeping someone he loves for no reason at all.”

“Who the Capitol chooses to keep captive is of no concern to me.” Coin says with a sigh.

I push the book back towards Fulvia. “Then what you do here and how you think you can use me is of no concern to me. I won’t do it.”

I don’t wait for an answer, and wouldn’t have stopped even if someone had spoken up. I was out the door and running. I was lost in moments but I didn’t mind at all.

It was late, almost time for everyone to be tucked away in their rooms, getting ready to sleep, gather their rest for the next day. The hallway I was in looked nothing like any residential one I had seen yet. I paused, my hand resting on a doorknob for a moment before I threw it open.

I inhaled sharply and could feel a slow smile spread out over my face. I laughed. I was losing it. Out of any door I could have chosen, it had to be this one.

It was really nothing more than a supply closet, but it had everything I needed. Stacks of paper, pencils in all sorts of colors. Unfortunately, no paint, but I could deal with that, for now. I grabbed a handful of papers and as many pencils as I could carry and left the room.

I felt a bit guilty. I hadn’t been here long, but long enough to notice how strict Thirteen was about everything. You had to eat what they gave you, when they gave it to you, no taking something back to your room later for a snack. All supplies for everything were inventoried and kept under strict rations. Everything was always left in the place you got it from.

I close the door, supplies in hand and look both ways down the hall; I decide to continue on instead of going back. I’ll find my way back eventually. I just know I need to do it quickly.

Thankfully I encounter no one on my wandering way back to my room. I stuff most of the paper under my mattress and spread what I have left out over the floor. My hands shake as I grab a pencil and begin to draw. This is my talent. The people of the Capitol were so impressed; I doubt anyone here will care. Oh, hey that’s an idea. I could just make promotional posters for Coin’s cause. _Support Thirteen, or we’ll bomb you to death._ It has a nice ring to it.

My hands follow a familiar line as I sketch Katniss’ face. My fingers run over the lines, smoothing them out, and then I am sketching Finnick’s face next to hers. Both covered in that medicine and scabs.  I smile at the memory, as terrifying as it was at the time, I don’t have them both here with me now. Katniss is stuck in the Capitol and Finnick is locked up in his mind, his hands busily tying knots with a rope. He says it helps, but I doubt it really does. I wish he was able to pull it together, not for himself, but for a selfish reason. I need to talk to him, need his help to keep me from slipping off of this precarious ledge I find myself perched on.

I pull out another piece of paper and push the one I had been working on under the bed. I pull up the image of Annie, from what I remember of her from her own games and the image of her on reaping day. I mesh the two images of her together and begin on a drawing of what I really hope she looks like. I let her hair fall loose around her shoulders and put her in a blue dress that goes down to her knees. I leave her feet bare and put her in front of the ocean at sunset.

Even I’m impressed with the finished result. This is also my first, what I’m calling, original work. Everything I have ever painted before had been something I had seen, or experienced in the Arena. This, while I had seen the ocean, and seen clips of Annie, this is all new. These things together in the same place. I hoped Finnick would like it.

A ringing sounded out and I jumped. It was morning. I hauled myself up onto my bed and rubbed my face. I had made it through the night. My hands were still shaking. I rubbed my face and straightened my leg out. I stuck my right arm into the hole in the wall to get my schedule for the day, I typically used my left, but with everything that happened last night, and then me running back here to draw, I had forgotten to shower and clean off the schedule, I would need to do that. I sighed, I would do it now.

Getting my leg on and off was almost second nature for me now. The Capitol doctors told me it wasn’t a problem, that it would never rust, and while that is probably true, I try not to do that unless I’m in a real hurry. I’m not.

Today my goal is to simply make it through while trying to avoid thinking of seeing Katniss again for the first time in weeks. So far, it’s not working out to well. Only twelve hours to go.

I shower with minimal difficulty. Bathrooms here were never made with people like me in mind, I’m not upset, most never are. I had to have my own redone in Victors Village to better accommodate me.

Once done I step out and dry off, rubbing the towel through my hair quickly before hanging it up on its hook. I sit down and put my leg back on and then get dressed in the same unassuming grey outfit that everyone here wears.

I snatch up the drawing I did of Annie and make my way out of my room and head to breakfast. I have the early breakfast time and sit with people from Thirteen, normally I’m up for the small talk, but not today; so we all eat our bread and grains in silence.

Once I’m finished I carry my tray to the deposit bin, nod to the guard standing duty by the doors and step outside. I nearly run into someone. I look up to apologize and find myself staring into the glaring grey gaze of Gale.

“Gale.” I say stiffly in greeting, shuffling around him.

“Peeta.” He says tersely with a nod.

I clear my throat. “Have a nice breakfast.” I say a bit awkwardly, he nods again and steps through the doors and I stride off. Nothing like an awkward early morning exchange with the guy who also loves the girl you do. I shake my head; I’m still failing miserably at not thinking about Katniss.

It takes me a few minutes to make it to the Hospital ward. It still seems a bit empty without Beetee there, but Finnick still is.

“Hey, Finnick.” I say, walking over to his bed. He looks at me briefly and smiles before he focuses on his rope again.

“Hi, Peeta, what brings you to my neck of the woods today?”

I shrug. “Have you seen the broadcasts?”

He gives a bark of a laugh and then sobers quickly. “I’m sorry, Peeta, this must be hard for you. I did see them. I can’t imagine what those idiots are thinking.”

“I don’t know. I’m trying not to think about what I might see tonight.”

He nods “I understand. At least you can see her.”

“About that…” I say with a small smile, I pull out the rolled up paper. “I drew this last night, I’ve never met her, Annie, but I hope maybe this helps hold you over. You know, until we can rescue her.”

His eyes meet mine. “Peeta. Why would they rescue Annie?”

“Well, they want my help. I figure if they want my help, they can help me out a bit.” I’m saying the words before I’m even aware of it. I have apparently decided to go back on my word to Coin. I see the way Finnick’s entire face lights up and I know that now I’m completely committed to whatever this crazy cause is.

He nods. “This is fantastic news Peeta. I don’t know what to say.”

“Well, before we get too far ahead of ourselves, tell me if I’ve done her justice at all.” And with that I unfurl the paper and watch his face intently. His eyes go wide for a moment and his jaw goes slack, and then he closes his eyes.

“She’s beautiful Peeta, truly. This looks just like her.” He opens his eyes, now lined with tears. “You did this for me?”

I nod. “I thought it might be nice, as long as I got her right, for you to have a bit of home in here with you.”

“Home.” He whispers and takes the picture gently, almost reverently from my hands. “Thank you so much Peeta.”

“Of course Finnick, it was no trouble at all.”

“You have no idea how much this means to me.”

I give him a lopsided smile. “Seeing the girl I love again after not seeing her for a while? Seeing her whole, healthy and happy?” He smiles at me now. “Oh I might know a thing or two about that.”

He laughs. “You’re right. Do you want me to come with you tonight? Moral support and all that?”

“Sure! I’m sure Coin would love that. Us two victors, running amok in her command center.”

“Yes, well, that woman looks like she could use some chaos in her life in my opinion. I’ll make sure they let me out of jail for an hour or so tonight.”

I get up from the bed. “I’ll pick you up at 6:30” I tell him with a bow and smirk.

“Get out of here Mellark, before I change my mind and strangle you with this rope.”

We both are laughing as I duck out of the door.

Only ten more hours.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Katniss Chapter. This is one of my favorites.

I had been moved the very next day after meeting Dr. Beaker. It was a small room, painted a stark white with nothing in it but a bed, closet and side table.

While it was nice to be away from all of the machines and the staring nurses, it was far too quiet for me. I could easily see myself transitioning from girl barely holding it together to girl who has completely lost it. There were no windows, only a light that was always on. I had no idea what time it was, I guessed this was my third day in here. I had gotten food several times and Dr. Beaker had been back twice.

I had only been sedated once.

It was yesterday. I think. There is no way to know.

I spend my time pacing my small room, talking under my breath to myself to try and fill the silence. Sometimes try to give myself a sense of security by rationalizing that they can’t hear me if I whisper or mumble, but I know that they probably can.

I am fairly convinced this is how it will end for me. Here in the Capitol with nowhere to go and nowhere to run; just me in this room, slowly driving myself crazy. This is my new Arena, and I know I will have to fight my way out of here. I will have to fight in a way I never have before. I will have no weapons, no Peeta to help me, no cornucopia with supplies. It will only be me and my wits and my words. I take in a shuddering breath. Peeta. I need him here with me.

I sink down onto my bed and rest my head in my hands as I try to control my breathing. I’m turning into a real mess; the mere thought of the boy with the bread has me ready to burst into tears. I lean back against the wall, my eyes closed as I try to focus. It’s only Peeta, and he is alive and safe, as far as I know; and that was what I had wanted. I need to focus on this, the fact that he is alive; I’ve risked my life numerous times just for his. He is alive. I try not to think about my mother or Prim. Gale. My home. All of these things are gone from me forever. I will never feel my mother’s arms around me again; hear Prim’s pealing laugher as she plays with Buttercup. Gale, I will never hunt with Gale, sit with him in our meeting place and pick berries and talk about life, about running away; but most of all I will never get to tell him…

I jump as the door swings open. I scold myself for getting so lost in my head. I watch the doorway for a moment, it remains empty; this means I will have a visitor today. I close my eyes again; it will be Dr. Beaker for another check up on my mental wellbeing. As a rule, I try to avoid the open, empty doorway. The first time this happened I thought it was some kind of sign, a signal to me. So I tried to leave. The pain was terrible. I had only crossed one foot over the threshold when I felt the stinging vibrations. It was so startling that I couldn’t move for a few moments, so I was trapped in that space, the pain bouncing through my body. When I finally could move, I fell back into my room in a trembling heap. I laid there as I watched the shoes come into my line of vision and stay there. Slowly, I had looked up into the horrible face of Dr. Beaker, his smile was sinister.

“Oh dear, no one told you about that force field did they?” he was still smiling.

I only shook my head and furrowed my brow. I was upset with myself, I should have looked for the chink, realized it for what it really was. I blame my excitement at a chance to try and break free. I probably wouldn’t have made it very far, but I would have tried.

“Hello, Katniss.” The familiar rumble of his voice vaults me into action. My eyes fly open and I take him in quickly. Safe, whole. I spring up from the bed, my hands are shaking. I reach out slowly, terrified that I am imagining this, that the Capitol has conjured up this flawless image of him to torment me more. I make contact with his arm; I move up to his shoulder and then my trembling fingers graze over his cheeks, his nose, and his eyes. He is real.

“Cinna.” I breathe out in a whisper. And then his arms are wrapped around me and I am crying into his shirt, soaking it.

I can hear him speaking to me, senseless words, meant to calm me. I don’t really hear them. When my tears have stopped I pull away from him and wipe my face with the back of my sleeve.

“I don’t understand.” I say, and he ushers me to the bed, we both sit. “I thought you were dead.” I manage to choke out around the tightening in my throat again.

He smiles sadly. “It will take a bit more than a brutal beating to kill me.” I stare at him wide eyed. “Katniss, you know why they did it.” I nod slowly. To keep me off guard. I have no doubt they wanted to break me, keep me useless so hopefully I would have died early in the Games. To send me a more serious message. Actions speak louder than words.

“Cinna” I stare at him. “Why are you here?”

“Well, my little Mockingjay; you have an interview tonight.” He squeezes my hand tightly.

“I do? Already? I didn’t think they would let me yet.” I feel the panic creeping up in my chest. I feel wholly unprepared to face Caesar, Snow, the Capitol, all of Panem.

“Deep breaths.” He says softly; I nod and comply. “Come along, you and I have a lot of work to get done.” He gives me a small frown and I can’t help but giggle. A hopeless case, that’s what I am for my poor prep team. The thought draws me up short.

“The prep team?”

“No, it’s just you and I today Katniss, your prep team was taken when you were lifted out of the arena.”

“What?” I gasp. I hover in the room, watching as he crosses into the hall. I am terrified to walk over the threshold, and stunned that they were gone.

“You were to be the Mockingjay.” He says simply. I blink slowly at him. “You were the one that was supposed to be lifted from the arena and taken to Thirteen Katniss, and then you would become the Mockingjay, the face of the rebellion.” He smiles at me. “I even designed you a brilliant set of armor, you would have looked inspiring, deadly, amazing. I gave the book to Plutarch before the games began.”

“Plutarch?” I ask, I back away again, back to my bed and Cinna patiently follows and leans against a wall.

“Yes, you were never supposed to go back into the Arena, it was bad luck and an eerie coincidence that you did.”

I close my eyes and I remember Plutarch at the Victory ball, his watch flashing me the sign of the Mockingjay. He was on my side, I think, the side of the rebellion. None of us knew I would be back in the Arena; it was a hint, as a mentor. I never would have figured that out on my own without him, without Wiress. I have no doubt that it was different watching it, that the audience was very aware of what we weren’t.

“Why not Peeta?” I ask quietly.

Cinna shrugs, “That I’m not really sure. Honestly Katniss, I wasn’t a big player. I had one job, and I did it, and I passed it on to the person who needed to have it, the person who would never be suspected. I was a liability for them long before I changed your wedding dress. It was supposed to get me killed. I wasn’t supposed to make it.”

“Why?” I ask sharply.

He blinks at me. “Sometimes, Katniss, you need to be prepared to sacrifice yourself for the cause of the greater good.”

I shake my head. “That’s a stupid thing to say! I would never, ever ask that of you or anyone!”

“But people would do it for you, stick out their own neck to save yours. That is why it was probably you and not Peeta. Peeta can weave a beautiful picture with his words, but you; you inspire.”

I laugh. “No, I don’t. I don’t know what people really see in me. I’m just a girl from the Seam. I was no one until they called Prim’s name.” My fingers play with the bed sheet. “I am still no one Cinna. I don’t know why people insist on seeing all of these wonderful things about me. It was always Peeta. He makes me sound much better than I really am. I shouldn’t be interviewed at all, it will be terrible.”

“People aren’t inspired by what you say in your interview, or what dress you wear. Maybe here, in the Capitol that is much more important. Out in the districts though? Those people watch the Games, and know what it is, a terrible sacrifice of children. They watch you, the way you are, the way you act, the way you have refused to play the Games by anyone’s rules. Don’t try to say anything against this.” He says when he sees me open my mouth to interrupt. “Whether you were conscious of how defiant you were being or not, those people out there took notice of you. If you, ‘just a girl from the Seam’ could defy the Capitol in such a way, why couldn’t they?”

I close my eyes and shake my head. “They will all die.” I say softly.

He nods. “Yes, people will die, but no, not all of them.”

“I need to fix this.” I say fiercely.

“There is nothing left to fix anymore Katniss. Panem is broken. Now all we can do it wait, and watch to see how the pieces all fall.”

“I never wanted this to happen.”

“This thing that is happening; this rebellion that will likely turn into something much more, has been brewing for years. The districts have been unhappy for a long time, you know that Katniss. If it didn’t happen now, with you as the catalyst, it would have happened soon.”

“How can you be so sure?” I ask, now biting my nails. Cinna frowns and pulls my hand away from my mouth.

“Stop that. I will already have a difficult time to get you ready for tonight.” He pinches the bridge of his nose. “If you keep your head down and ear to the ground you can hear a lot without being noticed. Many people in important positions here have been worried about this. They knew that Thirteen was alive and well, but Thirteen and the Capitol had an understanding, so there was nothing they could do. It only took the rising of the uneasiness in the districts to bring them out of hiding again.”

“I hate them.” I seethe. I am taking in his words. “If Thirteen was fine all of this time, why did they never come to help us if they knew we were suffering?!”

“I don’t have all of the answers to your questions Katniss. I’m sorry.” He smiles at me. “Now, how about we forget about this for now. You and I have a lot of work to get gone in a short amount of time, and I have another brilliant dress for you.”

I frown at him.

“Come on, at least give me a small smile. This isn’t the end of the world.”

I sigh. “Can I get through the door?” I ask, as I let him pull me up from the bed.

He nods seriously at me. “They’ve taken it down for now.”

I follow him reluctantly; I hesitate at the door and close my eyes, letting him lead me as I follow blindly. I open them again after a few moments and find I have made it out of my room.

“Where are we going?” I ask as I follow the quick pace he has now adopted.

“To the makeover room.” He says as if this should be obvious to me. It probably should be.

He opens a door at the end of the hall and we go down a flight of stairs before entering another hallway. He opens another door with a circular window in it and closes it quietly behind us.

“Into the shower with you.” He says, pressing a few of the buttons as I strip down. I sidestep into the hot water and groan as it rains down on my body. It has been so long since I’ve had a decent shower, this feels like heaven. “Don’t take all day. Beauty base zero.” I groan again. I hate getting back to beauty base zero.

When I step out of the shower I am greeted with three additional faces. I look at Cinna and then back at my new prep team. This was Peeta’s prep team. I had only met them a handful of times, but their familiar faces were a welcome reprieve to the new, unknown faces I faced every day.

“Hello.” I say a bit shakily, startled and nervous. Cinna had made it sound like it would just be him helping me today.

They all greet me enthusiastically. They look a bit haggard, but all in all they look well, healthy. I wonder what my own prep team would look like now, would they still even be alive. I feel like they would be, they were like children, ignorant of what was really happening and helpless.

We all fall into an easy routine. I have done this plenty of times to know the drill, know what they need from me, and they are on auto-pilot.

Cinna flits around them, offering words, suggestions, plucking out stray hairs. He ushers them out of the room when I am finally once again beauty base zero and we all say farewell. I hope that maybe I will see them again.

I sit on the small table patiently as Cinna paints my face and styles my hair.

He leaves to get my dress and I take myself in. I am stunning. I feel like I have never been this person. My hair hangs down around my shoulders, with soft curls on the ends. The left part of my hair has been pulled back up behind my ear and is fastened there with a flower. My heart thumps heavily in my chest. It is a primrose. For my sister. I keep my emotions at bay as much as I can; I know that if I give in I’ll ruin the makeup. Cinna would kill me; well maybe not, but he would be pretty upset.

My eyes are darkly lined, sweeping up at the outer corners. My inner corners are dusted with a light shimmering blue that also covers my eyelids and matches the flower in my hair. He has dusted my cheeks lightly to give me some color and put a gloss on my lips. As far as capitol fashions go I am very understated. I inspect my nails, possibly the most Capitol like, but still, understated. They’ve all been painted clear and small bunches of primroses have been painted on each one.

I look up as he comes back into the room.

“Close your eyes.” I do, and I let him lead me through getting me dressed. He and I have become excellent at this. He zips me up and makes a few adjustments and then helps me into a low pair of heels. “Alright, you can open them now.”

I open my eyes slowly and can’t help but gasp. Under Cinna’s hands I am always something different, someone different, someone stunning.

“Do you like it?” I take in the sweeping one shoulder of the dress. The fabric as it wraps around my body, the diamonds that scatter the shoulder and the black, gold and red gems that peek out on the other side of my dress. There’s a gemmed belt and then the dress falls softly to the ground where the black gold and red gems just barely dust the bottom of the dress. My shoes are gold.

“It’s stunning, as usual Cinna.” I told my head. “I thought, maybe I would have more color.”

“You are in mourning.” My eyes meet his quickly before looking away. “Your family, your child.”

“Cinna.” I warn in a dangerous voice.

“I know, I know, but the Capitol doesn’t; they were really rooting for the three of you. Regardless of that small lie, your family isn’t here anymore.” I nod, I have my emotions buried so deep right now I don’t even feel a small prick behind my eyes that might warn of tears. “Just make sure, if Caesar mentions the child, you need to be very distressed about it. It was a piece of Peeta you were hoping to keep with you.”

“I’m a terrible liar.” I mumble.

“Just do your best Katniss, I’m sure most people will simply be overjoyed to see you alive and well, they probably won’t notice the way you’ll try to evade the questions about your imaginary pregnancy.”

I shrug. “I hope you’re right.”

“Aright, now, let’s go. It isn’t long until it’s time for you to do on.”

We go back out into the hallway and walk to the end. It’s an elevator. I wonder where I am in the Capitol. They must have a maze of underground pathways into different buildings, to transportations. The possibilities could be endless. Since we’re only going straight up I imagine I’m in the center of the Capitol, where the training center is and where they make all of their broadcasts.

I can feel my stomach churning. I am more nervous than I ever have been before. It takes me a moment to realize it is because I will be alone. All alone up on the stage with Caesar, the way I would have been after the first Games if I hadn’t dragged Peeta to the end with me. There will be no one there with me, no warm body to snuggle up against, no strong arm wrapped around me to keep me safe from everything. Just me, Katniss Everdeen, weaponless and in an evening gown.

We reach our destination and the elevator dings as the doors slide open. We step off, and he gives me a small hug. “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine, I’ll be fine. Nothing will go wrong.”

“You can’t know that Cinna.”

“You’re right, I can’t, but I’m going to believe that it will be, because to do anything else would destroy me.”

I nod; I know how right he is. He steps away, to move out to his place in the audience and I follow the same path backstage that I have several times before.

I’m engulfed by the crew when I arrive, they all check me over, tell me how happy they are to see me as they fix me with a microphone and fluff up my hair just a bit. They usher me over to stage left, where I will enter from and then leave me. I won’t need them to cue me as to when I go on. Caesar will introduce me.

I watch him, still in his midnight blue suit and powder blue hair and lips as he talks to the audience, setting the scene and the tone. He introduces me in his booming voice, his arm sweeping out to usher me in. His eyes catch mine and he gives me an encouraging smile. I hesitate a moment, then take a deep breath and then I force my feet to move.

I try to stay strong, keep the smile on my face as the lights on stage nearly blind me. The noise from the crowd startles me. It is loud. Very loud. They are cheering, and chanting my name and stomping their feet on the ground as they clap. You would have thought I actually won the Games again, instead of causing them to stop before they had even ended.

Caesar pulls me in for a formal hug and a kiss on the cheek and I smile at him. There is no way we could even speak to one another with the deafening noise. It shakes me to my core, the sheer volume. I turn and wave to everyone for a few moments before I seat myself on the chair next to Caesar.

They take several minutes to quiet down and sit again. I smile the whole time, though it’s starting to hurt my face. Internally I am trying to coach myself on what to do. I finally settle on a philosophy. Be like Peeta, say what he would say, act how he would at, do what he would do. I know Peeta, how hard can this be? Probably more difficult, since I’m me.

Once the crowd quiets there are a few moments of awkward silence as Caesar and I just look at each other.

“So…Katniss…Welcome back!” Caesar starts off.

I laugh a bit; this seems like something Peeta would do. “It’s good to be back Caesar, but I need to tell you, you sound a bit surprised. I’m pretty sure you all thought you had seen the last of me.” A chorus of ‘no’s’ sound from the audience as Caesar shakes his head.

“Truly, Katniss, no. I’m sure I’m not alone here in telling you that I thought you would be the one to make it out alive again.”

I tilt my head and smile at him. “Because of Peeta.” I say simply.

“Well…yes. That seemed to be his plan.”

I nod. “That was his plan, to get us out.” I say quietly, remembering that I was supposed to be pregnant. “That wasn’t my plan though, and I’m sure there were other people working against his plan as well.”

“You wanted to get him out.”

“Always.” I say simply.

“Why not fight for yourself? For the life of your child?”

I am stopped short, really, what reason could I have for not trying to save the life of my imaginary unborn child? Isn’t it a mother’s instinct to protect her child over everything else?

“Because I love him.” I say, as soon as I say the words I know how true they are. For the first time, I mean it. My eyes widen in shock and I can see the confusion flicker over Caesars face as he sees my expression. I grip my dress to keep my hands from flying up to cover my mouth. As far as all of these people knew I’ve been madly in love with him, was married to him.

“But your child…” Caesar starts.

“My child?” I ask quickly, “What kind of life would my child have? Living under our shadows, while I would always fear that they would be the next name to be reaped? I couldn’t do it. Maybe that’s selfish of me, but I would have much rather have Peeta be able to go on and live a great life without us, than for me to loose Peeta and possibly our child in a different Games.” I can feel tears pricking at my eyes, but this time I let them come; Peeta always let his emotions show. This is something I have never done, unless Prim’s name was being called, or I almost lost the boy with the bread. “I just wanted him to live the life I knew he could. He could grow to be happy without me, in time, but I just couldn’t do it; especially now.” I finish quietly.

I stare down at my nails. And Caesar pushes the knife in and twists it sharply. “Because your family is gone.” He says just as quietly.

I bite my lip and nod. I look up at him; let my eyes sweep out over the audience. “Yes.” I hear the entire audience let out a low moan and I take a deep breath. The emotions in the room are weighing down on me. “I’m sorry, can we talk about something else?” I ask, my voice shaking.

Caesar nods. “Of course. How about you take us into the arena Katniss? Let us know what that final night there was like for you.”

I nod and let the silence stretch on for a while as I try to think about what I should say. “That last night…” I start, I clear my throat. “The Arena, I guess for you all to understand what that last night was like you need to understand what it was like in there.” I furrow my brow. I wish Peeta were here, more than anything. He could tell these people what it was like without effort.

“It was humid, wet, and even though there was water all around you, none of it was useful to you. It was hot, and miserable, and most of all, deadly. While I’m sure all of you were aware of the layout of the Games, we weren’t for a while, and it was terrifying. Everything was trying to kill you. That whole place was alive, and time was ticking away, with something new and terrible every hour. In the two days we had been in there, sixteen people had died already; and some of them died to keep you alive. You know that by morning it will be highly likely that everyone else will be dead, with one alive. The Victor, and you’re desperately hoping that it won’t be you.”

I take in a deep breath and notice the audience was leaned in, hanging on my every word. I imagine all of Panem is leaning toward the screen they are watching this on. Never in the history of the Games has a victor ever talked about what it was really like inside of the Arena.

“Once you’re in the Arena, the world you once knew, the people you loved and cared about, they no longer matter, they don’t even exist anymore. All that matters is the Arena, the monsters that are in it and the Tributes that are trying to kill you. The world comes into sharp focus, like you’re staring down a tunnel, that is your reality. It’s like it’s the only reality that ever should have mattered to you. No matter how terrible it makes you feel, you know, deep down you’re going to have to do some killing, you can’t be a victor without doing it, and because in the Arena, you only get one wish. And it’s very costly.”

“It costs your life.” Caesar says softly.

“Oh, no.” I say, with a small, growing smile. “It costs more than your life. To murder innocent people?” I pause and look at the crowd. Their eyes are wide. “It costs everything that you are.” I finish.

Caesar repeats my last line in a whisper, and I let it linger for a while; let that settle over everyone in Panem. I wonder if they understand, if they really hear me out there. Do they understand what they are condemning children to? I am proud of myself, I feel as though Peeta would be too, that these are words that he would be saying for me when my speech fails me.

“So that last night in the Arena, I was holding on so tightly to my wish my hands probably could have bled. Of course my wish was to keep him alive, make sure he made it out alive. I had no idea what was really going on, behind the scenes, neither did Peeta. There was just something about that night though, I could feel it in the air, I knew it would be my last night in the Arena, I guess I just thought it would be my last night _alive_ in the Arena. Everything was weird, complicated. I wish I never would have left him, made him stay with Beetee, because maybe then, I wouldn’t be here, and he wouldn’t be there.”

“You would be together then?” Caesar asks.

I shake my head. “No, no that wasn’t my plan; I just wanted him to be safe. Maybe if I had been more forceful, made sure we really cut ties with everyone.” I shrug helplessly. “I suppose it was already out of my hands, there was no backing out of it”

“You were too caught up in Beetee’s plan to electrify the salt lake.” He says

“Yes…No. I mean, yes I was curious to see if it would actually work, but Peeta was too busy playing allies with the others, and I was too busy trying to stay with him. I never should have left with Johanna. Everything turned to chaos when that happened. I never should have done it. I didn’t really want to, but I knew there was no other way to do it.”

“So you had no idea what was really going on with the lightning tree and the wire? You blew out the arena Katniss.” Caesar says sharply, this pulls the audience away from my story of being immersed in the arena quickly, like they have all had a bucket of ice water dumped on them. They are back in reality.

I shake my head and close my eyes. “No. I didn’t really know, I just… I couldn’t figure out what he was doing with that knife, but that was when I knew what I could do. I didn’t know what was really going to happen, all I was doing was trying to keep him safe, get him closer to being the victor. I remembered how Peeta had died when he ran into the force field the first day.” My voice only wavers slightly when I mention his death. “I knew I was as good as dead anyway, I could speed things along, other people were already dead. I knew if it came down to the two of us again I couldn’t do it, and neither could he, so I could eliminate myself while I still had the chance.” I take a deep shuddering breath before I continue. “I didn’t know that what I did would have so many terrible consequences.”

“Consequences like the bombing?” he asks coldly. Who is this new Caesar Flickerman? I ask myself bitterly. I don’t like him.

I choke on a sob as I try to answer. “No,” I finally manage. “If I would have known, I never would have… it’s something I’ll regret for the rest of my life. I lost everything when I did that. My family, Peeta…” I pause, this is my moment. “Our child.” There is an outburst of anguished noises from the audience, but I try to soldier on. “I would take it all back in a moment if I could. I would give anything for that.”

“So you knew nothing about the rebels plan?” He asks again.

I swallow thickly and settle my gaze on him, my eyes narrow slowly, and the corners of my mouth turn down. “Have you not been listening to me at all?” I hiss, leaning in towards him, he leans back. I could play this sort of game all night, hunter and prey. I will win. Instead I can feel myself snap and I am yelling at him. “I didn’t know Caesar! Peeta didn’t know! I don’t know who did, but it wasn’t us! All we were trying to do was keep one another alive! There were no ulterior motives for us!”

Ceasar snaps back into the kindly host in an instant. “Okay, Katniss, it’s okay. I believe you.”

I fall back into my chair and wipe my damp cheeks as I stare warily at Caesar. He surveys me for beat before he asks another question. “What about your mentor, Haymitch Abernathy?”

I am glaring at him. “I don’t know what Haymitch knew.” I growl at him.

“Could he have been involved? Part of the conspiracy?”

“If he was, he never breathed a word of it to us.” I cross my arms over my chest.

“What does your heart tell you?”

“That I probably shouldn’t have trusted him.” I say with a sigh, and I wonder where Haymitch is, if he’s really with Peeta too. If he is I wish I had a way to thank him, even if he did betray us so horribly. He made sure Peeta made it out; he kept his promise to me.

Caesar pats my shoulder and I flinch away from him. “We can be done now if you’d like.”

“Was there really anything more to discuss?” I ask him with a smirk. I can feel my energy leaving me quickly, the adrenaline of this evening fading fast.

“I was going to ask you what your thoughts were on the war.”

“Oh, well, I’m not sure I can’t answer that right now.” How would Peeta answer this? He wouldn’t approve, I know that. Peeta was a fan of getting things fixed without a conflict, by using words, negotiating things. Not me. I lived for the conflict.

I’m still completely lost in my thoughts when Caesar touches my arm. I flinch away again and look up at him. I hear the crowd moving around.

“Katniss, we’re all done here.” He says softly, he sounds almost as exhausted as I feel.

“Oh, okay.” I say, and I stand up quickly, springing away from him and the chairs. “It was nice to see you again Caesar.” I say quietly. He nods at me with a small smile. I blame Snow for all of this, this interview, the way Caesar acted.

I turn and rush backstage. I am greeted by an entourage. I suppose I’d rather be escorted back by guards than get completely lost.

Cinna is waiting for me when I get back to my room. He helps me undress while the guards wait outside. Something is happening, something went wrong. I am back in my standard garb here, white shirt, white pants, slippers. Cinna gives me a brief hug, whispers in my ear that I did great, not to worry and then he is gone and the door is shut on me.

I shuffle over to my bed and sit down on it. I pull the flower out of my hair and look down at it. The tears come again and I let them fall freely. “I’m so sorry Prim.” I whisper, curling up on the bed, clutching the flower in my hands.

I roll over and face the wall; I turn my pillow so it’s lying next to me and throw my arm over it while I burrow my face into it. I close my eyes tightly and let myself get lost in the idea that this pillow is Peeta.

Peeta. I’m ashamed it has taken all of this, taken losing him for me to finally acknowledge what my heart has seemed to know for a while. I love Peeta Mellark. I will probably never see him again, be able to tell him this to his face, watch the way the smile will transform his face when he hears it. The way he would pull me to him, spin me around in a hug while he would laugh and cover my face with kisses.

I stick my other arm under the pillow, my fingers stroking the petals of the primrose.

“I love you Peeta.” I whisper into the emptiness of my room. “I love you.”


	5. Chapter 5

My day was going terribly. I wasn’t sure if it was because, for the first time, I was following that asinine schedule, or if it was because every time I thought about the interview airing tonight my stomach would twist into knots and my breath would catch as I imagined the horrors that they had put her through so far.

I had Education Center marked down on my arm first after breakfast, so I headed there. Back in Twelve, as a victor, I was exempt from going to school. Being a victor in Thirteen carried very little weight. It wasn’t that I hated school either, I suppose, it’s just, after you survive the Games there’s enough crap going on in your head that you don’t really want to worry about learning more stuff about coal.

The room I entered was much smaller than what I was expecting and only and handful of kids were there, but it was early, more could still show up. No one else did.

I sat away from everyone else; I could see the shock register on their faces as I walked in, before they all began to talk quietly amongst themselves. It wasn’t obvious what they were talking about or anything like that.

Our teacher entered moments later, his eyes scanning the room. They stopped to rest on me and I gave him a small smile before looking down at my desk to avoid his continuing stare.

The class was alright; granted, nuclear weapons and power was a step up from coal, but it wasn’t the most interesting thing to me at the moment.

Training was much better. Since it was my first time out they grouped me with all of the newly recruited ‘soldiers’. I kept up with them. For the most part. All of the physical activity was easy for me. The rigorous training schedule I kept us all to before the games was paying off here. Then they handed me a gun.

I had never used a gun before in my life, never desired to hold something so lethal in my hands. I watched, in shock as all of the kids handled them as if they had been using them for years not weeks.

What sort of future would this be? I asked myself as I clumsily disassembled the gun to clean it. Training children to kill like this. Become efficient weapons. The Games were something terrible, and I know Careers were trained for it, but this. This was something new, something different. I could feel the apprehension building up in me. Nothing good could ever come from this.

I got a lecture about my failure to reassemble the gun that I couldn’t be bothered to listen to. Before I headed back to my room for a while before dinner started.

After an uneventful and lackluster dinner I head to the medical ward to get Finnick. He’s ready and sitting on his bed, rope in hands, waiting to go.

He looks up when I come in. “I figured you’d be late.” He says, standing up from the bed.

“What? And keep a lady waiting? Never.” I tell him with a smirk. He shoves my shoulder.

“Can it, Peeta. Let’s just go.”

We make the trek in silence, each of us consumed with our own thoughts, both of our eyes on Finnick’s twisting, knotting rope.

I open the door to Command and usher Finnick in. I’m surprised by the turn out. Everyone is here that seems to matter. Haymitch is here as well, sitting next to Gale. He glares at me when I enter, and I return his gaze before I find a seat.

The room is tense, everyone glancing about at everyone else, but neither one speaking. This would be a moment of truth, where they would find out if they really lifted the right person out of the arena that night.

I am tracing patterns on the tabletop when Caesar comes onto our screens. His face consumes the whole room. He does his regular introduction and then he is yelling Katniss’ name and we are all riveted to the screen. Finnick is holding the rope taut. The room as a whole takes in a collective breath before slowly releasing it. Whatever we all imagined, it is clearly not what we are seeing.

She is more beautiful and radiant than I have ever seen her before, she also looks more terrified and I wonder how much she knows. If she knows what is riding on whatever she says tonight. It takes me a few moments to realize exactly what she is wearing. The dress, the flower in her hair, the flickering sadness in her gaze. I groan with the realization that she thinks they’re all dead. Everyone she loved. That I might be the only person she has left in her mind. And Haymitch, because I’m sure she’s convinced that he picked me this time. I look over to the man in question and see he is looking at me as well, a frown on his lips. We don’t need to say anything, we both know.

It takes several minutes for the crowd to quiet down and when the interview finally starts I am taken aback. Clearly I am not the only one. I hear suppressed noises of surprise around the room. Who is this creature that has replaced the awkward girl terrified to reveal anything about herself?

This must be her plan. I think. Too finally open up, but I can’t imagine why she would want to. What could be happening behind the closed doors of the Capitol to make her think this is necessary. I dig my nails into my palm when the topic of our supposed child comes up, I don’t know how I would answer anything about this, let alone her, who was obviously running around _trying_ to get herself killed to get me out. I can see her panic for just a moment, and then she blurts out the last thing I expected to hear from her.

“Because I love him.” She says the words with such conviction and there’s a moment of shock that passes over her expression that I know she can’t be lying. The words hang in the room for a moment before I groan and I hear Gale let out a curse. I slam my fist down on the table and take a hitching breath. This wasn’t right; this wasn’t how it was supposed to be at all. I am shaking again. I feel rough calloused hands around mine and I look up into the clear, saddened gaze of Finnick. When he pulls his hands away he has left the rope. Oh gods, he knows what this will do to me better than anyone. I would have rather never heard her say that, never had her say it truthfully. I twist the rope around my hand and pull it tight.

The interview continues on, she talkes about our would be child, us, Caesar tries, unsuccessfully to bring up her family, and it is abundantly clear that the Capitol thinks all of District Twelve is now gone. Idiots.

Then Caesar asks about what it’s like in the Arena and the entire audience falls silent as she weaves a tale for them all, I am immensely proud of her. I get chills from her words, they are true and they take me back for a moment to that terrible place.

_“So you had no idea what was really going on with the lightning tree and the wire? You blew out the arena Katniss.”_ Caesar says sharply and I hear Haymitch hiss ‘ _what?_ ’ I am just as shocked by the turn in conversation.

I watch her, as she takes a moment to gather herself together. _“No. I didn’t really know, I just… I couldn’t figure out what he was doing with that knife, but that was when I knew what I could do. I didn’t know what was really going to happen, all I was doing was trying to keep him safe, get him closer to being the victor. I remembered how Peeta had died when he ran into the force field the first day.”_ Her voice wavers and I hear Finnick sigh. _“I knew I was as good as dead anyway, I could speed things along, other people were already dead. I knew if it came down to the two of us again I couldn’t do it, and neither could he, so I could eliminate myself while I still had the chance.”_ She pauses and I bite my lip. _“I didn’t know that what I did would have so many terrible consequences.”_

_“Consequences like the bombing?”_ he asks coldly. My eyes widen, and I can see Katniss is just as surprised. Never once, in our several interviews with him had Caesar been anything but extremely pleasant.

Her eyes start to water and I frown _.  “No,”_ The words finally come. What is going on there? “ _If I would have known, I never would have… it’s something I’ll regret for the rest of my life. I lost everything when I did that. My family, Peeta…”_ She pauses, and I know, without a doubt what she will say next. _“Our child.”_ We can all hear the audience in the studio react, and even some people here sound like they might be crying, even though everyone in the room right now knows it was a big lie. _“I would take it all back in a moment if I could. I would give anything for that.”_ I can feel the familiar burning in my eyes and will myself not to cry, not again, not right now.

_“So you knew nothing about the rebels plan?”_ He asks again.

Wrong question, I think with a small smile as I see Katniss react to his words. This is the girl I was expecting to see tonight, only more crazed and half starved, not beautiful and glamorous “ _Have you not been listening to me at all?”_ She hisses, leaning in towards him, he leans back. Everyone in the room here lets out a nervous chuckle, unsure of what might happen next, but nonetheless enjoying the show. Instead she snaps and starts yelling at him. _“I didn’t know Caesar! Peeta didn’t know! I don’t know who did, but it wasn’t us! All we were trying to do was keep one another alive! There were no ulterior motives for us!”_

Caesar snaps back into the kindly host in an instant. “ _Okay, Katniss, it’s okay. I believe you_.”

She fall back into her chair, almost defeated looking and wipes her damp cheeks as she stares warily at Caesar. He surveys her for a moment before he asks another question. _“What about your mentor, Haymitch Abernathy?”_

She glares at him and I look over at Haymitch, he is frowning still. “ _I don’t know what Haymitch knew_.”

_“Could he have been involved? Part of the conspiracy?”_

_“If he was he never breathed a word of it to us.”_ She crosses her arms and I know this interview will be over in minutes or less. He was pushing her too hard now.

_“What does your heart tell you?”_

_“That I probably shouldn’t have trusted him.”_ She says softly and I watch as he looks down at the table, tapping his finger slowly on the surface of the table.

_“We can be done now if you’d like.”_

_“Was there really anything more to discuss?”_

_“I was going to ask you what your thoughts were on the war.”_

_“Oh, well, I’m not sure. I can’t answer that right now.”_ I sigh. Oh Katniss, out of everything they wanted from you, this is what you should have given up.

I feel the panic settle over me as I realize fully how truly far from over these games are. The Capitol won’t kill her. I’m still alive, and if they do kill her, she becomes a martyr for this rebellion. Even now, her appearance on tv in the Capitol, this things she has said tonight, it won’t go over well with President Snow, and it won’t go over well with the rebels in the Districts that she is there and looking well. The only thing that worked in her favor for the rebels was her refusal to take a stance on the war. I’m sure they will force it out of her in no time, and even then, it won’t be her thoughts but theirs.

The lights come up and everyone is staring around in shock at one another. I push back angrily from the table and stalk from the room. I hear Finnick curse and follow quickly after me.

“Peeta!” Haymitch. I turn back to him, glaring. “Peeta, wait.” He is out of breath. All of that training for nothing, or it might have something to do with the no alcohol policy here in Thirteen. I should feel bad for him, but I don’t.

“What do you want Haymitch?” I ask, feeling my body tense, prepare for a fight again.

“Don’t be an idiot about this Peeta. You should be happy she’s alive.”

I tilt my head as I take him in and then laugh. “Right, you’re right. She’s alive! At least someone I care about is! Never mind she’s stuck there! You don’t know what they’ll do her Haymitch, after what she said, or didn’t say? That was stupid, she should know better!”

He nods. “I’m sure she does, but I’m also sure she’s walking a really thin line, maybe she wants to keep everyone happy.”

“Don’t be delusional Haymitch. She doesn’t care about anyone’s happiness but her own and you know it.”

He only shrugs. He knows, we both know, but I don’t want it to be true, don’t want him to acknowledge it as well, and so I do what my body wants and lunge at him.

We crash to the floor, the scene similar to the one we had when I found out _I_ was the one lifted from the Arena. It isn’t a fair fight. He’s weak from not being able to drink, and I take advantage of that, until a pair of strong arms lifts me bodily off of him. I round on them, fully prepared to take on Finnick and his disapproving stare. Instead I am staring into the cold grey eyes of Gale.

“What do you want?” I spit at him.

“You’re a real piece of work. You know that Mellark.” He says, pushing me away from him.

“Like you aren’t?” I ask. “Just because Katniss confessed her love for me and not-” His fist connects with my face, interrupting my sentence.

“Don’t be such a jerk, that’s not who you are and we all know it.” Gale says, grappling with me as he and I fight now. We’re fairly evenly matched; his anger and adrenaline more than making up for my usual superior strength. “You don’t know her, not like I know her. She didn’t mean it.”

“I’m sure that’s your hope, but it looked pretty sincere to me.”

“It did.” Finnick says from his spot against the wall. He looks like he wants to help Haymitch up, but isn’t sure how to handle the recovering alcoholic who is rolling around on the ground.

“What do you know pretty boy?” Gale sneers.

Finnick’s smile spreads slowly across his face and Gale pushes me away from him to move towards Finnick.

“Oh, Gale, is it?” Finnick asks; that smile still on his face. I sigh and offer and hand to Haymitch. “The things I know. I know a lot, and it’s all… _shocking_.”

Gale glares at him as Haymitch takes my hand reluctantly with a growl.

“What is going on out here?!” The sharp voice of Coin interrupts us. We all stop, staring at her guiltily. “Well?” she asks when none of us are forthcoming with an answer.

“Odair, Mellark. Medical wing. Now.” She says, turning to look at us each in turn. We turn and move off quickly, we’re around the corner when we hear her start yelling at Haymitch and Gale.

“That was unexpected.” Finnick says once we’re back, he heads over to his bed and a doctor sidles up beside me.

“Mr. Mellark?” he asks.

“Uh, yes?”

“Follow me, please.” I do, and in moments, I’m in my own bed, my left hand secured to the railing beside the bed. I move to question him but he puts his hand on my chest. “This is your second outbreak Peeta, we need to reassess you.” He pulls out a needle, sticks it in my arm and depresses the plunger.

Great, another sleep by sedation. I could have actually used tonight to mull over the evens of the day and the interview. My eyes fall shut quickly and I sigh, banging my head against my pillow before the blackness of the drug overcomes me.


	6. Chapter 6

When I wake the following morning I have been unhooked from the bed and a medical bracelet has now replaced the restraints.

I start violently when I notice Prim seated next to me, a tray of food placed on her lap.

“Sorry!” she says with a soft laugh.

“No, it’s fine, I just wasn’t expecting visitors.” I tell her with a smile.

“Oh, well, I’m not _technically_ a visitor. I’m in the training program to be a doctor here.” She tells me proudly.

My arms feel heavy, but I manage to push myself up to a seated position. “Wow, that’s…that’s really great, Prim.” The girl had a knack for healing; her getting the training she needed might be one of the bright spots of us being here. I would try to remember that while I was in training with kids not much older that her, who would be learning to kill.

“I brought you breakfast.” She tells me, with a small gesture to the tray.

“Yeah, thanks for that.” She places the tray in my lap and hops up onto the foot of my bed, crossing her legs and watching me. It’s a little unsettling, but I eat anyway.

“How are you, Peeta?” she asks after a few moments.

I shrug. “Fine.”

She frowns. “Liar.”

“Prim, I don’t know what you want me to tell you.” I say, frowning back and waving my spoon around in front of me.

“Maybe the truth?” she asks, her mouth set in a downward pout. “I know what you’re thinking; who am I to ask you, why would you tell me anything. I know we were never close, but Peeta, I love her too, you aren’t the only one, we all miss her, worry about her. You need to get out of your head Peeta, talk to someone else about her, about _anything_. You can’t even tell me you’re fine Peeta. You’re so caught up in everything about my sister that you haven’t even taken the time to care about or mourn the fact that your family is gone.” Her eyes flash with anger, just like Katniss’ would do when she was angry about something.

I put my spoon back down on the tray. I am unable to find the words to say; I feel like a selfish child.

Prim sighs. “Peeta, please. I can’t help my sister, so let me help you. She would have wanted me to help you.”

“You talk like she’s already gone.” I tell her, frowning. I pick my spoon back up. “You saw the interview last night, didn’t you?”

She nods, “Yes, but they could have recorded that ages ago, when they first got her.”

“No. They did it on purpose, waited. They want us to know she’s alive, want _me_ to know. It’s a taunt. They have the girl on fire. They’ll use her to get what they want.” Prim stares at me, disbelieving. “Snow, isn’t stupid, he knows; he knows the effect she can have.”

“Are you hearing what you’re saying? You sound half mad.”

“Sometimes I feel like I am. I probably am.” I take a deep breath. “That isn’t the point though. The point is, the games aren’t over, and we’re still in it.”

I hold my breath, expecting Prim to start laughing. She’s right though, I do sound crazy. I probably am.

“Well,” she says with a sigh, “You can’t do it alone.”

I nod. “I know. They want my help. Coin, Thirteen, it’s why I’m here and not your sister.”

“So in exchange you want them to get my sister out?”

“Yes.”

“And Annie!” I hear Finnick call out. Suddenly the curtain by my bed is pulled back and there he is, hands on his hips and a small smile on his face as he takes in Prim and I.

“Right, and Annie.” I sigh, “I suppose maybe I should ask for the other Victors as well.”

Finnick shrugs and pushes Prim over a bit and sits down next to her. “I don’t know about all of them, at least maybe Johanna.”

Prim nods. “It’s only fair, some of them were definitely aware of what was going on, Johanna was, I’d only worry about her, the other one was from District 2 right? They probably aren’t even holding her captive.”

“That’s true; District 2 and the Capitol have always been pretty close to one another.” Finnick offers.

We’re all quiet for a moment before Prim speaks up. “Finnick, where is your rope?”

“Oh! I gave it to Peeta last night after the interview.” I nod, and search around a few moments, before finding it in the drawer of the table next to my bed after a bit of a struggle to reach it.

“You two know each other?” I ask, a bit stunned.

Finnick gives me his winning smile while Prim nods. “I’ve been working in here since they brought you all back from the arena. They kept me away from you though, worried about your mental stability and all of that.” Prim tells me quickly.

“They probably still should be.” I mutter, aware of how frantic my thoughts have been over the past few days and weeks.

Prim shrugs. “It’s to be expected from both of you. So much has happened in such a short amount of time. It’s perfectly normal to feel whatever you’re feeling.”

Finnick and I share a long look and then I start making knots in the rope. My mind is tripping over thoughts in my head. Is this really normal? How would Prim even know? Prim who was so far away and safe in District Twelve. Not very safe, she could have died in that bombing, only as safe as Katniss and I kept her. I almost got her killed. My fingers were moving faster.

I felt the bed shift and came back to reality to see Prim retreating down the hall. “Where’s she going?” I ask Finnick.

“To get me a rope.” He says absently, his hands twisted in the sheets. “I don’t think I can do this Peeta.” He says weakly.

My eyes meet his again. “You have to. If you can’t do it then I know I can’t. You and I, we’re in this together, Finnick. You’ve made it this far, through two Games, I think you can try to tough it out for a bit longer. Don’t do for my sanity though. Think of Annie, what will she do when we rescue her if you aren’t here?”

“Don’t say things like that Peeta.” He hisses at me. “Annie is special, she’s so fragile.”

My mind quickly pulls up the images of her final moments in the Arena before she became the victor. The beheading she witnessed, the screaming. It was awful.

“Why would they take her?” I ask quickly. Everyone they had taken, Johanna especially, and I’m sure they suspected this of Katniss, knew Rebel secrets. Annie knew none of those things.

Finnick barked in laughter. “We’ve discussed this before Peeta.”

I nod. “yes, I know…”

“She doesn’t know anything.” He says hollowly. “I do. I know all sorts of secrets.” He whispers and then falls silent.

I lean my head back against the wall behind me and wait for Prim to return. Sometimes the grief in Finnick’s eyes, the same grief I know he probably sees in mine is enough to silence me.

Prim comes back moments later, her shoes making soft noises on the tiled floor. “Here you go!” she tells Finnick, holding out the rope as she hops back up onto the bed.

“Thanks.” He mumbles before turning to me. “Watch and repeat.” He tells me lowly.

I do, and we spend the rest of the day talking easily about nonsense things and teasing Prim while we practice our knot making.

 

It was roughly a week later that I found myself seated once more in a hovercraft, Plutarch rambling on beside me, Fulvia sitting across from me, a tight smile on her face.

“That’s great, Plutarch.” I say for what had to be the twentieth time since I had woken up that morning. “Can I ask what we’re doing? Since I still haven’t agreed to be the ‘voice of the revolution’ or whatever you’re calling that.”

“Oh! That’s good, write that down.” He says quickly with a small gesture towards Fulvia. He turns to me, his expression serious. “Now, Peeta, we know you haven’t agreed to anything yet, and that’s fine. We don’t need you to. The camera crew is only along for the ride, and will most likely have very little to do with you. You see, while the bombing _was_ broadcasted, no one has seen the aftermath of that yet.”

“So you think, a bunch of people holed up underground really want to see this?”

“Oh no.” Plutarch says with a laugh. “We’re going to broadcast it to all of Panem.”

“How?” I wasn’t much for technology and all of that, but I knew one thing. The Capitol controlled the airwaves.

“Beetee has been working on it. He pretty much created that network they use, I imagine they made a few upgrades and changes to it, but nothing he can’t handle or work around I’m sure.”

“So they won’t be bothering me at all?” I ask, looking over at the two men suited up in camera rigs. Realistically, they could probably film everything from any angle there were so many cameras attached to them. They weren’t even all on; there were a few lying on the seats next to them, ones that most likely attached onto the back.

“Not unless you want them to.”

“Right. Ok, how much longer?”

“Fifteen minutes I would say.”

I sighed and nodded. This was going to be a long day, and it was all my own fault really. I had been fighting back and forth with Coin and Plutarch, and probably Haymitch about this since shortly after Finnick fell asleep on my bed on the day we spent making knots with Prim. This was dangerous, expensive and apparently really, really stupid. I didn’t care.

Prim and I had talked about it, she thought I needed to really find a way to come to terms with what had happened back home in District Twelve, I finally, reluctantly agreed with her. They hemmed and hawed over it and I was like a petulant child about it. I won in the end, I suppose. I had to swear up and down that I wouldn’t do anything stupid, wear an earpiece they gave me. Haymitch would be on the other end of it to talk me though some stuff. I wasn’t sure what would need to be talked through at all, but I said yes. Camera crews would be on the ground with me to film the devastation. I had to hold back a laugh. They could tell me what they wanted to, but I knew that the majority of the cameras they had running would be focused on me. I was just thankful they weren’t demanding a speech from me.

Prim made everything trickier. Since there _wasn’t_ time for them to get anything she told me under no uncertain circumstances was I to come back with the items on her list. It was a rather good list, and it wasn’t going to be much of a hassle for me. I was slightly concerned over how I could get my things back to Thirteen though, but I had time to worry about that later.

I drummed my fingers on my thighs and tried to focus only on my breathing and not the gnawing fear I was starting to see. I tried to stay focused on the little things, like how Haymitch had been silent the whole ride out here the Twelve. I hoped that it would stay like that the entire time I was on the ground. I could feel like bile rising in my throat and I swallowed it back down, telling myself that I was letting my imagination run away from me, that whatever I was thinking it was probably worse than what I would actually see.

“Five minutes until we land.” A voice pinged through the ship. This information had an interesting effect on everyone. The camera creatures stood and began reassembling themselves. Plutarch leaned over and began speaking rapidly to Fulvia. I checked on my leg. Not that anything had ever gone wrong with it before, but with that many cameras on me I really didn’t want to take the risk that today would be the ONE time something finally happened.

There was a small lurch and then the doors opened. I unstrapped myself from the seat and stood, not letting my eyes travel to the gaping maw that had opened in the belly of the ship leading out to my past. Everyone stood around for a while before I realized it was me they were waiting on. I would have to be the first one to leave.

“Peeta.” I finally heard Haymitch growl in my ear, so much for hoping. “If you don’t want to do this, if you aren’t ready, you don’t have to. We can have them come back.”

I shook my head, realized he couldn’t see me and spoke quietly. “I don’t want to do this Haymitch. I _need_ to do this. I just need a minute.”

“Don’t take all day boy; we need to get that ship back up in the air to patrol the skies, just in case something might happen.” I almost questioned why we weren’t just dropped off by ladder, but I looked at me feet and knew the answer.

“Fine.” I hissed. I took one last look around and the people here with me, took a steadying breath and stepped out into the first sunlight I had seen since the arena.

* * *

This was worse than anything I had imagined. My feet touch down, and I hear the camera men hop down onto the ground behind me before the hovercraft takes off. There is no going back now.

“I can’t do this.” I moan, fully aware that I am being recorded, that they will probably be using what I do, despite what I want. We are in a meadow. I’ve only seen it a handful of times, but I know I’m in The Seam, and the home Katniss grew up in wasn’t far from where I am at now. I look up, across the devastation. There are no houses left standing, just lonely crumbling, sorry excuses for chimneys, sticking up out of the land like bones. I move, slowly, my feet pushing through the ashes that have drifted here.

I am right though. This is like walking through a skeleton rising up from the land. The silence around me is terrifying. I don’t think District Twelve was ever really booming and noisy, but it was alive. I sidestep around an actual skeleton of someone who was once alive as this place was. Now everything is dead.

I turn and find the two men in cameras following me, now hovering around the body. “Stop that.” I tell them, disgusted. They don’t move.

“We’re only doing our job, sir, and that, today is to show what happened here.”

“I don’t really care why you’re here; just have some respect for the dead.” I mutter, shuffling along.

I make it to what appears to be the main road in and out of The Seam here. The devastation is worse. There is no way to avoid the dead. I feel my body burn in anger at the Capitol, this was all so unnecessary. Punishing innocent people, many of whom died most likely confused and consumed with fear. These people never did anything wrong, but have the unfortunate gift to have Katniss and I for Tributes.

I trip, it was unavoidable really, over a body, and as it shifts I see what was under it. I turn back to stare down at it, almost unseeing, but unable to _not_ see it. A child, young, maybe just able to go to school, the remains of a doll still clutched within the bony fingers.

I fall to the ground, retching up my breakfast and then bile when there’s nothing left to get rid of inside of me. Tears stream from my eyes and mucus from my nose. I see feet out of my peripheral and know the camera crew is back, filming my reaction and what I am reacting too.

I wish Katniss were here. She could do this better than I ever could. So cold, able to lock up her real feelings so deep down inside of her no one would ever know unless they knew how to pry her secrets from her. That’s what I need right now. That ability to lock my feelings away inside of me.

“Do you need us to come back?” I hear Haymitch ask quietly. I have no doubt that they are seeing everything being shot right now.

I shake my head and wipe my face with the sleeve of my shirt. “I’m fine, I’ll be fine. It was just worse than I had imagined it would be.”

“Let me know if you change your mind.”

“I won’t. I have some things to do before I come back.”

I stand on shaky legs and the camera men survey me warily as I stare back at them. I have so many words that I could say, this could be my moment, the moment that everyone is waiting for, but I can’t give in. I know that if I do, if I give some speech it will be sealing my fate, and the fate of Katniss, Finnick, Johanna and Annie. I won’t be able to get them out. I can do a voice over later if they need me too. The devastation here mostly can speak for itself though.

I wonder how many of these people here I knew, how many were my friends. Was my family here? In this failed exodus of people who never made it to safety. Who waited too long because they thought they might be safe, that it was some cruel joke.

I keep walking, tripping through the carnage; one camera man keeping pace with me, the other wandering behind us. I finally make it to the _nice_ part of town, the business district. I feel my heart drop down to my stomach. All of it, everyone’s homes and businesses are nothing more than the foundations of the buildings.

I finally, unexpectedly find myself standing in front of my family’s bakery. Sometimes your body acted for you; I wasn’t aware that I had moved my body towards the dilapidated, empty shell of my old home. I hadn’t really lived here since I became a Victor over a year ago, but that didn’t change the fact that this was my home. I grew up here, learned a trade here, learned to walk and talk and I learned to love here, in this building that was no longer. I vaulted up into the ruins, kicking aside pieces of bricks and wood. I reached out slowly and touched the melted, twisted hunk of metal that used to be our oven. This was where our days had started and ended. Some of my earliest memories were filled with the scent of baking breads. Even though we could never eat it until it went stale, being able to have those smells permeate our home was almost just as good.

I wish, desperately, that I could run upstairs to my old room that I shared with my brothers, to have them tease me for being such a sap over Katniss. I’d even welcome my mother’s withering gaze for falling for a girl from the Seam. Most of all though, I really missed my dad. He was the glue that held our family together when we all just wanted to fall apart.

“You still alright down there?”

“I’m _fine_ Haymitch. I don’t need you yapping in my ear every time I try to deal with something.”

“It’s what I do. I’m your mentor.”

I barked a laugh. “Well, this is a first then. Typically we had to try really hard to get you to care at all.”

“Yes, well, I’m a bit more sober now. I need something to focus on.”

I wish I could ignore him, make him ignore me. I know I can’t take out the earpiece, I won’t be left alone until I get back and can lock myself in my room in District Thirteen. I push off from the oven and just barely avoid running into the camera men when I turn around.

“You two are really starting to bother me.” I tell them, pushing past them to get out of there. It’s completely open, but all I feel is suffocated.

Is this what Prim wanted? Did she know how terrible it was here now?

I moved quickly out of town and into Victor’s Village. The road was blissfully clear. I made it to my house, threw open my door before quickly slamming it shut behind me. I collapsed heavily against it, my head making a heavy thud as it connected with the wood.

My breath was coming in short gasps now that I was away from the all-seeing lenses of the cameras. My whole life had been here and now there was nothing but this empty house. My home, my family, most of my childhood memories, pictures of my family, all of it was gone. Obliterated with a single bomb.

I wish it were me, it should have been me, multiple times now. If I had only died, if Katniss had only let me, everyone would still be here.

I push away from the door and pick up a vase Effie had given me to ‘add character’ to my living room. I throw it across the room with a roar and watch as it smashes against the wall and falls to the floor in a tinkling shower of glass. I throw everything I can, screaming with rage. When there was nothing left for me to throw or break I pick up the pillows on the couch, also a gift from Effie. My grief was too great, my rage too strong, they rip in my hand like pieces of paper.

I was vaguely aware of Haymitch trying to speak to me through my earpiece, but I couldn’t really hear him, or focus on the words he was saying. I stood in the middle of my wrecked living room, breathing heavily, my hands curled into fists. It wasn’t enough, there had to be more. There were no more words coming in through my ear, I didn’t have time to wonder why before the door burst open.

“I’ve been talking to you boy!” Haymitch shouts at me as he slams the door. I catch a quick glance outside, one of the camera men were there.

“You think I care?” I yell back, as I throw my arms out around me.

Haymitch surveys the room with a grim look and then steps over the carnage to get to me. Clasping me about the shoulders we stare each other down for a few moments. He opens his mouth to speak, but before his words can even be formed, my lip quivers and I throw myself into his arms, crying.

I feel him grow tense, hesitate a moment before he finally wraps his arms around my shaking body.

“I’m sorry, Peeta.” He says softly after a few minutes later. My sobs have lessened a bit, so I lean back to look up at him.

“This is my fault Haymitch. All of it!” I tell him, my voice breaking.

His expression grows tight, his lips forming a thin line. “No. I need you to listen to me Peeta. What happened here, yes, it’s terrible. But, it is not your fault. Do you hear me? It’s. Not. Your. Fault. This is all the fault of the Capitol. They started all of this, and we will finish it.”

I nod. “I still don’t feel much better about it.” I say wiping at my still weeping eyes.

“No, and I don’t expect you will for a long time to come, but let’s go. Get what you need so we can head back, they’re getting restless, and worried the Capitol might come back and spot us.”

I shrug. “I doubt it, they think everyone is dead here, why would they think we would come back? We wouldn’t have if I hadn’t wanted to.”

Haymitch only shrugs. “Get your things.”

I wipe at my eyes again as I walk upstairs. I move into my painting room, avoiding my bedroom. I’m afraid that if I go in there I won’t want to leave to comfort of it.

I collapse my easel and slide it into its carrier, and I decide, as I sling it over my shoulder that this was one of my smarter purchases. I pick up my box of paints, pencils and pastels, grab a few canvases, canvas frames and canvas, so I can make my own later. I roll up some parchment and all tuck it into a bag I had tossed under my desk.

I trot back down the stairs to find Haymitch standing in front of my fireplace, fingering a photo on the mantle. “Grab it.” I say as I pass through to the kitchen. I open my cupboards and pull out several small bags of flour. I pull a box over a put them all inside. Then I find the sugar and put all of that in as well. I lift it and wander back. “Here, carry this. I promised Prim I’d get a get a few things for her.” I say as I push the box into Haymitch’s arms and wander outside.

The camera men were gone when I got out, but I don’t linger to see if they will come back, I rush over to the house next door to mine.

It was more like stepping into another lifetime than it was walking into my own house. I spent more time here most days anyway. I move through the familiar rooms and halls and open the doors in the kitchen Prim told me too. As she promised, there it was. The box of bandages. I walk over to their pantry and pull what medical supplies I can. It was while I was in there that I heard the soft thump on the counter.

I grab the closest thing to me and lean back out of the pantry, ready to fight. It was only Buttercup, his lamp like eyes staring at me. I sigh and sit down the bottle I had grabbed. A small bottle of syrup was my weapon of choice; not a very good one.

I move slowly over to the cat, I almost sigh with relief when he sat down. All of the horror stories Katniss had told me about this cat, most of them I suspected she may have grossly exaggerated, and it wasn’t that surprising that I was a bit frightened of the thing. I decide he must be starved for attention as he bumps his head into my hand. I scratch him behind the ears and he starts purring. I really should bring him back. I have no doubts that Prim would make sure I wasn’t given any sort of pain medication the next time I wound up injured.

I pick up the box and leave it by the front door. Buttercup follows me as I make my way upstairs. I slowly, cautiously push open the door to Katniss’ room. It’s weird being in here on my own, but I try to ignore everything in it and move to her closet where I know she keeps her game bag. I find it easily, pushed far into the back corner. I pull it out and Buttercup sniffs at it for a few moments before jumping right into it. Katniss would have a fit if she could see how he was acting.

I look down at him and he stares back at me, almost daring me to pick him up. “I hope you’re comfy.” I tell him, “Because it’s going to be a long trip.” He meows quietly in answer and I bend down and zip the bag as fast as I can. I pick up the bag and can hear him growling now. “I warned you.” I mutter to the bag. I am about to walk out of the room when I notice it. The plant book Katniss and I had spent so much time working on. I can’t find it in myself to leave it here, it could be useful. I pick it up and run down the stairs, toss the book on top of the medical supplies. Then lastly, I grab the wedding photo from the side table by the couch Prim told me to bring back for her mom and Katniss’ father’s jacket as it drapes over the back of a chair.

I run through my mental checklist one last time know I have everything I should, and some things I shouldn’t, and leave the house, shutting the door firmly behind me.

Haymitch is waiting for me. “Do you need anything?” I ask, casting a look at his house.

“Nah, best if I don’t go in there right now.” I nod in understanding and we both head back to the clearing, carefully we pick our way through to streets, trying to avoid to see what is really there the best that we can.

“So what’s in that bag?” Haymitch asks not long after the hovercraft is back in the air once more.

I smile at him. “Just a little something for Prim.” I tell him with a wink. His eyes widen and then he starts to laugh, and that’s when I know that everything will be alright, somehow, in the end.


	7. Chapter 7

“Peeta!” Prim calls, rushing to meet us as we exit the elevator nearest the hospital wing. “You look terrible.” She tells me sadly.

I nod and sigh. “I feel pretty awful. I got what you asked for though, and a few other things.” I tell her, as I hold out the box for her to take. I unsling the duffle bag from my shoulder and place it gently on the floor. It gives a pitiful _meow_.

Prim looks up at me sharply and I give her a rueful smile. “You didn’t!” She gasps, discarding the box and kneeling down as she quickly unzips the bag.

“He practically begged to come with me.” I tell her, as I watch the two stare at each other for a few moments, before Prim scoops the cat up in her arms.

“Buttercup! I’ve missed you! How are you still alive, you crazy cat!” She murmurs into his fur while he purrs.

“Let’s go.” Haymitch growls stepping up beside me; good to see he was back to normal.

“Go? Go where?” I ask, following behind him, looking back with a shrug at a startled Prim.

“To see Coin.” He tells me, his tone also tells me this is something I should know.

“Right now?” I wince at the obvious whine in my voice.

He turns to glare down at me. “It was part of the agreement I had to make with her to let this whole thing happen.”

“But what does she care about what we saw there?”

“Just hurry up. I’m not in the mood to deal with your endless questions. Please though, feel free to ask her.” He says with a wicked smile as he picks up the pace.

I sigh and struggle after him, with everything that has happened today my leg needs a break; hopefully this meeting won’t take too long.

Everyone is already at command by the time Haymitch and I step through the door. I slide into a seat as quickly as possible and take in the scene, no one looks very pleased.

“What did we miss?” Haymitch asks the group.

“Nothing yet.” Coin assures him. “We have to wait and see what the great Peeta Mellark has to say.”

I don’t like your tone, is the first thought I have, but I don’t say it. “You want to know if I’m ready.” I tell her with a frown. We survey one another for a moment before I speak. “Alright, well, here’s the deal; I’ve been giving this a lot of thought and the truth is: you want something from me, so it’s really only fair if you give me something in return.”

“Go on.” Coin snaps. I can’t help but smile at her.

“I want you to guarantee not _if_ but _when_ you rescue Katniss, you will get the other victors out of whatever captivity they’re in. Mainly Annie and Johanna-”

“We can guarantee no such thing Mr. Mellark.”

“Oh, well, I had thought you would want to agree to my terms to get me to agree to do whatever it is you really want me to do here for you.”

“I think what President Coin is trying to say is that it will be difficult, risky, expensive, it will likely compromise many people still in the Capitol we have working for us.” Plutarch says trying to placate me.

Coin says nothing. “So once you figure out that that really is the best idea for everyone involved, you’ll give each of them full pardon for anything they may have done, or you think they may have done while in captivity. You will announce all of this before the entire district.” I tell them all slowly.

“No.” Coin says sharply. “It’s one thing for us to barge in there and take all of these people; we don’t know what they have done, what if they really work for the Capitol.”

“The only likely tribute working for the and with the Capitol was with District 2, she probably isn’t even still in captivity there. Annie is obviously no threat to anyone; you know why they have her. If you can sit here and say Johanna was working with the Capitol the whole time, you really have lost your mind. Katniss knew nothing of what was going on in the Arena, let alone here; she will be unable to tell them anything.” I take a deep breath. “Frankly, I’m a bit confused as to why none of you are trying to jump on this chance; you can have what you want if you get her out. Your Mockingjay”

“We will consider it. Anything else?” Coin asks slowly.

“Just one more thing. The Everdeen’s, they had a cat, he somehow got on the ship back here. He stays.”

There is immediate chaos around the table. All of the people who had grown up here in Thirteen are a bit outraged, is sounds like they have never had a pet. The few people scattered around the table from the Capitol don’t seem to find this an unreasonable request.

Coin settles the crowd after a few moments. “Fine.” She says with a glare in my direction. “We will grant the Everdeen’s the allowance of a pet, we will not be sacrificing our food supply on him, so we will move them to a room with a small window so he can hunt. He will also be held accountable for a curfew. We will lock windows at current lights out time, if he hasn’t made it back inside he will simply have to wait it out until morning.”

“Alright.” I tell her quickly, I can’t afford to give her time to change her mind for the sake of Prim.

“You will move with them.”

“I’m sorry?” I ask, taken aback.

She points her hand in my direction, gesturing to the medical band still around my wrist. “I want you kept somewhere near medical personnel when you are out of the medical wing, since you seem to keep popping back up in there.”

“Okay.” I acquiesce.

“We will discuss the other issue and let you know when we make a decision on it.” We are all silent for a moment before she speaks again. “You may go now.”

I frown and my eye meet Haymitch’s, I am hoping he will fight to keep me here but a short nod of his head and I push back my chair and retreat from the room.

Back in the hospital wing I settle down in my bed and eat the small lunch provided for me.

“How did it go?”

“Which part? The district visit or my short meeting with Coin?” I ask wearily.

“Ohhh, the meeting with Coin, definitely. Do tell.” Finnick quips with a smirk as he ambles over to my bed.

I relay the events of the meeting and the day quickly; leaving Finnick looking a bit shell-shocked.

“I would have thought for sure she would have said yes to you, even if you thought you should ask for the moon.”

I shrug. “I just hope this decision doesn’t take her too long to make.”

“Doubt it will. At least, if she’s as smart as she has been since we got here, it won’t take her long.” His voice is far more upbeat than he looks.

“Right, well, I guess we’ll have to wait and see.”

The words are no sooner out of my mouth than Haymitch runs in through the door. “Decision’s been made. You’re in.”

“Yes!” Finnick cheers, pumping his arms in the air. “When will they rescue Annie?” He asks quickly.

Haymitch frowns. “No decision on that yet. Probably be a while in the making, it will be a big deal you know, getting all of them right out from under Snow’s nose. For now though, get some sleep, both of you, tomorrow Peeta you’re to report to command after breakfast.”

“What about me?” Finnick is asking, getting up from my bed.

Haymitch frowns and shakes his head. “No word on you yet. As soon as I hear anything I will let you know.” Finnick looks close to tears. I wonder how badly feeling like he’s not helping is eating him up inside in addition to Annie being held captive. Haymitch sees it too. “Look, Finnick, you need to focus on being well, for Annie, you need to be strong for her once we get her back.”

“Right, you’re right.” His eyes become hard and he flops down into bed. “For Annie.” He whispers before rolling away from us. “Goodnight, Peeta.”

It’s on the tip of my tongue to tell him it’s only afternoon, but I don’t. I finally notice how truly exhausted I am as well. “I think I’m with him on this one Haymitch, I need sleep, badly.”

“That you do. Command tomorrow, don’t forget.” He growls at the door. “I’ll see about getting you out of here and back into your own room for tomorrow night.” He says before leaving.

He doesn’t need to elaborate, I know why, and I’m thankful for it. I try to keep my breathing slow as I drift into sleep. Images from the day flashing before me, but I try to push them aside, try to think of the rescue attempt and how I would hopefully be seeing Katniss soon.

* * *

I try not to frown too much as I get makeup caked on my face. I’m still not sure this is necessary, the makeup part at least. Finally they step back and survey their work, Plutarch steps forward.

“No.” his sigh is heavy, mine is equally so.

“Can we take a break?” I ask, before the makeup artists can swarm me again to clean off my face and start over.

“I suppose.” Plutarch tells me with a frown as he waves away the four people who had been working on making my face perfect for the past two hours.

I stand and stretch, then pull my pants away from my legs. Leather and sitting for that long really don’t go well together. I shake my legs out and move over to a small table set up with all of the makeup and a few glasses with a pitcher of water. I pour myself a glass and drink it quickly.

“Plutarch.” I say, stepping over to the former gamemaker. “I don’t want to undermine you, and your pretty impressive idea, but I have to wonder. These messages you’re filming to try and air in the capitol. All of those people there, they’ve never seen me like this. I know you want me to seem larger than life and scary, and imposing…” I trail off, running out of good words to use here. “Anyway, my point is, they’re used to seeing me in the arena, dirty, bruised…no makeup. Even when I had to do the District victory tour I never wore makeup, even for my interviews my makeup then was minimal. I think I wore some eyeliner in my first interview. That was always the idea, for both Katniss and I. Keep it simple, let them see us for who we really are.” Plutarch is still frowning. “I still really like your idea, it’s great, really. I just wanted to possibly toss out a small idea to maybe consider. Everything is, as always, completely up to you in the end.” I give him a winning smile, and he recoils slightly. I turn back to the table for another drink of water. I can’t even imagine how garish that must have looked with the makeup I have on right now.

It only takes a few minutes. Plutarch is back over talking to the makeup crew, who are all grumbling, but nod. Then he turns to all of us milling about in this studio room they’ve set up for filming. “We’ll be going in a different direction.” He says loudly. “More organic.”

“Do I need to loose these amazing pants?” I ask.

A few of the women grin as Plutarch looks me over. “Keep the pants.” He decides. Well, there went that idea.

I sidle back over to the chair, and the crew pounces immediately. I find myself thinking about my prep team. I realize with a jolt, that I miss them. I try not to wonder where they are or what may have happened to them.

In moments I am ready and I pass inspection quickly. A few people usher me over to the stage, touch up my makeup and then back away. Plutarch walks over to me, shuffles me about until he is satisfied and then steps back.

“Alright!” He says “Lets run some backgrounds.” He surveys me for a moment. “Peeta, I want you to look angry.”

“Angry?” I ask, startled.

“Yes, angry. You’re angry at the Capital.” I screw up my face in what I hope is anger. I am angry, yes, but my anger tends to be more self-contained than anything. I am angry, and sad, and hurt and exhausted. I try to convey that.

“Get him a gun!”

“I-what?” I ask dumbly as a gun is thrust into my hands. Though I have been going to the military training as often as I can; I’m still pretty hopeless at using it. Dismal at best.

“Just act normal.” Plutarch is saying dismissively while waving a hand and me.

“Oh, sure!” I try not to roll my eyes; this is anything but normal for me. “So what do you want me to do?”

“We’re already filming you.”

“Why?” This is going spectacularly so far.

 

Plutarch punches the bridge of his nose and sighs heavily. “Don’t worry about it right now Peeta. Right now I just want to you think about how you feel towards the Capitol and what they’re doing.”

“What they’re doing to Katniss or to Panem?”

“Both. Just start talking and we’ll go from there.”

I nod, look down at the gun, adjust it in my hands, try to get more comfortable, _look_ more comfortable with the gun. I can hear people starting to whisper and decide to give up on looking natural with a gun.

I look up into the camera and take a deep breath. There are so many things I could say, that I want to say; I’m not sure where I should start. I do know though that I can only begin to imagine what Katniss might be going through right now so I quickly to decide to avoid that topic for now and focus solely on Panem.

“Tyrants.” I say quickly. The word has everyone looking up at me. “When I think of the Capitol I can only think of that one word. What other kind of people would do what they do? Kidnap children away from their homes to fight to their deaths. Living in fear for a whole year until the next reaping when your name might be called and during that whole year do nothing but work, and for what? For the benefit of the citizens of the Capitol. I understand we need to be kept inline, because of something our ancestors did, but to make the majority of the districts live in squalor for your benefit, and then to take their children. It’s disgusting.” I take a deep breath. “So I just want you citizens of the Capitol to ask yourselves this: are you really that surprised by this uprising?”

“Cut!” Plutarch calls. He is frowning, I worry that I said the wrong things, but I notice a small scrap of paper clutched in his hands, Gale is standing beside him and Haymitch is hurrying through the doors.

“What’s happening?” I ask, stepping from the stage and moving towards them.

Haymitch looks up, and growls. “District 8.”

I nod, even though this tells me nothing.

“How long ago did this happen?” Plutarch asks.

“Minutes maybe.” Gale says. “They were broadcasting it. Coin wants a team in there soon.”

“Soon as in now?”

Gales smile is grim, “Of course.”

“I want to go.” I say quickly. All three of them frown at me.

“You can’t” Gale hisses at me.

“Why not?”

“You’re valuable.”

I shrug. “To who? You, Coin, Thirteen? What about the other districts. I can help. District 8 liked us. I can lift spirits or something.”

“It would be good for the propos we have planned. Peeta in action. The people would love it.”

“I also doubt they’ll be back soon.” Haymitch supplies. “They’ll want to lure them into a false sense of security, that’s what they like to do, just look at the history of the games.”

A line forms between Plutarch’s eyebrows and he looks like he might say something to Haymitch but instead he just nods. “I’ll talk to Coin about it, see what she says.” And with that he leaves the room.

“Come with me…both of you.” Haymitch calls, following Plutarch out of the room.

Gale and I hurry after him.

“Where are we going?” I ask after a few minutes of tense silence.

“Just keep quiet and follow me.”

Gale and I exchange a brief look; eyebrows raised, but do as he says as we descend deeper underground.

We pass through several security doors and then we are at our destination. The room has nothing but weapons in it and situated directly in the center of the room is Beetee in a wheelchair seated in a strange sea of green amongst all of the steel surrounding it.

He sees us immediately and wheels out to greet us. “Peeta! It’s wonderful to see you again.” He says taking my hand in his own and shaking it. “Gale, Haymitch.” He nods to each of them in greeting.

“So I guess it’s time?” he asks, looking to Haymitch, who nods.

He bites his lip for a moment, nods and then wheels away from us. “Follow me!” He calls.

“Gale, this is for you. Well, rather, it’s one of the prototypes I’ve been working on with Katniss in mind, but since you’ve mentioned your skill with a bow as well I’ve modified it a bit to suit you better.”

“When have you talked to Beetee?” I blurt out.

Gale barks out a short laugh. “I’ve been down here plenty of times. Beetee and I have been working on traps.”

I narrow my eyes and shake my head, trying to sort out what this might really mean.

“Traps.” Gale says again. “I hunt, I’m good with traps, and we’re trying to see if we can modify them for humans. Make them bigger, less obvious.”

“Huh.” Is all I find I can really say in response to that.

“Go try it out over there.” Beetee tells him, gesturing to a small shooting range not far from us. “There’s three different arrow types in that quiver Gale. Center are your regular one, left is explosive and right is incendiary.” Gales face lights up with glee and he hustles over to the range.

“Now, Peeta.” Beetee says, wheeling around to look at me fully. “How are you?”

I shrug noncommittally. “I can’t complain I suppose.”

He nods solemnly, and I know he understands what I meant in all of the words I didn’t and couldn’t say.

“Now for you I have a few things. I didn’t have quite as much time to work on yours though as I did with Katniss’ and Finnick’s since I wasn’t really sure of your strengths really. Katniss I had the time to draw up schematics before the games and keep them all in my head. For you I only had rough ideas. Let’s start over here.” We move over to a low workbench that has a whole host of unusual items, strangest of all is the prosthetic leg. “This is yours.” He says, leaning forward and hoisting it up. He passes it on to me and I almost drop it, its heavier than then one I have now. “I wouldn’t recommend using this one right away, it will take some getting used to, but once you do, you’ll wonder how you ever got by without it.”

Haymitch and I exchange skeptical glances.

“I’m still trying to work a few things out with it, but it should be good to go in a week or so. See these?” he points to the ridges and bumps along the top of the leg. “These are your new secret weapon.” I don’t see what he means by this until he presses down on one of them and a panel pops open in the leg and a small knife springs up. It would be easy to grab if I was down in cover somewhere. “There are all sorts of tricks to this leg. I won’t do them all here, it’s a bit dangerous, but it’s a bit like having your own armory tucked away in your leg.” My eyes are wide with wonder and Beetee smiles at me. “We’ll go over it more once I have it all worked out. Now, onto the real piece for you to use. Another multi-tool if you will.” This time he picks up a large rifle. My heart sinks.

“Don’t worry.” He says seeing my expression fall. I’ve built it to compensate for you for now. It works with you, adjusting your aim and target automatically. Voice controlled, so only you can use it efficiently, you can tell it what or where your target is and it will lock on it. Then here…” He points to a small button above the trigger and depresses it. A knife pops out above the barrel of the gun. “Excellent for close combat panic situations if you have no time to reload.” He leans back with a smile. “What do you think?”

“It’s amazing.” I breathe. “Thank you.”

“Of course! Now… let’s get your suited up. I used Cinna’s basic design for Katniss, tweaked a few things, made it all black and a bit less streamlined.”

“What does that mean?” I ask, as I follow him over to a long wall made up of doors.

“You’re a big guy Peeta, muscular big, I put that into the design.” He threw the door wide and there it was, in all of its dark, shining glory. “Go try it on, you haven’t much time. We’ll wait here.”

I hand my weapon off to Haymitch and pull the armor down from the rack and step into the small room. I smile as I finally take off those dreadful leather pants, but my joy is fairly short lived. The pants on my fatigues we much tighter, but at the same time more breathable and flexible. It didn’t take me long to get into it and I stepped back out, headpiece in hand.

“What do you think?”

“I like it!” I tell him honestly, and it’s true. I feel good about it.

“Alright, we’ve got to go Beetee. I’m sure we’ll see you around soon.” Haymitch is saying, pulling Gale back to us by the collar of his shirt. He thrusts my gun back at me and I barely have a chance to wave goodbye to Beetee before the doors are closed on me.


	8. Chapter 8

We move quickly through the underground district, Boggs, Coin’s right hand man – turned my protector leading the way with Haymitch, moving ever closer to the hangar where all of the hovercrafts are kept. We round a corner and both Boggs and Haymitch pull up short, I stumble into the wall to avoid running into him. I see Gale about to yell when he and I both see what caused the stop. Finnick is tottering down the hall, his hospital gown hanging off of one arm and trailing behind him, essentially leaving him in only his underwear. I can feel a laugh almost start to bubble up from inside of me but quickly swallow it down.

“Peeta! I’m glad I caught you. Hello you two!” He says, finally reaching us, bending over with his hands on his knees, short of breath. “I heard something was happening in Eight. I want to go.”

“Finnick-“ Haymitch starts, but I cut him off.

“I completely forgot!” I say, elbowing Haymitch in the side. “Beetee needs to see you! He’s been working on a weapon for you.” I say, as I wave my gun around, I see Gale out of the corner of my eye nodding and waving his own weapon as well.

Finnick’s face lights up. “I should go then! I need to be prepared.” And he darts back down the hall.

“What was that about?” Haymitch asks as we continue down the hall.

I shrug. “Finnick would be a liability on the ground, but I know how he feels, like he shouldn’t be missing something like this if it might help in some small way. This way he will still be able to feel like he’s doing something.” Haymitch only grunts in response while Gale gives me a sidelong glance that I ignore.

Haymitch and Gale are busy talking about what to expect on the ground in Eight, while I am busy trying to control the shaking that has started in my hands. I clutch the rifle propped up against my prosthetic leg like it is a lifeline.

I’m not sure what I am expecting to see when I get to Eight, but I know, like where all things that are touched by the Capitol, it will not be good. I also hope that whatever happens, Katniss will be fine. I also know that no matter what _did_ end up happening today, because of my involvement, she would be kept alive. Because of me. Because any video footage that will come out will finally confirm what they have only been guessing at. That I am really alive, they will know, because I am jumping back into the Arena. They will keep her alive and mostly safe because they need to control me. We both know this…and I am terrified.

My mind is racing. How far am I willing to push the Capitol, to push Katniss, and to push myself. The way it stands, the Capitol has the biggest advantage. They have the power, and they have her: Panem’s symbol of the rebellion. I need to make myself more valuable to them than she is, because right now I have nothing to bargain with. Sure they would take me in if they could, and then they would keep the both of us locked up forever until we were nothing more than faded memories. A dream once had, but come morning, quickly forgotten. It will always be easier to kill us, but with our deaths we would become martyrs, larger than life and the rebellion would only grow. The risk I will take will be extreme…I just hope it works.

“Peeta!” Haymitch yells, shaking my shoulder.

I slowly look up at him, blinking owlishly, “…what?”

He pushes my shoulder roughly. “What?” He splutters. “What?! Honestly, where is your head?” I cock my head to the side as I survey him and watch with satisfaction as his lips set in a grim line. “Right. We’ll discuss that later, you and I. For now, put this on. We’re ready to land.”

I take the earpiece from him and slip it on as I feel the hovercraft jerk to a stop. Gale is up instantly, moving towards the doors. The cameramen are right behind him. Everyone seems excited about what might happen today. I wish excitement were contagious.

“Listen to me.” Haymitch hisses, hauling me to my feet and steadying me. “Literally. Listen to me. I’m not going down, I’ll be up here, watching and listening. If I tell you to do something – do it, no questions.” He takes a deep breath and tightens his hold on me, his finger painfully digging into my shoulders. “And most importantly,” he growls, “don’t do anything heroic, or stupid or heroically stupid, or anything she might do in your place. Do you understand?”

“Yes.” I huff, throwing the strap for the gun over my head. I watch him as he hovers for a few moments, looking like he might have something else to say; but in the end, he doesn’t. I push past him, towards the now open doors of the hovercraft. I walk down the ramp, which quickly retracts once my feet touch down on the roof of the building we had landed on. I amble over to the motely looking group before me and hear and feel love hovercraft lift up back into the sky, but I refuse to turn around to watch it go.

“Let’s move out.” Boggs calls out to us, and we all fall in line to follow him, the cameramen moving into place in front of me, walking backwards and one behind me. So far I can tell the footage will be fascinating, I fight rolling my eyes at the thought.

We descend quickly down a ladder and find ourselves in a small alley, a group is waiting for us at the end of it and we all move quickly to them.

A stern, severe looking woman greets us. I’m not quite sure what to make of her, but she must be good at what she does, because she seems quite young to be in charge of things. “I’m Commander Paylor, I’m in charge of things here in District 8 for the time being.” She frowns at us, her gaze lingering over me before she nods. “Alright, let’s go, and stay close.” In the shuffling around that follows, I end up walking through the District next to Paylor.

“You’re Peeta.” She says quietly, without preamble.

I offer a small smile. “What gave it away?” I ask.

She purses her lips. “I didn’t figure you to be the joking type, especially not now.”

“Why not now?” I ask. “I mean, I can guess what you’re going to say, why you think so, but that _is_ why. It isn’t really because I want to, or I don’t miss her, its how I get by. Keep things as light as possible. I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but the crew I came with… well, they aren’t really the happiest group of people.”

She gives me a half smile as she casts her eyes back over the group. We don’t speak for the rest of the short walk, which is fine by me, as I’m trying my best not to have a panic attack over what I will be doing.

We arrive in front of a large factory or a warehouse, it could be either, I decide. I look over at Haymitch and he gives me a curt nod as Gale sidles up beside me.

“This is where we’re keeping our injured.” Paylor says, more to the crew than to me, but then she does speak to me. “Whenever you’re ready.”

I nod and slowly, my whole being shaking move to the open doors. My eyes water as the foul stench hits my nose, but I know I have no choice; I have to go in there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of updates over the weekend! I was out of town, but I'm back, and doing a double posting to sort of make up for it.
> 
> I also want to thank everyone who has stopped by to check this out, and for the feedback on it! I really, really appreciate it! And please feel free to let me know if you find any glaring mistakes. I don't have a beta, so this is all me, and I know I miss stuff. I'm finding stuff now, before posting it, that I never caught when I put it up on FFN O.o
> 
> Thanks again for reading!


	9. Chapter 9

I can feel my breathing begin to come in short pants; I can feel my pulse throbbing in my head. I am standing on the precipice of my future. I can feel it, in this moment. It seems silly, here I am standing outside of a makeshift hospital in District 8, camera crew in tow and an armed guard arguing over the best way to deal with me, and one surly guy in love with the same girl I am just itching to say something to me. I can see him, out of the corner of my eye, standing a bit away from everyone and just looking. Right at me. Fidgeting. But here I am, looking straight into the dimness in front of me and thinking how this is it. More than the reaping, more than my confession in Caesar’s chair, more than the cave, more than those berries, more than the fake proposal and all of the lies that connect Katniss, Snow and I. Whatever will happen to me today will change everything.

“Peeta.” Gale hisses in my ear.

“What?” I ask, not turning to look at him as I take a deep breath through my nose.

“Get in there. I’ve got your back.” His voice is low, serious.

Now I do look at him as I bark out a laugh. “Liar.” I grin. “Tell me you aren’t here, waiting, like the hunter you are for your moment; that perfect moment to strike.” I give him a calculating stare, which he meets easily. “I might not be a hunter like you are Gale, but I’m not an idiot, and I’m certainly not going to let you get the better of me. Despite everything and despite what you may or may not think of me; I am a survivor.”

Slowly, a smile spreads across his lips. “I’m not an idiot either Peeta. I know what kind of damage I could cause. So that’s why I’ve got your back. Because despite how I feel about you, I know how I feel about her, and I won’t risk it.”

I adjust one of my wrist straps holding some emergency medicine and then lean down to check my leg. Anything to avoid looking at him, knowing the kind of smug look he would have. No matter where I go, Katniss is still keeping me alive. I smile briefly. I guess it’s what she and I do, because all of this is for her.

“Great. Glad to know I can count on you. Anyway,” I sigh, straightening up. “I’m heading in now.”

I move slowly over the threshold of the building. The smell is even worse inside; I cast a glance around, no windows. I look out over the room where people are laying, or sitting in groups, people hunched over others. I notice a small group moving slowly among them, and it takes me a moment to realize they are checking for vital signs of life, and removing people who have passed on into a different room. It doesn’t take long for someone new to take the cleared cot.

The quiet sounds of crying and talking reach me briefly before everything falls quiet as my presence registers.

It is the young boy laying on the floor closest to me that finally speaks: “Peeta?” his voice is quiet, hesitant, but that is all it takes, my name begins to spread like wildfire. Some people begin to cry even more. To say I am shocked is an understatement.

I move forward again, haltingly, to the boy that first spoke my name, he cannot be more than ten with a mop of unruly dark brown hair and earnest, bright, green eyes.

“Hello.” I say, awkwardly maneuvering myself down to the ground. “I’m Peeta,” I avoid cringing over stating the obvious fact. “What’s your name?”

“Liam.” He whispers with a small smile, I return it and it blooms and completely transforms his face. “They said you were dead, that there was no way you were alive, the explosion, or the Capitol or even that…that _place_.” His voice drops down to a whisper again _“thirteen”_

“Well, that’s not true.” I frown, “I’ve been sick too, so I’ve been trying to get better so I can-“

“Save her! Oh please, Peeta, you need to save her, Katniss.” He stops and his eyes fill with tears and I can’t help but stare at him in amazement.  For two people he has never met, we mean something to him, something huge, and important, and probably something he still doesn’t yet fully understand.

I reach out to him and grab his hand. “I will, no matter what. I promise.”

His smile is back. “Good!”

I nod, “Now, I’m going to go try and say hello to everyone, I’ll stop back before I need to leave, say goodbye and all that.”

He nods eagerly as I manage to get myself standing upright again. At least, I have to admit, it is getting easier to do.

I move through the room, faster than I would have liked to do, but both Paylor and Gale are right behind me, pushing me forward, being urgent.  I try to stay calm, and not get agitated or worried over the way their acting, but they seem worried. People greet me, most happily, others reserved and a small number refuse to speak to me at all. Most are asking about Katniss, if I know how she is, if I’m on my way to save her now, if I had seen her on the broadcasts lately. I try to answer everyone as best as I can, and before I know it, I’m back, standing next to Liam, who is now also on his feet.

I look him over now, he seems well, unhurt except for a few scratches, which is probably why whoever was in charge in here thought he would be fine just on the floor.

“Can I come with you?” he exclaims.

“What?” I am taken aback, I wasn’t expecting this.

“Can I come with you, please? I’ll be good; you won’t even know I’m there.”

“I’m sorry, Liam, this really isn’t my decision to make.”

He stomps his foot and I suppress a smile. “But you’re Peeta, people _have_ to do what you say, you’re a Victor, an important person.”

“Not everyone is impressed with me being a Victor Liam.” I take a deep breath, “Tell you what, you stay here, for now” I add hastily, as I see him try to speak up again. “I’ll go back and talk to a few people, make sure it’s alright, and we can make a special trip out to get you, sound fair.”

He bit his lip, thinking it over and nodded slowly.

“Also,” I start quietly, “I’m sorry to ask you this Liam, but what about your parents.”

He balls his fists at his sides and shakes slightly, before he speaks, haltingly. “They –they were killed, a few weeks ago, before the, well, before we drove them away.”

I rest my hand on his head for a moment. “I’m sorry, I lost my parents too.” His lower lip is quivering and he’s breathing sharply through his nose and that’s when I do it, make a choice. “I’ve changed my mind, you’re coming with us.” I can almost feel his excitement build. “Stop, Liam, you need to listen to me, and listen carefully. People aren’t going to be happy about this choice, but I’m going to try and protect you from them, but once we are outside you need to do me a favor, no matter what, stay close and keep up, alright? Can you do that?” he nods, eyes wide. “Promise?”

“I promise.” He whispers.

“Alright, let’s go.”

I turn around and almost run into Gale.

“What are you doing? He can’t come with us.”

“Shut up, Gale, I’ve made my choice, I can’t leave him here, not alone, he- he needs someone.”

Gale stares hard at me for a while, and then nods, looking past me, down to Liam. Maybe he can see it, that he is alone as I am right now, that right now I feel that I need him as much as he needs me. And, it wouldn’t hurt for Prim to have someone close to her age to hang out with, someone new, someone not from Twelve.

“Come on.” He says, leading us away, I glance sideways at Paylor, who has remained silent through all of this. She looks between the three of us and smiles.

We make it outside, where Boggs and the rest of the soldiers are waiting for us.

 “Let’s head back, we’ve already lingered here too long.” Haymitch growls into my year as Boggs looks down, spots Liam, looks back at me and sighs, the fact that he says nothing is good, he turns around and we head back.

I feel relief for the briefest of moments as we head back, we are almost at the rendezvous point when it happens. Gale makes a strangled noise in his throat and I turn to him, despite how I feel about him, I would still feel awful if something happened to him that I was capable of preventing. His back is facing the group, his face turned to the sky and I follow his line of sight.

We both curse and push everyone back. We have all just huddled against the wall of the closest building when the first bomb touches ground. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's Liam! He's one of two OC's I've created for this, so I hope you like him!


	10. Chapter 10

I was still half asleep, but I could see the light coming into my room from behind my closed eyelids. The light turned red and I squeezed them shut and burrowed my face into my flat pillow. I laid like that for a beat before I head a soft whistle and sat bolt upright, remembering suddenly that I also had no windows, and only the tiny, dim light suspended from the ceiling, so there should be no sunlight. My eyes widened and I threw my hands over my ears as the sound of the explosion rocked my room.  
  
I stood swiftly, moving to the center of the floor, turning in an unstable circle as I took everything in. Every inch of my walls and ceiling had been converted into some sort of screen. Panic leapt up within me as my stomach churned. I stared unseeing for a while until I finally allowed my eyes to see what was actually happening on the screens. I turned around, my eyes searching for something familiar in the scene so I could place it, figure out where they wanted me to think I was.  
  
Then I saw it, it was faded, on the side of a large warehouse building, but there. I recognized the '8' and then the building exploded. I hit the floor, instincts kicking in. I covered my head, body quaking before I realized I had nothing to be afraid of. I rolled onto my back and watched the capitol ships fly through the air, flicker into nothing and then reappear as they dropped more bombs and then turned, flickering to  nothing again. Turning my head to the left I looked over the rooftops of the buildings and saw movement. Idiots. I wondered briefly where the capitol was filming this from, before I realized with a jolt that they probably had cameras located throughout all of the districts, or at least the bigger ones, to keep tabs on things, and this, to use it to broadcast a bombing was just a gross misuse of the tools at their command; but when was that anything new?  
  
I crawled over, squeezing myself under my bed so I could get a better look at the movement on the roof.  There were several people up there, two of them manning mounted guns, two more were just making their way onto the roof, and a man was scrabbling up the ladder that was covered in something that reflected the sun. I wanted to yell at them to move, that the man who was glinting in the sun was a dead giveaway when my attention caught on the two people who had clambered up before him. I felt my breath catch, no; it couldn't be, there was no way. It had to be a coincidence. I felt my lips twitch up in a smile and my hand moved away from me shakily to caress the wall. I watched as the brunette pulled out a weapon. The camera being this far away and me being so close to the wall made everything a little blurry, there were no facial distinctions, but I could make out hair color and the blonde was slightly shorter than the other one. I felt my heart beat faster. He was alive, he was definitely alive...he was alive and in district 8! District 8 was under attack, what were they doing there? Both of them! Oh...I felt the panic creep up within me again.  
  
If I had seen them here on the rooftop, someone else had to have seen them as well, told the pilots, told them to kill them next. I banged hard on the wall, I knew there was no way they could know, or hear, but it made me feel better. My mind was racing, maybe, only I had seen them. This was my only hope, because I was surrounded, laying inside of a strange District 8 bubble that was huge, maybe that was why I had been able to see. Maybe the people watching the video had not noticed what was happening on the roof here yet, maybe they had not seen the man shining in the sunlight.  
  
How long had passed since the capitol aircrafts had retreated to make another sweep, seconds, minutes, and hour? I had no sense of time in here, and my whole being was completely pin-point focused on these two people on the roof. I watched as they argued, pointing at the sky, Gale was waving around a weapon, possibly a gun or a bow. Peeta looked like he was unstrapping something from his back before crouching down.  
  
What were they doing?! Didn't they know that they needed to leave; they were going to get killed. I heard myself let out a strange, strangled noise as tears filled my eyes. I blinked them away, getting angry at  
myself. Tears would not help me, not here, not now. I pounded on the wall again, this time in defeat, if only I was there, I could help. I could keep him safe.  
  
The room shuddered and I pushed myself away from the wall to look at the ceiling-sky once more; they were back. One by one the capitol ships flickered back into existence. I turned frantically back to the  
wall, panic threatening to overcome my being again as I watched them. This was it, this was the moment where I would watch them both die, where I would be alone, forever, and all of it, and everything I had ever done would be for nothing. I growled; clenching my fists so tight my fingernails cut into my palms. This could not be the way this ended. I had things to do, things to tell them both, but especially him. He needed to know.  
  
The guns on the roof erupted, and I watched as Gale shifted slightly, following one of the ships with his gaze, Peeta was still crouched on the ground. They both moved, and I saw the arrow coming straight  
towards me as I heard a large gunshot. I closed my eyes tightly before I realized neither of those things could hurt me. I heard groaning behind me and then a large crash and I turned to see one of the capitol ships had flames erupting from its nose as it barreled into the one behind it. The ship behind the second one tried to swerve to avoid them, but failed miserably, broadsided the second one and started spinning off to the left, crashing into the one next to it.  
  
All four ships went falling to the ground, and the large boom that followed shook my room again as dark clouds burst up from the ground, flames swirling amongst the smoke. Looking to the sky once more I saw  
the remaining three ships quickly turn away, not even bothering to disappear again as they retreated.  
  
I took in a deep breath and placed my hands flat against the cool floor. I watched them shake and then closed my eyes, attempting, and failing to calm me breathing and erratic heartbeat. I blinked my eyes  
slowly and turned back to the spot under my bed, one of the other people that had been on the roof was moving over to them, I squinted my eyes, it looked like a woman. She was waving frantically between  
them and the air and then the shining man. I wish I could hear what they were saying, wished I could see their faces in detail instead of pale smudges on the wall. I wished I could tell them where I was, so they would know where to find me. "Please." I whispered. "Please come find me." I watched, body still shaking as they all descended the ladder. Once they were gone, I stayed still for a few moments, in case they emerged onto the rooftop again, when it was clear they really were gone I crawled back out from under my bed and pulled myself up to my knees before grasping my sheets and struggling to stand and then I crawled into the bed. Eyes wide open, gazing up at the sky. How long had it been now since I had seen the sky. I had forgotten it was so blue sometimes.  
  
I could hear alarms going off in the background now. I wondered who was still in District 8 to answer their call. I could also make out the roar of the fire from the crashed ships; I counted 2 explosions from them since the crash. I wondered if they were overheating and bursting. Did that happen? Could that happen? Or was it possible something else that was exploding within them all. I had no idea how long I laid there, listening to the sounds of chaos that surrounded me as I drifted in and out of sleep, dodging dreams that matched the noise I could hear. I had almost fallen asleep again when the capitol song blasted through the room and I screamed, flailing for a moment before I tumbled out of the bed.  
  
I groaned and rubbed my shoulder as I sat up and leaned my head back against my mattress. President Snow's face was now covering every wall. He waited a moment to speak; I wondered if it was so everyone could have the time to look at him.  
  
"Citizens of Panem. What you have seen today was not slaughter, but discipline." I rolled my eyes but stared hard at the building that had originally been struck. It had to have been something important. "District 8 has been an ever present thorn in our side, twisting and turning and doing nothing but cause us  
pain. They have revolted against the Capitol, and against you. This was not to be tolerated, we have contained the problem, and you have no more need to worry. Look for a special tomorrow evening where we will have experts on about this." He blinked off the screen and then my room went dark again.  
  
I rubbed my eyes, adjusting to the blackness again as I got back into my bed once again. I wondered what he meant. What experts would they be bringing in, and about what? Killing innocent people who wanted something more out of life than being a slave to the Capitol's reign? Or experts on rebellion? Or flying ships and why they explode? Or war. The possibilities seemed endless to me.  
  
I wondered if it was almost meal time, normally I could figure this out, but with all of the chaos I had truly lost track of my skewed sense of time. I laid back and thought about it, hand on my stomach, it wasn't grumbling yet, so I probably still had some time. No sooner had I thought this, then I heard people outside of my door, metal protesting a bit as the somewhat rusty locks were undone. My door swung open slowly. I might have laughed at how dramatic it was in another life.  
  
"Up you go Miss. Everdeen." A burly man told me, almost gently, as he scooped me up after stepping into my room.  
  
"I can walk you know." I growled.  
  
"Yes, but it’s easier, and faster if I just carry you." he responded. I only sighed and tried to turn away from him. There were three other men walking with him. All of them armed. My eyes widened slightly,  
what did they think I would do? Attack them? While I wouldn't have minded, I was pretty ill equipped to do something like that, not to mention weak. They fed me what I needed to survive, nothing more, nothing less. I was trapped in a room all the time; it was all I could do to pace the room so I could keep up some leg strength. I hadn't felt this weak for a long time, I honestly didn't think I would be able to hunt if I had wanted to right now, I would probably pass out on my way out to our spot.  
  
"Where are we going, anyway?" I asked after several long minutes, silent, except for the heavy, strong foot falls of the men.  
  
"To meet with Snow and then your team."  
  
"My team? Why?" My mind struggled to come up with possibilities that I would need to see my team, and I seemed to reach it exactly when the guard spoke.  
  
"You're going to be on a new broadcast, tomorrow."  
  
"Oh." I mumbled, trying to contain my shaking. I hated doing this, and Snow knew it, he pulled this card out from time, to time, the interview, to make me remember where I was, who I belonged to right now. Normally it was just a threat, but this time, I knew I really would be on the broadcast, being interview by Caesar once again, but I still didn't need to like it.  
  
I tried to relax into the burly man’s embrace while we walked. It felt like so long since I'd had any human contact. I didn't like it, not before, I would have rather kept my hands and everyone else's hands...and lips to themselves; but it had been so long, and I had been so alone with no one to talk to, no Peeta to help me sleep at night, no Gale pressed next to my body as we waited in silence for our prey; it’s only been me. So I allowed myself this small piece of comfort, no matter how it was intended.  
  
We made it to the elevator in short order and we all crammed in. It was a tight fit, and it grew hot quickly. I drew in a deep breath of fresh, not-sweat tinged air as I was set down gently on the plush red carpet once we reached our destination. The elevator system still baffled me a bit, I was pretty sure I had always used the same one, but I kept seeming to end up in different places. Maybe the elevators could move in different directions and I just had not noticed. I dug my toes into the carpet, sighing at the feel of it. I tried not to notice how horribly dirty my toes were. For being stuck in one room, and doing nothing, I sure was dirty.  
  
The double doors in front of me opened and a small woman, with her pink hair coiffed to a peak above her head stepped out. "The President will see you know." she told me in a soft, but musical sounding voice. I briefly wondered if she had her voice-box altered as I walked by, staring at her hair. She followed me through into the room and closed the doors behind us. I tried to keep my breathing shallow, but all I  
could smell were the roses. The scent coiled around me, it was suffocating, and so thick I could taste it as I tried to breathe through my mouth instead of my nose.  
  
"Ah, Katniss, so glad you could make it."  
  
I nodded, rocking forward onto the balls of my feet and back again. "Yes, well, I had to cancel a few meetings and shuffle a few other things around, but really, anything for you president." I remarked  
idly. My goal was to remain calm and in control of myself at all times when I was with him. Give nothing away.  
  
I heard the girl behind me fail to stifle a small laugh, I frowned, that would be the end for her, I thought as I watched Snow's sharp eyes dart over to her. Snow cleared his throat and focused his attention back on me. "I assume you saw the broadcast today?"  
  
"How could I miss it?" I asked. "It was like I was there."  
  
He smiled at me. "Good, good, we were trying something...new. What did you think?"  
  
I shrugged. "It was alright, I suppose not having the floor actually be a floor would have been a bit disorienting."  
  
"That's what we thought as well." he told me with a nod. "But, I digress, come here. Have a seat. Would you care for some tea?"  
  
I wanted to say yes, desperately, but I declined. "No, thank you, I'm not thirsty." I told him. Mostly I was worried about what he might try to put in the tea, I probably had nothing to worry about, I was worth  
more alive to him still, but I would rather play it safe.  
  
"Very well." He paused for a moment, pouring himself a cup of tea. "I suppose you are wondering why I have brought you here."  
  
"I can hazard I guess, yes."  
  
"Tomorrow, I need you to do me a favor."  
  
I only raised my brows in surprise.  
  
"This thing; tragedy, that has been happening in the districts. It is getting quite out of hand. I need you to tell them, especially Thirteen to stop, or we will retaliate."  
  
"Didn't you already?" I asked, my mind flashing back to the bombs going off, the fire, the alarms.  
  
He waved his hand dismissively. "Simply a warning, but I fear only District 8 will heed it. Now, your FRIENDS in district Thirteen on the other hand." he paused and let the moment build, I might have been  
fidgeting if my mind wasn't stuck on the way he had drawled the word friends, it made it clear in my mind that he too had seen what I had. I felt bile rise in my throat. "While their efforts were admirable, I cannot allow them to continue. This Rebellion," he hissed. "Cannot continue, we will destroy Panem, all of us together, all will be lost. They need to understand this. I have no wish to fight, to loose countless precious lives, but if they do not stop, I will have no choice but to truly retaliate."  
  
We were silent for a few moments, and then I spoke. "So...you want me to what? Tell them to stop? And you think they will listen to me?"  
  
"They need to listen to you; it would be in everyone’s interests if they did."  
  
"And if I don't do this?"  
  
"They die."  
  
"And if I do this and they don't listen?"  
  
"They die."  
  
I frowned. "You and I both know what the outcome of this will be." I growled.  
  
He steepled his fingers together and rested his elbows on the desk. "You and I made an agreement once, yes? To never lie to one another."  
  
I nodded haltingly.  
  
"I will make you this promise then, on top of our agreement." he took a small breath and I smelled the roses as he exhaled, I found myself trembling in fear of what he might say. "You go out tomorrow, talk to Caesar, tell the world that you don't want this war; that it’s the wrong thing to do, that for the good of the country you think we all need to call a ceasefire. Apologies will be made, districts will be rebuilt. What comes after, we can figure out then. What I want from you is to try and convince the country that this needs to stop. You do that, and I will leave the men you love alone, and safe."  
  
"What if it doesn't work?" I whisper. He knows, he knows they were there, that they are both alive and well enough to fight. My entire being is rebelling against this, against what he wants me to do, but I know I need to do it, for them.  
  
He sits back against the high wing backed chair and drums his fingers softly on the desk. "I will give them time, several weeks to decide on their answer." He tilts his head and surveys me. "If we have heard nothing in two weeks, you are to go back on the air, plead one last time, for one more week, if we still here nothing, then we will obliterate them."  
  
I freeze in shock. There was no way I could convince them. And what sway would Peeta and Gale hold over anyone in Thirteen, that even if I could convince them to stop, that they could get an entire district to go along with it. I swallowed thickly; it was the only chance I had to try to keep them safe. "I'll do it." I whispered, and then watched the smile bloom on Snow's face.  
  
"Wonderful." He stood quickly, and I pressed myself into the chair I was in. "You will be staying here from now on, in the mansion."  
  
"What?" I choked on the word.  
  
He hummed. "Yes, I would like to be able to keep an eye on you and your recovery better, and you look quite dreadful. I think you've had quite enough time below ground."  
  
I wanted to argue, tell him I was happy down there, anywhere but here, in the mansion. I knew it would be no use. I nodded.  
  
"Take her to her rooms." He told the girl with the hair, then report back here immediately.  
  
I turned and watched her nod as she opened the door. I leapt up and scurried after her, not turning to look back at Snow.  
  
I trudged slowly behind the girl, neither of us were talking, but that was fine by me. I was content to just stare at her hair in disbelief. Her hair was long, so it towered pretty high up there, practically defying gravity.  
  
Finally, I found my voice. "Where are we going?"  
  
"To your new rooms." She declared in her soft, musical voice. I only nodded, now taking in the wood paneled walls, hung with paintings, the likes of which I had never seen. I stopped suddenly, my feet taking me closer to the image. It was magnificent. I took it all in, the short strokes of color that made up the painting, the stars that swept across the sky, the tiny village nestled under them. My eyes took in  
the object on the left and I tilted my head. I had no idea what it was, a rock formation, a bush, a mountain, it didn't matter. "Van Gogh." she said. I jumped slightly; I had forgotten I wasn't alone.  
  
"Sorry?" I asked, mostly it sounded like a strange cough.  
  
"Van Gogh, he was the man who painted this." I nodded.  
  
"It's amazing." I told her softly.  
  
She smiled indulgently. "Yes, well, it’s quite something. They say he painted it while he was in an asylum." I had no idea what this was, and for a moment I thought it odd that her head seemed to be filled with a bit of knowledge and not just air. "It's old; it was salvaged from before Panem was formed. Before the dark days."  
  
I stared wide eyed at the painting and she laughed. "We have more paintings, some from him, more from others. The president likes to collect things." She told me. I grinned, like I didn't know that. I was living proof of that.

  
"We should go." I told her, tearing my eyes away from the painting. I wished Peeta were here, he would love this, I wonder if he could recreate it for me one day, or maybe I could just have this one. "Snow  
will start to wonder where you are." I added.  
  
Her eyes widened minutely and then she nodded quickly and hurried back down the hall. I followed her reluctantly, taking in the paintings as I walked. Landscapes, people, odd shapes and colors, table settings, scenes from what looked to be the history of man; before we turned into this mess. I had never seen anything like this and I wished with all of my heart that Peeta was here with me for the second time in as many minutes, because I knew he would truly appreciate these beautiful things. Things like this were wasted on me.

We arrived at what would be my room. The girl cleared her throat and I glanced away from the door to find her looking at me expectantly. “This is your room.” She declared. I only lifted a brow at her, stifling my grin at how flustered she became. I must be terrifying. She cleared her throat again. “Yes, well, here you are, if you need anything, I’m sure you know how to get it.” She told me, turning the knob and pushing the door away from us. I lifted my shoulder and dropped it as I moved slowly into the room; she remained on the other side of the threshold. “I’ll be back to check on you in a few hours. Make yourself at home. I’ve been told by Cinna that you’re to take a shower immediately and be ready for him by the time I return with him.”

I nodded mutely at her and I watched as her brow furrowed and then she stepped quickly into the room, reaching up into her hair. “I um, could you hold on to this for me? I feel like, well, like you need this more than I do at the moment, and I made Cinna let me borrow it, and he needs to get this back. Can you do that for me?”

I stared at her strangely. “Aren’t you going-“

“Here you are!” she interrupted loudly. “See you in a bit Miss. Everdeen, don’t forget about that shower, and maybe order yourself some of that stew you love.” Then she was spinning quickly on her heel and striding out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

I opened my palm slowly, hand shaking and then I squeezed it shut again, falling back onto the bed, breathing heavily. I unfurled my fingers again, pinching the small hair pin between my thumb and index fingers as I brought it close to my face. There it was, right on the end; my mockingjay.


	11. Chapter 11

I stood in the shower, letting the hot water run down over me as I cried. I had no idea what I was doing, my life was completely out of control and people I had loved and cared for were dying or trying to get themselves killed for me. I wasn't worth that.

I had really only wanted to come in here, stand under this water to relax my body, but after staring at that hair pin, I just couldn't. My mind was racing and then it all clicked into place again for me. The pin, the girl, Cinna, her refusal to really talk to me, and the way she interrupted me. She was on my side, she could help me. Then I was panicking, she couldn't talk because I was being monitored. I doubted they were watching my every move, but they were more than likely listening; even if they were watching, there was nothing dangerous about a hair pin. I retreated to the bathroom, the one place I knew that I could probably be safe, be alone, and the sounds of the shower could cover my pain and my tears.

I wiped angrily at my cheeks, wishing I could stop, wishing I wasn't so weak and helpless here and now. I punched a button on the wall of the shower and was immediately blasted with soap that smelled fresh and clean and earthy, it smelled like home in my mind. This is what it smells like to come home. I stood still, now leaning my head against the wall as I choked on my tears as the soap and water ran off of my skin in rivulets. What was wrong with me? This wasn't me. The me I knew swallowed all of this pain and sorrow and soldiered on. It’s just what I did, it’s how I survived this long. Maybe I was broken, is this what broken feels like. I punched another button, just to be able to hit something that would give and the water pressure changed, turning into a gentle fall, like rain.

My legs gave way slowly, sinking down to the shower floor, where I wrapped my arms tightly around me and continued crying. I sat there, just letting it out for who knows how long before I was able to pull myself together enough to stand up and get out. I hit another button once I was out and let the air blast me before I picked up a fluffy robe and wrapped it around me.

I moved slowly out into my new room and looked around. I was still alone. I tumbled into bed and then ordered the lamb stew, waiting the few moments it took before it arrived on my bedside table.

I tried to eat slowly, but it didn't work. It had been a while since I had eaten anything more substantial then bread, cheese and water, and this really was my favorite. It was gone before I realized it and I had to talk myself out of ordering it a second time. Instead I decided to sleep, it was almost dark out and I knew tomorrow would be a long day.

My eyes felt like they had barely been shut when I was being shaken awake. My eyes flew open to meet with the brown, gold lined eyes of Cinna. "Morning, sleepy head." he said with a smile.

I made incoherent noises in response as I sat up and rubbed my hands over my face and through my hair. "What time is it?" I grumbled.

"It's early still, but I figured this might take some time. Stand up." He told me, I did as he asked and shrugged out of the robe when he made a motion at me. I threw it behind me on the bed and watched his expression as he took me in. His brow furrowed and his lips became a thin line. I looked down at me now too, trying to see what had him so upset. "Go take a shower." he said after remaining silent for minutes on end.

"I just did, last night." I growled.

"You missed a spot."

Huffing in anger, I stalked past him and into the bathroom, he followed closely behind me.

"I haven't got much time Katniss." he told my lowly, turning the water on for me. "You look terrible, I'm going to need to alter a few things, and put some padding in your dress."

"No. I don't want it."

"But, Katniss, you're shrinking away."

"Good, leave me looking the way I am. I want people to see." I growled, stepping into the water.

"Fine." he finally sighed. "But I'm still going to do what I can to make you dazzle, girl on fire."

I looked over at him, giving him a small smile, receiving one in return. "I wouldn't ask for anything less. I've missed you Cinna." I confessed quietly.

"And I've missed you, my little Mockingjay. I'm going to try to get you out of here, you need to fly again." I nodded, deciding my words were no good anymore. "I'll be back soon; Peeta's prep team will be here in an hour to get you ready, play nice."

I grinned and agreed as he left the bathroom. I was right; this is the only safe place. I showered quickly, and stepped out into my room again, without a robe, to find Peeta's prep team waiting.

"Morning Katniss." they chimed together.

"Good morning." I replied, and then I was pulled to them, pushed down into a chair and poked, and pulled and plucked and waxed until I couldn't take it anymore and Cinna came back, dress in hand.

Cinna let the prep team stay, and they all lounged on my bed, eating a veritable feast of items from my console as they watched Cinna work, oohing and aahing over almost everything. I found it more than agitating, until I noticed their constant chatter was more than likely drowning out what Cinna was mumbling to me. He told me what he knew of the rebellion, more about what happened in district 8 and what he knew of 13, which wasn't much. He told me they were completely underground, they even were able to grow food down there. They had an agreement with Snow and the capitol that as long as they didn't bother anyone, they wouldn't be bothered. Well, I guess that was over.

"What will happen?" I heard myself ask him as he worked on my lips, the words ghosting out of my mouth as it couldn't move properly.

"I can only guess, I've heard about the deal Snow made with you, all I will say is don't count on it."

I grinned, as he reached into his tool kit for my eye makeup. "When do I ever?"

He nodded, turning back to me. "Yes, but Peeta is there, isn't he? And others from 12." He saw my eyes widen and he continued on. "I can't answer your questions right now Katniss, but I know some people have made it. I just need you to think what Snow not keeping his promise would mean to you and to everyone there."

"He can't reach them underground." I scoffed and then paled as Cinna lifted a brow at me, continuing to work in silence. "Oh..." I bit my lip. "Well, maybe I can convince them tonight, to stop. I have too. I can't let people keep dying for me Cinna, I just can't. I can't live with that pain, I hate doing it, those people that already have died to try and save me, to get me out of the arena. I can't Cinna."

"Katniss." he growled, clutching my shoulders tightly. "I'm only going to say this once. You can't blame yourself for that. You never asked that of anyone, it was their own choice, so please, don't feel guilty about that, and you've been wrong about someone dying already, maybe it will happen again. Do you understand."

I nodded mutely, but I knew he knew something I didn't, something he couldn't or wouldn't say.

He stared at me for a while before going back to my makeup and then he declared me finished, and the prep team was rushing over to me as the watched Cinna get out the dress. My eyes widened as I took it in. "What is that?" I asked in shock.

"Your dress." Cinna told me with a smile. I rolled my eyes. I tried to figure out my statement in this, but I couldn't. It was a light, wispy dress, done in the palest of blues, with a deeper blue wrapped around it as a belt and shoulder straps. It was simple, but still beautiful in the way only Cinna could do; I wore a pair of silver shoes without a heel.

"I don't understand." I hedged, as I watched him move around me. Clearly he made this dress after our reunion, because it looked like it would fit me then, as it was it just sort of hung sadly off of my frame while he tried to pin and tuck as much as he could so it looked a bit better. I almost regretted telling him ‘no’ about the padding, but looking at me in mirror, this would be more shocking. "What happened to the fire?"

He stared at me long and hard and with such sadness I wanted to cry, but finally, he whispered in my ear, "It's all burned up now."

I started, my eyes growing wide before I began to tremble all over. I was weak, maybe Cinna was right, maybe my fire is gone. He grasped my hands firmly. "Katniss, you need to start playing their game today. It's safer for you if you're out of those clothes, and appear to be distancing yourself from the rebellion," I made a sound in my throat, but he knew me. "Shhhh, it's going to be fine, I know. Don't worry, I'm just trying to keep you safe in the only way that I can right now." My head nodded jerkily as I stepped out of his grasp. I reached up and ran my fingers through the ends of my hair. I couldn't wait for this day to be over.

There was a knock on the door, and we all jumped, so immersed in the bubble that was getting me ready we forgot where we were, if only for a moment. Two burly men were waiting on the other side. I sighed, resigned to the fact that this was me, it was time for me to go on, but Cinna stepped in front of me. "You'll be alright, won't you?" He asked urgently. I nodded. "Good, I - I won't be in the audience today, so, just pretend I am. I need to go. I'm still betting on you, girl on fire." I gave him a weak smile as he stepped between the guards, the prep team following them and then the door closed and I was left with the revelation that they were all prisoners, just as much as I was.

I paced the room for the next hour, waiting. It wouldn't have been terrible if I knew what time it was and what time someone would be here to get me, but I didn't, so I paced, restless as a caged animal. I knew I should eat, but I couldn't, I even stood, over by the table, staring down at it, but I couldn't bring myself to order anything, so I went back to walking.

There was a knock on my door 20 paces of my room after the food contemplation and I ran over to it, pulling it open, ready to go, ready to be done waiting and working myself into a panic. It was the guard who had picked me up from my cell yesterday. He didn't scoop me up this time, instead he settled his large hand onto my frail shoulder and steered me through the house, to the elevator and then we were on our way. Soon I would be on that stage again. I wanted to vomit, but I knew that would only be bad, so I breathed in and out slowly through my nose, swallowing the bile.

The elevator pinged and the doors slid silently open. I was pushed out into the backstage area and I was immediately engulfed by the crew, much like I was last time.

"She looks stunning, leave her be." I heard Caesar's voice interrupt the hum of questions around me. Everyone shut up instantly and stepped back, hands falling to their sides. "Take a walk with me Katniss." He said lightly, offering his arm. I stepped to him slowly, reaching my hand out to rest it on his arm, wondering where we would go in this small backstage area.

"How are you doing Katniss?" he asked, smiling down at me.

"I'm alright." I replied, giving a small smile in return.

"Good, good, I thought I would show you something different than what you're used to seeing." I could still hear the smile in his voice.

I didn't say anything in response as we moved through a hallway, and then we were at a door and he was pulling it open and ushering me through. "Oh, wow." I felt the words escape me before I could stop them, and then turned back around as I watched the door close, blending in perfectly with the rest of the wall. I was in the large audience area of the studio, it looked even bigger than I had imagined, especially when it was empty and there weren't thousands of lights shining into my face and blocking my view of almost everything but the flamboyantly colored Caesar.

I was on the main floor, but there were balconies stacked above us. I felt like they could seat all of the Capitol in here.

"So, what do you think?" he asked, seating himself in a chair at the end of a row.

"It's amazing." I told him. "But why are you showing me this?"

He shrugged. "We aren't having an audience today; I thought it would be nice."

I narrowed my eyes at him. He sighed. "Honestly Katniss. You look terrible, I just thought I would be nice, because who knows how you're really doing. I thought a break from whatever it is would be nice for you."

I almost laughed. I did look terrible, Caesar off camera was much more real of a person than I thought possible, but I knew he was Snow's man, through and through, I couldn't trust him. "So when do the people arrive?" I asked, walking down the center aisle.

"There won't be an audience today." he told me lightly. I realized with a jolt that he had already told me, I scolded myself; I needed to get it together in my head.

"Oh? Why not?"

"The President didn't deem in appropriate after the last one." I nodded, hiding a smile. I could only imagine what sort of tragedy I caused for him.

"So when do we start?"

"Whenever you're ready."

"Well, no offense to you, but I'd like to get this over with as soon as possible."

He stood, beaming at me. I didn't smile back, I already felt like I could laugh at any moment. I really was losing it. He clapped his hands and escorted me to the stage. People swarmed the stage from the wings, equipment in hand. Two people were carrying chairs, one a small table. They places them center stage and then scurried off. Caesar and I took our seats.

He sat there, grinning hugely at me while I tried to avoid his gaze; it was more than creepy to have him looking at me like that. I watched a few more people rush around and then I saw Snow step into the audience and take a seat on the edge of the row closest to him near the last few rows. I felt a cold sweat break out over my entire body and then the lights came on and so did the red blinking lights on all of the cameras.

"Good evening Panem!" Caesar declared jovially, ‘ _evening already’_ were the words running through my head at the moment though. "As promised this evening will be an evening filled with experts discussing what has happened in District 8, and what a tragedy." he paused. I assumed if an audience were here, they would react, but it was only us, and his voice bounced around the large room in a strange, lonely manner. "But first!" he continued on. "I know you've all been wondering about her, we got her to come in for a special interview." I rolled my eyes, like I really had a choice. "The one, the only, the lovely Miss. Everdeen!"

He beamed at me again and I tried to smile. "You're exaggerating Caesar." I sighed heavily.

He gasped his mind always conscious of the audience. "I would never! You look lovely, stand up, let’s all get a better look."

I stood reluctantly, smoothing out my skirt. I grabbed the hem on either side and pulled them out, mocking a curtsey. "Well, this is it." I declared lamely.

"Cinna's doing, no doubt."

"Always."

"Give us a spin!" In my mind I could almost hear the audience, cheering for me, for me to do this, the shrieks and applause as my dresses had caught fire, the shocked gasps.

"No thanks." I decided. Cinna hadn't told me I needed too, we both needed to stay safe.

"Just once?"

"I said no, Caesar."  I said, plopping back down into the chair and tucking my legs up under my body as I crossed my arms. I wished I could make myself smaller.

He pouted good naturedly for a while, and I finally had to ask him to stop. No one was here. "Caesar." I started. "I didn't come here to model Cinna's latest and greatest, I came here to talk." I swallowed hard, hoping I wouldn't come to regret it.

He nodded. "Yes, yes, of course." And he jumped right in. "So tell me what you know about what happened in 8, is there a good place to start?"

I raised a shoulder and let it fall. "It's not a terrible place, I suppose, and far more interesting a place to start then where I've been for the last however long it's been since you've seen me." I took a breath and saw him frown, but I kept talking. "What happened in District 8..." I tried not to think of what I really wanted to say, about what I really thought, but of what would keep him and all of us safer. "Well, I saw it...ALL of it." I emphasized, staring hard into the camera, hoping he would know. "I woke up and thought I was there. The walls of my room were literally transformed into the live footage of what was happening, it really was like I was there. It was a bit disorienting really, when you fall asleep in a room and wake up with bombs going off around you."

"That must have been terrifying." Caesar said quietly.

I smiled at him. "I've had worse." I joked, he laughed. I imagined the audience laughing. Sometimes I was funny, right?

"So, what do you think of all of this, what's happening?"

I frowned, hugging myself tighter. This is my moment, where I say what I should, for them. "I think it’s sad, and not worth it, not worth anyone’s lives. This, whatever this is, rebellion, massacre, whatever you want to call it, shouldn't be happening. We're already so few, and killing each other is going to accomplish nothing but to wipe all of us out. We might not be able to recover from the losses we suffer at the end of all of this."

"Well said Katniss. Anything else you'd like to say about this?"

I could feel myself shaking, I was tired, so tired, I needed to sleep, this day had been so long compared to all of my other days of sleeping and pacing. "I just, I want to say, that whatever you're fighting for, that whatever they're telling you you're fighting for. Stop. Please, the Capitol, the districts, we can all come to another agreement, we can all be safe and relatively happy again, but if you don't stop, neither will they, and they will come for you, they will hunt you down and they will kill you, until none of you are left to fight anymore. They have the superior power, and the people to do this. I just want people to stop getting hurt and dying. I've lost everything, you haven't. Please, stop before you do." I felt the tears, and squeezed my eyes closed. I had already cried once in front of the country, I wouldn't be doing it again.

I stood abruptly. "I'm going back to my cell my, goodnight Caesar." And I stalked off the stage. The guard from earlier met me there, frowning. "Take me back." I demanded, stomping my foot.

"Very well." he sighed, and scooped me up again. I refused to say anything about this; I just wanted to crawl into my bed and sleep all of this away and hope the nightmares wouldn't disturb me.

"Where are we?" I asked, looking around. We weren't in any part of the mansion I recognized.

"The doctor needs to see you." he said. Oh, no, anyone but him. We reached a white, metal door and he knocked. Dr. Beaker was there, opening it, ushering us in.

"Sit her down in the chair, then see yourself out, I can handle everything from there."

The guard grunted and moved me to a white, cushioned chair with metal arms and a bar for my feet. "Please - " I whispered as he sat me down. He frowned at me, and then turned to leave. The door slammed shut with a loud thud as he left.

"Hello again Katniss." he said, moving around me. Strapping me down. No, not again, anything but this. No, please no. I needed to vomit, my body was shaking, and tears were falling unchecked from my eyes. He tisked. "Now, now dear, nothing to be scared of. I just needed to check on you again, it’s been a while. I don't think you've been doing well at all." He cut halfway down the center of my dress, I was panicking, what was he doing to do to me?! "Shhhhh, it’s alright Katniss, see, look. I just need to attach the monitors directly to your skin, nothing to be afraid of. Then I will get you a blanket, will that be alright?" I nodded slowly, that would be fine, right? I winced as he jabbed a needle into my elbow, and another one into the back of my hand on the other arm.

"What are you doing?" I whispered.

"We're keeping you under observation for a while, and we can't let you get sick. You'll be alright. I promise." He smiled at me. "Now, open up." He demanded, holding a strange contraption in his hands. I didn’t move. He was frowning now and grasped my chin, pinching it hard until my mouth popped open. He stuffed part of whatever he was holding into my mouth. It was a small piece of material, plastic maybe, it wasn’t very thick, but stretched from one side of my mouth to the other, I bit down on it a bit, it had a slight give to it. I breathed heavily through my nose as I felt him wind the rest of it around my head and secure it. “This is to keep you quiet.” He hissed in my ear.

I didn’t give him the satisfaction of starting to scream.

“Now, the fun can begin!” he cried cheerfully. I could hear him moving around behind me, pressing buttons, picking things up, moving things. The room fell dark shortly after and the wall in front of me flickered to life, and then I was staring at myself, standing in District 12, just after volunteering, Effie’s hand was in the bowl of boys names, and then she called him and the cameras focused on  his face. That was when I felt it, something was happening to my elbow, a flaring pain, and it was spreading through my body quickly, and then it was over. I breathed out slowly, the tears still falling. Then I saw Peeta’s face again and the pain was back.

Somewhere deep in my brain I registered that this wasn’t normal, that this shouldn’t be happening. They were poisoning me against him. I closed my eyes and hoped this wasn’t true and if it was that if we would ever meet again, that Peeta could forgive me.


	12. Chapter 12

"Well, where would you like him to go? It isn't like he can go home anymore is it?" I asked Coin.

She leaned back in her chair, still frowning. The only real good news we had brought her was the fact that Gail and I had destroyed those ships, but she had seen that as it happened. The camera men also said they had gotten pretty good footage and would be able to do something pretty impressive with that, but only time would tell. "You can't keep bringing in strays, Peeta."

"I'm not bringing in - if this is about Buttercup, he isn't a stray."

"Yes, well, it’s been a hassle to accommodate him, and now another mouth to feed is what you've brought me."

"Buttercup is a cat, he doesn't eat much. Liam is a child, he probably doesn't each much either, and don't talk about him like he's some sort of stray, he's a child, a living, breathing human with feelings." I pushed myself away from the table in anger. "You know, I've heard people talking here, that you used to have more people here, but then something happened, a sickness, something and now there's less of you and hardly any children, you would think, with how many people you used to have not too long ago, you'd be able to accommodate the few from 12, a cat and a boy, unless you've somehow completely depleted your food stores."

"You know nothing of what life has been for us here in 13, so don't you dare talk to me like you do. You are completely out of line Mr. Mellark, don't do it again or there will be consequences."

I rolled my eyes, if it wasn't one thing in my life that was giving me trouble it was definitely something else. "Look, there's a spare bed in my place, he can stay there."

"You've been in and out of the hospital wing; do you really think that's wise?"

"So you tell me it’s going to be another hassle to figure out where he should stay and when I give you a viable option you say no immediately?"

"Peeta." Haymitch hedged. "Maybe now isn't the best time for this."

I turned to him and could see the fire burning in his gaze, he was as upset at this as I was, but for once it was Haymitch who was holding it together and not me. "If not now, when?" I asked quietly. He gave in with a nod.

"Look, what if he just stays with me for a little while, a test run of sorts." I said as calmly as I could. "I feel fine, I don't think I'll be back in the hospital anytime soon other than for things that I still have scheduled, and if it doesn't work out, we can look into other options." she stares at me long and hard, but I already know I've won, I won before I even got here because she still can't do all of this without me.

She sighed. "Fine, now get out of here and send in Gale." I say nothing, only nodding and standing from the table. Haymitch follows me out the door.

"Peeta, one day you're going to go too far with her, and I won't be able to help you." He tells me, once the door closes behind us.

"I'll be fine, honestly, you worry too much."

He makes a low sound in his throat, and then pulls me around to look at him. "Peeta, I made a promise, and I intend to keep it, do you understand? To do that though, I need you to quit riling her up."

I scowl and shrug away from him. "Don't talk to me about your promises Haymitch. They're not worth anything."

"Why? You know I wanted to keep the promise to you and get her out of the arena, but it was really out of my hands. Now that we're here now, I'm going to keep my promise to her. We all made deals Peeta, and now we have to handle how things ended up for all of us."

"I know, look. I'm sorry, I am. I just - this is hard and it sucks and I wish none of this were happening at all."

"You'd rather go back to the way things were?"

"Yes, no. I don't know." I run a hand over my face. "Maybe I'd rather just skip past all of this nonsense and get to the part where we're all happy again."

"What if that never happens?"

"Then I'll deal with it Mr. Always-A-Pessimist"

Haymitch laughs. "Just trying to keep things in perspective."

"Thanks so much, now let’s go, or well, you can go to wherever you need to be, I'm going to go grab Liam and let Gale know the Coin wants to see him."

"I need to go see Plutarch about the propos they're doing, he wants my input on them."

"Have fun." I tell him with a grin as he turns down the nearest hall. I move further along and turn right, there was a small room down this hall, that was mostly unused, save for those that were waiting to have a meeting with Coin. This was where Gale was waiting with Liam. I open the door slowly, stepping inside with a shudder; it was cooler in this room than it was elsewhere in 13 that I had been.

Gale was sitting on the floor, leaning against the far wall and Liam was stretched out on the ratty sofa, fast asleep. Gale looks up at me when I come in. "Did he sleep the whole time?" I ask quietly.

Gale shakes his head and stands, stretching. "No, he talked my ear off for a while and then passed out in the middle of telling me about an abandoned dog that used to roam around where he lived. Coin wants to see me now I take it?"

"Of course. I hope she's in a better mood for you, but I doubt it."

He laughs mirthlessly. "Let me guess, she wasn't thrilled about what happened and Liam." I only smile. "Well, I should be off, I'm sure you can handle him, baker boy. You'll have fun, he's full of questions, mostly about Katniss and you, I answered what I could, at least where she was concerned. I stayed out of the Arena, told him about her before all of that."

We fall into an awkward silence and then I shuffle over to the sleeping boy. "Well, uh, thanks. For the heads up and for everything today I guess." I tell him quietly.

"Don't mention it. As always, I'm doing this for her."

"I know Gale, but thank you all the same. I know you don't like me and I don't like you that much either, but it's not so bad working with you, down in the thick of it. I trusted you...I do trust you, as odd as that is." He nods stiffly, looking uncomfortable and I laugh. "Don't worry; you don't need to say it back. I'm not sure I would have really trusted myself back there."

Gale's lips stretch into a smile. "Down there - yes, I trusted you. You forget I've seen you in the arena. You survive. That's how I knew I could trust you down there, that’s how I did, because I knew, no matter what would have happened to us, you would have tried to keep us alive. You and Katniss are alike in that way, you're both survivors in your own ways."

I hum in agreement. He is right. I wonder if Katniss had ever told him about the incident with the bread. It's what I did, kept her alive. Maybe just people, I keep them alive, maybe I need to now after everything I've lost in such a short amount of time. "I should go." I tell him, leaning down to the sleeping boy and scooping him up in my arms.

Gale opens the door without a word and holds it until we are out. He lifts a hand to say goodbye and I tilt my head towards him and then make my way up to my room.

The passageways are empty at this time of day, it is shortly after lunch, so the children are back immersed in schoolwork and the adults were either in combat training or working in the underground fields or several other places.

I open my room door with my shoulder and gently deposit Liam onto my bed while I quickly got to work on making up the spare. Once done, I shift him over and collapse into my own bed. I am exhausted. I check the time and groan. I am due in the hospital wing. I have an appointment, and I need to fill Finnick in on everything that had happened.

I think for a moment that I could leave Liam here, since the odds of him waking would be slim, but quickly decide against it. No matter how small of a chance, it could still happen, and if it did I'm sure he would be freaking out, waking up in a new, strange place. I pick him up once more and move out of the room and into the hall once more. I laugh quietly; this kid could probably sleep through anything if this much jostling didn't disturb him. Being as close to the hospital wing as possible meant it only took me a minute or two to reach my destination. Prim and her mom were both there, and they rushed to me.

"Is he alright?" Prim asks, reaching me first, and lifting up onto her tip toes to peer at the sleeping boy’s face.

"He's fine; I just need somewhere to put him for the moment. I have an appointment and didn't want to leave him alone in the room."

"What room?"

"My room - our room now."

Her mom places a hand on her shoulder. "Not now Prim, Peeta can explain later, perhaps at dinner if he wants. For now he has an appointment, and we need to be leaving, we have other things to attend to."

"Yes mom." Prim frowns, peeking once more at Liam before she trudges out of the room.

"You can lay him on that bed, I'm sure he'll be fine, it’s been a slow day here today anyway, just let someone know why he's there, or who knows what might happen." she tells me with a soft smile.

"Thanks Mrs. Everdeen." I deposit Liam gently on the bed and turn back to her. “I’ll see you both at dinner.” I inform her with a small smile. She nods, lifts her hand and placed it on my forearm, grasping it tightly for a moment before she lets go, and leaves the room, saying goodbye as she went.

I found a nurse and quickly informed them about Liam. She didn't seem too thrilled with it, but she didn't say a word.

Finnick was staring blankly across the room, his hands working quickly at manipulating his piece of rope.

"Finnick..." I call quietly, the last thing I really want to do is scare the guy.

"Hey Peeta. How’s things?" He asks, briefly casting his eyes over to me before going back to staring.

I shrug and fall into the chair by his bed. "I'm still here, so that's something. Are you alright? How did things go with Beetee after we left."

He perks up immediately at this. "Oh, it was great. You should see what he's made me! It’s perfect. The perfect trident. I even get this awesome cuff to wear on my wrist and I push a button on it and 'bam' just like that the trident is back in my hand after I've thrown it. They let me mess around with it for a few hours and then they made me come back here. I saw what happened. I'm sorry about that."

"Thanks. It was just pure chaos down there when it happened. I remember it vividly, but not like I was actually there, more like from a spectators point of view. I'll be back in a few minutes though. The doctors want to check me and my brain over again and see how I'm doing with life now." I tell him with a grimace.

He nods, a faint smile playing at the corner of his lips. "Well I'll be here when you're done." he tells me quietly as I leave him.

* * *

 

I sit myself down on my usual bed and wait. I didn't need to wait long before one of the numerous doctors in 13 was in front of me. I found it odd actually, how many doctors they seemed to have in comparison to their population and how little they probably need medical attention.

"How are you today Peeta?" my doctor is a young woman, probably not much older than 25, she had long blonde hair and brown eyes, her smile was a bit exaggerated.

"I'm alright."

"How are you feeling? Any pain or injuries from earlier."

"A few bruises I think, but they aren't bad, you don't need to waste any of the cream on me."

"Are you sure?" she asked, frowning a bit and canting her head to one side.

"Yes, I'm sure eventually someone will come in and need it more than I do now." I sigh. "Let’s get this going if  you don't mind." I tell her sternly, but not unkindly.

"Uh-sure, yes. Alright." She pulls out my chart, flips to the next place room is available to write and sits down. "Any nightmares since last time?"

"Several. Multiple times a night still. I tend to be more aware that it isn't real now than I used to be though."

"Panic attacks?"

"Only one since last time."

"Good, that’s excellent progress and improvement. Any desires to do yourself harm?"

I hated this question the most out of all; my answer has been and always will be the same, but they keep insisting on asking it, claiming things could change. "No."

"Very good. I think that's everything for today, unless you would like to talk about what happened?"

"No thanks, I'm good." only half of that was a lie. I didn't want to talk about what had happened in District 8, but I wasn't alright about it. The only real thing that gave me any sort of feeling of vindication was that I was able to get Liam out of there safely. I tried not to linger on thoughts of the others.

She is frowning at me, and then finally speaks. "Alright, well, same time next week then, but don't hesitate to come see us if you need anything."

I agree quickly and then leave, finding Finnick once again. He is stretched out on his bed, leaning back on a massive pile of pillows that looked to be pilfered from the other beds. I lift an eyebrow at him and he only smirks as I sink down onto the bed next to his.

"They like me here, I can get away with almost anything, and it’s not like I spend time in my room anyway." he laughs.

"Ah, the perks of being Finnick Odair." I grin. Sometimes being with Finnick like this, as just two guys makes me wonder if this is what it could be like to be normal. To not be trying to usurp the Capitol’s reign of tyranny, to not be a victor or a killer, to just be. There was an easiness here that I rarely experienced elsewhere in my life. "Hey Finnick, can you tell me about the ocean?" I ask quietly. I had seen the false lake in the arena, and our train passed it on the victory tour, a brief glimpse, and I doubted the arena it really compared to the real thing.

Finnick turns to look at me and I give him a pleading smile. "Alright Peeta, but just this once. Next time you'll have to see it for yourself," he grins. "I don't know where to start actually. I've never had to tell anyone about it, we all just lived there together. It's beautiful and dangerous at the same time, sort of like women." I bark out an involuntary laugh. "No, really. That’s why some sailors say they're married to the sea. They make their lives out there on her and sometimes she rewards them and other times...well, they don't come home. Watching the sun rise or set over her are some of the most peaceful moments anyone can ever have I think. It’s just you in the predawn hours, listening to the waves slap the shore, their quiet roar as they get pulled back out, the smell of salt is in the air and there's sand beneath your toes. Sometimes it’s those moments that I think about to keep me sane and grounded. Then the light starts the spread like fingers into the sky and you just keep watching as the colors get painted. Pinks, and blues and light purples and whites and oranges, and then the sun pops up and climbs into the sky, reflecting, shimmering off of the water. That’s when I go to work, not that I really had to work, but being near the water, or in it or on it, before I met Annie, that was home for me. Even now, if I ever get back to 4, I couldn't say I was home until I had my toes buried in the sand, water lapping at my ankles and the sun shining down on my face." he pauses for a moment and I watch an expression of pure joy and bliss come across his face, his whole being just relaxed. "The water isn't always warm," he continues suddenly. "Sometimes it’s really, really cold, so cold it takes your breath away, but never as warm as what it was in the arena. The water is blue, not a clear blue, not anymore, they say once upon a time a long time ago that water was a beautiful blue and you could see the whole way down no matter how far out you went. Now though, now the water is a murky blue grey out farther, but still a nice color close to shore. The tides rise and fall throughout the day, when its high the current is stronger and it’s more dangerous to go out if you don't know what you're doing. When the tide is low, that’s the best time to collect things. From shells to food." He opens his eyes suddenly. "You would like it Peeta. Once all of this is over, you and Katniss should come and visit Annie and I."

I grin. "Maybe we will, once everything is settled, I think Katniss would like it too."

We fall into companionable silence after that, visions of what he described running through my head. Maybe I would try to paint it later to give to him, so then he could have both of his homes with him all the time to look at. I check on Liam briefly, who is still sleeping and am ready to settle back down on the bed when the screen across from us flickers on.

I didn't have to wonder long what was going on when Caesar’s face filled the screen. Finnick and I watched in stunned silence as they showed some footage from district 8 and then showed Caesar again, panning out to reveal Katniss. I let out some kind of strangled noise and Finnick hissed at me to be quiet, even as he shoves the rope into my hands. I don't bother to knot it, only wrap and unwrap it from around my hands. She looks less than thrilled to be there, and I wonder briefly at what Cinna chose to put her in, but I didn't worry about that for long as the two of them jump right into the interview.

I listen in an almost detached sort of way when she speaks. I hear what she was saying, and I know she is right, but I also know I can't afford to do what she wants, and neither could she. I am more distracted by the way she looks. I have never seen her look like this before, not when I gave her that bread, not anytime I could remember of our lives in 12. She was wasting away, and that’s what had me upset more than anything. The last time we had seen her not that long ago she looked so healthy, so alive still, and now she was barely a shell of the girl I love. I wondered what they were doing to her. The interview wasn't very long, and Caesar seemed startled when she demanded it be over. I'm not sure why he was surprised, I'm sure most people knew the way Katniss was when it came to the media coverage the Capitol submitted you to. I usually handled that, because the less she had to say the better we both looked; at least that’s what Haymitch always told us.

The capitol seal comes on, along with a musical interlude and then all of a sudden I am staring at my face, smudged with dirt as I talked to Gale, both of us pointing to the hovercrafts in the distance. There are no words, and the only noise I could discern sounded like blowing wind. Then the image is gone and a new interview is apparently starting. Caesars face is back and he looks more than a little alarmed by what had just happened. He soldiers on though, introducing their guest, a hovercraft pilot.

I look over at Finnick and he looks at me. "What was that?!" he asks, referring to the small spot I appeared in.

"The propos. They filmed me while I was in 8, but that’s pretty obvious. They said they would put some together, but I had no idea we'd be seeing them already."

"I'm not surprised. It’s you, and Gale," he chuckles. "Katniss' _cousin_. This is the proof, finally that you're alive. I'm sure people have been wondering, suspecting about your life or death, but now everyone knows that you're really alive, and that you're both alive. It was a smart move really."

"No it wasn't, didn't you hear what Katniss was saying? That was the worst time to do it. There she is, starving, but trying to convince us to stop, and there we are shooting down ships.”

“It’s what you needed to do, and it’s too late to take it back now anyway, it already happened.”

I take a few deep breaths. “What are they doing to her?” I finally asks, my mind catching up to my real problem.

He is somber when he answers. “Whatever it takes to break you.”


	13. Chapter 13

I come to suddenly, my eyes flying wide as my body tries to compact itself. Someone was screaming. I lift my hands to my mouth, only momentarily startled to find that they are no longer bound. My lips were closed. It wasn't me. I slide down off of the sloping lower half of the chair and collapse, my legs refusing to support my weight. I clutch at the arm of the chair and force myself to stand, legs a quivering mess, but I am standing, shakily. I stumble awkwardly to the wall on my right. I snort a laugh; I imagined I looked like a very drunk Haymitch. Haymitch, I missed him oddly enough, I hoped he was protecting Peeta. My body immediately seized and pain flared through me, my lips curling up into a grimace. Peeta must die, after everything he had done to me, how he got me into this situation. Pompous idiot just thinking it was fine to declare his love for me in front of everyone. If he hadn't gotten involved none of this would be happening. I would still be home with my mom and Prim in 12 and maybe I'd be out with Gale. My lips still remembered the feel and taste of his. My lips also remembered Peeta. I collapse against the wall, the pain still burning.

Ugh, what was happening to me? The screaming still hasn't stopped. I felt my mouth again, oh, this time it is me. I clutch at my throat, and then I fall silent, my breath coming in quick, panting gasps.

The door to my room opens and Dr. Beaker is there.

"Dr. Beaker!" I exclaim. "I'm so glad you're here. There was screaming, coming from over there, and I, well I was worried."

He grins at me, that smile I once found so disturbing. It really wasn't so bad, not really, just a bit unusual. "Nothing to worry about, now, how about some dinner? The president has invited all of his special guests to dine with him tonight."

"Will there be lamb stew?" I ask, ever hopeful.

That smile again. "I daresay there will be."

"What time do I go?"

"Soon, Cinna will be here to get you dressed for the party."

"Oh! It’s a party! Who all will be there?"

"Just some old _friends_." I didn't like the way he said friends. It’s like I should know who will be there already. I don't know anyone in the Capitol anymore, unless you counted Cinna, maybe he would be there. Effie... though, I hadn't heard from her or about her in a really long time. "Now, down to business." He crouches down on the floor in front of me. "How are you feeling?"

"Weak. I can't really stand."

He shrugs, not very bothered by this fact, maybe it was normal for someone in my type of position to feel that way. "That is to be expected." He takes a deep breath. "So, do you have any questions for me? Wondering how Peeta is?"

"Don't speak that _filth’s_ name to me." I spit, my whole body is thrumming with angry energy. I clench my fists in my lap to stop them from shaking; all I want to do is hit something. His smile is wide and exaggerated; I give him a tentative one back.

"Now, let’s get you back up here so you're ready for Cinna, shall we?" He hauls me up by one arm and I can feel it protesting from the strain, but then I am up and back in the chair and he has left me.

What a strange visit.

Cinna enters minutes later, arms full and men behind him. They slam the door shut and I know they are  standing guard outside of my door, I wonder if they are always there. I am dangerous, I am wanted, I am the Mockingjay. If Snow had a brain in there he would keep men there 24/7 in case someone would try to get me. I laughed, that was unlikely, I had been here for months now. No one had come for me yet. No one would come, I had no one left that cared enough, sure Peeta, but he got me into this whole mess, and I'd rather not see him, and if I did, I’d rather wrap my hands around his neck and watch the life drain from his eyes. Gale, but I doubted he had enough sway to do anything about it. And Haymitch...Haymitch was doing what I begged him to do. He wouldn't break my promise, I was his favorite.

"Cinna." I whisper, stumbling from my perch so he could have space to put his things down.

"This is where you've been? All this time?" he demands.

I lean on the wall behind me and nod. "They've been keeping me here, they say it’s for my own good, that they need to keep me safe in case Peeta comes for me."

"Keeping you - Katniss, are you listening to yourself?" he growls, stalking towards me. I have never seen Cinna act like this. "Katniss, Peeta loves you. Of course he's going to come for you, he never wanted this to happen, I'm sure he would rather be here." He grips my hand hard as I began to shake. Lies, they were all lies. "What have they done to you?" he asks sadly, whispering as he ghosts his other hand down my face, neck and arm. He grips my upper arm tightly and shakes me. "This isn't who you are, or who you're supposed to be. Do you hear me? Peeta loves you and you love him." I scoff even as I shake. "Maybe you don't want to, or can't admit it right now, but I know it’s true, and there’s some part of you deep inside that they've buried that knows it’s true too. You need to find your way back to you."

He steps away from me and takes a deep breath. "Now, let’s get you ready for this."

"Where's the prep team?" I ask as he ushers me back towards the chair so he can start on my hair.

"Helping someone else get ready. They're the only team left here you know." I didn't know. He talks about small, unimportant things as he got me ready, and didn't mention Peeta to me again.

Before I knew it, I was standing on my wobbly legs once more as he threw a grey dress over my head. He did up the long row of buttons on the back, made a few adjustments and then handed me a pair of black flats with gems on the toes. The dress was strapless and the bodice was done in diagonal lines of grey and white fabric with gems scattered throughout and ended, gathered on my right hip before it opened into a tulle skirt that stopped just above my knees.

"How do I look?" I ask as I spin in a slow circle.

"Exquisite. Now, If you'll excuse me, I need to get ready as well."

"You'll be there too? Good! Maybe now I won't be so bored."

He gives me a wavering smile with a nod as he gatheres up his supplies.

 

* * *

  
It had been weeks, and nothing. Despite my best efforts and finally pulling my weight as Peeta Mellark: Victor; nothing.

I storm into the control room where I knew I’d find Haymitch with Beetee, supervising as Beetee hacked into the Capitol programming.

“Haymitch.” I growl, flinging myself into a seat next to him. “We need to do something, this isn’t right, she’s wasting away, and can’t you see they’re killing her. I don’t care about what you promised her anymore. You promised me the same thing, and it’s time you made good on that promise.”

He stares at me for a long time before he finally smiles. “I’m glad to have you back Peeta.” I sputter indignantly and am about to retort when Beetee let out a shout.

All of our eyes are locked on the screens. My Prep Team. “What’s going on?” I ask, feeling dread creep into my being. Beetee waves a hand to quiet me.

 

* * *

 

"Johanna!" I exclaim stepping through the door. Seeing her here was a complete shock.

"Katniss." she returns, jaws clamped tight. I claim the seat to her left and look across her to see the young woman on her right. I had seen her before, at the reaping for district 4.

"Annie," I whisper, stunned, what was she doing here? My mind flashes back to the arena, my conversation with Finnick after we had been trapped in the Jabberjay zone. Had they had her here all this time?

"Hello Katniss." her voice is quiet and musical, she flashes me a brief smile before she settls back in her chair. I watch her while I can. She is lovely, it was no wonder Finnick had fallen in love with her.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, my eyes flashing back to meet Johanna's hard stare.

"Like you don't know." she sneers. "Like you don't hear my screams, I can hear yours."

My eyes widen comically as her grim smile grows. "That's you?" I am stunned, I thought for sure, maybe I was imagining things, that maybe it was me.

"Who else would it be? Where's lover-boy by the way?" she asks me, unfurling her napkin and placing it on her lap.

I furrow my brow. "Who?" I asked, cocking my head to the side, and trying to wrack my brain for someone named Lover-boy.

She throws her hands up in an agitated fashion and I'm sure she is about to say something completely snarky when Cinna, my current prep team and Snow all enter.

"Good evening ladies." Snow says as he enters, I smile at him and earn an elbow in ribs from Johanna. I send her a curious look, but she is staring straight ahead of her.

Several Avoxes step forward and fill the table with trays of bread and bowls of salad, while placing a dish of soup before each of us. I stare down at it uncertainly. I was hoping for the lamb stew, this looked like some sort of vegetable soup, the broth was dark and I dipped my spoon in. It had a rich taste, but was light. Perfect for a first course I guess.

I grin across at Cinna, who gives me a hint of a smile. I would have to ask him why he looked so sad later.

"So, Annie, how are you finding your new accommodations?" Snow asks suddenly, as the table is cleared and the next course is brought out. She jumps slightly; clearly startled that he is talking to her.

"They're lovely, thank you so much." she murmurs, head downcast.

Dinner progressed, and the conversations were awkward and stilted. I didn't know what everyone's problem was. We were at a nice dinner; I thought idle chitchat was typically required.

The dessert course came and I wanted to pout. No lamb stew. "How are you Katniss?" Snow asks suddenly, his tone hard.

I nod slowly, my spoon poised halfway between my mouth and the plate. "I'm well President Snow, how are you?"

"Do you remember, that time we spoke in my office long ago?" he continued. My mind flashes, trying to recall, my plush room, the girl, the hair pin, the painting, Snow, the bargain. Peeta. My hand twitched, and the spoon clattered on the plate.

I nod. "I remember."

His grin is what I remembered, evil. "I'm glad, I've given them far more time than I ever should have to change their ways. I've already put in the call. The bombings will start tonight. By sunrise tomorrow, District 13 will no longer be a thorn in my side." I hear Annie's anguished gasp, even as I reel at this information.

"W-what?" I stutter, quietly.

"Oh, you heard me Miss. Everdeen, don't be so coy; it doesn't suit you."

"I heard what you said. Why?"

He only laughs. I suppose I did know why. I wonder why they didn't listen. I feel terrible for Annie, it had been confirmed several weeks ago that Finnick was indeed there. Suddenly I wasn't very hungry any longer.

"Is that why we're here? At this dinner?" I ask, my fist clenched in my lap. Something wasn't right here. We never had dinners, was my mind really so foggy that I couldn't recall something so simple? I close my eyes and shake my head. I did have trouble remembering some things.

"I'm so glad you asked!" he cries, pushing his chair back and stepping away from the table. He moves over to the far wall and presses a button there and we all watch in silence as the wall separates in half and retracts itself to either side. There was a stage here. Why would President Snow need a stage in his mansion?

"Caesar?" Snow calls, "Caesar, where are you my good man?" Suddenly, there he was, shuffling sideways from the left.

"Sorry Mr. President." He looks around all of us uncomfortably for a moment. "Ah, sh-shall we get started?"

Something is wrong, Caesar never stuttered.

"Yes, lets, where are those peacekeepers?" Snow mumbles. Casting his eyes around. I start to stand but Johanna grabs my wrist and pulled me back down.

"You're hurting me." I hiss quietly.

"Good, stay where you are, or I'll make it hurt worse." she hisses back. I stare across at Cinna, his eyes are closed, hands folded on top of each other on the table.

"Cinna?" I inquire as quietly as I could. Johanna grips my wrist tighter and I hear Annie inhale sharply. The peacekeepers have arrived.

"We will be doing a special broadcast tonight." Snow informs us all. "Prep Team, come up here please." I watch them as they all exchange wary glances, before they steel themselves and stand, going up onto the stage. "Bring out the cameras." Snow sounds bored now as he steps down off of the stage.

He presses several more buttons and screens blinked to life on each of the walls and I found myself staring at Caesars uneasy smile. "G-good evening everyone." He almost mumbles. "We, uh, we certainly have a special program in store for all of you tonight." I watch his eyes flick away from the camera, he was looking at Snow, I turn to the live event, and watch him nod. Caesar scuttles off to the side a bit as several peacekeepers line up next to Snow.

My eyes widen and I wrench my wrist from Johanna's grasp only to firmly grab her hand and squeeze, her grip matches mine. Their guns fire, light flares for an instant along with several loud cracks. I jump. The prep team all collapsed, falling on top of one another, their blank gazed staring out at all of us. I look at the screens. They are staring out at all of Panem as the blood pools beneath them, saturating their hair and clothes. Johanna’s fingernails are digging into the back of my hand.

Caesar is back on screen, only he is now superimposed into a small box in the upper right corner of the screen, so that everyone can see both the carnage and him. His eyes are wide and he looks severely disheveled, I notice he was shaking a bit.

"A-and what a start. "Caesar says, a haunted smile on his face. I watch as he backs up and falls into a chair.

I stare hard at Snow for a moment, trying to figure out just what was going on and then I remember. Cinna and I in the final room before I was lifted into my second Arena. Being trapped in the tube as the men came in and started to beat him, how frantic I was, clawing at the tube, trying to get out. I feel my stomach lurch and my eyes lock on Cinna. He is staring at me with a blank look. I watch as the corners of his lips lift into a smile and he nods at me. How long has he known? I feel my lower lip start to tremble as tears pool in my eyes. He shakes his head and I frown.

"Not after I worked so hard." he whispers, leaning forward, picking up his glass of wine. He downs it in one.

"Cinna." I whimper.

He places the glass down with a clink. "I'm still betting on you." He says, straightening in his chair. He looks over to Johanna. "Please." he practically begs.

"Of course." I hear her say, gripping my hand even tighter. I hear Annie begin to cry.

"Cinna, if you would join me up here." Caesar moans weakly.

I flinch as if I have been struck. Cinna stands slowly, and with all of the dignity he can muster.

Cinna has been my rock, my champion, my supporter and above all he has been my friend. I feel like we have been through fire and back, me literally, together, and it would end like this, with a rain of bullets from the guns of monsters. I already thought I had lost him once, but he came back to me. I knew he wouldn't this time. I took in a shuddering breath, blinking back tears. I would have nothing to remember him by.

He tries to smile at me, but his lips quiver, so he stops. I can see his sorrow, even if he was refusing to shed a tear, and I know it is reflected in my own expression.

"I'll miss you Katniss." he murmurs before turning away from me and striding quickly to the stage, standing next to Caesar.

He stares defiantly into the camera, not letting his gaze waver. Caesar doesn't even bother to say a word to him before he sidles off the stage completely.

Time slows down, and it seems as if the world falls silent, I can hear the blood rushing in my ears and my breath flow in and out of my lungs as he stands there. Snow is equally still, the peacekeepers are waiting for his signal. All of Panem is watching this; why. Why would anyone watch something so horrid, killing in cold blood? This is different from the Hunger Games, they are not allowed to fight back here. Only allowed to stand in silence and accept their fate with dignity if possible. I have never seen him look so dignified.

A camera focuses on Snow. This was what he wants, for everyone to know how completely in control he is. He sneers a moment before hissing the order. "Fire."

I am screaming again. Could Panem hear me? I'm not sure if my screams are coherent words, but they are nothing but anguished. I free myself from Johanna's grip and lurch around the table and rush onto the stage. My hands flutter over his body. Touching, pressing, poking, prodding. "Cinna, oh, Cinna, no, please, please, you h-have to come back to me." I sob. I grasp the lapels of his jacket and pull him up, and I scream as his head only falls backwards heavily. I can feel the sticky warmth of his blood on my bare legs and hands. My fingers caress his face, leaving smears of his blood behind even as my tears fall on his cheeks.

I am hiccupping I am crying so hard. I can't remember the last time I cried. I lift my shaking hands to his eyes and slowly push them closed. I ddn't have a field of flowers to send him away with, so instead I lower my head and brush a kiss on his forehead. "I'll miss you too Cinna." I whisper. I let my hand press against his still warm cheek before moving away from him and standing; my gaze now turning to the other occupants in the room. The Avoxes are all pressed against the wall near the door, clearly wanting to leave but too afraid to do so and Annie is wrapped in Johanna’s arms, Annie crying heavily, while Johanna just looks lost and far away.

I am about to say something when there is a strange beeping noise and then the screens all change. Footage from 8, Peeta for a moment, he is saying something, but I can't hear it, and then Rue, her sweet, innocent face, surrounded by flowers. And then we were back, the camera focused on me as I blink dumbly into the distance, blood all over me. What was that?  It was barely ten seconds long. I look at Snow, maybe he would know what to do, but he looks just as surprised as everyone else.

I spin around slowly and stumble into the chair next to the one Caesar had retreated from. I run my hands over my skirt, smearing more blood into it, but some of it has already started to dry on my hands.

"Is there anything you'd like to say Katniss?" I hear Caesar ask me quietly. I look up to find he is now seated next to me. I run the back of my arm over my face, and he blanches. I have a feeling that didn't help at all. I look down. My arms are also covered in blood, now it was on my face, mixing with my tears once more.

I shake my head slowly. "Is there really anything to say after all of that?" I ask, glancing at the floor. "Are you just going to leave them there?" I bite out, looking up at Snow and the peacekeepers.

Snow smiles at me. "Yes, for the time being, I think we will." He sounds amused. That strange beep was back, and the screens flickered again. Peeta was back on the screen. I can feel my anger growing.

Then we are back, what is going on. It seems like 13 is trying to break in and the Capitol is trying to keep their feed out. I fist the skirt of my dress in my hands as I shake.

"So Katniss, is there anything you'd like to say?" Caesar asks again suddenly.

I take a deep breath as I nod. "Yes. Peeta is an idiot." I say slowly, trying to keep my voice from shaking. "I told him. I told all of them to stop this; that this wasn't worth it. Now even more people are dying." I look down at Cinna, I wonder if he is starting to grow cold. "Dead, and they can't come back." I started, it felt like I had been hit with an electric current. The word dead was floating around in my head. What had Snow said about that. "Dead, dead. Dead by morning. Thirteen, dead by morning." I hadn't even realized I had spoken out loud until a blow came to the side of my head and I tumbled out of my chair.

"What do you think you're doing?" Snow snarls. I scramble for purchase on the slippery floor, trying to get up, to get away. I scream as he grabs my hair and I see Caesar start to dart by us, bumping into the camera men as he goes, the one falls to the floor with a sharp gasp as he tries to keep the camera safe. "Insolent girl." I moaned in agony as Snow’s fingers dig into my scalp. "Turn the cameras off!" He commands. The screens go blank and he hauls me up.

Johanna and Annie are standing, surrounded by guards, and I am passed off. "Get her into her room. No one goes in or out until I say so. Leave her as she is." The guard holding me is just barely containing his urge to be sick. I can't even imagine how I look now, let alone smell. I could smell the light tang of metal myself, who knows how much he could smell.

We descend down into the bowels of the Presidents Mansion and I am deposited into my room without ceremony and the door slammed behind me. I stay where I am, to scared, to shocked to move.

* * *

 

We all stare at the screen in silence, the Capitol insignia bright on the dark background. "I'm so sorry." Beetee mumbles. "I tried, but they must have, Snow must have truly wanted all of that to be seen."

"It's alright Beetee." I tell him gruffly. I run my hands through my hair and pull on it. I need to keep it together. "Haymitch." I say, turning my head to look at him. He is still staring blankly, unblinkingly at the screen. 'Haymitch." I try gain, swinging my arm out to push against his shoulder.

"What." he growls.

"We need to move. Where's Coin?"

He shrugs. "Probably in her command center, she hardly ever leaves."

"I'm going. Start gathering people, we need to evacuate or something."

Haymitch nods. "Right, you're right. Beetee lets go. I'm sure they have a plan for something like this, Peeta. Figure it out."

"Right." I nod before heading out of the door and bolting down the corridor to Coin's door. The guards outside tip their heads towards me in acknowledgement as I pull the doors open.

"Ah, Mister Mellark. I was wondering how long it would take you."

"What- never mind. I'm assuming you have a plan for situations like this?"

"Like what?"

"Don't play dumb, it doesn't suit you. I'm sure what Katniss said was the truth. I don't know what they plan to do, but we need to evacuate."

"Katniss is out of her mind. You saw what happened. How she was acting. How would she have even come by information like that?"

Haymitch bursts into the room. "What's the verdict?" he asks me. I shake my head.

"I just don't see why we should trust her. She's unstable, how do we even know she's not working for them right now? That this isn't some sort of trap?"

"Trap?! They're beating her bloody while we speak; they just executed people she cared about in front of her. What more do you need? Peeta, help me out here!"

I nod, exhaling heavily out of my nose. "Haymitch is right, I don't know where Katniss got the information, or if it’s true, but she believes it is. I know there's something wrong with her. I'm not saying there isn't, but when she was mentioning Thirteen, she was more there. More, I don't know, real, than she has been in interviews lately. We should take her seriously. Pretend it’s a drill. Who knows, it’s better to be safe than sorry isn’t it? Better to preserve all of your hard work."

"You don't know her." Haymitch practically growls, "We do. So get your people ready.”

She stares at us both for a few moments before nodding. "Of course, we're prepared for a situation like this." she taps her fingers on the table. "Although all things considered, an attack like this on Thirteen would seem rather counterproductive to the Capitols plans. The negatives of this, could potentially release nuclear radiation into the environment. It's risky, even for them. Of course, they want to gain control of our military base and reserves, but an attack like this would provoke a counter-strike." she takes a deep breath. "Very well." She turns to Boggs. "Level Five security drill, lets proceed with the lock-down." Boggs nods and heads out of the room even as she begins to type on her keyboard. In moments it begins.

There have been three low level drills since I've been here, the first I barely remember as I was still in the medical wing of the place, and they deemed it unnecessary to move us. The other two were fairly unremarkable and only involved us going to our rooms, checking in and waiting it out. Now however, sirens were blaring and the lights had dimmed, to be replaced by a red blinking light.

Boggs returns, Finnick and Liam in tow. "Follow me." He says, ushering all of us out of command and through the halls. I try to imagine something like this happening in 12 and can only imagine the pure chaos that would most likely erupt. Not here in Thirteen. Everyone moves smoothly through the halls, mostly silent except for a few quiet murmurs. No one is pushing or shoving, which baffles me. The blaring noise only makes me want to push everyone aside and run for it. We descend down and down and down. Down further than I had ever been, or even known existed.

Finally, after many long minutes we wave our schedules in front of a scanner and then cross through under thick metal doors into a wide open room, with small spaces along the walls. Boggs lets us know that each of the spaces are numbered to correspond with our rooms upstairs and I nod and look around, find our room number and move Liam and I over to it. There is a sheet of instructions, I read through them quickly and turn to Liam.

"Can you wait here?" I ask, settling him down onto the bench that would become his bed. He nods. "It's going to be fine. I promise."

"Where's Prim?"

I look around, the place is still mostly empty, but people are starting to file in. "I'm sure she'll be here soon. We got a head start thanks to Boggs. I'm going to go grab our stuff, be right back." I ruffle his hair and step out.

The desk on the far end of the room is deserted, but there are people here. I hear Finnick step up next to me. "What are they waiting for?" I ask him.

He smiles. "Lead by example." he tells me simply. "They're waiting to see what you do. How you handle this. Chances are they all saw what happened in the Capitol. They're probably expecting you to fall apart. Don't let them see it."

I nod. "You're right." I look over at him. Finnick Odair, he is an enigma, and he is my friend. Sometimes things like this happen gradually, and other times, they happen suddenly. Finnick and I happened suddenly, but I was only now truly realizing that we were friends. He saved my life, maybe it was for Katniss, but I still wouldn't forget that. I owed him. "Let’s go." I say to him, clasping my hand briefly on his shoulder, before moving to the desk.

We have barely been in line for a moment when we hear the rustling behind us. We share a grin as we give the woman at the desk our information.

We get our packs quickly and file through the small crowd back to our makeshift rooms. Liam is waiting, now hovering by the doorway, his eyes scanning over everyone that came in. "She'll make it Liam. I'll make sure they don't close those doors without her."

He turns to look at me, his bright eyes sad. "Promise?"

"You bet! Now, come on and help me get this set up and I'll go see what I can find out after. Does that sound like a good plan?"

He nods. "Yes!" He exclaims before bounding over to me quickly and we go through the bags, and get the beds made in what I think is record time. I assume this was due in large part to Liam being worried.

"Alright. I'm going to go talk to some people, see if they might have seen her. How about you check on Finnick. I hear he's terrible at making beds."

Liam laughs. "How is that possible?" he cackles, running off to find Finnick.

I step out. The room was packed now, a long line snaking away from the desk through the room. I search for Katniss' family's room and stride to it quickly when I spot it. Only her mom is there.

"Oh! Peeta!" she cries, when she notices me, "Have you seen Prim come in at all?" she asks, clearly on the verge of panicking.

"I haven't. Not yet, Liam was worried about her, so I told him I'd look."

Her expression softens into a smile for a moment, before her gaze turns worried again. "We were both in the hospital wing, trying to get the patients out. She was right behind me, and then she said she would be right back. I thought, maybe she just went for some extra supplies, but I haven't seen her since then!"

"It will be alright. I'll go back and look for her if I need to."

"Thank you Peeta." she sighs, pulling me into a hug. "Thank you." she straightens. "Are you alright?" she asks me softly, grasping my hands.

I frown, but nod. "I'll be alright." I tell her, returning her grip. "After all of this, I'm going to make sure we get her back."

She pats my cheek as tears dance in her eyes. "I'm glad. Thank you." I nod, and back away slowly, making my way quickly to the door.

"What do you want?" The guard asks.

"I'm looking for someone." I reply, moving to walk out when his arm shoots out and stops me.

"Once you're here, you can't leave. We're getting ready to close the doors."

"You can't do that! Not everyone is here yet!"

The guard shrugs. "That's not my problem, is it?"

"I can certainly make it your problem." I growl, pushing into him and pinning him to the wall.

"Look," He eyes me up and down. "You must be Peeta, look. I'm not in control of these doors, they close automatically. If someone isn't here, I can't stop the doors from closing."

I smile at him. "Oh, I'm sure I can't figure out a way to keep the door propped open for a while." His eyes widen. "Ah, you caught on, good."

"We're coming!" I hear a quiet voice yell from far away. I release the guard and stare out into the hall. Suddenly Prim and Gale swing around the corner. Gale has the box of stuff I had rescued from District 12 and Prim has a yowling Buttercup clasped tightly in her arms, trailing behind him. I run out to meet them and swing Prim into my arms and quickly match Gale's pace. We skid through the door just in time. The sirens fall silent as the heavy thud of the door sealing shut reverberates through the room.

I sit Prim down on her feet and run my fingers behind Buttercups ear. She smiles up at me. "Thank you Peeta." she whispers, glancing back at the door with a frown. "I don't think I would have made it though." she confides.

I nod. "Maybe, but I wasn't going to let that happen. I promised several people in fact." She giggles and Gale moves into my sight.

"Can you take this Peeta? I need to make sure my family is settled." he looks down at Prim. "And thank you, I never would have forgiven myself if she had gotten locked out." I nod, and take the box. We watch him move off, down to the far end of the large room as Prim and I start towards hers.

"So you must be getting used to your new leg now." she says suddenly.

I grin and glance down at her. "Yeah. All of that training I've been doing is really paying off. Not to mention just how amazing this leg truly is. I'll never be able to repay Beetee for giving me such a gift."

"I'm sure seeing you use it and use it as well as you have been is thanks enough for him." she replies sagely.

"Perhaps you're right." We reach her room. "Made it," I say. "Safe and sound."

Mrs. Everdeen is still in line for their things, so I place the box down on the small table and look at Prim. "You want to wait here for your mom?"

She shrugs and looks around. "I think it will be a while. Where's Liam?" she asks, shifting Buttercup in her arms.

"Down with Finnick." her eyes light up and I laugh. "Alright, let’s go."

We move down quickly to Finnick’s room, two doors down from mine under normal circumstances, now his was just two spaces away. We found them lounging on Finnick's bed, Liam working a small piece of rope as Finnick instructs him on how to knot it.

"Prim!" Liam cries, clearly delighted. "We were worried you wouldn't make it!" he says dramatically. I roll my eyes and lean against the wall, Finnick laughs.

The two of them are cute together. Prim is older than he is, but she still doted on him, and it is clear as day that he worships the ground she walks on. I wonder what Katniss would think of this as we watch them try to temp Buttercup into playing with the rope. He doesn't seem interested.

Prim sighs after several moments. "I should go. My mom is probably back, and still worrying, and I need to get Buttercup settled." I wonder what this means, but push off of the wall.

"Alright, let’s go."

"See you guys later." Finnick waves, throwing himself back onto the bed and closing his eyes.

Liam and Prim bound ahead of me, their childlike energy keeping them buoyant in a nerve-wracking situation. Prim is immediately enveloped into a hug when she arrives at her room.

"I'm fine mom. Peeta made sure I made it." She informs Mrs. Everdeen, pulling away. "I need to get Buttercup settled. You know how he hates storms."Mrs. Everdeen and I frown. "You know;  if what Katniss said is right. I'm sure Buttercup will be terrified."

"Prim, honey, this is different from a storm."

"I know that, mom, but for his sake, I'm treating it the same." she informs us all, settling Buttercup in the middle of the lower bunk and draping a blanket over him. I bite my lower lip to keep me from laughing. I can't decide if he looks annoyed or happy. Maybe he only has the one expression. "There." Prim coos happily, scratching the cat under his chin. "All settled." She climbs up beside him and tucks him into her.

"We should get back." I inform the room quietly, resting my hand on Liam's shoulder. Mrs. Everdeen and Prim both nod. "Stay safe." I say. Mrs. Everdeen smiles sadly at me and we leave.

"Hey Peeta. What’s really going on? Boggs told me to get anything important for you." he rambles.

"Great." I mumble, reaching the room, I suddenly feel completely exhausted. "Do you want the top or bottom bunk?" I ask, looking between the two.

"Top!" He cheers. He reaches into his pocket. "Here you go. I knew this was the only thing you really had, so I brought it. I hope you don't mind that I went through your stuff." he blushes. Not long after I had brought Liam to 13 we had a small altercation about privacy and respecting ones things after I had found him tearing apart my drawers and art supplies. I hold out my hand and he places the pearl in it, gently, almost reverently. I smile down at him.

"Thank you so much Liam. Of course I don't mind, at least this once." I clutch the pearl tightly and settle onto the lower bunk as Liam scrambles into the top one. I run it slowly over my lips. I hope Katniss is still alright, that she would be alright after this was all over. She has to be, because I am going to get her back after all of this is over down here.

I can hear Liam humming as he situates himself on the bed and under the blankets. I smile. I still wasn't truly sure what it was that made me bring Liam with me, but I was glad I did. He kept me here, kept me sane enough to keep going. He needs me, and I have never had anyone like that before in my life, and that kept me in check. I worry who will look after him if I ever go on a mission, but Mrs. Everdeen says she would be more than willing to look after him if I do indeed need to leave Thirteen for any reason.

The red lights finally stop flashing and everyone falls quiet. Coin's voice comes over the audio system and thanks all of us for our cooperation and for such an excellent evacuation of the upper levels. She stresses, and informs most people that this is in fact, not a drill, and that Katniss Everdeen District 12 victor has potentially made a televised reference to an attack on Thirteen tonight. Her voice cuts off after telling us all to stay safe.

That's when the first bomb hits. The initial impact is followed by an explosion so huge I can feel it in the depths of my being. Shaking me to my core. Liam whimpers and for a moment I think that we're still all going to die, even after all of this. I lean away from the beds and look up, fully expecting to see evidence of the explosion, but there is nothing other than a small shudder. The lights go out and I can hear people scream. Liam is one of them. I stand and grope for him and grab his hand. I can hear other noises as well. The darkness seeming to heighten my hearing. I can her someone laughing, then after moments the hum of a generator and dim lights appear along the walls, a wavering yellow glow that replaces the bright, harsh lighting that is normal here in 13. This light reminds me of home, the warm fires in the bakery ovens.

"Come on Liam. You can bunk with me if you'd like." he whimpers in response and I pull him from the bed and settle him on mine, only reaching back up for his pillow and blankets. "Are you alright?" I ask, tucking him into my side.

He nods and wipes his face with the back of his hand. "Yes. You know what I bet that was?"

"No, what?" I ask, figuring it might be better to have him talking so he's not as focused on what’s going on around us. He begins to tell me about what he's been learning in school and the different types of bombs, and the one that initially stuck us was more than likely a bunker bomb. I listen to him talk, his voice becoming more breathy and slurred with sleep. In moments he is asleep, snoring softly, his right hand gripping my shirt.

He jerks every time another bomb is dropped on us, but doesn't stir otherwise, and for that  I am glad. I run the pearl over my fingers before clutching it tightly in the palm of my hand. I know I’m not going to be getting any sleep tonight. I am thankful that Katniss had the sense of mind to break whatever sort of hold they seemed to have over her to let us know about this.

I wonder what the future will bring for Thirteen and how long we will be staying down here. The hours pass slowly, and then the bombs suddenly stop. Several people cheer, but we were not free to go until Coin gives the word. We hear nothing for several more hours. Liam is awake now, and over playing with Buttercup and a flashlight. A crowd has gathered to watch whatever is going on, but I can't be bothered. I am too busy thinking through what I am going to say to Coin about my proposed rescue mission.

 Finnick stops by after things grow quiet and I tell him about my plan as he ties knots in his rope. He nods at most of it and only frowns twice, as soon as I've finished talking more bombs hit Thirteen.

"Wonder how long they'll keep this up." Finnick muses, "How long until they think they've wiped us out?"

"Not sure." I shrug. "They might think that since they took that break they could have lured us into a false sense of security, and we could have gone back up to the upper levels; which is why the second round of bombs."

"Makes sense. Guess they finally have someone with a brain there now." We share a short laugh.

"You'll get Annie out too right?" Finnick asks suddenly.

"Of course. Johanna too if I can find her there. She helped us."

"Yes, she did. I wonder how bad they tortured her. You and Katniss were kept in the dark, but we knew some things, like the day code, and a few other things."

"I'm sure they would figure out quickly that whatever she knew wouldn't be that helpful to them. After all, the Games were over, the code would become irrelevant."

"They wouldn't care though. I bet they will assume she would have to know more than just that."

"Perhaps, but we'll get her out too. It’s all going to be alright soon. I can feel it." I declare.

"I hope you're right, Peeta." Finnick replies, letting the rope just rest in his hands while we listen to the explosions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, sorry for the lengthy wait. I have this nasty habit of swapping between tenses, and this chapter is really long, and going back though it was a nightmare...HOPEFULLY I caught everything, if not, let me know, I'll fix it. :D


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a POV switch after the second break, which, normally, no big deal since I've been swapping between Katniss & Peeta, but this one is a Gale POV, should be obvious, but I just wanted to let you all know beforehand!

We stay below ground for three days after the bombings stop. To be safe and so a team could check on the possibility of released radiation. There wasn't any.

After dropping Liam off to stay with the Everdeen's for a while, I make my way to command center. Schedules aren't back to normal yet as everyone is busy adjusting and moving to lower floors since the top ones where we normally lived are now completely gone. Liam and I didn't have much to begin with, so our move was rather seamless, but he hasn't been doing any classes or training or exercises yet, which complicate things for me, but luckily Prim is more than happy to have him come over, Buttercup doesn't seem as thrilled, but he tolerates being stuck inside with two children well enough.

Haymitch is waiting for me at the far end of the hall, away from command, so I just manage to not run straight into him when I round the corner.

"Are you sure about this?" he asks, hands on my shoulders to steady me.

"Of course I am. I should have demanded this be done in the very beginning. This is my entire fault; you know that, I know that, she knows that too. So I'm going to try to make it right."

"And if Coin says no?"

"Screw her then, I'll go on my own."

"And die."

I lift a shoulder. "I'm sure I wouldn't be alone, and I'm sure I could find out who rebellion sympathizers might be in the Capitol and contact them."

Haymitch chuckles, "She won't let you go, you know that right? If she happens to agree to the plan."

"She's not going to have a choice." I growl. "Now let’s go, we're late enough as it is already."

The new command is different, not as large and not as high tech. It is still impressive; it just paled in comparison to the first one.

"How nice of you both to join us." Coin speaks as soon as the door closes behind us. Neither of us answers as we take our seats. I look around the room and take a deep breath. Everyone seems incredibly tense; this meeting is going to be great.

"Well," she begins. "We've sustained a fair amount of damage, and lost 2 of our underground gardens as well as the first several floors for habitation. It's not the most significant loss we could have suffered, there's minor damage on other levels that we are already working to correct, and we hope it will not last long." She looks at me. "It looks like we have Miss. Everdeen to thank for this."

"Well I can't think of a better way to thank her than to get her out of there." I grumble, crossing my arms across my chest.

Coins lips become a thin line and Plutarch splutters. "Peeta, we can't just get her out. We need to think of the people, the covers that would be blown, and the possible casualties-"

"I'm not sure if you've noticed Plutarch," I interrupt. "But there already have been casualties. People have died already. This is war, these are the consequences. And I'm sure all of your informants on the inside are aware of this, and will be more than willing." I take a deep breath and can see Haymitch smirking out of my peripheral vision. "Perhaps you would rather I contacted all of them. That is why you wanted me here, right? For my voice?"

"Peeta, listen-"

I shake my head. "No. I've done what you wanted of me all of this time now. You never once called on me to use me the way you really wanted to except for those Propos that air every so often when you can break through their codes. That's fine, I did that. I went to Eight, I dressed like an idiot, I've read from your scripts; but that’s where this stops. Finally. I've gone along with all of this, fully expecting you were all working on a solid plan to get her out, but it’s been months! I've had enough. Have you seen her?!"

"She might be dangerous Peeta." Coin finally speaks.

"Dangerous? To whom? Your agenda? Now you can't use her as the Mockingjay like you wanted, is that it? Is she too broken beyond repair for you now?"

"Don't be stupid Peeta!" Plutarch reprimands.

"Me?!" I laugh. "Oh no, I'm not the one who's been stupid all of this time. You never should have taken me from the Arena. You should have taken her."

"I'm sure there wouldn't be that much difference if we took her or you. The people are reacting; more Districts are rebelling and fighting back. We're making progress."

"Yes, I'm sure we are, all cooped up underground here. I'm not negotiating this. We're getting Katniss out, and Annie, and Johanna."

"We certainly are not!" Coin exclaims, standing, and leaning on the table to get closer to me. "Katniss is one thing, but we are not rescuing people of questionable alliance."

"So Johanna was good enough to help you all in the Arena, but not good enough to help you here, where you're really going to need it. I'm also not rehashing the whole story of Annie, she's completely harmless. You either do this, or I do it myself, and don't tell me I can't do it. How many people do you think will volunteer to help if they knew it was me, rescuing Katniss. Everyone loves a good story, and that’s why they've love us."

The room is silent and Coin sits back down as she mulls over my words.

"Fine." She says after several long, tense moments. "We'll start getting this organized, but I have one condition."

"Name it." I reply, sure it could be something I could handle.

A cruel smile twists her lips. "You don't go." She looks around the table. "Neither does Finnick."

"What?!" we both cry in outrage.

"You both don't go. You're both victors, and would be valuable captives for the Capitol to have if something would happen to go wrong.  You both stay here, and you're going to film some live Propos to help distract some of the Capitol peons."

I look at Finnick who is frowning, twisting his rope through his fingers. He nods minutely. "Fine." I sigh heavily.

"Good man" I hear Haymitch mumble.

"Excellent." Coin practically purrs. "Plutarch," she says, turning to the man on her right. "You know what to do."

The gamemaker nods and begins making notes even as Fulvia starts pulling things up in her electronic notebook. I can only hope this will go off without a hitch and happen soon.

 

* * *

 

We emerge into the glaring light of day. Stepping from the elevator, a gun strapped to my back, Finnick has his net and trident. The ground is pockmarked with craters bigger than I was tall. We wound our way through a path of grass and dirt to a small, untouched area. Finnick and I seat ourselves on a fallen tree and I prop my rifle against the tree.

Today is the day. They were rescuing Katniss, Annie and Johanna today. I can't sit still.

"Peeta, can you please try to calm down, you're making me feel even worse about this." Finnick sighs, running a hand through his hair.

"Right, you're right. I'm sorry. I'm really trying, I just-"

"I know Peeta." He says, bumping into my shoulder. "You don't need to explain it. It's rather funny though isn't it? The two of us, completely different, yet here we are, friends and we have the same girl problems."

I try to laugh with him, but both of us sound unconvincing.

There are cameras rolling, in case anything interesting occurs, and then they can start streaming it live, Beetee is ready to go at a moment’s notice.

"So Peeta, tell us about you and Katniss." Cressida says.

I sigh and brush my hands over the knees of my pants, getting rid of invisible dirt. "There isn't much to tell anymore. We've just been in the spotlight. Everyone already knows our story." Is this really what they wanted me to talk about? Is this really what would distract the Capitol?

"I can say something." Finnick speaks up suddenly; we all turn to look at him. "Not about you and Katniss, or Annie." He takes a deep breath and I can hear Cressida speak to Beetee, tell him to get in. "I know a lot of people have talked about me, about this, about my seemingly endless revolving door of lovers. That's what they do in the Capitol, they sell your body to the highest bidder, at least if you're a good enough looking Victor. I didn't want their gifts or money though; I found something much more valuable to bargain with." He smiled. "President Snow, I'm afraid you're going to want to start paying attention, because you see, my currency that I dealt in; it was secrets, and oh so many of them seemed to be about you."

 

* * *

 

The hovercraft cuts silently through the sky. I am prepared for everything I possibly can be. I am a hunter, I am a soldier, and I am going to bring her back no matter what. The crew that is with me, headed up by Boggs is small, less than 10 people. I still think we will draw too much attention, but Plutarch has assured us that all of his contacts are aware of what is happening, and a group of imposter peacekeepers will be meeting us at the landing pad.

District 13 has a fairly vast arsenal of Capitol hovercrafts. I am still a bit baffled that they aren't using them to their full advantage. My mind races with possibilities. I check my gun over once more, making sure everything is in place properly, and I have extra magazines attached to my belt.

The plan, if it does succeed, is simple. Land, get in, get the girls, and then get out. I wish we could at least do some damage, but we want as little attention brought down on us as possible.

"ETA ten minutes." the voice of the hovercraft's pilot crackles over the sound system. Boggs stands up and looks around at all of us. He smiles wryly, a peacekeeper helmet tucked under his arm.

"Alright men," he starts, pacing up the narrow corridor where we were all seated. "This is the Captiol, we're going into enemy territory, and while I'm confident in all of your abilities, no one gets cocky, no one tries to be the hero here. We're here to rescue three women, we can only guess at their conditions, physically and mentally. Sedate them if you must; do not use excessive force to get them to come with you. As soon as we have them, we leave. Do not linger, because I'm sure the small blanket of security we will have going in will be gone once we remove them from their rooms." He takes a deep breath. "Now, everyone, suit up, let’s get ready to do this."

There is rustling and clicking noises as we all move to put on our peacekeeper helmets. Of all the things I thought I would see in my lifetime, me in a peacekeepers uniform was never one of them.

The hovercraft lurches lightly as it lands and the side bay door lowers to the ground. We all crowd the doorway for a moment, taking in the sight. It’s just like Katniss said; the images we saw from time to time during broadcasts don't do the place justice. Beautiful, but deadly, that’s what she had said to me once, I wasn't sure about the deadly part quite yet, but I suppose it could kill you, if you were stuck here against your will.

We file down the ramp in uniform lines to greet the group waiting for us. I am surprised to see they are headed up by a young woman who couldn't have been much older than I was with pink hair, flowing down around her shoulders. She caught me staring at her and smirked. I hold her gaze.

"I'm glad you all could make it on time." she informs us, her voice almost musical in its tone. "We've been having a few problems with some other Peacekeepers, and sadly they are no longer with us, but I'm relieved you could make it here on such short notice, what with everything that is going on right now." she laughs lightly. I let my eyes scan the landing area, the mansion in the distance, the small fenced in courtyard, the multi-colored buildings that line the streets leading away from where we are.

Boggs steps forward, and bows shortly to the woman before us.

"Reporting for duty ma'am." he tells her curtly. She nods and turns away, the men flanking her falling into step with her and we quickly join the ranks.

The tall double doors of the mansion are standing open for us, the girl closes them behind us and we stand, waiting at attention.

"This way please." she says, moving quickly through the large foyer and down a hall to our right before opening a door. We descend several flights of steps and then pile into a freight elevator.

"What is this place?" I ask quietly.

"I like to call it the underbelly." she answer, smiling at me. I nod, and look to Boggs, he frowns.

"How far down does this go?" he asks.

"Oh, I'm not very sure, all the way I would guess. We aren't going to the bottom though. I don't have the clearance to go all the way down there, I've heard rumors about what's down there. I think some of the testing happens down there, you know, to create genetically mutated things, like the jabberjays and trackerjackers. They say it's abandoned, but that's all just happy propaganda, there's still research happening down there."

I feel uneasiness roil in my stomach. Sick bastards.

The elevator pings and the doors slide open, while Boggs grabs the grate and pushes it up.

"Ready?" The girl asks.

"Yes."

"Wonderful." I watch, a bit in shock as she reaches behind her and pulls a small pistol out from the waistband of her pants. "I'm sure you all know the drill, but once you get the girls, do not come back to here, go all the way to the end of the hall, to the left when you leave here, but you're all going to the right, so just turn around and keep going. I'll light the flares after I take out the cameras. On my signal." she laughs again, almost manic. "It should be quite obvious." She raises both of her arms, her left hand cupping the butt of the gun. Her index finger on her right hand slowly squeezes the trigger. The sound of the gunshot ricochets loudly around the corridor. The lights flicker for a moment and then we are plunged into complete darkness. "Get going." she whispers, and I hear her quiet steps dart out into the hall, more gunshots are heard in her wake.

"Masks on everyone." Boggs hisses. We all pull them out from our belts and swing them on. I hit the button and the world is revealed to me in colors of murky greens and greys. I situate the filter portion over my mouth and wait. Finally the man next to me taps my arm, the signal that all the men behind him have their equipment on properly. I tap Boggs, who nods and reaches into his pockets. He has several canisters of knockout gas, he tosses the first one and we listen to it hiss as it detonates. We move out.

Shouts are ringing out ahead of us, and the guards begin to shoot blind. The flash of the gunshots give them away, I return fire and earn a heavy thud on the ground for my effort. Boggs throws the next canister. Several more bodies hit the floor.

"First door coming up. You know your orders." Boggs calls out quietly, but still his words carry to the others. This is my door. Katniss is here. I break off from the group, 5 men I don't really know, but have seen around the district follow me.

"Mask?” I ask the one on my right.

"Got it!" he returns, pulling his second, spare mask from his belt.

"Good, let’s go." I pull out my own handgun and line it up with the lock on the door; I fire twice before I barrel into the door with my shoulder. It springs open without resistance. We all pile in and the man with the mask quickly approaches Katniss, strapping it onto her face before the gasses can reach her.

I stand just inside of the room, gazing at her. We are all idiots. She is still covered in blood, and I’m not sure if any of it might be hers by now. Her dress is in tatters and I clench my fists, feeling nausea at the scene before me. I am hoping she will stay asleep, but it seems as though luck isn't on my side on that front.

She wakes screaming, moving her hands to the mask. I step forward quickly. "Hey Katniss," I try for a soothing tone, but I know how distorted these masks make us all sound. "Catnip. It's me, it’s just me, Catnip, can you hear me? Do you understand?" Her frantic eyes focus on me, her chest heaving with heavy breaths.

Her hand reaches out, shaking, to me. She grips my arm tightly, clawing her way up to my shoulder, my neck, over the mask to grip my hair, she pulls me down to her suddenly and I lift the goggles up so she can see me, her eyes searching my own. She makes a strange noise in her throat and tears start to form in her eyes. I can't even begin to imagine what she has really been through, what she is going through right now.

"We're here to get you out of here, understand? You, Johanna and Annie, you're all coming with us, you're all going to be safe now." she begins to nod her head jerkily and moves her hand back down to my wrist; she pulls herself into a sitting position.

"I can't walk well." she mumbles, her fingers toying with the frayed skirt of her dress.

"That's fine, I can carry you." she lifts her arms to me, and I wonder briefly how often she’s had to do this, how often a guard has needed to carry her out of this room. "Let's go Catnip." I whisper, pulling my goggles back down and scooping my arms under her legs and lifting her up, cradling her against my chest. She starts to shake, tears still flowing. I feel her fingernails dig into my neck and I grunt. I turn to the guy with the sedative. She isn't in hysterics yet, but it would probably be only a matter of time. "Do it." I command. He nods and steps forward, pressing the needle into her arm and depressing the plunger to push it into her system. She is out moments later.

"Will she be alright?" he asks quietly. I can see what has happened has affected all of the men. I don't think any of us expected to find her like this.

"I don't know." I frown. I need to stay strong, I can lose it later. "Let’s go for now. There probably isn't much time."

We dart out into the hall, two of the men in front of me, one on each side and one bringing up the rear. I look down the hall to the right; one of the other groups was also just emerging. Turning to the left I could just make out the pinprick of light that was the flare.

"Run for it." I yell, and we all brake into a steady trot. I can hear the footsteps of the other groups running along behind us. I clutch Katniss closer and hope against everything that we will make it.

"Took you all long enough." the girl informs us all when we finally make it. "Hurry it up. This way." she darts down a smaller hallway and we all follow, two abreast. She punches a button on the wall and it opens up, revealing another freight elevator. "This one will take us straight up to the landing bay. Hurry up! Everyone in!"

The doors slide closed and I lean against the back wall, taking in deep breaths. "Almost there." I whisper, resting my chin on Katniss' head.

"We're in the second elevator." I hear the girl say. I glance over to see her with her one finger pressed against her ear, her pinky near her mouth. "How many?" she ask, frowning. "Unfortunate, yes, absolutely, but it’s too late for that now. How is it looking?" she nods then turns to address all of us, withdrawing her hand from her face. "There have been several casualties on our side, upstairs, trying to keep people out from the cell block area where we were. Snow doesn't yet seem to be aware of what has happened. He's fully immersed in some sort of hacked broadcast taking place, not to mention that building we blew up as well."

Boggs nods. "That would be Peeta and Finnick. Good lads."

After what feels like an eternity the elevator finally reached the open air of the landing bay. Our hovercraft was the only one there. We all race to it, and clamber up the ramp. I collapse into a seat, depositing Katniss next to me. I fling off my mask and stand back up, I move to the doors and watch them close, we are already lifting off, and we can see the decoy building that was bombed off in the distance.

"That went better than expected, better than we could have hoped." Boggs says gruffly. I nod, humming in agreement. The girl steps up next to us. "Impressive work," he says, glancing down at her.

"What's your name?"

"Sera." she informs us lightly. "I'm sorry. I've been trying to get messages through to Plutarch ever since Katniss was moved into the mansion. That's when I knew things would start getting bad for her." I watch her as she bites her lip. "I did what I could, to try and keep her safe, but I'm sad to say it wasn't much, I wasn't her keeper for very long. I am, was, Snow's assistant, I didn't hold very much sway with many people in the Mansion. The best I could do was making sure Cinna could get in to see her every so often, which wasn't very often." She presses her hands to her eyes. "I just feel like this is all my fault." she mumbles before straightening. "I'm sorry." She apologizes, flashing us a bright smile.

"It's alright." I speak up. "You definitely aren't alone." I look back at Katniss, still sleeping, thank goodness.

She looks up at me. "Right, the cousin." she says quickly, her eyes twinkling. She reaches up and pats my shoulder. "Well, try and get some rest, because all hell is going to break loose when we make it back." She turns from us then, smiles at Boggs and then passes into the cockpit.

"She's right. Try to sleep if you can, we're taking a roundabout way back, take about an hour longer." Boggs tells me, sliding down into a seat. I nod, take my seat back next to Katniss and settle in for the trip, but I don't fall asleep immediately.

I am jolted into awareness hours later. I am exhausted in every way, but we are landing. Showtime. The hovercraft descends down into Thirteen through the gaping maw that opens in the ground for it. We taxi over to its resting place and debark from the ship slowly.

Medical teams are rushing to us as are Plutarch and Haymitch. Boggs and Sera are right, all hell does break loose. Haymitch stops in front of me.

"Son of a bitch." he swears, taking in the girl in my arms. "Give her here Gale." he demands, holding out his arms. I pull Katniss closer to me for a moment before surrendering her. "Go clean yourself up and get some rest. We're getting a special room set up for her."

"Where's Peeta?" I asks, worrying.

"Don't worry about it. He's where he should be for the moment."

"Will you let me know when she wakes up? So I can see her?" He frowns at me for a few moments, and I'm afraid he might say no, but he nods, once, before turning and taking her inside at a quick pace.

Plutarch is talking to Sera, I feel like I should wait, show her inside, talk to Plutarch, but the tiredness in my limbs wins out and I trudge inside and make it to my rooms without encountering anyone. I step into the shower and turn on the water. I lean forward, head against the cool cement and just focus on breathing. I won't cry, can't cry. Not for this, no. It comes to me suddenly, how I will fight back in retaliation to what they did. I need to find Beetee.


	15. Chapter 15

Coin tried, and failed to keep me away, to keep both of us away. I understood she was President, and in charge here, but there were some things you just didn't try to stop. We ran through the halls, me going as fast as I could, Finnick outstripped me easily; we were darting around people and knocking a few out of our way. I tried to yell sorry as I passed. I skid past the entrance to the medical bay and round the next corner, where the intensive private care rooms were. I quickly double back, realizing Finnick is gone. I peek inside and I see them, moving toward one another before they collide in a passionate embrace. I watch for a moment longer, smiling at them as he runs his hands over her face and arms, and I know it is to assure him that she was really real, that he wasn't making it up in his head this time.

"Peeta! Over here!" Prim calls waving me down when I turn the corner at a run again. I slow my pace and come to a halt, breathing heavily next to her. I look up; Haymitch and her mom are already here.

"Where's Gale?" I ask, a bit stunned that he isn't here.

"Sleeping most like, boy looked like death warmed up." Haymitch informs me, I look at him. "What? Don't tell me they didn't tell you he volunteered to go!"

I snort. "Of course not. They've become a bit disenchanted with me around here lately, in case you haven't noticed."

Haymitch laughs. "Oh, I've noticed, it’s not a big deal, I'm sure it’s better this way."

I nod. "You're right." I sigh. I wonder how long she has been sleeping, if she even woke up for the rescue attempt. I selfishly wanted to be the first person she saw that she remembered, and I found myself more upset than I thought I would be just imagining that Gale got there first.

I feel betrayed by the fact that her final interview didn't prepare me for the actual sight of her at all. She looks even worse, and the blood from that night is still on her skin, cracked and chipping off in places. Her dress is torn to shreds, barely covering anything at all. I feel Prim grab my hand and I give it a gentle squeeze. "It's going to be alright." I say quietly. I’m not sure who I am trying to reassure more, but she smiles up at me and nods.

"Won't they let either of you in?" I ask. They both shook their heads, Mrs. Everdeen sighs.

"They said it wouldn't be good for us, that we wouldn't be able to handle it, so they told us to wait out here. Like watching her like this is any easier. At least in there I could be doing something useful." I observe her quietly for a few minutes. Katniss told me she got her fight from her father, that her mother had fallen apart after his death. I don't doubt that; I never would have seen Katniss that night, thrown her that bread if something wasn't really wrong. Looking at her mother now though, her straight spine and steely gaze as she looks in on her daughter, I know Katniss got some of her fight from her mother as well.

We watch as several doctors surround the table, each with a large bowl. They begin washing her limbs and face of the blood, all the while inspecting her body for more extensive signs of trauma, checking her fingers, bending her arms and legs before setting them back down again. Plutarch comes up to us during all of this.

"How is she?" he asks quietly.

"Who's she?" Haymitch asks, indicating the petite woman with pink hair next to him.

"Hello! I'm Sera, I looked after Katniss while she was a resident in the mansion, before she was moved down to a cell." She glares at Plutarch for a moment and he smiles uneasily at her. I would have to ask about that later, for the moment, Katniss is my main focus.

They quickly cut off the remnants of her dress, then drape a gown over her body. By the time they are finished, she reminds me much of the way Beetee looked when we were first brought back here with all of the equipment hooked up to him.

The doctors come out of the room finally; most of them retreating down the hall to the medical bay.

"Mrs. Everdeen, may I have a word in private please?" The remaining doctor asks, he wasn't old by any means, but he wasn't young, his dark hair now speckled with the lighter shades of aging.

"You certainly may not." She eyes Plutarch and Sera for a moment before continuing. "Whatever you have to say to me, you can and will say to all of us. We are her family after all." I feel Prim squeeze my hand, even tighter this time.

He clears his throat. "Very well. You should know that she's under a heavy sedative right now, and we will keep her that way for several days, until we can get some fluids and nutrients back into her. She appears to be mostly uninjured. That is, the blood was not hers. She has a few bruises on her face and a lump under her hair near her right temple. She is very malnourished and dehydrated at the moment, and unfortunately we are unable to say how she will be when she wakes. She's clearly been through a lot physically, but we will need to assess her mental health when she wakes up." We all nod our understanding before he continues. "We did note one curious thing; both of her arms seem have to been receiving injections of some sort for a very extended amount of time. We took some blood, to run some tests, but we cannot promise it will turn anything up. I encourage all of you to try to go back to your daily lives for the next few days. We will be in touch when we are ready to wake her."

"Thank you doctor." Prim speaks finally, after we all remain silent for a beat too long. He nods once, and then leaves all of us alone.

We stand, silent for a while before Haymitch moves. "I should get going, I have a few things to get done yet today, let me know when they're ready to bring her round."

"Of course Haymitch. Thank you." Mrs. Everdeen tells him quietly. "Prim we should get going too."

"Yes, you're right. Goodbye Peeta, I'll see you at dinner." she squeezes my hand one more time and also leaves. Plutarch bid his farewells shortly after and then it was just Sera and I.

"Are you alright?" she asks, stepping up to press her hands against the window.

I laugh bitterly. "I'll be alright. I keep forgetting these people have already said goodbye to her so many times now, have seen her like this before, but this is a first for me. Normally it was the both of us that ended up like this, although I had the short end of the stick after the first games."

"I suppose that's true." She turns around quickly. "She talked about you, you know." I look over at her and step up to the window as well, keeping my hands shoved deep in my pockets. "I didn't talk to Katniss a lot, but when I did, she usually brought you up in a casual way. She thought you were dead until the incident in Eight happened. I remember walking her to her room. We passed this painting; she said you would have loved it. I'm sure you would love a lot of the art that Snow hordes, actually, but this one really caught her eye." She falls silent for a moment before speaking quietly, like Katniss might hear her. "She did this for you, you know."

"Did what?" I ask, confused.

"Let this happen to her. It was part of the bargain. She tried to talk you out of it, remember? All of those months ago?" She watches as I nodded slowly. "Snow promised if she could convince you to stop this rebellion, you would be safe.  I think somewhere inside of herself she hoped that promise was true, I think everyone knew better, but she clung to that hope so hard. I think she might have thought that if she let them treat her the way they wanted they wouldn't take it out on you. The night of the last broadcast he made the announcement to everyone there, about attacking 13." she takes a deep breath. "I wasn't in the room; I was out, doing a few other things, both for Snow and Plutarch. I did see the broadcast though." she glances up at me for a moment. "Peeta, I honestly don't know what they were doing to her down where she was kept, but I've been trying to convince Plutarch to get her out for weeks, every time I checked in on her she looked worse and worse."

"Are you getting to any sort of point here?"

"Yes, maybe. I don't know what she'll be like Peeta, sometimes she was normal, sometimes she wasn't, it's pretty obvious that what they were inflicting on her wasn't really physical abuse. You should be prepared for that."

"Look, Sera, I appreciate your candor about this; but I love her with everything in me, and I don't care what they did, my feelings aren't going to change."

"You would fight for her? If you needed to?"

"Of course I would. It's what I've been trying to do, although, clearly not well. I haven't really felt like myself since I got here, I think having her back, knowing she's here and safe will help that. Katniss and I though, it’s what we do, protect each other, and I'm going to make up for falling short on that front for the past while."

Sera stares at me for a few moments before nodding, "Well, I need to go, I still need to get settled in my rooms and have another meeting with Plutarch. Try to get some rest Peeta, you aren't going to be doing any one any favors if you don't."

I wave her away, "Yeah, I will, I'll be fine. I'm just going to stay down here for a little while longer."

I watch her as she walks down the hallway and then out of sight around the corner before I collapse onto the floor. I run my hands into my hair and grip it tightly. This was my entire fault. I knew it was far too late to change anything anymore, but those pesky 'what ifs' were floating around in my head.

Hours later I found myself in my room, waiting for Liam to arrive back from lessons so we could head to dinner. I fiddle with my new commandeered set of paints and pencils, before I finally pick one up and start drawing sweeping lines across the page. There is no set picture in my mind; I just know that I need to be doing something to keep my mind off of the fact that Katniss is here, a short walk away from where I am right now.

I slam the pencil down in frustration, this is doing nothing. I am falling easily back into old habits. I crumple up the paper and throw it into the corner. I reach into my pocket and withdraw the pearl from its new permanent home. It had, luckily, made it way to me via a snooping Liam the night of the attack, and I've kept it on me since, in a semi panicked state that if I didn't keep it on me, I might lose it forever.

Liam bursts suddenly into the room, beaming smile on his face. I jump slightly, almost losing the pearl before I get a hold of it again and stick it in my pocket.

"I heard!" he exclaims, jumping on my bed. "They announced it in class. Did you go see her? Is she alright? When do I get to meet her?" he asks in that rapid fire way only children seem able to achieve.

I grin and ruffle his hair, he pushes my arm away as I answer. "I did go see her, but she's sleeping. She's been through a lot, so the doctors have decided to keep her in her own private room for now with no visitors until after she wakes up."

"Why?"

"Because they said so, and we all have Katniss' best interests in mind, so we listen to them and hopefully she'll get better quicker."

"What's wrong with her?" he asks, frowning.

I lift a shoulder. "It's hard to say right now, but she's probably exhausted, and they hadn't been feeding her very well, so she lost a lot of weight."

"Well I hope she gets better fast because I want to meet her!" He takes a breath. "Do you think she'll like me? What if she hates me? Will Prim stop being friends with me if she hates me?"

I can feel myself smiling despite myself. "Of course she'll like you, Liam, and even if she doesn't, I'm pretty sure Prim won’t care too much. If Prim doesn't hate you now, I doubt that will change." He seems to sag with relief as I push myself to stand up. "Let’s head down for dinner." I turn my arm over and check my schedule. "Looks like we're already a bit late, so let’s get a move on." He bounds up and out of the room without hesitation, and I follow quickly.

The dining hall is usually quiet. Coin prefers everyone to be rather subdued instead of rowdy when they eat, which wasn't a problem or an adjustment for me or most of us that came from Twelve, but today is different. As soon as Liam and I enter through the doors the entire room falls into complete silence for a moment as they take us, me, in. It’s almost like they are all taking a deep breath and then all of a sudden they collectively exhale in multiple whispered conversations, people leaning across the table, or leaning back to talk to people at tables behind them.

I roll my eyes and steer Liam by the shoulder to the kitchen area. I hand him a tray and follow him into line with my own.

"You'd think everyone had never seen you before." he speaks suddenly, his head still turned around to observe everyone still talking and looking over at us from time to time.

I lift a shoulder as I nudge him to move forward. "They're just being nosy, want to see how I'm handling her being back."

"But you barely saw her." he defends, hoisting up is tray for the woman behind the counter to place his food on it.

"You and I know that, but they don't. I'm sure half of them are wondering why I'm not there right now."

"I know I am." Sae's gravelly voice breaks into our conversation. I look up at her and frown. Sae and I had never really spoken before we got here, we had no reason to, but we were here now, all on even footing, but Sae knew Katniss, probably had a bit of a soft spot for her. I reach out and take my bowl of vegetables before I answer.

"There's no point right now. She's in her own room, under heavy sedation. The doctors think it’s best for her, and it probably is. I'm not accomplishing anything if I just sit on the floor outside of her room all day.” Sae only grunts, but waves me on anyway. For now it is enough.

Conversation in the cafeteria has resumed its usual low buzz of noise by the time Liam and I have our food situated and make our way over to a table occupied by Katniss' & Gale's family. This isn’t where I really wanted to be, but Liam insists on sitting with Prim, and I just can't ever find it in me to deny him, although sometimes, when Finnick makes it to meal times, he is more than happy to sit with him and learn how to make knots and hear about fishing and swimming.

The dining hour at our table seems to pass at an even slower rate without any of us really conversing. Liam keeps making valiant attempts at it, but for the most part his words fall on deaf ears. Gale's mom and his siblings were the first to leave, Prim and her mom follow shortly after, then it was only Liam, Gale and I. I drum my fingers on the tabletop, trying to ignore Gale's stare from the other end of the bench.

"Did you see her yet?" he asks lowly, sliding over so he is directly across from me. I nod once, not looking up. "I haven't," he takes a breath. "I mean, I haven't gone down to see her since I brought her back. She was such a mess; I just didn't think I could handle seeing her like that again."

"They have her sedated." I sigh, looking up at him, he has dark circles under his eyes and I frown. "When's the last time you slept, Gale?"

He shrugs. "The other day, before we left." he runs a hand over his face. "I'm fine, really. I'll be fine. I'm hoping I'll fall asleep tonight."

"Haymitch said you were sleeping earlier, after she was brought in."

"I tried, I just, I just couldn't. I just couldn't stop seeing the look in her eyes when we got to her. I've never seen her like that; I was terrified it was too late."

"They still don't know how she'll be when they wake her up." I inform him, not feeling bad in the slightest. I know I am being petty and selfish, but I am childishly upset over the fact that he definitely has been the first one she saw. I still feel as if it should have been me.

"I know, and that's what terrifies me. I'll never forgive myself if that's the case."

I hum in agreement. "And now you know." I tell him, holing his gaze. "Now you know how it feels to be in the Arena. To know that it could come down to the two of you, and that she has to be the one to get out, because if it's not her, and it’s you, you spend the rest of your life reimagining things, reworking things, replaying things, just to get her out. I got lucky the first time, not the second."

He frowns, looking down at his hands on the table. "I know this isn't worth anything to you, but I'm sorry."

"Sure." I nod and stand from the table, grabbing both my tray and Liam's. "See you around Gale." I call to him over my shoulder as we leave the room.

Liam stays quiet until we leave the room, the doors closing heavily behind us. "I don't like him." he speaks suddenly, looking up at me sideways as we walk down the hall. "He gives me a weird feeling."

I lift a brow. "What sort of feeling?" I ask, slowing our pace slightly.

He shrugs and screws up his face. "I can't explain it, it’s just weird, kind of like how when you eat something bad, but you don't really get sick? You just feel weird for a while and then it goes away?  You know, like that?"

I shake my head. "Not really, but I still believe you. For now though, what kind of homework do you have tonight?" I ask, finally stepping into our room and turning on the lights.

"Just this." he says after rummaging around in his small pack for a moment and pulling out a crumpled piece of paper.

"What is that?" I ask, taking it from him gently. He shrugs, rolling his eyes. "Oh, a word search, those are always fun."

"Yeah right." he replies, snatching the paper back and then crawling into his bed to work on it.

I lay back on my own, trying to get my body to relax. "Do you like it here Liam?" I ask after a while, not hearing the scratching of pencil on paper yet.

"Do you Peeta?" He asks peevishly.

I laugh. "Well, it’s not home, but for now it’s alright."

"What do you mean for now?" I look over at him to find him glaring down at his worksheet, pencil poised in the air.

"Well, when all of this is over, and it will be over eventually, I don't plan on staying here. I'd like to go home, to Twelve."

"But they blew that place up." he states calmly, and I can't help but feel bad for him, to have to grow up in such a time, where a statement like that makes it sound like he is merely commenting on the weather.

"Not all of it. Victors Village is still there. And one of those houses is mine. I could live there, and help rebuild the district."

"Why?"

"Because not everyone will want to stay here, completely underground all the time, because Twelve is still some people’s homes, and they'll want to go back too."

"What about me?" he asks, his voice timid and quiet.

"Well, you can come with me if you'd like, my house is pretty big, but if you're sick of me by then..."

"No! No, I'll stay, with you. I'd like to stay with you." he pauses. "When you and Katniss get married for real, will I be your kid?" he asks suddenly.

I feel all of the breath rush out of me, shock almost paralyzing me and I regret letting him know the truth. I take a breath. "I don't know if we'll get married." I let him know finally.

"Well why not?" he asks, now circling words at a rapid pace.

"Well, it’s not just up to me."

"But you love her, and she loves you, you guys were pretend married for a while, remember?"

"Of course I remember Liam, but it’s not just that easy. I'm not going to worry about it right now though, alright, and neither should you. If in the future we all get there, we'll get there together, alright?"

"Fine." he huffs.

I smile and sit up, removing my leg for the night. It has been on for a while now, and I need a break. I massage the stub I had left, sighing in contentment. "For right now, you and I need to worry about her getting better alright?" I watch as he nods, a small smile on his face as he tucks his paper back into his bag and gets up to go into the bathroom. "Don't forget to brush your teeth!" I call after him as the door slides closed. I can hear him laughing.

The days pass in a blur after that. I was in and out of training and combat simulations as well as meetings with Coin and Boggs about how the war effort was progressing. When I’m not doing either of those things, I am down with Beetee, working on getting acquainted with my new leg. Gale will show up from time to time and the two of them would retreat into the butterfly room, leaving me to practice on my own. I wondered what they were up to, but my attempts to avoid Gale as much as possible tend to win out.

The three day period the doctors had originally given Katniss were extended into five, and then seven, finally, on the tenth day, Haymitch intercepts me on my way to see Beetee.

"It's time, they're bringing her around now, and Prim says you should be the first one in." He informs me, spinning me around so we were walking in the direction I had just come from. I feel gratitude from Prim's selflessness, followed quickly by an onslaught of nerves, t hen a calm feeling I hadn’t felt in a long time.

Haymitch and I walk silently, I am sure we are sharing similar thoughts, but this is easier, to not say anything. We arrive outside of the room before I realize it, everyone is there waiting. Prim and her mother smile at me as I move to the door. I wipe my palms down on my pants and take a deep breath, listening to the quiet chatter of everyone behind me, they all sound hopeful, the always there hum of the generators and lights that keep Thirteen alive. This was it. I grab the handle and pull the door open.

I closed the door gently behind me and the world falls quiet except for the quiet humming of the machines. I take her in for a moment before she notices I am there. For months I have been waiting for this, it isn't happening the way I wish it were, but I would take it.

Her head turns and her eyes lock on me, blinking rapidly for a few seconds before she sits up, fumbling at the side table for something. "Hey Katniss." I greet her softly, taking a step forward.

"Peeta." she says, standing abruptly. I hold my hand out, unsure if she should really be standing, but she seems alright for the moment. She moves towards me and I smiled moving to meet her halfway.

"I've missed-oof" I land hard on my back, the air rushing from my lungs. She had kicked my leg out from under me. "Katniss-" I begin, but she is on me in a flash and I finally notice what she has in her hand, a small scalpel. Who the hell left that on the table?

"This is all your fault." she hisses, her one hand clamping down on my shoulder, her nails digging in, other hand poised to strike. I move quickly, rolling us both over and pinning her down. Her arms flail for a moment, the scalpel coming down and piercing my arm in several places before I manage to knock it free. "Get off of me you traitor!" she screams, hands like claws are scraping at my face.

"Katniss, stop it!" I fumble to reach for her hands and grab them to stop the attacks. I can hear commotion outside and know they will be in here soon to help, to sedate her. "Katniss, look at me, please." I plead, finally entrapping her hands within my own. She stops squirming to glare up at me, her chest heaving. "Katniss." I mumble, grasping her two wrists with in my one hand before I reached out tentatively to stroke her face.

"Don't touch me!" she growls lowly, moving her head sharply away from my hand, but she has nowhere to go. I rest my palm against her warm cheek and smile softly, running the pad of my thumb from her jaw over her lips. She gasps for a moment and jerks beneath me, her eyes growing watery. "Peeta," she breathes softly.

I nod smiling. "It's me Katniss, and I don't know what happened to you, but I'm going to save you." She frowns quickly, whatever strange flash of awareness she had, has passed in an instant and she brings my finger into her mouth before biting down sharply. I let out a curse and pull my hand away, and that is all she needs. She moves quickly, shaking her entrapped hands free in my moment of surprise. Her right hand comes up fast, slamming into my solar plexus hard enough to knock me over, and then she is on top of me, a fist poised to strike. I block the first blow, the second lands on my stomach. "Dammit, Katniss, knock it off!" I growl knocking her fist away. "I'm not trying to hurt you."

She leans back for a moment before she grinns wickedly. "But I'm trying to hurt you." her hands grip my shirt and she leans down to breathe into my ear. "You deserve to die, because this...is all. Your. Fault." she spits each word, leaning in closer with each one.

I grip her hands again. "You think I don't know that?" I ask and she laughs.

"Oh Peeta, what a fool, you've always been such a fool. No, I don't think you understand. This is ALL your fault. If you would have died in the first games none of this ever would have happened to me, or to Panem."

"Are you even listening to yourself?" I ask, turning my head slightly so I could look her in the eye. "Are you?" she grins down at me and nods slowly, eyes comically wide.

"I'm going to fix this." she tells me, bearing her teeth. She struggles to free her hands, but I only grip them tighter. "Let go of me!"

"Never." I hiss. She screams, a high pitched wail, right in my face that makes me want to flinch away from it.

Suddenly she is wrenched from my grasp and I push away from her kicking legs. She falls limp in an instant and the doctors put her into bed. One of them moves over, extending his hand to help me up.

"Sorry we didn't get in here sooner." he apologizes. I wave him away, running a hand over my face.

"It's fine. I'm fine."

"Yes, well, you should head to the medical wing and get patched up; she got you pretty good it looks like." He observes, poking lightly at my arm, my shirt sleeve now coated in blood.

"Right, I'll do that." I tell him, moving away from him and pushing out of the room.

Haymitch is there to greet me, Boggs and Prim standing behind him. "You alright boy?"

"I'll be fine." I grope at my shirt sleeve, pulling it up to reveal the cuts. "I've had worse." I inform them after inspecting everything.

"Are you sure?" Prim speaks up, pushing around Haymitch to gently grasp my wrist and look at my injuries herself. "I mean, are you really alright Peeta?" she asks quietly. I look down at her for a beat before nodding once and then looking back to Haymitch.

"So what was all of that noise going on out here?"

"That was Haymitch." Boggs speaks up, leaning back against the wall. "He thought you had things under control. I wanted to get in there and get her subdued."

"Well, thanks. I did have it under control. Now, I should go." I extract my arm from Prim's hands and shove my way between Haymitch and Boggs.

"Peeta, wait." I hear Prim call, her small footfalls quickly pattering behind me. "Peeta. Really, are you alright? Don't tell me about your bleeding wounds either. I can't imagine..."

"Prim, I appreciate your concern, but I promise I'm fine."

"She still loves you."

I shrug. "It doesn't matter right now Prim, what matters is getting her better."

She laugh and rushes ahead of me, spinning around and planting her hands on her hips before grinning up at me, an eyebrow quirked. "You know what? You're way too good for her." I frown, but she continues on. "I love my sister, Peeta, but you, I don't know, you're like this ray of sunshine or something." She takes a breath. "Any normal person would not be reacting this way to what just happened in there, you know that right?"

"So you're saying I'm not normal?"

"I guess so. Peeta, she tried to kill you."

"Not very hard. She probably would have had a shot if she stayed father away and threw that thing at me though. So apparently she doesn't want me completely dead, she had to remember that I'm better at close combat."

"So that’s it? You think because she got in your personal space that’s a clear sign that she knew what she was doing, that it was deliberate and she doesn't REALLY want you dead?"

 I nod and Prim rolls her eyes. "Look, this is all my fault Prim, what happened to her. Sera told me she let this happen to try and keep me safe."

"And you believe her? You don't even know her."

"Of course I believe her; she has no reason to lie to us. So I owe it to her, Katniss, she risked her life like this for me, so I'm going to do what I can to bring her back." I shrug. "I have to at least try Prim, you understand right? I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't."

Prim nods and steps towards me, wrapping her small arms around me. "We're both going to try Peeta, because I couldn't live with myself either." She leans back to look up at me. "I'm going to go find that Sera girl; she has to know something about this. The doctors told mom something too, but she won't tell me, she did say they aren't sure what it means though. So maybe I'll start there, whatever that is, it could be the key to all of this. Just stay strong Peeta, we'll bring her back." She backs away, squeezing my hands. "You both deserve to be happy too. Now, get in there and get patched up, I'll talk to you at lunch."


	16. Chapter 16

The hospital wing is relatively quiet when I arrive. Finnick told me they released Annie just yesterday and they were occupying a room of their own now.

 The change in him has been immediate; he is a more vibrant version of himself. I am happy for them both.

 I seat myself on the end of one of the beds and pull off my shirt, careful not to disturb my arm too much. I press at the wounds gently, they aren’t bleeding as much anymore, but my brief disturbance has them slowly leaking again.

 I hear a curtain pull and a shadow is cast into my line of vision. “Wow, she got you good lover boy.” I recognize the voice immediately.

 “Hey Johanna.” I sigh, looking up at her. “Johanna!”

 She shrugs and plops down next to me. “It’s the hair, I know.” She frowns, running her hands over her shorn scalp. “You should have seen it when I got here, they really fixed it up.”

 I gape at her for a while longer before she glares at me. “Sorry, what happened?”

 She sighs dramatically and throws herself back across the bed, causing her gown to ride up her thighs. I look away and she laughs. “What is with you guys from Twelve? You’ve seen me naked before.”

 “I know.” I shrug. “That’s not it anyway – I can’t explain it.”

 “Whatever. Anyway,” she pauses and I turn to look down at her, her eyes are closed “Some of us actually knew secrets.” She informs me lowly, opening her eyes to stare at me. I nod. “Annie was always safe, really. They just wanted to draw out Finnick. Katniss never knew anything either.” She dismisses her words, waving a hand around in the air.

 I smile sadly. “Yes, she did,” I respond. Johanna sits up quickly and turns to face me. “It was all speculation though. Before the reaping she tried to get us to run away to Thirteen with her. She met some people out in the woods around our district. They had some sort of biscuit with a Mockingjay on it, they told her they were from 8 and were on their way to 13. Then she started watching broadcasts obsessively, she was looking for proof that the Capitol was using an old recording from the remains of 13.” I shrug. “She was right.”

 “Peeta,” she takes a breath and frowns looking at my face. “I’m going to go get a doctor, we can talk about this later.” I watch her trek down the aisle before disappearing around the corner.

 I sit still, trying to ignore the blood running down my arm and focused more on how the area around my eye was starting to swell, I touch it gently with my fingers, and they come away tacky with blood. Apparently she got me more than I thought she had. Johanna emerges back around the corner, doctor in tow, who seems to be more upset by the fact that she is out of bed than the fact that he has a new patient.

 “Look, I’m getting back into bed.” She drawls, crawling into the bed next to mine and re-hooking up several tubes that had been previously attached to her.  She glares at me while I gave her an amused grin as the doctor looks me over.

 He gives me a few shots and then cleans up my wounds, gluing the skin shut so it can heal better and faster and I can still go to training. My face is another story. He frowns at it for a while before deciding to just put some antiseptic on the scratches and apply a cream for the swelling.

 He grasps me under the armpit and hauls me up, declaring me to be fine and that I should come back if I get worse or felt any pain, then he drags me bodily through the hospital wing to the doors.

 “I’ll come back and visit I guess.” I call, looking back over at my shoulder at Johanna. She lifts her hand and waves it gently at me, glaring at the doctor.

 

* * *

 

Roughly a week later I am coming inside the compound when Prim intercepts me. "Oh, good, finally!" she exclaims, slightly out of breath. I look down at her, a frown on my face as I hand off my rifle.

 "What's up, Prim?" I ask, stepping out of the flow of traffic and pulling her with me. I run an arm across my forehead. Today was a hot day, and we had a hard workout, I have been looking forward to getting a shower to wash the sweat and dirt from my body.

  "I figured it out. That girl Sera wasn't very willing to talk, but between her and Plutarch and the tests the doctors ran, we got it. Trackerjacker venom."

  "What?"

  "Tracker-"

  "No, I mean, I heard you, I guess, I mean why."

  "Oh! Yeah, well, that we haven't really figured out yet. I was hoping to talk to you about it. From the tests and all kinds of other boring stuff they did. The amount of venom in her system wasn't a lot. So I wanted to know about what you experienced in the first arena. I'd ask Katniss, but she's still pretty volatile towards everyone."

  I nod slowly. "Alright, we'll go to my room, Liam should be getting back soon too."

  "You still holding up alright?" she asks as we walk. "Your face looks a lot better already."

  I smile. "Yeah, they patched me up as good as can be expected here. It will be a while before it heals completely; they think I'll have a few scars."

  Prim laughs. "You could wear an eye patch." she supplies.

  "I don't mind the scars."

  "No, I'm sure most people don't, they'll give you a bit of something, a roguish look I guess."

  "Sure! Exactly what I was going for. I don't want her to know right away what she did, that she did this. If she gets better. She still blames herself for my leg, the last thing she needs is to be worrying about my face now too." I open the door and usher her through. "So, what exactly do you want to know?"

  "Alright, so," she takes a deep breath and seats herself on Liam's bed, tucking her legs up underneath herself after kicking off her shoes. "In the arena, you all were out for a while, it was, well we were all worried, but none of you were dead, obviously, so we tried not to panic too much back at home. It wasn't really clear what was happening though. So, what I need to know is what happened after you were stung."

  I frown. "It was painful, and I hallucinated." I tell her simply, she nods, wanting me to keep going. "Katniss told me the girl she killed, who had the bow, sort of disintegrated, she didn't really, but that’s what was going on in her head. I didn't get stung nearly as bad as she did, but I did see things. The trees looked like they were growing, pulsating; there were flashes of colors and brightness, and then I got stabbed. That was weird. I was aware of what had happened. It was like the pain from the wound woke me up from the haze of the hallucination a bit. I was aware of what had happened to me, to my leg, that I needed to take care of it somehow, but with the venom in me, it was like my skin was just falling off my leg and I kept trying to hold it on so I didn't lose my leg." Prim stares wide-eyed at me. "Ironic, I know, since I eventually did loose part of my leg." I grin, wiggling my prosthetic leg around a bit. "Has she been talking at all?"

 "Not to me, no. They only let us in when she's sedated still, after what happened with you. She is talking to the doctors though. She's apparently not very pleased with all of this, doesn't understand why they are keeping her in there, but that's no surprise, she hates medical stuff. From what they've told my mom and I though, it sounds like Snow was making her re-watch the games, and the reaping and the victory tour and every interview they had of the two of you."

  "Why?"

  Prim smiles sadly. "To brainwash her. Now that we know what it is that was in her system, what it could potentially do to a person. Think about it Peeta, it makes perfect sense, they probably would have done it to you too, only a lot sooner, since Snow seems to covet my sister."

  I nod. I do understand. Maybe even more than Prim does right now. They weren't brainwashing her, they were programming her. Giving her one task, one mission to carry out. Destroy me.

  Prim stands. "I should go, I need to get back to my room before dinner and change, I've got dish duty tonight. Tell Liam I said hello." She brushes off the front of her pants. "And don't be afraid to come talk to me Peeta, I know you've been keeping a lot inside. I know how you feel though. I get it."

  "Thanks Prim." I smile, tugging on the ends of her braids as I stand as well. "See you later." I murmur as she slips out the door and I walk into the bathroom to shower. 

* * *

 I am down in the weapons/research area working with my leg again when Gale shows up and heads straight into the far research room he and Beetee seem so fond of. I am pretty comfortable with the prosthetic now. It has been an adjustment since it is heavier than my old one, the controls for it were situated on a wrist band and at the very top of the leg, both for convenience and in case the wrist band happened to get lost somehow in a fight. So today is the day I decide to go see what they are up too. I pop open the knife compartment and slide the weapon back in and snap it shut before I spring up and make my way over.

 They are both looking very engrossed in whatever is set up on the table. I peer over their shoulders. "What is that?"

 "A trap." Beetee answers without looking up from the papers. Gale steps to the side so I can get a better look. I glance around the room, drawings are tacked up all over the pace and several computers are lit up, displaying even more schematics for traps.

 "What will it do?" I question quietly. Beetee grins and wheels over to a computer. He clicks a few buttons and a simulation springs up onto the screen. I watch, fascinated as a small explosion erupts on the screen and small blue dots, that I quickly realize are supposed to represent people, flee across the screen to a small area. There are a few moments where nothing happens, and then there is another explosion, and all of the blue dots turn black. I stare blankly at the screen for a few minutes before Beetee starts talking.

 He explains what it is I have seen, how Gale's hunting and trapping experience are helping with this, how they can lure people into a false sense of security, but really they were right where we want them all to be. How we will be able to prey on people's hope and sense of good will. My mind is spinning with the implications of this.

 I voice my opposition and Gale frowns. "This is war Peeta, people will die."

 "I understand, but this" I wave my hand, gesturing to the room at large. "This seems to cross some sort of line, this doesn't look like you're not taking down just the bad guys anymore, but innocent bystanders as well."

 "You think people in the Capitol are innocent?" he asks me incredulously, I glance at Beetee, who looks away and I turned back to Gale. 

 "No, I don't think that." I hold up my hand to cut off his interruption. "At the same time though, they aren't all terrible, they don't know. Do you know how truly sheltered they are? They have no idea what happens to the districts. They've never had to suffer any of their own being taken from them. They don't understand what we have to go through when they're watching the Games a different way than we are. None of them are losing friends, brothers, sisters, sons or daughters. They're losing their favorite, the one who sparkled the most, and maybe they don't win, maybe they die. It's sad, but life goes on, because they don't know them like we do. They haven't lived like we do. Not everyone in the Capitol supports what happens either, but it isn't like they can openly show that. I'm not defending them, most of them are pretty awful, but the rest of them are all just ignorant fools." I take a deep breath. "I think this is a terrible idea, this will eventually do more harm than good. You know that right?"

 "How?"

 "When the people running to safety aren't the people you're trying to kill. Then it will be too late."

 "That won't happen." Gale snarls.

 "I hope you prove me wrong then." I turn on my heel and stride out of the room quickly; I jam my fist into the elevator button and wait for it to open.

 The ride up to the housing levels seems to drag on forever, but I finally arrive and step out, nearly running someone over.

 "Woah, Peeta. Watch out." Finnick grins, reaching out to grab my shoulders as I start to topple sideways. "I was just coming to look for you."

 "Why?" I ask, looking up at him.

 His smile is even wider. "Annie and I are getting married!" he cries. I can practically feel his body humming with his joy and excitement.

 "That's great! When?"

 He shrugs. "Few days."

 "We should talk to Coin." I say suddenly.

 "Coin? Why?"

 I smile. "Well first, you're going to need a cake. No wedding is complete without a cake. Second, what are you wearing?"

 He waggles his brows at me. "Annie tends to like me best in nothing at all." I shove him away, laughing, as he frowns. "I didn't give it much thought. Though we would look pretty drab in the stuff they make us wear here, wouldn't we?" he asks, fingering the sleeve of his grey shirt.

 "Which is why we need to talk to Coin." I repeat.

 "Again, why?"

 "Well, you're a bit taller than me, but I'm sure we could sort that out, and Annie and Katniss are pretty close to the same size I would guess. We both still have all of our victory tour regalia back in Twelve. It's not a very long trip. And I know how Coin would hate to use up her own stores of stuff, I've got some sugar and other items for baking stored in my kitchen and basement. We just need permission and you two are on your way to the best wedding Thirteen has ever seen."

 "Their standards are probably so high." Finnick drawls, rolling his eyes. I laugh and he bows. "Lead on good sir."

 It takes both of us using every ounce of the persuasion skills we possess to convince her that all of it was a good idea. The wedding isn't so hard, since it is clear everyone needs a bit of a morale boost, the traveling to District 12 is a bit trickier, but in the end we get the clearance needed as long as Boggs and a full military regiment escort comes with us. It seems a bit over the top, but we don't argue. We would go tomorrow.

 I spend the evening with Liam, attempting to help him study for a test he has tomorrow, but I’m not that much help and he keeps laughing at how little I know. It can't be helped though; I grew up learning about coal, not nuclear weaponry. So instead of me quizzing him, he spends the time quizzing me. I only hope my dismal knowledge will somehow make him remember everything better. 

 Prim stops by on her way back to her rooms to let me know they are still making progress with Katniss, that it is slow, but she is doing a lot better. Prim is hopeful she can start interacting with people again within the next few weeks. She sits down for a bit and quizzes Liam, giving me a break for a short amount of time before she has to get back before curfew.

 As Liam and I crawl into bed, he shuffles around for a few minutes before sighing heavily several times.

 "What’s up Liam?" I ask, grinning.

 "Does this mean I can meet her soon?" he inquires hopefully.

 "We'll see. It's not up to me, alright?"

 "Okay." he sighs again and I hold back a laugh.

 "Get some sleep. We both have a big day tomorrow." I listen as he fidgets around under his blankets for a few minutes before the noise of his quiet breathing fills the air. I drift off shortly after.

 

* * *

 

"Ahhh!" I cry, sitting up in bed, looking around quickly, only to find Liam on the ground, laughing hysterically. "Liam!" I grumble, still feeling my heart pounding in my chest, my breath coming quickly. "Don't do that!"

 He is still cackling, tears running down his face as he looks up at me. "Your...face...so...funny." he pants before bursting into peals of laughter again, his one hand clutched around a small glass, the only evidence that it was really him.

 I roll out of bed and stumble into the bathroom, grabbing a towel and quickly rubbing it over my head and face. I step back out and lean against the door frame. "Should I bother asking why you decided to do that?"

 "I didn't want you to be late." he informs me, looking at me with wide, innocent eyes. I roll my eyes but smile anyway.

 "Thanks for the wakeup call, but don't do it again, alright? I wouldn't want you to get hurt."

 He struggles to stand and then tosses the glass onto his bed. "Fine." he sighs heavily, but still smiles. He rushes past me and into the bathroom, pushing me gently from behind. "I need to get ready," he grunts as I step out of the room and he slams the door closed.

 I shake my head and quickly strip off my shirt and pull the sheets from my bed to go to laundry. Liam emerges several minutes later, hair still damp. "You brush your teeth?" I ask slowly, knowing he has a knack to try and skip this step. He nods. "Good, then open up and let me see." he frowns and quickly turns back around, retreating into the bathroom once more. This time when he emerges he smiles toothily at me. "Yeah, yeah. Good luck on your test, I'll see you later today." I tell him, startled when he darts towards me and wraps his arms around me.

 "Be safe." he whispers, looking up at me. I wrap one arm around him, the other rests on his head for a moment before he steps away. "See ya, Peeta!" he exclaims, now bouncing away and through the door. I stare after him for a moment before I move into the bathroom, preparing for the day.

 I meet Finnick and Annie for breakfast. We chat easily and I can't help but think that it’s lucky Annie seemed to be ambidextrous, since Finnick seems loathe letting go of her hand while they ate. I quirk a smile as she reaches their joined hands up and scratches lightly at the tip of her nose before lowering them to the table again.

 "This is really nice of you to do Peeta." Annie says, looking up at me from pushing her oats around on her tray.

 I nod, swallowing my own spoonful before I speak. "It's no problem, really. I'm more than happy to do it. I'm sure Katniss would be enthusiastic about the idea too." Annie smiles at me in a sad way, so I turn to Finnick who grins at me.

 "Have you been thinking about the cake?"

 "Have you? It is your cake after all."

 "Hmm, true, but you are the expert. I think we're both comfortable doing whatever you feel is right for it." he informs me before Annie agrees quickly.

 "If you're sure." I shrug. "I've got some ideas for it."

 "Oh! Tell us!" Annie cries, leaning forward.

 I grin and shake my head. "I think I'd like it to be a surprise for you both." Annie pouts and Finnick laughs and pulls her into his side, kissing the top of her head. I check the clock on the wall. "We should get going; they're expecting us in fifteen minutes. We make our way down to the landing bay we were instructed to meet at a leisurely pace. 

 Boggs is waiting for us. "Come on then, you three." he says gruffly before turning heel and striding through the doors.

 "Finnick," I hear Annie whimper, I turn to look back at the two of them. "I'm not sure I can do this."

 "Do you want to stay here? It's fine if you do, I wouldn't want you to do anything you didn't want to."

 She takes a deep breath. "We're only going to 12 right?"

 "I promise." he replies firmly, grasping both of her hands and bringing them up to his lips. "You've been to 12 before, right? You know it’s fine there, nothing will hurt you, I won’t let anything hurt you, and we have all of these men here to help make sure you're safe. I'll even come with you to help you pick out your dress."

 She frowns at this and pushes him gently. "No, you can't. It's bad luck."

 Finnick pouts. "What if we don't match?"

 Annie turned to look at me, eyes wide. "Peeta, can you make sure we match without giving anything away to this guy?" Finnick rolls his eyes as Annie shoves him a bit again.

 "I think I can manage that." I tell her, ignoring the glare I am getting from Finnick now, before boarding the hovercraft behind us.

 The trip back to Twelve seems to take less time than I remember it taking last time, and before I know it we are landing just outside of Victors Village. The whole lot of us disembark quickly and I lead them up the path to my house. The door is unlocked, like it always is and Finnick and I step inside, Annie saying she will wait for me with Boggs. 

 Four men follow us inside and disperse through the house as Finnick and I trek up the stairs.

 "Nice place." he drawls, looking around and I push open the door to my room.

 I shrug. "It's the only home I've got left now. What sort of places do they stick your guys up in?" I ask, truly curious as I open my closet doors and dig my way to the back of it.

 "Well, we live by the ocean, and you can never be too careful, most of our houses are raised up from the ground, and they're just one story things, but they are nice, lots of windows all over the place to let in as much sun as possible."

 "Sounds nice." I tell him, it really did. The ocean obviously isn't my cup of tea, since I can't really swim, but staying in the place he was describing, I could be happy there. "Well, here they all are." I sigh, pushing some of my other clothes further away so we can better distinguish. "I'll leave you to it and go see Annie and then come back to let you know if it’s a yes or no."

 "Great." Finnick replies, smirking and rubbing his hands together. 

 I head back downstairs and outside quickly, Annie loops her arm through mine as we make the quick walk next door.

 "Is it weird? Being here?" she asks quietly, stepping inside with me, looking around, and taking it all in. She hums, stepping into the small parlor, letting the men enter the house. "This is where they took her photos of her wedding dress options."

 "Is it?" I ask, looking around. I had never really looked at the pictures, since we had no say in her dress choice.

 "Yes, I recognize it." She tilts her head to one side and adjusts a tiny figurine on the small side table near us. "Let’s go look at those dresses, shall we?" she gestures for me to lead the way, and I do.

 "I've never been in her closet before, so I'm not quite sure what we'll find. Possibly an abundance of outfits."

 "Why?" she asks, fingers trailing the rail on the way upstairs.

 "Her talent. Fashion design."

 Annie laughs quietly. "Oh yes, I had heard about that, she really took lots of inspiration from Cinna didn't she." she says, knowingly. 

 I clear my throat and step into her room, moving silently to her closet and pulling open the doors. For a moment Annie and I are silent, most likely for different reasons. Annie is most likely truly in awe of the amount of dresses that are lined up before us, while I am assaulted with Katniss. Not that these outfits and dresses are truly her, but the image of her in many of these is still clearly imprinted on my mind and, as weird as it seems, it all just smells like her. It takes me back to before all of this happened, before all of this blew up, back when she would sleep in my arms as we rode across the country, my nose buried in her hair. 

 "They're even prettier in person than they ever were on tv." Annie whispers reverently. She grips my hand tightly and looks at me. "Are you alright Peeta?" She asks her gaze intense. I swallow thickly and nod. Her mouth twists into a sad smile and she pulls me into a tight hug. "It's alright to not be you know." she informs me in her dulcet tones. I nod, trying to breathe. "I know this is hard, I can't imagine how hard this must be for you Peeta, but you aren't alone, you'll never be alone Peeta when you have people that care about you." She steps away from me, her bottom lip caught between her teeth. I take a deep, shuddering breath, now trying to breathe through my mouth. "If you need anything, anything at all, please don't hesitate to ask. I owe you so much, you know? For so many things, but mostly for keeping my Finnick safe. I'll never be able to thank you enough for that, and now you're doing this." she gestures to the room as a whole.

 "Annie, please. It's nothing, and really the least I could do. I know you think you owe me, but Finnick and me, we were good for each other, kept each other here when it was all too easy to get lost in an endless, vicious cycle of worry for you and Katniss."

 She smiles. "I know, but all the same; if you need anything, you know where to find me." She turns abruptly then and I grin to myself. "Now, let’s find a wedding dress for me." she declares, plunging into the closet.

 Annie is quickly shaping up to be one of my favorite people that I have been able to meet since becoming a Victor in the games. She might not always have the firmest grip on reality, but when she is here, she is fantastic and insightful. Her and Katniss probably wouldn't get along that well, they are so different. They would get along fine, but would never be best friends, which is a shame; Katniss needs someone light like Annie in her life some days.

 "Are you going to help me find a dress or what?" Annie asks, sticking her head back out between two dresses.

 "What?" I ask, startled. "Oh! Of course, yes, sorry." I follow her in. "So what are you thinking?"

 "I don't know, just something nice, something Finnick will love."

 "Finnick will love whatever you wear and you know it."

 She laughs. "I suppose that is true. Oh! What about this one?" she asks, quickly yanking a pale blue dress out of the line. She holds it up and turns to me. I nod and then pull a shimmering silver dress out. "Ooooh, that's, oh wow." she sighs, stepping close to me to touch the dress.

 "You should try them both on, I'll keep looking just in case." I tell her, handing my choice to her. She nods and squeezes past me. "The bathroom is out in the hall, if you turn right it's the first door on your left."

 I continue to look through the rows of dresses. I had no idea she had this many outfits made. Some of them I recognize as alternative options from the Victory Tour, the others had to be part of her talent collection. I pull another blue dress and a light, sea foam green colored one, as well as a deep purple dress before deciding these are a good start, and I know I have something of my own to match each of the dresses pulled.

 Stepping out of the closet, I hang the other dress choices on the hook outside of the closet doors and sit down at the foot of the bed to wait. There isn't much to her room, a bed, dresser, nightstand, and a mirror on the back of the door. The surfaces all bare; so unlike my room. Where Katniss had nothing, I had paintings. Some of my favorite ones that I did before the Quarter Quell adorn my walls. Maybe if we make it back home I'd let her pick some that she liked for her own room. Maybe I could do a family portrait for her. I had painted my own family shortly after we returned home; it was in my living room. With a pain like a knife twisting in my chest, I realize it is now the only picture of all of us together I’ll ever have.

 The door opens suddenly and Annie burst in, the silver dress on. "What do you think? I tried on the other one, but I didn't like it, it made me feel weird, so I changed."

 I nod, pretending I understand this mindset. I feel like another woman would understand, maybe, or maybe it was just the way Annie is. "I like this one." I inform her with a smile. "I pulled a few other dresses for you too, in case you don't like this one."

 "I do!" she declares, shutting the door and turning to take in her appearance. "Oh!" she exclaims. "This looks much different."

 "What do you mean?" I ask, tilting my head in an imitation of her, trying to see what she was seeing. 

 "It's not bad, I just couldn't really tell how it would look, bathroom mirrors are so small." She brushes her hands over the fabric, fingers tugging at the skirt, flaring it out before letting it flutter back to rest on the floor. "I'm a little short." she says, rising up on her toes. Grasping the skirt in her hands, she lifts it slightly before walking over to the other dresses. "I'll be back." She declares, scooping them up and flitting back out of the room.

 Half an hour later her choices are down to either the silver or the sea foam green dress. She closes the closet doors and hangs them up side by side as we stand looking at them. "I need an answer." She says suddenly.

 "What?" I ask, startled.

 "I need an answer." She repeats.

 "I think the green one; it makes your eyes stand out. It makes you stand out." I tell her, opening the closet and moving to the back to pull out a pair of silver sandals. "What do you think of these?" I ask, handing them to her.

 "They're lovely." She whispers. Taking them from me gently. I know from several conversations Finnick and I had about our homes that most people in Four either went barefoot or wore some sort of sandal. I figure Annie will prefer these over some of the death trap looking heels Katniss has.

 She sits them down on the floor beneath the dress and steps back across the room to take it in from farther away. I watch, eyebrows lifted until she finally nods. We put the dress and shoes in a garment bag and we leave the house; Annie goes back to the hovercraft while I jog over to my own house.

 Finnick is pacing the living room. "What took so long?" he demands when I steps through the door.

 "You're marrying a woman." I drawl, taking the stairs two at a time. I pull out several grey suits and toss them on my bed. "Try these on, take the one that fits best and meet me back downstairs." I tell him. "Just yell if you need anything, I need to get everything for the cake."

Scrambling around in my kitchen and basement I grab all of the supplies I will need and then go to meet Finnick. “Let’s go.” I call as I walked past him and out the door. “Did you find one that will work?” I ask as we walk.

 I watch as he frowns. “Yes, but this doesn’t help me know what Annie will be wearing.”

 I laugh. “It’s a surprise.” Finnick continues to grumble about it the entire way back to Thirteen while Annie and I just laugh at him.


	17. Chapter 17

The wedding goes off without a hitch, and I am pretty confident that this wedding cake is the best one I have done yet. Everyone is in a jovial mood; there is even music and dancing. Annie is stunning in her dress, Finnick doesn’t take his eyes off of her the whole night, and she doesn’t take her eyes off of him either. 

 It’s late; people are just starting to pass out plates of cake when she walks in, her arms looped through her mothers and Prim's. She doesn't stay long, and she lingers by the door, her grip tight on her sister when her mother walks away to go and fetch Annie and Finnick. I watch, pressed against the wall with bated breath. Prim had told me she had been doing better, that they were having people come and visit her. Haymitch has been to see her. I see Prim casting her gaze around the room as she keeps up a constant stream of chatter. Her eyes meet mine and she shakes her head minutely and mouths the word 'later' to me. I nod, disappointed, but I understand. Then Finnick and Annie are there, beaming at one another and treating Katniss like a frightened animal. Their meeting is brief, but appears to be relatively painless, and then Prim is steering her from the room. I watch her go.

 I let out a shaky breath and run a hand through my hair. I feel like an idiot. My hands are shaking and my stomach is churning. I didn't even speak to her. I leave shortly after.

 A week passes before Prim corners me returning from training again. Today we are running simulations with teams.

 "How are you?" she asks, half skipping to keep up with me.

 I shrug, "I'm fine." I answer.

 "You should probably shower." she informs me, scrunching her nose.

 I feel the corner of my mouth lift in a wry grin. "I intend to."

 "No, I mean, you need to shower right now." I turn to look wide eyed down at her. She grinns impishly up at me. "It's the final test."

 I feel a rush of adrenaline and nerves. I can feel how idiotic I look with my mouth stretched in a ridiculous smile. I run to my room, Prim trailing behind me. "I'll just wait out here!" she calls from outside of my door. I shower in record time, and almost run straight into Prim when I burst through the door, hair still dripping water. Prim laughs, and reaches up to ruffle my hair. "I bet you aren't in a hurry at all." she teases, grasping my hand, pulling me down the hall.

 "I'm nervous." I confess after a few moments of silence.

 Prim squeezes my hand tightly. "Don't be. She's been great; the likelihood of her attacking you again is really very slim."

 I bark out a nervous laugh. "That's not why I'm nervous." I frown. "I thought things would get better once we got her out, I didn't anticipate this, what they did, that I wouldn't be able to see her or talk to her or ask her how she was doing. I regret not doing more. I regret not pushing them to get her out sooner. If I hadn't played the games the way they wanted she would have been fine, Cinna would have been fine, my prep team." I sigh. "Sorry."

 "It's not your fault Peeta. I don't blame you, I'm sure Katniss doesn't either. Wasn't that the plan anyway? She wanted you to get out of the arena not her; she's not going to blame you for what happened."

 "I still could have prevented a lot of this.” I sigh, hands shoved deep in my pockets, even as Prim tugs at my elbow, trying to get to one of my hands. She settles for giving my arm a reassuring squeeze.

 “The doctors will be outside of the room, just in case, but she’s honestly been great Peeta, she isn’t completely back, but she’s so much better.” She glances up at me and frowns. “It’s going to be fine, stop looking like that.” Taking a deep breath she smiles. “I’m going to leave you here, I promised Liam we would do our homework together, we’ll see you at dinner?”

 I frown, but nod.

 “Good.” She finally tugs my hand free from its pocket prison and gives it a tight squeeze. “You two will find your way back to one another, I just know it.” And then she is gone.

 “You’re free to go in when you’re ready, Mr. Mellark. We’ll be out here observing, let us know if you need anything. We’ll let you out again when you’re finished.” The doctor informs me, before stepping around me and into the observation area.

 I peek in through the small window and look at her for a moment. She is sitting on the edge of her bed, facing the door, hands resting on the bed, fingers clutching tightly at the sheet and her left leg bouncing with energy. She isn’t watching the door, but staring at the small table by the bed, chewing on her lip.

 I don’t get nervous that often, and when I do, it usually concerns Katniss. I watch her for a few more minutes, noticing that she seems to be as nervous as I am. I don’t actually ever remember her showing nerves before. I take this as a good sign moments before deciding it was now or never.

 I turn the handle and pull on the door, stepping inside.

Her eyes snap to mine, no to me. She is just sort of staring at me and I find myself frozen in place as the door shuts with a quiet ‘snick’ behind me. I watch her watch me, her knuckles turning white as she clutches the sheets tighter. I make to move towards her, slowly when she speaks.

 “Stop!” she calls, eyes wide, and I freeze again, one foot suspended in midair. She takes in a deep breath and let out a small, shaky laugh. “Sorry, I’m just, I’m trying to talk myself out of killing you.”

 I grin. “Ah, so just the usual then.” I tease, hoping that keeping it light is the better option.

 She looks away and smiles guiltily. “It isn’t funny, you know?”

 I frown. “Yes, I do, actually. Prim has been keeping me updated.” I watch her nod. “Katniss-”

 “Don’t, Peeta, please.” She looks back up at me, tears in her eyes.

 I lower my leg and side step to lean back against the wall and shove my hands in my pockets again. We are silent for a while, surveying one another. “You’ve changed.” I tell her quietly.

 She shrugs halfheartedly. “So have you.” She counters with a wry smile.

 “Didn’t have much choice.”

 “Yeah, me either.”

 Silence again for a beat. “I’m sorry.”

 She sneers at me. “I said don’t Peeta.”

 “I know what you said, Katniss.” I growl and feel momentary satisfaction at seeing her eyes grow wide for a moment. “And maybe you don’t, or can’t hear what I need to say right now, but one day, when you’re capable of listening, I’m going to tell you, everything. All of it, and why you deserve to hear me say that I am sorry.”

 “You have nothing to be sorry for.” She informs me.

 I roll my eyes. “What have they been telling you? About me? About what’s been happening?”

 “Not much actually. Prim tries, sometimes, well she used too, but it was just too difficult. Your name would sort of set me off. It would take a while for me to settle down again. I think she just gave up. I tried to fight it, I hated to do that to her.”

 “She doesn’t blame you Katniss.”

 “I know. It’s just hard to come to terms with this. Who I am now. I thought I was invincible, that I could outsmart him, but he knew how to play me. I was convinced that I was protecting you, protecting Prim, my mom…Gale. I wasn’t. I wasn’t any help to any of you. I’m just weak and stupid, just a foolish little girl who has almost gotten everyone she loves killed.”

 She stares at me defiantly, more so maybe to convince herself not to cry than anything else. “That’s not true. You saved all of our lives, that night. We would all be dead.”

 “I couldn’t save Cinna though, or your prep team. Or 12. Your parents? Peeta, that’s my fault. I’m sorry, so sorry.”

 “Can I move?” I ask quietly, hesitantly. She nods jerkily at me and I move one slow step at a time towards her bed before I pull over a chair from against the wall and sit down across from her, but far enough away that we aren’t touching and she can’t attack me without me being able to have a good chance to get away first.

 “What happened in 12 was not your fault.”

“It was. I’ve seen the footage from the Games, I know what I did, and why they retaliated.”

I shake my head. “Wrong. We did that. I share just as much blame for that as you. It had nothing to do with the arena. I mean, maybe a little, but if anything that only sped up the inevitable. For it to happen that shortly after? No, they were ready and waiting. That was premeditated. I think, probably from the moment we agreed to commit dual suicide to not give them a winner. It might have been your idea, your knowledge, but we both made them look bad.”

 “But mostly me. Peeta, Snow was after me, not you.”

 “Which is why I should have been the one he took, not you. I could have saved you from this Katniss.”

 She smiles sadly at the floor. “Not without killing me first though.” Her right arm reaches up to clutch at the collar of her shirt. “What they did to me? What _he_ did to me?” She shakes her head. “I, the old me, the me before all of this. I wouldn’t have been able to handle it, if you were taken instead of me, we both know that. After everything? I would have fallen apart Peeta. I don’t know how you didn’t.”

 “It was a close thing. Coin, well, she runs things a bit differently, and we’re getting ready to go to war. I did nothing for a while, I painted for a while, because it helped me forget that you were gone. I didn’t give up, but it was a while before we heard anything, we all assumed the worst had happened, but then, one night, there you were. I’m so sorry, Katniss, that I told that lie, that I wasn’t there for you.”

 She laughs bitterly. “Don’t be. Very few of the doctors believed me, but the people did, so we did it for them. Cinna explained it all to me. I’m sure it would have been different if they didn’t want me to try and recover.”

 “I’m still sorry, that must have been difficult.”

 “Only because I’m no good with my words, that’s all. I remember, you got me though that interview. Thinking about you. Thinking about what you would have said. I tried.”

 “You did great.” I assure her with the best smile I can manage.

 We don’t speak for a few moments. I wish more than anything that I could take her into my arms and hold her. I watch her face as she starts looking me over again, her expression thoughtful. She frowns and then looks up at me. “What’s that noise?”

 I jump slightly, canting my head to the right as I listen. “Oh!” I stand from the chair quickly, causing her to flinch. “Sorry,” I mumble, reaching into my pocket. “I forgot all about this.” I lift the small watch-like device to show her.

 “What is that?”

 I smile tightly. There are so many things I want to say, my leash, my tracking device. “It’s my comm link. Coin gave it to me in case she needed to get in touch with me. I get updates to my schedule sent directly here.” I read the brief message with a frown as I speak to her.

 Katniss bites her lip. “…Why?”

 “I’m important enough?” I shrug. “I’m in the military here, most people are, but the higher ups, we all have one.”

 “You…you’re in the military?” she fumbles through the sentence, disbelief written clearly across her face.

 I nod. “Yes, but if you’re up to it, I can tell you all about it later.” I shake the device again before snapping it around my wrist. “I’ve actually really got to go, whatever this is, it’s important.” I grab the chair and swing it around, back to the wall. I am in her personal space before she can react. A hand cups her cheek and I press my lips lightly, fleetingly against the warmth of her forehead. I feel her tense and step quickly away. “I’m proud of you.” I tell her, backing away towards the door. Her eyes are wide, face fallen slack with shock. “Stay safe, Katniss. I’ll see you later.” And then I am out the door and running.

 Whatever is going on, it isn’t good.


	18. Chapter 18

"Finally let you out of solitary, huh?" 

 I glance to my right, to find Johanna there, fiddling with my iv drip stand. "Yes. What are you doing?"

 "They took my meds away, obviously."

 "And that concerns me how?"

 "You still have some. Why are you on this anyway?"

 I sigh. "I had a slight incident last week, involving two of the doctors and my bed frame."

 "And they still let you out?" She whistles low as she unhooks my drip and attaches it to her iv hook up and then sits down on the edge of my bed, a blissful smile spreading across her face.

 "What happened to your hair?" I ask instead.

 "What do you think happened to it?"

 "Well, it looks like it all got cut off."

 "How astute of you." she drawls, rubbing her hand over her scalp. "How was your visit with lover boy?" she turns around, fixing me with an almost wicked grin.

 "I'm here, with you aren't I?" I sniff and then frown. "He's not dead, if that's what you're asking."

 "I know he's not. I spoke to him just yesterday. He was in here for some sort of final physical before he left."

 "Left? Where? Where did he go?" I sit up, leaning closer to her, my eyes wide with panic; I can even hear the frantic tone in my own voice.

 She shrugs. "He didn't say. Gale and Finnick were with him though, so where ever they are, they're there together. They seemed relatively upbeat about it."

 "We have to find out where they went." I breathe, feeling my throat constrict.

 " _WE_ " she says, waving a hand between the two of us, "Do not need to do anything. Whatever they're doing, it was probably handed down to them by Coin. I feel like we can safely assume they went to the front through."

 "The front of what?" my confusion, momentarily overriding my impending panic attack.

 "The war." She gives me a weird look. "I know you've been out of commission fire girl, but really? No one told you what has been happening?"

 I shake my head slowly. "No, not really. Maybe little hints I wasn't really paying attention to. Peeta said something last week when he was in, but I had trouble concentrating on what he was saying. We need to help."

 Johanna laughs and flops back across my bed. I hastily move my legs out of the way and tuck them underneath me as I sit up further.

 "Katniss. Again, we don't need to do anything. They all think you're a psycho bitch hell bent on killing Peeta. One meeting with him does not mean you're alright." She turns to grin at me again. "See look at you, one mention of his name and you go tighter than the string on your bow. You're a mess." she tells me, sitting up and turning to face me. She reaches out and grabs my hands, even as I try to flinch away. "Look, I know you've been through hell and back, and you're still on your way back, but you need to stop this. That boy" she smirks. "No, that _man_ , loves you. He's been through his own hell and back too. I talked to Finnick about it. He shut himself down, just sort of went with the flow of things, and completely immersed himself in training. And do you know why?" I shake my head. "So he wouldn't have time to think. To think about you, think about what you might be going through, so he wouldn't have to feel Katniss. And now you're back and broken, but the fact that he knows you're alright means he can keep going. Keep you safe in a way he couldn't before, and that means he's going to fight. So you need to calm down. He knows what he's doing. He also knows that you might never get better, but he's still going to love you, and if you never get better, and can't be around him, ever. He's going to understand, and let you go, because he wouldn't want you to suffer him."

 

I stare up at her, dumbfounded. "I think that's the most I ever heard you say at once."

 "Yeah, well, you needed to hear it. You need to get over yourself. And over whatever this is. Peeta can protect himself - even if it means protecting himself from you."

 Doctors move in and out of the medical area, sometimes my mom stops by to see me. She is different now, harder. Sometimes I recognize her eyes for my own from before this happened to me. Prim stops by, once she tried bringing Buttercup, regaling me with the tale of how Peeta brought him here, rescued him from Twelve. Buttercup sat on her lap, a low growl emanating from him as he stared at me; it wasn’t a good visit for me or the cat.

My days begin to pass in that blurry haze that seems to accompany all of my medical stays. Every so often I will wake up and think I am back at the Capitol, my machines going haywire. I would be strapped to the bed and sedated when that happened only to wake up to find Johanna frowning down at me.

Drowning, that is this feeling. That is what I am doing. They brake me out of one hell to put me in another. I wonder if I will ever stop feeling this way.

“Katniss?” I roll my head to my left, the voice is familiar. Pink hair, light, almost faded looking falls around her face in a tumble of loose curls. “Ah! You’re awake.” Her blue eyes smiles down at me.

“What do you want?” my voice is rough. I scrub my hands over my face, barely wincing at the tug of the needles under my skin.

“I came to see how you were holding up.”

“I’m fine, obviously.” I hear the curtain to my right pull and the bed sag under the weight of a person. Johanna is here. I lower my arm for her, and watch the girl I knew, but never really knew watch us with a frown. “Can I help you?” I ask, pulling her attention back to me.

“Oh! Yes, uhm, I just came to see how you were really. I’m heading out in a few days, and since you were my charge at one point in time, I just wanted-”

“What’s your name?” I interrupt. I hear Johanna snort something that sounds suspiciously like ‘pinky’ but I ignore her.

“Sera. My name is Sera, Sorry I never properly introduced myself before.”

“Yes, well, not like we met under the best circumstances.” I lift a brow as I survey her. She doesn’t look like much, even now, in the drab grey that everyone here wears. I remember being unimpressed with her when she took me to my room after meeting with Snow. My fingers dig into the flesh of Johanna’s thigh, her hand falls to mine, her thumb rubbing over the back of my hand slowly while I try to relax.

Prim and Haymitch had told me what they could about my rescue, apparently, most of it was due in part to this girl. I had trouble believing it.

“Where are you going?”

If she is bothered or surprised by my seemingly jumping from subject to subject, she has yet to show it. “To the front.” She says this in a way that indicated it should be obvious.

“You? To the front? What are you going to do? Smile at them until they die?” Johanna drawls. It is enough to get me to relax. She pats my hand and places it on the mattress. I watch from the corner of my eye as she gently rubs the crescent moon marks my nails had made.

“Oh, I don’t know.” she almost sings, as she draws out the words. “I like to think I’m pretty handy in a fight.” She stands and brushes off the front of her pants, Johanna snorts again. “Well, I need to go. I’m glad to see you doing better Katniss. I hope both of you recover well.” She spins on her heel and is out the door in a swirl of pink.

“Well, that was strange.” Johanna says, looking down at me. “That was strange, right?”

“Yes, it was.” I push myself up so I can sit, and turn to rearrange my pillows. “I-I met her at Snow’s mansion. We talked about paintings, and then she left me a Mockingjay Pin.”

“Wow, right under his nose too.”

“I thought she would have been dead long before the rescue. She didn’t seem like a very obedient servant. You know, the kind he probably wanted to keep.”

Johanna’s smile grows feral. “Then he was probably keeping her around for other ‘business’”

I scrunch my nose and push at her shoulder, “Disgusting.”

“What’s going on in here?” A gruff voice barks from the doorway.

“Haymitch!” I exclaim, reaching out a hand for him, beckoning him closer. He shuffles forward, grasping it and squeezing tightly while he frowns at Johanna.

“Oh, fine.” She sighs; detaching herself and hooking me back up. “You should try it sometime, it’s rather nice.” I frown and glare threateningly at her. “Yeah, yeah, I’m going.” She pulls the curtain back into place and I grin as I hear her sigh.

Haymitch settle himself on my bed and stares at me. I stare back. This seems to be what he and I do more than anything these days. Two completely damaged people, trying to fix themselves in the best way they know how. Rule one? Don’t talk about it.

“You should do something.” He blurts.

“So should you.” I counter.

He grins. “Not what I meant.”

“Clarify.”

“Get out of bed. You can tell everyone else you’re fine and content to lay here, but I know you, I know it’s killing you inside to be here, laying here, doing nothing. Your boys are off fighting a war, for you, you know, and you’re here, laying here, sleeping as you see fit.”

I frown. He is right, he almost always is when it comes to me, but it was never hard to figure out, he and I are one in the same at times, two peas in a pod, so likeminded at times it was terrifying.

“Are you doing anything?” The best answer is a non-answer.

“Everything I can. Can’t exactly fight anymore, not after. Well, I can’t. You still can though; it’s not too late for you.”

“Haymitch-” I pull my hand free from his grasp and clench my fists. “I don’t know if I can.” I want to cry. I want to run. I want to scream at him, make him leave. I want to disappear. Somewhere though, deep down inside of me, I can feel it, that defiance they tried to smother. Tried to stamp out of me. It is still there, weak, faint, scared, but there. I’m not dead yet. Just damaged beyond repair most days.

“Katniss. Look at me.” I react slowly, not wanting to look at him, but needing to do it anyway. “I don’t know, won’t ever know exactly what they did to you, but I know what they did to me. I can’t let you become me, and you’re so close already. You need to fight, not just out there, but in here.” He pokes my upper chest, “And in here.” And then pokes my temple. “You can’t let them win. You’re the girl on fire, the Mockinjay, the girl who started a revolution. Show them, show _him_ , that no matter what, you get back up fighting. You understand?”

I take shuddering breaths, swallowing thickly as I blink away tears. Since when did I cry? I brush my cheeks angrily and nod. “I understand. You’re right, as usual.”

He scoffs. “I’m your mentor, of course I am.”

“Mentor.” I hum the word. “You’ll see me through this then?”

“As if both of our lives depended on it.” Neither one of us mentions that it does, and so does our sanity.

“Johanna?” I call.

“Yes, I’ve been listening.”

“Well?”

“Of course I’m in!”

I turn to Haymich, the corners of his mouth lift in what could only be taken as a smile. “I’ll talk to Coin, it shouldn’t take long though.”

“I feel better already.”

He ruffles my hair, and I close my eyes as his hand rests for a moment longer on my head.

“It’s going to be fine.” He murmurs, but I know he means ‘we’re going to be fine.’

 

* * *

"I hate you right now; I just want you to know."

 "I hate myself right now." I wheeze. Johanna and I are currently running laps around part of the training portion of the compound. After our meeting with Haymitch things started to fall into place quickly. Coin was hesitant, but Haymitch, amazing mentor that he is (HA!) convinced her that my being able to be active and do things would be beneficial to my recovery process. I'd like to think that her knowing I was already a killer, along with Johanna helped to sway her. After all, soldiers who can't kill would be pretty useless.

 I have only met the woman once, and I’ve seen her twice in passing since they started letting me out of the hospital ward on a regular basis. I don't like her. She is a different sort of monster than Snow is, but she still gives me a weird feeling; and it isn't good.

 Johanna and I had gone through a thorough physical exam only five days prior and we had been found wanting. Any useful skills we might have had were long gone now. They are pretty reliant on rifles, which neither of us know anything about, but they are willing to allow me use of a bow. Something about keeping up Mockingjay appearances for the propos. Don't want any part of that either. However, I don't have much to worry about since I'm barely able to draw my bow. Johanna claims she's heard mutterings about them wanting to film me just sort of waving it around in the air and reading from a script. I am crossing my fingers that Haymitch can talk them out of that terrible idea.

 Most days when we are running I try to count, to keep my mind busy and away from my usual thoughts that plague me the rest of the day. I am having no such luck on today’s run.

 I am weak. I am pathetic. I am what they have made me. I have always been this, before I even became a tribute. I am like clay, malleable. Able to be shaped into whatever is best suited for what I am doing. I was a hunter, and then a tribute, then a killer, then I became dangerous. I became a pawn, I became scared, and I let myself become weak because of it. I was a tribute again, and then I was captured. I became a tool to be used against the rebellion; I was a faulty tool who needed reprogramming. I became something that was not me, something that terrified me, but I had no way to fight back. I became a programmed killer, to only be set loose upon the one man who wouldn't, couldn't fight me back. It would have killed me to kill him, because I know, deep down in that darkness that's still inside of me, that they would have brought me back to myself after the deed was done, because it would only have hurt me more. Together, we would have crushed the rebellion. The same way we started it. How could a nation recover when their beacons of hope were gone, dead, both at the hands of the Mockingjay.

 I can feel my feet pounding harder on the ground, the air in my lungs burning. My hands clenched tightly, nails digging into my skin as my vision starts to blur. This is what I am now. This is who I am. These thoughts plague me constantly. I have dreams of murdering Peeta, sweet, wonderful Peeta. 

 Gasping for breath as blood flows from a wound across his throat, eyes wide, staring at me as I sit in the growing pool of blood, smiling down at him. Shaking, convulsing, hands clawing at my own as I choke the very air out of him. Crying, but not making a sound as I draw out his death.

 Every night since they started to reverse my hijacking this has happened. No one noticed at first, since they were trying a bunch of experimental stuff, and my increased heart rate was mostly ignored because of that, and I wasn't going to say anything. When they finally started seeing a decent amount of progress they started to wean me off of things and that was when they first noticed. I tried to pass them off as bad dreams, which they were, but more often than not I woke up in a rage, all gnashing teeth and clawing hands. They changed my medications around and it helped a little, for a short period of time. I stopped waking up trying to kill people, most mornings. The reason I am still hooked up to pain killers is because I had a bad morning. They are hoping to take me off of it at the end of this week. Johanna isn't going to be pleased.

 I am a wreck and I know it, but I can't seem to help it anymore, no matter how hard I try. Prim recommends I meditate before I go to sleep every night, think of pleasant things, happy things, my meadow, whatever I thought might work. So far there haven't been any changes, but I am determined to keep trying, for what little remained of my sanity, and for him. 

 My legs are burning from the strain, and they finally give out on me. I stumble, drop to my knees and catch myself on my hands before I can face plant into the dirt.

 "-you crazy? What is wrong with you?!" Johanna is yelling behind me, and finally her feet come into my line of vision. I turn my head to the side and glare up at her, still heaving for breath. She bends over, eyes closed, hands on her own knees, breath coming in at the same rate as mine. She finally opens her eyes and looks at me. "Oh" She sighs. "Damn, are you alright."

 I shake my head slowly, breathing in through my nose now. "I don't think I am, no." I rock back up onto my knees, and then sit down, frowning.

 "Oh no, you aren't doing this to me now." She grasps my upper arm and pulls, I reluctantly stand. "I'm not giving you another pep talk, because I'm pretty sure I've hit my quota for the next several years. So instead? You're going to keep on running? You got me?"

 I nod slowly, my arm being pulled by hers as she takes off at a slow jog, my body reluctantly follows.

 We are quiet, and I focus on the noise of the class one fence section over, practicing drills and formations, their leader is yelling out commands. The quiet noises of our own feet hitting the dirt, our breathing.

 "You want to talk about it?" she broaches, half of a lap later.

 "No." I bite out.

 "Need me to find Prim when we get back?"

 "No, she doesn't need to know about this."

 "She's going to find out. You do know that right? She's got people on the inside or something, she knows everything." 

 I feel the corner of my mouth quirk up. It’s true. Prim seems to know everything that is going on. I am still conflicted about that, confused, concerned, a little impressed. I’m not sure how she has managed it, but I shouldn’t be that surprised. This is Prim, after all. People have a hard time saying no to her.

 "I don't need to talk to her about it either."

 "Ugh, I absolutely hate myself for what I'm about to say, but, you need to talk to someone Katniss."

 "No I don't. I have nothing to say, this can't be fixed. I can't be fixed. I'm completely broken, or haven't you figured that out yet?" I bite my lip, eyes wide at the anger in my tone.

 "Down girl." Johanna drawls. Simply smiling at me. "Look. Talk about it, don't talk about it. I couldn't care less, but don't make this training stuff more difficult for me. I was chasing you yelling your name for at least five minutes. We're just lucky those kids over there didn't notice." I roll my eyes, thinking everyone in the other area can hardly be considered kids, they don't look much younger than me. It is with a start that I realize that to Johanna they probably are kids, sometimes I forget she is a few years older than I am.

 "Do you ever have bad dreams?" I pant after a few more minutes of quiet.

 She barks out a laugh and I watch as she rolls her eyes. "Victor." she deadpans. I grunt in response. "I had gotten pretty used to them, and they had sort of stopped, well, not so much stopped, as I could easily ignore them, or I forgot them by the time I was getting dressed. Now though?" She runs a hand over her hair that is sprouting back, leaving it puffed up around her head, and wholly unflattering, but I’m not going to tell her that. "Now they don't stop, after what they did? I hate them, you know?"

 I nod, knowing exactly how she feels. "I do know." I agree. We fall into another lapse of silence.

 "You aren't going to ask?" she seems surprised.

 I lift a shoulder. "It's not my place to ask." I make a small humming noise in the back of my throat. "Also? Victor." I imitate her from earlier; this earns me a light punch on the arm.

 “I don’t dream of the arena so much anymore.” She offers.

 “Neither do I.”

 “I dream about my time in captivity. I never thought I would get out, and now that I am, I’m terrified they’ll find me again. Then it will be worse.”

 I hum in agreement. Johanna and I, we are different sides of the same coin. We have so much in common, but couldn’t be more different if we tried. The two of us bound in an inexplicable way that only a handful of people can understand, this doesn’t make our relationship all roses though. Some days are easy, effortless. We don’t need to say much, don’t want to, and don’t care to. Other days require words we are unprepared to utter aloud, let alone to another living soul. Today seems to be one of those days.

 “What do you think the simulations are?” she asks suddenly, gaze across the field where a few recruits are stumbling from an unassuming exit.

 “Whatever it is, it doesn’t look like it ends well.” I tell her, taking them in, watching them fall over one another as they try to get away.

 “Can’t be any worse than what we’ve been through already though, you know?”

 “And if it is?” I cough.

 “Then that Coin woman can go screw herself.  I’m not in this so she can torture me further.”

 “No, but she’s going to manipulate us until she thinks we’re passable.”

 “Out of the pot and into the fire.” She muses quietly.

 “As it always seems to be with us.” A shrill whistle sounds and we turn, a man is waving us down. “Finally.” I pant, taking off at an easy jog, Johanna trailing behind me.

 “Ladies.” He greets. We don’t answer, settling instead for leaning over, hands on our knees once more, trying to gather our breath. “I have word that you two are to start meeting with the rest of the recruits tomorrow. We’re starting rifle training.”

 “Woo.” Johanna wheezes, twirling a finger in the air, I look away from the man’s scowling face.

 “You’re both dismissed for the day.”

 We don’t need to be told twice, before we dart off to the showers.

 I am shrugging into my shirt when Johanna appears beside me, fresh out of the shower and wrapped in one of their standard rough, flimsy towels.

 “When do you think they’ll let us out?”

 “Out of where?” I ask, averting my gaze as she drops her towel and begins to dress. I start in on my hair.

 “The hospital. We’re out there training, but they insist on keeping us locked up.”

 “Well,” I start slowly. “I’m sure they don’t trust either of us to our own devices. I was trying to murder people a few weeks ago, and you’re hooked on pain medication.”

 “Like they even know.” She scoffs.

 “I’m sure they do.” I look over at her. “Look at you, you’re a wreck, and it’s only been a few hours.”

 “Shut up, like you know anything.”

 “Like hell I don’t.” I cross my arms over my chest and glare at her. “I’m on the exact same stuff, less of it, in fact. You don’t think my body was doing the exact same thing when you started stealing my stuff. That I needed.”

 “You didn’t need it. Those people are scared of you Katniss, you’re safer when you’re slow and bogged down with the drugs. I was doing you a favor.”

 “I don’t need any favors, least of all from you. Also, you think I actually believe that?”

 “Whatever, lets go.” She storms out of the room, and I trail after her, listening to her grumble under her breath the entire way back.

 Haymitch is waiting, sitting on a chair next to my bed when I walk in.

 “About time you showed up.” He growls, standing.

 I check my arm schedule that is mostly pointless, the only thing listed was training, but I hold it out for him to see. “Nope, right on time.”

 “You’re coming with me.” He responds, grasping my elbow. It is instantaneous, I can’t help it. After everything from the morning, my torturous thoughts, that dark part of my mind was apparently ready for an altercation.

 My arm jerks out of his grasp, my left arm swinging around, catching him in the gut, as he doubles over my right leg sweeps in and down, stomping on the inner arch of his foot. I hear Johanna yell my name, from somewhere far away as Haymitch wrestles with me, grasping my arms and tugging them behind me. I struggle before slamming my head back, hitting him in the jaw. I feel the pain bloom in my head, the warmth spread. I had caught him in the teeth. Finally it registers with me what is happening and I slump in his arms.

 Words are exchanged and Johanna rushes off while Haymitch stays, transferring me into a more relaxed hold as he mutters nonsense to me, trying to keep me calm. The doctors come rushing around the corner and I feel the heat of shame swell up within me. I blink away the angry tears; swallow it all down even as I clench my fists. My body is trembling and Haymitch releases his grip on my wrists to grasp my clenched hands, he squeezes gently, assures the doctors he is fine and that I need stitched up. No I would not be staying.

 There is an argument, Coin is almost called, but in the end I am getting stitched up by a less than pleased doctor. When I am given the all clear, Haymitch instructs me to follow him, instead of trying a repeat of our performance half an hour ago.

 “I would apologize, but I’m not sorry.” I tell him as we walk. I have no clue where we are going, but I will follow him to wherever he wants me to go.

 “Don’t need your apology. I got mine, you got yours.” He steps up to what I recognize as an elevator and presses the button. The doors slide quietly open moments later and he steps inside, to the back wall and turns around, looking at me, an eyebrow quirked up. “You coming or not? I don’t have all day.”

 I survey the small space, turn back to observe the hall we have just walked down and swallow thickly. I nod as I step forward slowly, starting and darting in quickly when the doors start to close.

 “Good choice.” He grunts at me, reaching over to hit a button and then we are moving.

 I shift my weight from foot to foot before swallowing what little pride I had left. “Where are we going?” I ask on a whisper.

 “To see an old friend.” I glare at him for a moment before opting to study the doors thoroughly.

 What feels like ages later the doors finally slide open again, revealing a dim hallway. Haymitch steps around me and out, I follow quickly. His pace down the hall is faster than I am anticipating and my thighs tremble a bit as I kept pace. Clearly my body is still tired.

 We round a corner, and finally I can see a door. A large double door, glass, with handles that ran the entire length of the pane, the room beyond appears deserted, but when we finally reach it and I step inside, I am proven wrong. There, in the middle of the room, sitting in the middle of a bizarre space that has hummingbirds fluttering around, is Beetee. He turns slowly, a small smile splitting his face.

 “Hello, Katniss.”

 


	19. Chapter 19

"Beetee." I haven't seen him since that night in the arena. Haven't even thought much about him either, but I am pleased to see he is alright. For the most part.

"How are you?" He asks gently. From anyone else this might have been pitying, patronizing even, but the pain I see reflected in his eyes is his own, and not for me.

I glance around a moment before settling on a shrug for an answer. He nods and I watch as he wheels over to a low table. I turn, looking around at Haymitch, he meets my gaze and waves a hand in the direction of Beetee. I roll my eyes at him as I follow the man in the wheelchair.

"I've made you something." He states when I step up beside him.

I feel my breath rush out of me in a long drawn out, wistful sigh. "Oh, Beetee, this is." My hands flutter out to hover, almost reverently above it. "This is amazing, it's lovely."

"It's yours. Take it." He plucks it up and rests it in my trembling grasp.

It is a bow, a glorious bow. I know I can't wield it yet, but oh how I wish I can. It is sleek, black, which is a little unusual, but it only makes it look even more dangerous.

I raise my head and smile at Beetee. "We thought it was time for you to have it," he explains, gesturing at Haymitch. "I designed it for you as soon as I was out of the hospital."

I gape at him when he says this. "I was - you didn't." I take a breath and nearly drop the bow. It's like it has come alive, woken up. It is practically humming in my hands. I wrap my fingers around it. "You didn't know I would make it back."

"Faith, Katniss, faith." He wheels over to a different table that has papers scattered across it. "The bow is yours, made for you, an extension of you. It will react to you voice, activate when you speak. In turn, you can turn it off if you desire by simply telling it 'good night'. I've also crafted some specialty arrows for the district, but kept the really good one for you." I smile a bit at this as he picks up a quiver. It's larger than the one I carried at home, and in the arena, but it has spaces for different arrows I quickly learn. He's pointing quickly, explaining as he goes. "Your regular arrows are right here, then we have incendiary and explosive ones. I've color coded them all for you. You'll find you can do a bit more with this bow than your average one. Increased accuracy, movement compensation. It's as fallible as you are though, so you still might miss. Maybe on version 2.0 I can get that corrected." He grins at me and he passes over the quiver.

"Thank you, so much Beetee. This is wonderful."

He laughs. "It was nothing, honestly, working on everything for you and Peeta and Finnick is the most fun I've had while I've been here."

I frown, but he misses it, so I bring my bow up and whisper 'Good night' to it, as instructed, before my brain can take me away again.

"We've got to go Beetee. I'm sure we'll be back later." Haymitch tells him before turning and walking out of the room.

"Bye Beetee, thanks again." I call, over my shoulder as I jog to catch up to Haymitch.

I follow him back down the hall and we wait outside of the elevator. "You know you didn't push the button, right?" I ask, looking at the unlit panel.

"I know." He checks his watch. "They're late." I'm about to ask 'who' when the elevator pings and the doors open. Plutarch. Haymitch steps in, grumbling about tardiness, and I have half a mind to wonder when he started caring as I follow him in, and we descend once more.

"Hello Katniss." Plutarch beams at me. I give him what I know is an uneasy smile and turn to the woman beside her. She is familiar to me. "This is Fulvia." He introduces and she practically melts. Large smile and simpering tones as she flutters around me, looking at me, talking at me, talking to Plutarch about me.

"Where are we going?" I ask as the doors open and we all step out. Plutarch glances at a card held in his hands, looks around the long hall and nods, taking off. "Where are we going?" I ask again, now chasing after him as Haymitch and Fulvia follow.

"Just down here. I wanted to get started on your propos."

"Well this looks like a weird place for it."

"Oh no, dear, this isn't the studio." Fulvia tells me.

"Ah! Here we are, now. To get this door- You! You there!" He hollers down the hall to our right. A guard is frowning, making his way to us at a brisk walk.

"You can't be down here. Restricted access."

"Yes, yes, I just need you to open up this door."

"You can't be here. Any of you. I need you to leave."

"And we'll be out of your way as soon as you open this door." Plutarch puffs up. "Now, I'm not sure if you know who I am, but-"

"I don't care who you are. I have orders, and the orders are, no trespassers." He pulls a gun from the holster on his hip and waves it between us all. "Now, I suggest you lot scurry off before I need to call the disposal unit."

I frown; the guy is clearly an idiot. I drum my fingers along the grip of my bow and whisper a quick 'hello' and feel it thrum back to life in my palm. I raise it quickly. I'm not sure what it is made of, but it is light, and it makes me smile. I pull an arrow from my quiver and string it, but refrain from pulling it taut.

The guard appears surprised for a moment before swinging his gun over to me. "Drop your weapon." He growls; bringing his other hand up to now cup the butt of the gun.

"You first." I smirk, jerking my bow up so the arrow is pointed right at his face. I look down at it to see which one I had pulled, relief floods through me when I note it is a regular one. What a mess an explosive one would have been.

I stare him down as Plutarch continues to fuss about getting the door opened. "Have you ever killed someone?" I ask, almost pleasantly.

"Sorry, what?" his voice is shaking.

"Killing a person, in cold blood. Dead. Have you ever killed a person before?" I watch his Adams apple bob in his throat. "Ah, well, that's too bad. I have. I've got no problem doing it again, right here and now. So I suggest you get that door open."

"I don't believe you!"

"Oh, for God's sakes." Plutarch huffs. "This is getting out of hand here. Just open the door, boy."

"Haymitch." I call over my shoulder; he is next to me in an instant. "Keys, left side."

"What are you doing?" his voice pitches higher as Haymitch steps closer to him. "Don't! You don't have clearance. I'll shoot!"

"If you were going to shoot us, we'd be dead already." I tell him as Haymitch plucks the keys from the belt loop they are attached to quickly before passing them off to Plutarch.  
"What's your excuse then?" he asks me.

I shrug, and lift the arrow from its rest. "I don't like killing people."

"Ah! Here we are!" I look over as Plutarch fits the key into the lock and the door pushes open.

I feel my bow and arrow fall from numb fingers as I push past Plutarch and into the room. "What the hell is this?" I snarl as I take in the sad forms of Octavia, Venia, and Flavius huddled together on the floor. The room is completely bare, save for them and the pungent odor of things I'd rather avoid imagining. I move carefully towards them, watching as they flinch away.

"It was Cinna's idea." Plutarch confesses quickly as I kneel in front of Venia and slowly reach out and gently touch the back of her hand.

"Veina, it's me, Katniss." I whisper. "Are you alright?" I question softly.

Her head moves, slowly nodding yes as tears gather in the corners of her eyes before marking a trail down her cheeks. Her hand rotates under my own and then she is gripping it tightly.  
"We're going to get you all out of here, are you alright to walk?"

"I am." Her voice is raspy when she speaks, and then I am helping her to her feet and then we both quickly help a reluctant Octavia and Flavius up.

"We're taking them to my mother." I decide, picking my bow back up, deactivating it and replacing the arrow back into the quiver. Fulvia is nearly beside herself and I keep expecting her to faint at any moment as we make our way back to the elevator. I raise a hand over my head to give a wave to the guard who stands, gaping after us.

We get to the occupied floors quickly, I find my mother as we get my prep team settled on hospital beds. Once my mother gets to work I turn to Plutarch. "I want an explanation for this."

"It was Cinna's idea." He repeats dumbly. Fulvia hands me a book with a halting hand, almost as if she is afraid of what I might do.

I take it from her, still glaring at Plutarch. "Cinna – Cinna is dead." I choke on a sob, but quickly gather myself together and clutch the book tightly. "He's not here anymore, so, you're going to need to elaborate."

"We got them out the same night you were rescued. If we were blowing everyone's covers we knew this was our only shot. They were needed. Cinna said they were needed. We would have gotten him out too, but, things didn't work out on that end. We had been keeping them in hiding in the Capitol because of this as soon as you were taken to the arena. When you were brought back, no one could find them. The search was extremely thorough, but in the end, they had to use Peeta's team." He takes a breath, looking over at the three of them before looking back at me. "Everything was fine at first, then they got caught stealing food after one of the meals, but I never imagined they would be treated like this just for trying to take food!"

"Yes, well, they're from the Capitol, it doesn't matter that they're here, or willing to help. Someone still sees them as the enemy."

"I'll go speak with President Coin about this if you don't mind. Fulvia?"

"Oh! Coming!"

I turn back to survey my prep team. "They're harmless." I whisper.

"Aye, but not everyone can see them as you do Katniss." Haymitch tells me.

"I'm more dangerous than they are." I argue; I am so angry over what they have suffered.

"I know, but you're still the face of the revolution. You won't be imprisoned here."

"I should be." I tell him quietly. "Sometimes I think they should have never come to rescue me."

"Yes well, Peeta never would have stood for that. I wonder sometimes, if you would have done what he did if he had been taken instead."

I smile sadly. "I wonder that every waking moment. I hardly ever like my answer."

Haymitch looks surprised. "You wouldn't have rescued him?"

"Oh, I would have, but then I would resent him, be angry at him for who they turned him into."

"He couldn't help it though."

I shrug. "I know that, but I've always been, well, rough around the edges, and he loved me any way. He was never, I think it would have broken something in me to have him hate me, because he's been, well so him, for so long, and imagining him as I am now? I hate it."

"You still don't deserve him."

"I know." I can feel my face screwing up as I try to swallow down all of my feelings, the anger, the terror, the sadness. So I step away. "How are they?" I ask my mom.

"They'll be fine in a few days. Malnourished, dehydrated, in need of a good shower, and a few decent nights rest and they'll be as good as new." She informs me. I smile and pull her into a hug as I thank her. "You need to get some rest too young lady." She scolds, holding me at arm's length.

I give a heavy sigh but smile at her before trudging over to my own bed. I prop my bow against the small night stand and sling the strap of my quiver over the bars that make up my headboard before falling into my bed. I toe off my shoes and loosen my hair, shaking it out as I kick my sheets around until they cooperate and go over my feet. I pull them up sharply as I lean back against my pillow.

"How did it go?" I hear Johanna whisper from the other side of the curtain. I groan as I run my hands roughly over my face. "That bad, huh?"

"Worse." I tell her, digging my nails into my hairline as I attempt to keep my breathing slow and even.

"Do you want me to get some help?" I open my eyes and meet Johanna's, this happens far too often for me to be startled by it anymore.

"No. I'll be fine, I just need a moment. I want to be able to go to training tomorrow."

She nods and grasps my wrists, tugging my hands away before pressing a cool glass into my hands. "It's water, drink it, slowly. It will help." She watches me shrewdly for a few moments before nodding and retreating back to her own bed. I finish the glass and sit it down gently on my bedside table and then pull the covers up over my head completely, so when I do lose it, no one would see.

* * *

 

"Pick up the pace ladies." Our leader calls.

I growl under my breath as I snap another piece into place. I glance over at Johanna and breathe out quickly through my nose. Looking around to check where mister-do-as-I-say is and determining that he is far enough away, and preoccupied with another person having trouble, I reach over and snap two pieces into place.

"I can do it myself." She hisses.

"Tell me that again when you aren't such a mess. You're barely able to hold on to the butt of the rifle. I'm amazed you got it apart and cleaned as well as you did." I look up at her face. "You look like you're going to lose your breakfast."

"I feel like I might. This is your fault this is happening." Her face is pallid and sweat is dripping down from her temples and beaded on her upper lip. She takes a slow breath in and pinches her lips together. "This is stupid." She hisses after a few moments.

I quell my own shaking hands long enough to snap the sight into place and then prop the rifle up on the low table we are working at. "It is, but it's better than sitting around in the hospital all day."

"I'd rather be doing that. Instead now I'm rooming with you."

I scoff. "Quit acting like that's the worst thing to ever happen to you."

"It's not." She returns, letting me take the gun from her as I finish assembling it. "Some days I think meeting you is the worst thing to ever happen."

I hum. "I don't get that too often; you'd think I would though." I grin, placing her reassembled rifle down in front of her.

"I talked to Annie yesterday." She flops back in the grass and throws an arm over her face. "She's doing really well, all things considered. Apparently Finnick isn't allowed to write her at all, and she can't write him. So he doesn't know."

"Doesn't know what?" I ask, only half listening as I peer through the sight, lining up my shot with a target stationed in the middle of the field. Shooting practice would be happening next.

"That you know." She waves a hand around and I frown. "Oh my God, Katniss. You really are brainless. Annie is-."

"Finished up here ladies?" I look up to find our instructor starting down at us. I give him a feeble smile and nod. Quickly he snatches up our rifles and looks them over. "Very good. I'm not used to seeing newbies with such promise."

"Yes, well, we tend to be pretty impressive." Johanna deadpans and I roll my eyes.

"Let's see how well you do hitting a mark then." He isn't very impressed by her continued attitude. Our rifles are handed back to each of us and he moves around to stand behind us to observe.

Having never actually fired anything but a bow before I take my time figuring out what I should be doing. The metal is cool under my hands, but I can still feel its power waiting to be unleashed. I line up my shot once more and get comfortable behind the table in the least awkward position I can manage. I take a deep breath and slowly squeeze my forefinger around the trigger. It doesn't take much, just a light pressure and the shot is off. The weapon kicks back into my shoulder and I hiss through my teeth even as I jerk away.

"Nice shot, kid." I look up, rubbing my shoulder. Right on target. Johanna is staring at me like I am crazy, so nothing new there, but, she looks just as shocked as I am.

"Your turn." I tell her with a grin, even as I settle back in behind the rifle to tinker with a few adjustments hoping to reduce the kickback, or at least fix it so it isn't so painful. Johanna's shot isn't as close to center as mine was, but she at least managed to hit the target, which is more than I could say for the majority of the recruits we are grouped with.

Training progresses for the rest of the day until evening. I am a quivering, sweaty mess by the time we finish up before dinner. We group up before we are dismissed. A pretty standard speech is given, and I don't pay much attention until the end "-and in a few weeks we'll be running you through your finial simulations and placing you with a squad. Some squads have already been placed out on the front lines; others have not yet shipped out. As soon as you have been placed you will be moved to be with them immediately. Be ready for anything."

"I like him, he's cryptic." Johanna whispers to me as we head in to the showers.

I decide not to answer, instead washing myself off and changing quickly.

"I'm heading to dinner. I'll see you there." I call as I walk out. I close the door on her angry reply.

Tonight is the first night I will be having dinner with my family in the dining hall. Since I have been quarantined for so long I normally eat alone. Since Thirteen is so strict about food, they could never eat dinner with me, only sit with me and watch me eat. Now that I am out though, they finally worked me around to a schedule that is even with theirs. I am understandably excited. I only wish Gale could be here too with his family, and then it would almost seem like old times. I frown briefly at the thought and then quickly push it away as I enter the large cafeteria.

"Little duck!" I exclaim quietly, draping a leg over the table bench next to Prim.

"Oh! Hey, Katniss." She throws her arms around me and I don't hesitate to pull her tight. "How have you been?"

I hold her at arm's length for a beat as I frown. "Shouldn't I be asking you that?"

She laughs, a light, tinkling sound that warms my very bones. "I haven't been doing anything exciting." She waves me off. "You've been busy though, rescuing your team, filming those propos."

I stick my tongue out and stand up. "I'm going to grab some food, I'll be back." I eye her for a moment, just drinking her in, how healthy and happy she looks, even here under ground. My eyes stray for a moment to the boy sitting beside her. I have never seen him before, so I know he isn't from back home. I wonder if he is from Thirteen or a refugee as well.

I meet back up with Johanna in line. "You know," I start as I pull a tray from the pile. "I thought the first time I would be here I would be handcuffed or restrained in some way with guards."

"No kidding. You're still crazy though." She returns.

I shrug. My inability to perceive reality at times is annoying, but it is so much better than it has been. My lapses are normal, or so the doctors have been telling me. The present isn't usually my problem though; it is the past that tended to trip me up, even on my good days. "Wanna sit with us?" I ask.

"No, I was looking forward to eating alone today." She gives me a weird look before continuing. "I don't know how you won the games." She pokes me in the center of my forehead. "You keep proving to me you've got less and less up there."

I swat her hand away and heft up my tray. "Let's go."

We arrive back at the table without incident. Prim is there, chatting happily away to that boy again when we get there.

"So who's your friend?" I ask, leaning back to get a better look at him. He is a cute kid.

"Oh! Katniss, this is Liam. Liam has been dying to meet you ever since you got here. He's Peeta's ward. Well, mom and I are letting him stay with us now since Peeta's at the front, but Peeta rescued him from District 8."

"Hi! Katniss, Hi, I'm Liam. I'm so excited I finally get to meet you. Peeta told me I would need to wait, and I've been waiting, and here you are!" He rambles quickly.

I smile uneasily, unused to such exuberance. "Nice to meet you Liam." I take his outstretched hand in mine and shake it twice before letting it go. "So District 8 huh?" I ask, turning to my food and starting to eat.

"Yeah. I was, well I was in the building they had as a hospital. I sort of invited myself to go with Peeta, I'm not sure he was such a fan of the idea, but then the Capitol attacked."

I nod, thinking back to when I woke up in that room somewhere underneath Snow's mansion, practically submerged in District 8. I knew Peeta would have had a hard time turning him away to begin with, but after the attack? No one would have been able to tell him no. Peeta Mellark, rescuer of the downtrodden, knight in shining armor. The Capitol had tainted most of my memories of him, but the one that had steadfastly remained was the night he saved my life.

Liam is now rambling on about how awesome Peeta is and Prim is laughing at him as he recounts an evening they spent together not long before he had to go to the war front. Johanna is poking at her dinner with a finger and frowning at it. I look at my own plate; food is food though, so I'll eat it, no matter how unappetizing it looks.

"Hey Katniss, hey!" I look over at Liam again, frowning again as he barrels on. "Do you have any good stories about Peeta?"

"No." I shake my head and quickly stuff a forkful of food into my mouth, even as I watch him deflate. This kid and Peeta, they were like two peas in a pod.

"Oh, I thought you would. He had some stories about you, you know?"

"Liam," Prim interrupts with a smile at both of us. "Let her eat, it's been a long day for her I'm sure."

"Yes, please let us eat." Johanna growls. "I can't handle much more of you talking today."

"Jo." I cut in, glaring at her even as I watch Liam's lip tremble. "She didn't mean it. Not really. She's always grumpy." I try to placate.

"I am not."

"Yes you are!" I wave a fork over my tray. "Just eat your food." She huffs for a few minutes while glaring at Liam and Prim before she finally does start to eat.

The table was awkwardly quiet for a while before Liam starts up again. "So, Katniss. Did you get a cool toy too? From that guy in the hummingbird room?"

"How do you know about Beetee?" I ask sharply.

"Duh, Peeta told me." He rolls his eyes at me, "After he came back with this awesome thing. He got a new leg! And it's so cool!" He takes a deep breath. "Did you get a cool thing like that too?"

"Well, I didn't get a leg," I tell him slowly, and then feel my lips quirk up a bit. "But I did get a new bow."

He is silent for a beat before his eyes grow wide and I watch Prim hide a smile behind her hand. "Oh wow! Can I see it? Can I? Oh can I, please?"

I lift a shoulder, but nod. "Yeah, sure. Don't see why not. I'll come over to the room after dinner."

"Yes!" he hisses, drawing out the 's' as he scrunches up his face and brings his fists up close to his chest in a show of victory.

I smile at him and then beam when I notice Hazelle making her way over with Rory, Vick and Posy following behind her, young Posy gripping on to Vick's arm as Rory balances two trays.

"Hi Katniss." Hazelle speaks to me softly, gently, setting her tray across from Johanna's. I can practically see Johanna's struggle to stay where she is as Rory plops his trays down next to her and shuffles Posy around so she's sitting on his knee and squeezed between him and Vick.

"Hey Hazelle." I return. I'm glad to see her. I knew they had made it out safely with Gale, but I had yet to see them all. My heart swells in my chest with the familiarity of having all of the Hawthorne's around me once more, well most of them.

We all exchange easy banter until the end of dinner, and I can't help but feel relieved because a slow, persistent throb is starting up in my head. Johanna and I head down to our rooms and I scoop up my bow before turning to look at her as she flops back in her bed.

"I'll be back in a few."

"Yeah, yeah." She waves a hand at me as she closes her eyes. "I'll put off starting the party until you get back."

I roll my eyes as I head across the hall and knock.

My mom opens the door and smiles at me. "Liam told me you would be coming by." I falter for a moment, unsure if she means what she's saying without words. I haven't stopped by, not once. I haven't really thought to. My mother and Prim have been in and out of my space in the hospital constantly, checking on me, visiting me, and now that I'm out I haven't made an effort to return that gesture. I am only now stopping by because Liam wants to see my bow.

The apology slips out before I can think about saying anything and my mother frowns at me before pulling me out of the hall and into their room. It's identical to ours, only there are a few personal items in the room. A picture of my parents, the book I had worked so hard on and there, draped over the back of the chair is my dad's old jacket. I'm glad I have the bow slung over my shoulder because I can feel my entire body become limp with shock, my eyes growing wide.

Prim and my mother both follow my gaze and Prim hops off of the bed, brushing fingers gently over the jacket before picking it up and turning to me with it. "How?" I ask softly, my fingers reaching out slowly, running over the softened, supple leather before I take it gently from Prim and hold it up to my face.

"Peeta." My mother says simply and Prim nods. I close my eyes tightly and fight the warring emotions in me. Even after everything, even knowing I could have been dead. Peeta went back to Twelve. I knew he had rescued Buttercup, but I never imagined he took anything else with him. Another thing I will never be able to thank him for.

I clear my throat and hand the jacket back to Prim as I turn to Liam, who has been sitting quietly and patiently on the bed. I unsling the bow and hold it awkwardly in front of me. I've never really needed to showcase a weapon to anyone, so I'm a little unsure of how to go about it. Liam tilts forward on the bed to he's precariously close to tumbling off face forward, but he manages to keep his balance. He breathes out an awed breath as his eyes go wide and he takes it in.

"What does it do?" he asks, looking up at me.

"Um, well, I have some special arrows for it, but the bow it's self will react to my voice, and sort of supercharge what I can normally do with it."

"Oh wow. That's so cool!" he slips off of the bed and walks two paces closer to me. "Can I touch it?" I'm hesitant, but the bow isn't active, and I have no arrows for it, so I don't see much harm in it. I know it's made of resilient stuff. Beetee made it to get me through a war; a young teen wasn't going to do too much damage. I hold it out and he lifts it gently from my hands. My mother is frowning at me, probably for letting someone so young handle a weapon, but I only shrug. I'm sure he's seen worse before, plus I was much younger when dad taught me.

"This is cool," he repeats, "But Peeta's leg is way cooler." I snort before I can help myself and Liam glares up at me, righteous indignation alight in his eyes. "It is. He's got knives and a gun and poison darts hidden in there, and that's only the stuff he told me about. He said some of it had to stay secret."

I'm stunned into speechlessness. I had no idea that Beetee would equip Peeta with something so dangerous. I feel a tremor of rage flow through my body. I'm not sure what I'm truly angry about, if it's the fact that Peeta has a 'cooler' weapon than I do, or the fact that he so easily equipped it pushed him farther from my reach once more. It seems the more I learn about post-Quarter Quell Peeta, the more different he is from my Peeta.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know that." I tell Liam softly as he hands me back the bow, and he just smiles, hopping back up onto the bed. I turn to my mother and Prim. "I should go. Long day. Uh, goodnight." I back out of the door and rush into the room I share with Johanna, slamming the door behind me.

"You alright, brainless?" she asks, looking up at me.

"I-I'm not sure." I manage as I throw my bow down on the bed and move through to the bathroom to take another shower.

"Alright, well, don't drown in there, because I'm not coming in to save you."

"It's just water." I call back. She doesn't respond.

I turn on the taps and shed my clothes. On principal I try not to take long showers, but tonight I decide I will. I step into the lukewarm spray and close my eyes. Peeta has been gone for almost two months now. I know he's still alive because I see him on the television every so often. They keep saying they're fighting, but it looks more like staged drills to me.

I find myself equal parts panicked and excited about seeing him again. I didn't kill him the last time I saw him in person, which was promising. I definitely had a strong urge to do it, to hurt him, but I've been getting a better handle on the monster inside of me. My memories are still a muddled mess and I have trouble determining what is true about the past and what isn't, but if I was going to be graded just on my urge to kill Peeta, I am doing really well; passing with almost flying colors. People can mention his name, mention him, even I could think about him without flying off the handle and attacking the closest thing or person to me now. It has taken months to get here, but I am still proud of myself.

The last time I saw him, we both thought we would see each other later. He probably got sent out that night. I have a hard time wrapping my head around a military Peeta. Peeta is just, he is Peeta. He is gentle and kind and painted and saved stupid cats and stupid girls. He just isn't a military guy in my head. I have a hard time reconciling the new Peeta I had met before he left. He was different, harder. His eyes held something new, and I couldn't place that difference in him then, but I know it now. His eyes are what were so different. Sure he is all hard muscle and holds intimidation in his stance, but I can still see Peeta beyond all of that, even if it hurts to see him so changed. It was his eyes though that had been haunting me since then. There was a hard glint to them, they were pained and guarded at the same time. Like there was a storm brewing there.

It hurt to see him so changed, but I know I have changed just as much since the arena and I can't fault him for it.

I step out of the shower and turn off the water as I wrap a towel around my body. Knowing that I need to go to war to see him again makes me slightly uneasy, but I know what has to be done, that Snow needs to be destroyed.

Shuffling to my bed, I move my bow and climb in. I listen to Johanna's light snoring for a few minutes before I try to fall asleep. I am restless and it is all Peeta's fault. I need to see him, to talk to him. I have questions that only he knows the answers to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm back! This isn't 'new' if you're caught up over at FF, I've just started writing this again, and realized I wasn't up to date over here, and I apologize for that, also for the super lengthy hiatus I took. A lot of life came at me hard and fast, and I'm just finding my muse again. I know the fandom is kind of dying out, but I really want to wrap this story up in my lifetime. I have a bunch of fun & fluffy Everlark chapters half written for the future that I can't wait to get to!  
> Let me know what you think, you can find me on Tumblr at hellomelusine, and please feel free to pester me about this story.  
> We've got 6 more chapters to go until I'm caught up on what's posted on FF, I'll do what I can to get the edited and up over here as quickly as possible. Thanks for all of the kudos so far, and for sticking with me if you have.


	20. Chapter 20

It's been two weeks now. Two weeks since I ran though my last simulation and was stamped with three numbers. 451, the sharpshooter squad. I'm still not sure how I qualified to get on here, granted I have gotten a lot better at hitting a target than I had been when I first showed up in Thirteen, but I was no sharpshooter, and neither was Finnick. The only one who really qualified was Gale as far as I knew, but there were other people on this squad too.

Boggs for one, he is our commander and seems to be thrilled to be out of Coin's shadow back in Thirteen. Jackson, the second in command and then Homes, our most senior member of the squad; I haven't seen him in action yet, but I hope he's one of the best. Then there's Mitchell, quiet guy, tends to keep to himself and then rounding out the group are the Leeg sisters. We've just taken to calling them Leeg 1 and Leeg 2 because they're practically identical in uniform. I think Boggs can sometimes tell them apart, but that might just be luck.

Finnick groans next to me where we're lounging against the side of a building. The bricks warm from the sun beating down on them all day. "This is boring." He complains, snapping his net taut and inspecting it for the umpteenth time that day.

I hum in agreement even as I watch Gale and Boggs sitting at a roughhewn table across from one another, papers scattered over the surface, held down by rocks and weapons. They're gesturing to the mountain not far from us and I know deep in the pit of my stomach that whatever they're planning, it's not good.

"What do you think the girls are doing?" Finnick asks me suddenly, putting the net down beside him.

I idly scratch at my forearm as I look over at him. "A fancy tea party?"

I get shoved hard and scramble to keep my balance. "Peeta. Have you met Miss. Everdeen before?" He grins at me.

"She cleans up nice." I defend. "And she likes tea." I think back to chilly evenings spent at my place or hers, painting, baking or working on her book; sometimes just sitting in silence, together, each of us clutching warm mugs of tea.

"Fancy tea though? I don't even think Annie would go for something like that. Jo definitely wouldn't."

I shrug. "Coin had been discussing fast tracking Katniss and Johanna through the Military program to get them out here with the 'Star Squad'"

"Is that a good idea?"

"Well, she didn't try to murder me last time we met."

"Yeah, but if she does that, and makes it through and Coin puts her out here…" he trails off, leaving the sentence open, but I know what he means, what he wants to say but cannot. I've been a key player in Coin's games, and if she puts Katniss out here, I've lost my value. She's ready to pit my life against hers, and Coin and I, and even Finnick knows who would win that fight.

"I'm not going to worry about it. I still trust her with my life." I decide to respond.

"Love is a funny thing." He tells me, his voice soft. I look over to find him with a huge grin on his face.

I punch his arm. "Alright Mister Newlywed," I tease "I get it."

"Doubt it." He sings, and then straightens. "Look out. Boss man coming over."

I sit up straighter too, then fight a laugh when I see it's just Gale.

"What are you two doing?" he asks, glaring down at us. Gale might tolerate me on a good day, for the sake of Katniss, but Finnick? Forget it. I still haven't figured out why this is, but I've come to accept it.

"I've been making repairs on my net." Finnick lies easily. For all the inspecting he does, the net is in pristine condition. He's yet to use it, and Beetee makes quality stuff, so there's no way it would have wear and tear even after its first ten uses. I bite the inside of my cheek to stop from grinning.

"And you?" Gale asks, now turning to look at me.

"Me?" I reach up and rub my hand over the back of my head, grinning easily now. "I've been supervising. This guy," I toss a thumb in Finnick's direction. "Easily sidetracked, gotta keep an eye on this one. Still spouting love poems at the drop of a hat."

Finnick does laugh now, and I feel my grin widen even more as Gale now scowls at us. "Well knock it off. They want us to film a few things, and then we want to go over the plan for the Mountain."

"Settled on something then, have you?" I ask, using the wall to help haul myself up.

"Tentatively, yes, we have. Now let's go."

"I hope Katniss and Jo get here soon." Finnick whispers to me. "Someone needs to put this guy in his place. I'd hope permanently, but since he's Katniss' _cousin_ I'll just take what I can get in regards to that." He lifts his trident over his shoulder and drapes the net over his arm as I'm agreeing with him. "So, what windows do we get to shoot out today?" he inquires loudly to Gale.

Gale looks as though he'd like to respond with something more impressive, but gives up and opts to frown, pointing to a building to our left.

"Oh! I like those." Finnick decides after a moment, and I roll my eyes. "Seems like a waste of stained glass, but let's get to it! Gotta show those Rebels we're really useful."

I decide, in this moment that this is why Gale has a problem with Finnick. Gale takes being a rebel seriously. It is serious, this war is serious, everything about this is serious, but what they're reducing us to is not serious. Gale wants to be the hero, he wants to be recognized the way we are, so he takes this seriously. Even if we're only shooting out windows for the cameras, Gale is still working. He's been hatching this plan to bring down the Mountain since we got here two weeks ago. All of his ideas so far have been complete crap, but he keeps trying.

Finnick is not taking anything happening here seriously. Why should he? We've been useless the whole time, only brought in after the majority of our forces came in and carved out a space free of Peacekeepers for us to stay in. We can fight and we aren't being utilized and Finnick is lashing out the best and only way he knows how. With mockery. I wonder what could be going on in Gale's head every time this happens. It must irk him more than us to see how useless he really is, how much of a prop he is for these people, and then when Finnick points it out even more?

We're lucky, Finnick and I. We're Victors already, know the price of that fame, he much more than I, but we've both been used as a prop, a piece in their games to further the agenda of the Capitol. We're still being used this way, but this time by the Rebellion, and we're still just as helpless to stop it, I wonder how long it will take Gale to catch on and play along. I had always assumed he had a smart head on his shoulders, could see through the smoke screen, but I guess now he's a bit blind to it, wanting that recognition that we all have for himself. It's not enough that he's got a great camera face. Cressida loves him, can't get over how handsome he is every time we need to film. I almost feel bad for the guy. Not enough to ever try and bail him out though.

Finnick swaps out his trident and net for the standard issue rifle they gave him and scoops some dirt up from the ground, running it over his hair and patting it on his face. "Do I look like I've been working hard?"

I laugh. "You look like you fell face first into the dirt."

"Same thing." He informs me with a shrug.

"Over here boys." Cressida calls and we fall into line. She has us all lie down in the dirt behind a pile of sandbags. "Now, I want a nice clean shot of this, no reshoots, got it Finnick? Serious face this time, please?"

He waves a hand in the air at her. "Yeah, yeah. No smiling."

"Good. Places then." We shift around for a few moments, angle our guns properly and each give her a thumbs up, then she calls 'action'  


* * *

Sera pops in and out of our camp periodically, if only to give Boggs updates on what the other troops are doing and when new recruits will be arriving for us. Sometimes she stands around and watches us shoot fake things, other times she offers to help take down the 'bad guys'.

Finnick finds her amusing to have around camp and is usually for her helping us out with shooting stuff, Gale never is; Boggs always gets called in to make the final call. She has yet to be allowed to shoot stuff with us.

I'm not quite sure what her title is officially, but she primarily plays liaison for Plutarch since he refuses to come here himself. She sets up video communication calls with him on a regular basis; most of them happen in our camp since Gale and Boggs are heading up the plan to bring the Mountain down.

The Mountain is a fortress, housing people and weaponry. It had been hollowed out early on in the forming of the districts and the internal infrastructure was reinforced; and barracks and arsenals, computer terminals and meeting rooms were constructed in it, turning the Mountain into a military base. Trains ran through it and out to deposit workers in the square of District 2, which was where the bulk of our problem was, we had yet to capture the square, so things were running business as usual for most of the District.

We stay cocooned in our own small pocket of the district; relaxing during the day and lying awake and restless at night. Finnick and I have petitioned several times to Boggs to be allowed to fight and not even an hour passes until Sera shows up with a message from Plutarch about why we can't, about what we mean to the rebellion.

"We should just do it." Gale says walking over to us where we're resting once more against the warm bricks of a building.

"Yeah, right." Finnick rolls his eyes. We have retreated here after another failed persuasion attempt, we are currently waiting for Sera to show up.

"We could do it." I say slowly, the idea and resolve to do it coming to me.

"We can't sneak out of camp, Peeta."

"Don't really have to." Gale informs him, Finnick frowns up at him. "I mean, yes, we'd be sneaking out, but we could go for a walk."

"They're not stupid Hawthorne." Finnick spits then takes a deep breath. "Look, we're all restless, you probably more so since you're really failing on the plan to bring that mountain down." He speaks quickly, before Gale can open his mouth to protest. "We aren't friends. Peeta and I could get away with going for a walk, but all three of us? We barely tolerate one another."

Gale shifts uneasily in front of us for a moment. "You don't know what it's like. To have to be around the two of you every day, while everyone is fawning over you-"

"Cressida loves you, she fawns over you all the time." Finnick interrupts and I shrug, because we all know it's true.

"Not like that, that isn't what I meant." He takes a deep breath. "Look, I don't expect you, either of you to understand. I'm trying my hardest out here and no one notices, and you two are doing nothing, but people still respect you."

"Look, Gale, I'd feel bad for you, I really would, if we lived in an alternate reality where we didn't have to fight to the death to get the attention we have. For the record, I'm not sure if you've heard, but being us isn't all that great."

"Finnick's right, Gale," I tell him softly, interrupting the tangent I know Finnick is about to go on. "We would both willingly trade what we have right now, whatever sort of perks you think we got. At least you're still in one piece," he frowns at me. "There's more than one way to be incomplete and broken. So, stop taking it out on us for once, we didn't really choose this. And as much as I'd like to sneak out of camp to help everyone, as much as I think we could do it? I don't think we'd get very far before we were reported or they came after us to drag us back. So just," I run a hand through my hair and frown when I notice how long it's getting, "Just let it go for now, alright? You'll figure out a plan for the Mountain and then we'll finally all be put to use fighting. So work on that."

Gale's nostrils flare and then he turns sharply on his heel, stalking away from us.

"He's always so pleasant." Finnick sighs after a quiet moment, I hum in agreement.

Weeks pass slowly, a good plan for the Mountain still hasn't been agreed upon and I'm at the point where I think they should just completely raze the entire thing when the comm links ding and we get a message that new recruits will be arriving within the hour.

"Great." Finnick sighs, now building a tower of cards. "I love breaking in the newbies. How many have we had here? Ten? Twelve? They've all been awful."

"Maybe we'll get someone good this time." I'm always hopeful. Not many of them last out here with us, they get moved to a different division because Cressida doesn't like the way they look on film, or they're too stiff or aren't doing the right thing; other times Gale scares them off. Which is just as well.

I watch as Finnick readies the last two cards and I grin as I bump the table, everything tumbling down. "Dammit, Peeta!" He huffs, throwing the last to cards down. "That's twice now!"

"Can't help it, bum leg." I feign innocence, but he sees right through my act and I get a solid punch in the arm for it.

"Look alive, you lot." Boggs passes by. "They're landing now."

We both grumble as we stand, following Boggs and the rest of the squad to where the hovercraft is now landing. We stand in loose formation and I pop a dagger out of my leg and fiddle with my nails and catch Finnick out of the corner of my eye toying with some of the pins on his uniform.

"Just one today, Boggs." The pilot calls out from the window and we all frown at one another as the bay doors open, and then I feel like an idiot for not figuring it out immediately as I feel the breath whoosh from my chest and I'm staring at Katniss, bow slung over her back and rifle in her hands, looking tiny in the dark open maw of the ship.

She hops out quickly and the doors start to close behind her. Boggs meets her halfway, shaking her hand, exchanging pleasantries; she gives him a wry grin and looks around at our motley crew. I watch her expression tighten as she takes me in, soften a bit at Finnick and then practically melt at Gale. I try hard to fight the glare, but know I've failed when I get an elbow to the ribs.

"Everyone, this is Katniss Everdeen. Newest recruit." Boggs informs us and she gives him an incredulous look, she knows we all know who she is, and she knows who most of us are. Boggs just shrugs. "As you were then." He concedes.

I see Gale step forward, open his mouth, but Katniss has ignored him and is on a straight path to Finnick and I. I try not to feel completely gleeful when he stalks after Boggs.

"Where's Jo?" Finnick asks in lieu of any greeting.

I watch Katniss frown again and I realize I've never seen her face this animated before.

"She failed simulations." Katniss bites her lip and I can see her weighing her next words. "When she was, when we were in the Capitol – everyone knows what happened to me, no one ever cared to find out what happened to her. It's not my place to tell you, but she failed the simulations because of it."

The mood is tense for a moment as Finnick is frowning and nodding. Katniss' eyes drift to mine for a moment and I can feel the idiotic grin spreading on my face. She looks good, great even, healthy of course, but more alive than I remember seeing her. I wonder if she's still on medication.

"Oh!" She places the rifle, almost carelessly, on the ground and starts patting her pockets. "I almost forgot; she would kill me too." She mumbles. "That's what I came over here for," she smiles up at Finnick as she pulls open a pocket near her knee. "Sorry, my memory isn't the greatest anymore, gets short circuited." She glances at me and I feel guilty immediately but she waves me off. "Don't even start. I'm much better now, besides, they shot me full of something before I got on the hovercraft." She takes a deep breath and pulls a folded up piece of paper from the pocket, she unfurls it with a flourish and I see it's an envelope. "I know you can't write back, and if anyone asks I have absolutely no idea where this came from, but I promised some girl who's head over heels for you that I would pass along this love letter that she wrote you. Can't remember her name though, Amelia, Abigail, something with an 'A', I hope she signed it, otherwise you'll never know." She teases.

Finnick is laughing and I'm smiling too. I honestly don't know who this Katniss is, but she's a breath of fresh air. I watch for a moment as Finnick reaches for the letter and she pulls it out of his grasp at the last second several times before she finally hands it over. He grins at me and I laugh, clapping him on the shoulder.

"You should go read that." I tell him and he stares at me mutely for a moment before nodding with wide eyes and scampering off to his tent.

Katniss and I stare after him until he's gone and then she scoops up her rifle and holds it in in her arms, propped against a shoulder. "You have any experience baking in these conditions?" she asks me after a moment.

"What?" I ask dumbly, surprised she's talking to me at all, but elated at the same time.

"Baking." She repeats.

"No, why?"

She smiles absently and lifts a shoulder before she walks away.

"Where are you going?" I ask, almost tripping forward in my haste to follow her.

"Gotta talk to Boggs about this Nut, and I'm having a hard time with this right now."

"With what?" I ask, like an idiot, and then it hits me. "Oh, I thought-"

She stops and turns to look at me. "So did I." she nods. "Guess no matter how much you think it, the only real test can happen in person." She pauses with a frown. "I met Liam, told me to tell you hello. I'm also supposed to give you a hug, but you're going to have to forgive me for skipping out on that right now."

"Of course. I understand." I nod. I do understand, but the selfish part of me is throwing a fit.

She looks over at Finnick's tent and lifts her head in that direction. "You're going to want to be over there soon I think."

"What? Why?" I ask; I barely hear what she says; I'm too busy drinking in the sight of her again after so long.

"Just trust me." She smiles softly and I know she knows something I don't. "I'd like to talk to you later, maybe not today, but sometime, when I'm not armed to the teeth."

I laugh uneasily, but agree quickly and I watch her turn and walk away. Watch her greet Boggs again and then Gale, frown when he pulls her into a hug she doesn't pull away from, and turn away when it lasts a little too long.

I wander over to a table outside of the tents Finnick and I reside in and carve designs into its surface with my knife. Finnick shouts and I start, driving the knife farther into the surface than intended. I'm prying it free when Finnick stumbles from his tent, tears in his eyes and beaming. I'm about to ask what is happening when he laughs and shoves the letter in my face. I skim over most of it, picking out words, her declarations of love, how much she misses him and then I come to it. Finnick is now almost bouncing on the balls of his feet and he's recovered his pieces of rope and is now frantically tying loose knots in his excitement.

_'I wish you were here so much, but Katniss has promised to deliver this and not ruin the secret. How I wish you could have been the one I told first, how you deserve to be the first one to know, but our life has never been fair to either of us. Finnick, this seems so trite to write it in a letter to you, but I'm pregnant, you're going to be a dad.'_

I don't bother to read the rest of her letter. I pass it back to Finnick, shock present first and then joy. "Finnick-"

"I know!" He snatches the letter back and folds it up, tucking it away in a pocket. He smiles back up at me and we embrace each other, patting each other hard on the back.

"Congratulations!" I finally manage, the shock wearing off at last. "This is great! This is huge! We need to celebrate. Right away."

"I'm going to be a dad." He whispers, looking half a mile away as I smile once more at him. I couldn't be happier for him, everyone deserves a bit of joy, especially right now.

"Oi! You two, what's going on?" Boggs is making his way over now, surly looking Gale and a smiling, knowing Katniss trailing behind him.

"I'm going to be a dad." Finnick repeats, a little louder than a whisper again when they get closer. I watch Katniss bite her lower lip for a moment and then step around a shell-shocked Boggs and Gale to pull Finnick into her arms.

"I'm happy for the two of you; it's all Annie's been talking about for the last two weeks. I promised her I'd give you this, and this." She blushes even as she pecks him on the cheek, and I can see this snaps Finnick out of his stupor, and then it's too late and he's swept Katniss up in his arms and he's spinning her around laughing as she tries to escape. "Finnick! Let me down!" she cries, hitting his shoulders and then he has wrangled her hands into his own and has swept her off in a dance that I saw performed in the Capitol during our Victory tour. Katniss is still yelling at him, but he is now loudly singing a song out of key to drown her out. I know Katniss could break out of his hold in seconds if she truly wished it, and no matter how much she hates what's happening right now, she won't spoil this moment for him, and I wonder who this creature is once more.

Finnick settles down long enough for Gale to rescue Katniss and to let the rest of the squad know. Our luxurious provisions are few, but we manage to wrangle up some decent stuff. Leeg 1 and 2 even venture over to the camp of a larger squad to get some sweet cakes and honey while Boggs procures an already opened bottle of alcohol from another commander.

We toast Finnick and Annie and their unborn child and Finnick informs us that we need to get our act together so he can visit his pregnant wife. Everyone is joking and laughing and I can't remember the last time I felt this light. I keep an eye on her though, always. She smiles, but it doesn't reach her eyes now like it did when Finnick forced her to dance, and she nods, but doesn't speak. She avoids the drink, opting for water, and I understand why. She is wedged between Gale and Boggs and flinches every time Gale's hand brushes against her arm or leg, whether it be on purpose or on accident. Minutes pass, and I try to avoid openly staring, but I'm finding it difficult now that she's back in my presence again. I realize that this is the most I've seen of her since the Arena.

Suddenly she jumps up and we all turn to look at her. The apology is quiet as she reaches into her back pocket and produces a small phone that is now lit up. She takes several steps away from the campfire and turns her back before answering. Boggs seems to think nothing of this and tells Jackson to get on with his story.

I watch Gale try to listen, head cocked to the side, tipped slightly back even as he remains focused on Jackson, looking like he is taking in every word that is being said. My eyes flicker to Katniss who is now pacing, her mouth turned down in a frown, left fist clenched tightly. Her shoulders droop after a moment and she nods before turning to face the group again. Her eyes find mine in an instant and she crooks a finger at me. I stand slowly, puzzled expression fixed in place for a moment before I realize everyone is looking at me now. Schooling my features into a blank one I step out of the circle and walk over to where she is.

"He's on his way, look he's here. Do you want me to put him on or did you just want me to have him stand here for nothing." I hear a muffled, angry voice on the other end and she sighs, dropping the phone to her chest and pressing it there she looks at me. "It's Haymitch." She informs me after a pause. "He wants to talk to you, sorry, I tried to get you out of it." I give her a lopsided grin and hold my hand out for the phone, which she relinquishes quickly before stepping back a bit, but not so far that I couldn't reach out and touch her if I wanted to, but I don't.

"Haymitch." I greet quickly, watching Katniss tense at the sound of my voice and wrap her arms tightly around herself. "I thought you were starting to forget about me. I am your favorite after all." I joke, before frowning when I realize she has her eyes closed and is mumbling something to herself.

"Can it, boy." Haymitch growls. "I need you to listen. Are you listening?"

"With rapt attention." I reply.

Haymitch sighs heavily into the phone. "Look, this whole thing, Coin sending Katniss in. I don't like it; I don't think she's ready. More importantly, I don't think you're ready."

"Me? Why?"

"Because you don't know what this means for you."

I scoff. "Course I do Haymitch. I'm expendable." I drag out the last word in as casual a way as I can muster and I watch Katniss settle a panicked look on me. I try to give her a reassuring smile, but this only sets her off again and she starts pacing, one hand fisted in her hair, while she bites anxiously at the nails on her other hand.

"Yes, good, glad you've got that sorted, but that ain't completely what I meant. Coin aside, I'm talking mostly about Katniss, as I said, I don't think she's ready. She's been a mess, a put together mess, but still a mess. They've been working her over hard here. Therapy and training and then the filming Plutarch demanded of her." He takes another deep breath. "Look, I know she looks like Katniss, but she's not. She has her moments, but most of the time. I don't want you to get your hopes up kid, get your heart broken."

"Bit late for that I think." I tell him quietly as I watch the girl in front of me pace.

"You're a good kid Peeta. Everything still stands. Keep her safe. I know she's got tall, dark, and smoldering there, but I need you to keep an eye on her."

"Course. Always." I smile gently as Katniss looks up and catches my gaze. "It's what we do."

"Sap." Haymitch growls before hanging up the phone. I pull it away from my ear and stare at it for a moment before holding it out for Katniss to take again.

"Thanks." She tells me gently, lifting it carefully from my grasp to tuck it away in a pocket. She stands, just looking at me for a while before I decide to speak.

"You look good." I blurt before I can help it and her eyes widen for a beat before she schools her features into cool disinterest. "I just, it's good to see you again Katniss."

She nods and gestures to my leg. "Liam, ah – he told me a bit about your leg, what Beetee did with it. I'm impressed if it's all true."

"Course it's true. I try not to lie to that kid, he's been through a lot, deserves better than that, but yeah, check this out." I fiddle for a moment with the remote device on my wrist before the dagger from earlier pops out once more. I bend down and flip it up into my grasp. "See?" I wave it around for a minute with a grin before I return it to its place.

"What else is in there?" she asks in an awed breath.

I shrug. "Just some stuff that will be handy in a fight." Silence falls for an almost awkward amount of time, and I know that this, us, is going to be the most difficult thing I do. "I've missed you." I tell her quietly.

She bites her lip and nods. "I'm sorry." Her eyes flutter closed. "I've missed you too."

"Really?" I could kick myself for how surprised I sound.

"Course. You know, when I was stable enough to, when I wasn't having an attack. Some days I feel almost normal, but Peeta, this." She sighs. "This whole thing, seeing you, it's still not easy for me, like right now all I can think about is wrapping my hands around your throat."

"But you aren't, so that's something." I try to stay positive.

"It's really tempting though." She informs me, and I finally glance at her hands again, frowning when I notice how tightly clenched they really are.

"Hey, look. I'm going to go back alright? You don't need to hurt yourself over this, over me, alright? Katniss, I would never – I'm sorry you suffered this." The words sound flat to my ears, it's not what I wanted to say, there's so much more I wish I could say to her, but I know I can't not yet, not right now.

Her eyes flash dangerously at me. "There's nothing to be sorry for Peeta." She picks at her shirt sleeve for a moment. "I would do it all again you know; if it meant keeping you safe." I open my mouth to say something when she lifts her hand and stops me. "Don't. Okay? Just don't say it." She looks back to the campfire. "We should head back."

I nod mutely and follow her quiet steps back to the fireside. Gale gives me a look when I sit back down, but I ignore him, turning to Finnick instead.  
"I don't like it."

"Doesn't matter if you do or not, it's happening."

"I'm sorry I ever said anything about it then."

"I'm not. Best thing to happen since we got sent out here-"

I step out of my tent to find Gale standing over the table, papers scattered over it once more. Katniss is standing across from him, leaning towards him, hands on hips. I wander over to the rest of the squad as they linger around the fire, heating up their breakfast and watching.

"What's going on?" I ask, my voice rough from sleep.

"Katniss and Gale have been arguing for the last fifteen minutes about the plan to finally crack the Nut."

The morning after Katniss had arrived last week she gave Boggs a message from Plutarch and the plan was finally set in motion. We were calling the Mountain the Nut now, because Plutarch called it 'a tough nut to crack.' Leeg 1 & 2 thought it was brilliant and started using the term immediately, we all followed shortly after.

"You'll kill them all, and possibly us if you do that!" Katniss growls.

"We aren't going to be killed, and who cares about them?"

"I do! They haven't done anything wrong."

"Except they're the Capitol's lackeys, Katniss. There's no love lost between any of us. They would shoot us down just as quickly as we would them."

"So kill them, but do it so they can fight, let them die with dignity Gale."

"Are you listening to yourself?"

"Are you? Look at you, out here pretending like you know. You know nothing. At least give them a route to escape by. They can come out in the square and surrender."

"You honestly think any of them will surrender?"

"They deserve to have the chance. I'm sure not all of them are happy here Gale. I'm not sure if you know this or not, but their children have been shipped off to the games too."

"As willing participants! They trained for the games; every single one of them had a fighting chance, more than you ever did!"

Katniss reels back as if he has slapped her and I hear Finnick suck in a breath.

She looks down, kicking at the dirt before glaring up at him. "Didn't help them any though, did it." She hisses through clenched teeth. "Thanks for showing your true colors here Gale. Do whatever you want." She yanks a dagger free from the table, sending the papers that had been pinned down scattering as she turns and stalks away from camp and into the small woodsy park that surrounds it.

We all stand quiet, watching Gale as he runs his hands over his face before he picks up his tin cup and throws it across the camp.

"Ahhhh, so this is awkward," Finnick finally speaks into the heavy silence that has settled over us, "but, are we just going to let her wander off. She did take that knife with her" Boggs swears and looks around at us. 

"I can go." Finnick offers up after a moment where we all look helplessly at one another.

"No. I'll go – this is my fault. I need to apologize." Gale sighs and stalks off before anyone can protest.

"Hope she doesn't attack him like she did me." I mumble, making Finnick laugh and Mitchell to roll his eyes.

"Let's settle down, everyone." Jackson calls. "Breakfast, come on. They'll be fine."

They're gone for an hour before Katniss stomps back into camp color high on her cheeks and two wild fowls clutched in one hand, plucked and ready to be made up for lunch or dinner. She tosses them down in front of Boggs feet and glares at him before she spins on her heel and moves swiftly into the tent Finnick and I had set up for her.

We all watch as Gale wanders back into camp not too much later, hands stuffed in his pockets and a look of defeat on his face.

"Got it sorted then?" Finnick yells out to him.

"Stuff it, Odair." Gale mutters, glaring at him.

"Is that a no?"

"Finnick." Her voice cuts across whatever Gale had opened his mouth to say and we all turn to look at her. She has changed and is now in the outfit I immediately recognize from the book Cinna had handed over to Plutarch. It's her Mockingjay outfit.

"Well hello Miss Everdeen." Finnick drawls, standing up and slinking over to her.

She rolls her eyes as she adjusts the zipper on her left boot. "Aren't you married?" she asks, giving him a light shove before turning back to retrieve her rifle.

"I am, but that outfit fits you like a glove. Who made it?"

Her face crumples for a moment before she blinks and smooths her look into a semblance of calm. "It's Cinna's design." She tells him. Finnick nods and squeezes her shoulder.

"Can I ask what you're doing?" he hedges, not liking the way her pointer and middle fingers are dancing gently over the trigger of her rifle.

"I was hoping we could shoot some stuff." At his frown she amends with an exaggerated eye roll. "Propos stuff, but I know you guys aren't shooting real things."

"You wound me, Everdeen. See that window over there?" he points over her shoulder and she turns to look, smirking. "That's my handiwork I'll have you know."

"You didn't throw your trident at it?"

"Well that would hardly be effective on a window, now would it." She snorts and then turns to look at me, and I find myself sitting up a bit straighter.

"What about you? Which window did you shoot out? Can you shoot?"

I clear my throat before I point to the one next to Finnick's. "That's me, and yes, sort of. Not well, but-"

She eyes the window for a moment before turning back to give me a smile before moving over to talk to Cressida. Finnick eyes me for a few moments, his eyes flitting over to Katniss every once in a while before he grins at me and goes to retrieve our rifles. He's handing me mine when Cressida comes over, camera men in tow.

"Where's Gale?" she asks, looking between us.

"Uh, he's not coming this time." Katniss bites out before taking a deep breath and leaning in close to the camera men. "How do these work? You know you both look like weird bugs, right?"

The one she's looking at lets out a weird garbled noise while the other laughs outright. She rights herself quickly so she's looking him in the eye, frowning at him. "You're an avox." She whispers, leaning closer to him again and his eyes widen at her proximity and he takes a quick step back from her.

"I'm Castor," The other steps in, holding out his hand. "This is my brother, Pollux." Katniss takes his hand reluctantly, barely wraps her fingers around his before she lets go.

"It's nice to meet you both." Castor grunts, but Pollux smiles at her and offers his hand to her as well. She takes his more readily, and I'm sure she recognizes a bit of herself in him, a bit of that red headed girl, a bit of Darius, knows that they share a tiny shred of something.

Finnick nudges me and I jerk my head. "Did you know?" he whispers. I shake my head. "Yeah, me either, feel like a bit of ass now though, you know?"

"I do."

"Well," Cressida sighs. "Let's get set up, shall we?" And she leads the way to a new area we haven't completely destroyed. "Katniss, if I could have you stand over here for me?"

Katniss nods and lightly hops up and over a pile of rubble before Cressida waves her hands, shaking her head and then has Katniss stand back up on top of the pile; Finnick and I are stationed on either side of her.  


* * *

"Alright, and action." Cressida calls, leaping away from us and out of the frame.

Finnick and I immediately open fire. "No!" Katniss calls, "This is wrong." She hops down off of the rubble and we all turn to look at her. "I would be a sitting duck up there. I'd be shot immediately!"

"You aren't being shot at Katniss." Cressida soothes. "And your armor is bullet proof."

"So? What if I was being shot at? I'm not wearing my helmet; all it would take is someone with skill. Headshot, dead. Dead Mockingjay, dead Katniss. Dead, dead, dead." She takes a sharp breath, blinking quickly. "I would be dead. I'd never, ever do that if this was real, if this was really a fight."

Cressida crosses her arms over her chest and frowns at her while Finnick looks away, pretending to whistle. "Well, what would you do then?" she asks sharply.

"Take cover." Katniss shrugs, likes it's the most obvious thing in the world. It is.

"Hardly heroic looking."

"Oh, I didn't realize we were going for idiotic looking heroism and not realism."

"No one else ever complained. Not even Gale. Maybe I'll go get him, he knows how this is done."

"Go ahead, and then I can demonstrate what a terrible idea this is for you."

Cressida's mouth gapes like a fish, while she searches for something to say.

"You don't mean that." I tell her, stepping closer.

Katniss rounds on me, eyes bright and I fleetingly think it's lucky she hasn't started to really wield her weapon. "Yes, I do."

"You would shoot Gale?" I ask slowly, "Your best friend?"

"Only if he deserved it?" she looks puzzled.

"No, never."

She frowns up at me, and blinks owlishly "Okay." She sighs after a moment and she steps away from me, turning to Cressida. "Can we just shoot stuff now?"

And we do. We spend the rest of the day out in the sun, running through the streets and filming things for Plutarch's propos. At noon we break for lunch and Katniss sits next to Pollux where she can get away with not contributing to any conversation. Cressida doesn't let us rest for long, so as soon as we finish, we're back at it.

Katniss has come to a compromise with Cressida, and isn't shooting from behind cover, but also isn't perched on top of piles of rubble. We decimate all of the windows in an abandoned warehouse in the afternoon. When Cressida calls 'cut' we all sag with relief and exhaustion.

"Let's head back, yeah?" Finnick sidles up between Katniss and I, throwing an arm around us both. "I bet dinner is ready."

"What is for dinner?" I ask, rubbing a hand over my face.

"Who knows, maybe, hopefully those birds Katniss brought back this morning. I'm starving."

The sun is setting and dinner has been eaten and the camp has been cleaned up, most of the squad has wandered off to do whatever it is they do to wind down for the day, to get ready to do it all again tomorrow. I've found a stick and am sitting down by the fire again. I drag it through the dirt slowly, bottom lip tucked between my teeth as I decide on what to sketch.

Looking up I catch sight of the Nut, standing tall and proud, unbreakable. I wonder if it will look the same in two days' time. I move my hand slowly; have barely started when sleek black boots enter my peripheral. Turning I let my eyes slide up slowly, taking in each inch. She is staring down at what I have drawn in the dirt. I watch her take it in and then her eyes flicker up to meet mine.

She steps lightly over my dirt drawing and sits on my other side, almost touching, so close I can feel the heat radiating off of her body. I smile and go back to my drawing, and she relaxes slowly, resting her elbows on her knees, head propped on her hands as she watches me.

"My therapist didn't want me to come here, but apparently Coin always gets what she wants." She speaks suddenly. "I wasn't sure if I wanted to come here either, I'm still not sure if this is where I should be, but," at this she lifts a shoulder as she leans back. "I'm the Mockingjay."

She peels off her gloves and lays them between us. "Did you, I guess, did they ever make you- My therapist makes me say things, statements, observations. Did you need to do that?" her voice is quiet and I glance over at her to find her staring hard at the mountain I have drawn.

"Yes. To keep me in the present."

She nods. "It was a good idea, until I couldn't tell what was real and what wasn't. It was Prim's idea, to make it a game."

"Make it a game?" I ask, baffled, how could this be a game.

"Yes, Real or Not Real. Sometimes I would ask her questions, that I wasn't sure of the answer to. About silly things, about confusing things, scary things, I would ask her about anything and everything I could."

"Does it help?"

"I think so. It helps me sort out the memories, figure out what ones look wrong." She points up at the sky. "Your favorite color…it's orange?"

I smile softly. "Yes."

"You're supposed to say 'Real'."

"Oh, right, sorry. Real. Like the sunset, not bright orange, but soft, just like that." I tell her, following the line of her arm to the sky. "Your favorite color is green."

She nods thoughtfully. "Yes, I like that," Her nose scrunches up. "What shade of green?"

"A darker green, like the woods."

Her eyes close, and I know she's picturing it in her head. She nods decisively this time and her eyelids spring open, meeting my gaze. "There's one thing Prim would never tell me though." Her voice is trembling, words whispered.

"What was that?"

Her hand reaches up slowly, and I jump slightly when her fingertips ghost lightly over the scars that run down my face, across my eye. "I did this to you. Real or Not Real?"

I take her hand a lower it down to my lap, clutching it tightly. "Real."

Her head bobs. "I thought so. The fact that she never answered was almost answer enough. Thank you for telling me. I'm sorry."

"Don't be, it's fine."

"But I hurt you!"

"Considering you were trying to kill me at the time, I think I came out of it pretty well off."

"You used to have nightmares." I'm startled by the abrupt change in subject, but let her plough on. "About me?" she furrows her brow and I can tell how unsure she is about this.

"Sometimes, a lot of the time. Real. Sometimes I have dreams of the games, but my nightmares always involve me losing you in some way."

"They came true."

"Real. You're here now though, you came back."

"Yes, but I'm not-" I cut her off, placing a finger to her lips as I let go of her other hand to reach under the collar of my shirt. I pull off the necklace I had been wearing around since I got Beetee to fix me something up to keep the pearl. I place it gently in her upturned hands. "What-?" she begins, then trails off, her eyes growing wide, her mouth falling open in shock. "This is-"

"Yes. I think it's time I gave it back to you. You finally came back to me, and I don't need to keep this safe anymore for you."

"You kept it? I gave this to you?" she hoists the pearl up, letting it dangle in front of her face.

"Real. You gave it to me before you took the wire with Johanna."

"I remember." She sounds stunned, looks it too.

"Are you alright?" I ask slowly.

"I can remember." She repeats slowly. "I can remember the Arena, it's not, at least most of it, it isn't shiny." She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes. "My name is Katniss Everdeen. I am 17 years old, and I can remember."

She opens her eyes again and frowns at the pearl, "I was going to come back you know." she whispers, "but it all happened so fast."

"I know." Because I do know, because I spent hours going over the footage from the Arena, and just as many puzzling over what she had been thinking, why she gave it to me.

I watch as she places the necklace around her own neck, but her fingers stay wrapped around the pearl. "Thank you." she tells me, watching as I obliterate the drawing in the dirt with my shoe.

The sun finally disappears beyond the horizon, darkness falls around us, but the fire flickers on, dancing over us. I find that I am content to just sit here in the quiet, taking whatever she will allow me to. I don't know how hard she struggles with being near me, or even being around me, but I know I don't want to push too hard, I will let her set the pace of our conversation.

She clears her throat after many quiet minutes. "Gale kissed me."

I splutter, turning to look over at her. "Real?" I choke out.

Her eyes narrow and she snorts. "It wasn't a question. I was telling you."

"When?"

She waves her hand. "This morning, in the park."

"Oh." I'm honestly not sure what I should be saying to this, or how I should be reacting, but I know I'm angry, very angry.

Her hands flit to the end of her braid, and she begins playing with it, running her fingers over it, twirling it. I reach out to her, grab her hands lightly and try not to wince when she grips them hard, her nails digging into my skin.

"Hey, Katniss, calm down. It's alright."

"Why would he do that?" her voice is high and strained and it breaks my heart.

"I don't know." I answer honestly. She is trembling now. "Can you look at me?" Her eyes move frantically, before they settle on me. "It's alright. " I tell her again.

"No it's not alright!" she rips her hands from mine and pushes them into her hair briefly before running them, hard, down her face, red welts springing up after them. "It's not alright. That wasn't okay. Why would he do that? I can't, he can't. Why? Why would he do that when I'm so clearly not okay?" her breath is coming in quick pants and she turns to look at me again. "I shouldn't be talking to you about this. I'm sorry, I shouldn't. I miss Jo."

"I don't mind, Katniss."

She worries her bottom lip between her teeth. "This isn't fair to you though."

I lift a shoulder. "It's fine. I'm happy to be here for you. I always will be, in whatever capacity you need. Friend, an ear to listen, even as a stand in punching bag. Whatever you want."

"That's not very funny."

"I was serious. I'm not afraid of the physical damage you could do to me." Frowning, she starts biting her thumb nail. "Katniss, what happened between you and Gale, is that why you were-" I sigh heavily. "Is that why you threatened to shoot him?"

She snorts. "I could shoot him, but it wouldn't kill him." At my wide eyed look, she continues on. "They won't let me have real bullets. They're rubber. Might hurt him for a bit, give him a bruise, but he would be just fine."

"Rubber bullets?"

"Yeah, because, well, I'm messed up in the head, Peeta. They don't trust me, not really. Haymitch smuggled me some real ones though, but I gave them to Boggs when we got back from the shoot today. I don't trust myself either." She pulls her left leg up onto the seat and wraps her arms around it, resting her head on her knee, turning to look at me. "It can be anything that will trigger a violent response in me. Snow had me for a long time, but he didn't start experimenting on me, hijacking me until after my last interview, after the bombing of 8."

"When you stormed off the stage?" I can remember it vividly. I can remember sitting in the hospital with Finnick as we watched it, how our propos had followed immediately after. That was the night I had figured out they were trying to break both Katniss and I, no matter how far apart we were.

She hums, eyes closed. "Yes, that's the night. Cinna had made me this beautiful dress. It was blue, I remember that. I questioned him about it, because. I was the girl on fire, that's who the Capitol knew me as. I remember what he told me, 'It's all burned up now'. I think he was right. I had given up outright fighting and decided that just sulking while I dealt with what was happening was alright. It still wasn't enough though, not for him. After the interview-" her voice breaks and I nudge her lightly.

"You don't have to talk about this right now, you know that right?" I let her know once she meets my gaze again.

"I know, but. I think you should know, because-"

"Because it could have been me." I finish for her and she nods grimly.

"Snow has this doctor. Creepy guy, sadistic bastard too. He dyed his skin this ashen grey color. Reminded me a corpse. He strapped me into this chair and I remember I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of hearing me scream." She takes in a sharp breath and groans before jumping up suddenly.

"Are you alright?" I move to stand.

"Shh." I watch her as she bites down on the fleshy part of her palm just under her thumb while she screws her eyes tightly shut. She wraps her arms tightly about herself, reminding me of the way she looked back on Caesar's couch in that blue dress. I can hear her deep breathing over the cracking of the fire. "Sorry." She whispers after several minutes of breathing. "I've never really talked to anyone but Dr. Aurelius about what happened, at least I didn't ever say more than I needed too, and I tried to stay rather detached from the memories when I did."

"Katniss, if you can't talk about this yet, you don't need to. You can tell me this when you're ready."

"If I do that, you won't ever know, because I won't ever be ready." Her voice is full of forced lightness as she sinks back down on the bench next to me. This time she sits sideways, facing me as she pulls both of her knees up and hugs them to her. "I watched everything. All of it. The reaping, the games, the tour. If it involved you, and especially if it involved you and I, they made me watch it. They injected me every time. I would watch small clips of things, never more than an hour. They would make me sleep once it was over. They would start the process over again once I woke back up." Her expression turns stony. "If Dr. Beaker is still alive at the end of all of this, I'm finding him. I'm going to find him, and I am going to end him."

"And Snow?" I hedge.

"I'll kill him too. They both deserve to die." Her eyes search my face for something and then she smiles at me. "Thank you for listening."

"Of course."

"I should sleep. I need to fight with Gale in the morning."

"What? Why?"

Her sigh is heavy with sadness. "This thing, this plan. Gale is a master of traps. It's who he is. When we would hunt…I was never much good at it, but it was almost instinctive." We both turn to look at the dark shadow of the Nut that stands out against the night sky. "I don't like them, you know? I'm not fighting his idea because I do. I'm just tired of the feeling of senselessness to this whole war. If we could just get into the Capitol. I feel like things could end quickly, with little to no bloodshed."

I can feel myself nodding in agreement. "We just need to take down the people in charge. Not just Snow, but his council, his advisors, the government leaders. We still need to subdue the districts though. The losses they suffer will be necessary. Gale was right this morning though, about this District. They're the military might of the Capitol, they need to be taken down, and they've been holed up in the mountain since we got here for the most part. There's still some street skirmishes, but they're never worth reporting home about."

"Home." Her voice is wistful. "Some days, that's all I want, to go home. Then I remember it's gone now."

I cough awkwardly. "Victors Village still stands."

"What?"

"I went there, to film some stuff, I wasn't expecting to find anything, but-"

"You brought that stuff back. And Buttercup."

"I did."

"I had thought. I'm not sure; I guess I had assumed you found it in the rubble."

I shake my head. "No, our houses, our new houses are still there. Didn't really have a reason to bomb the place, we were all gone. Plus they paid for all of those homes to be built, didn't want to waste money I'd guess." I lean back and stretch my legs out in front of me as I look back over at her, she blushes when I catch her staring openly at me. "Plus," I continue on. "I'd imagine they'd want the places still standing to send people in. Government people, survey teams, when the rebuilding starts."

She rolls her eyes. "Bit big of them to think they'd be the ones to come out on top after all of this."

"I know, but it's still fortunate, no matter what happens, that there's still something left of home."

"Do you think we'll see it again?"

"Course we will. I've been back twice already. You'll get your chance too."

She stands and reaches her hands above her head as she stretches. "Good. I'm going to bed." Turning she looks down at me. "Thanks, for listening tonight. This was a good start."

I agree, standing as well. "Goodnight, Katniss."

"Night, Peeta." She waves at me briefly before walking to her tent. I watch with a smile as she unzips it and throws herself bodily inside.

I step around the fire and take a seat at the table nearby that she and Gale had been fighting at this morning; papers are still laying atop it. I pick up a blueprint and look it over, tilting it towards the light of the flames.

"Have a nice chat?" Gale's voice startles me; I jump slightly as I turn to see him emerge from the outskirts of camp, where everything is plunged in the dark that the light and the heat of the fire can't reach.

"I'd imagine it went better than yours." I tell him, turning away to look over the paper in my hands again.

"And I'd bet that just thrills you." He thumps down across from me and I look up and can't stop the smirk that creeps onto my face at seeing his glare. "Bastard." He hisses.

I place the paper down and fold my arms over each other on the table, now matching his expression. "Look, I know you'd like to think I'm thrilled about what's happening right now, but I'm not. So, I'd like to start this off by asking you, what the hell were you thinking?"

"I was thinking I'm in love with her, and I needed her to know."

"Oh good, so you really are an idiot, you don't just look like one."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Gale, if you loved her, you'd give her space!"

"I've been giving her space. Months of space!"

"Only because it was forced space. She wasn't allowed to have many visitors, we both know, that had it been allowed you'd have been in her room every day."

"Like you wouldn't have been?"

"No," I tell him slowly. "Seeing as how it was me she was after, trying to kill, that it was me that caused her such discomfort. I stayed away for a reason."

"I've known her longer."

"What? That has nothing to do with anything." I sigh heavily, pinching the bridge of my nose. "Look, Gale. I really don't want to fight, or argue with you, and I'm sorry that you're clearly looking for a fight tonight."

"No, you're right, I'm sorry." Bringing his hands up to his face, he takes a deep breath, pushing the heels of his palms into his eyes. "Fuck. This is a mess. I don't know what I was thinking, honestly. I just thought that it would be alright, I didn't think she'd get so upset about it. It's not like it was the first time."

I shrug. "She's in a fragile place right now, you know that. She needs time Gale, and doing that now? While we're here? Wait until this is all over."

"It will be too late by then."

"If you're planning on getting yourself killed-"

His dark laugh stops me. "No, no, I'm going to do my damndest to make it. I just mean, when all of this is over, she'll have made her choice."

"You don't know that." I tell him, but even I can hear how weak that sounds.

"Peeta. That girl confessed her love for you on a television broadcast to the country. She's going to figure that out, remember it again, remember the real you, and not the deranged, mutated version of you they put in her head."

I shake my head. "Maybe, but, Gale, I would never – I just want her to be happy, and to be alright."

"Can you stop making it hard to be mad at you?"

We both laugh, and the tension fades. It's not alright between us, but things have changed, we'll be okay.

I clear my throat. "She wants to talk to you again tomorrow, about the Nut."

"I figured she would, I've been trying to think of alternatives."

"We've got the time, we can get in contact with the other squads, surround the square. Collapse the Nut from the top down. Sure, some people won't make it, but there will be time for others to get on the train and get to the square."

He nods slowly in agreement. "And we can apprehend them."

"Fight them if they're armed."

"We should keep her out of it." He glances over at her tent.

"That's not very likely to happen though, you know that right?"

"I can dream. Can you waylay her in the morning? Tell her we talked about it, I'm going to need to talk to Boggs, Sera will probably show up, and then we'll need to call back to Plutarch and Coin, and we both know Plutarch will insist on having Katniss front and center."

"We can make sure she's in her armor, and has her helmet on. She'll be perfectly safe in that."

"You can't possibly know that."

"You haven't seen the brilliance of Cinna's designs in person. She'll be safe." He opens his mouth to, I can only assume, protest, so I add. "Plutarch will know this. And they all know that she needs to stay alive. This rebellion lives because she does."

"Yes, you're right. Fine. Just, keep her busy tomorrow. I don't want her involved in the meeting."

"Sure, maybe we can do some more propos with Cressida." I stand up, trying not to trip my way away from the table. "I'm going to head to bed."

"Yeah, sure, I'll take care of the fire."

"Thanks, man." I grin as I turn away, hearing his grunt in answer.

I burrow into my tent, stripping off my uniform and unfastening my prosthesis before digging through my duffel for my sleep uniform. I'm able to throw it on quickly, and with little effort these days. I've had months to practice. Sliding over to my cot I hoist myself up slightly to collapse back into it while I throw the top half of my sleeping bag over my body.

Sleep comes easily to me tonight. Today was busy, and exciting and exhausting, but most of all, tonight has been the first night since Katniss arrived that we were able to speak more than a few meaningless sentences to one another. Hope, is what I had now, a real feeling of it, instead of the fleeting one I had been chasing since I woke up in the hovercraft on its way to Thirteen.

I'm not sure how long I have been sleeping when I'm awoken by a high pitched scream. I tumble to the ground before I haul myself up with the support of the cot. I hop out of the tent, and blink quickly at the bright light of the sun. I have slept longer than I thought I did.

"What in the hell?" Finnick has stumbled from his tent as well, auburn locks completely tousled, and I roll my eyes at the fact that he sleeps without his shirt. I lift a hand in greeting and then look around the camp. 

"Sera." He mutters angrily when I spot her. She has her arms wrapped tightly around Katniss, who is standing stiff as a board and looking around for help. Finnick comes to the rescue. "Oi! Sera! Do you know what time it is?!" he yells across the camp. Both girls turn to look at him, and the slighter girl jumps back, smile on her face.

"Do you know what time it is?" she calls back, before reaching back to grasp Katniss' hand and drag her over to us. "Morning, Peeta!" Sera chirps when they arrive. "Morning, Finnick! Glad to see you two bed heads awake!"

"I'm not." I mumble.

Finnick snorts. "Well, since the non-crisis has been averted. I'm going back to bed."

"You can't go back to bed!" Sera cries indignantly, pouting with her hands on her hips. Katniss catches my gaze and rolls her eyes dramatically, I can't help but smirk. "And you!" Sera rounds on me. "What are you smiling about?"

"Nothing, nothing. Are you always this much of a morning person?"

"It's almost lunch time, and I just got here."

"I didn't order a wakeup call." Finnick informs her, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Oh well." Her enhanced voice only exaggerates the way she sings these words. "You're awake now, so deal with it. Katniss is here, so you two need to keep her busy while I go to this meeting."

"Yeah, sure, whatever, just, can you leave now?"

"You don't need to be rude Finnick." Sera pouts, but turns sharply on her heel, throwing an arm up to wave at us as she stalks away.

"Morning Katniss." Finnick drawls, his voice falling back into that low rumble he used to use in the Capitol.

"Morning Finnick." She grins at him. "You going to get dressed any time today?"

"Thinking about it, on the other hand-" He drops his arms to his sides and stalks towards her. I laugh at how Katniss' eyes grow wide and she tries to back away, but he grabs her and spins her around so she's somewhat trapped between the two of us. "Am I making you uncomfortable?" his voice still that low rumble. She takes a step back toward me.

"Finnick." I look at him over her shoulder. "Leave her alone."

"You're no fun." He huffs. "It's just skin." He smiles at Katniss, before giving a quick salute and going into his tent.

Katniss turns to me. "Morning." I say quietly, reaching out to balance myself against my tent. I'd like to think I'm pretty adept at keeping my balance on one leg for a long amount of time, but this is testing me.

"Hi. Sorry about Sera, she's just-"

I laugh again. "Yeah, we know, she's been in and out of camp since we got here. She's like a tornado of activity."

She frowns. "I was going to say 'excited to see me.' You mean that's what she's normally like?"

"Uh, yeah. She said you two knew each other though?"

"We did, we do. She was there, in the Capitol. Gale said she was part of the rescue group." I nod in affirmation. "The last time I saw her she was on her way here, but she wasn't like that, she was all business, you know?"

"Oh, I know, but a lot of the time her all business also means really excitable as well."

Katniss clears her throat. "You can, uh, sorry. Peeta, you don't need to keep standing here for me. I'll be fine, you can go get dressed, put your leg on."

"I'm alright." I wave her off, but she frowns. "Fine. I'll be right back, wait here."

She agrees and I stumble into my tent. I right myself and quickly go about getting dressed. I've put my prosthesis back on and am in the process of pulling on my pants when I hear Finnick and Katniss carrying on. I can't hear exactly what they're saying, but I'm out of the tent, my shirt through my arms and around my neck when Katniss pulls out her phone, threatening to route a call through the communication lines in Thirteen to tell Annie on him. Finnick turns to me, asking if I believed it, the nerve of her. I roll my eyes, tugging the fabric down over my torso. "I don't blame her if she does call." I tell him, glancing over at Katniss who has turned away from us, but I can see a blush coloring her cheeks, Finnick winks at me and I shove him sideways.

"Hey, no rough housing in the camp." He laughs.

"Fine, I'll drag you out of the camp." I return.

"Are the two of you always like this?" Katniss is looking back at the two of us now.

"Yes." We answer in unison, causing the three of us to burst into laughter. "Come on." She says, after we calm down enough to talk again. "Let's go for a walk."

"What about food?" Finnick pipes up, and has an apple thrown at him. "This will work. Lead the way m'lady."

We wander aimlessly through the ruined areas of the district, munching on the apples and stale bread Katniss procured for us. Finnick carries the conversation for all of us. Telling us about his home, meeting Annie and how she snuck up on him. He talks about the future, about the family they're starting, how he's going to teach his kids to swim before they can walk and catch fish before they can talk. He asks Katniss about Prim's goat and she tells us the real story, not the fanciful tale she wove in the cave to keep people back home safe.

Katniss, after some prying lets us know how Johanna is doing, how the two of them worked their way up through the ranks in training quickly. How the commander back home didn't like Jo's attitude. Briefly she tells us about her therapy sessions, how she submitted easily to the reversal of the highjacking process but refused to actually talk about things. Her doctors didn't want to release her because of it, but Coin won out.

"When do you think we should head back? How long do these meetings typically last?" she asks finally, she looks tired.

Finnick shrugs. "We probably could head back now."

I agree. "They've also never really had a meeting this important. Mostly it's just been throwing around ideas instead of finalizing them."

"It happens tomorrow?" her voice is quiet.

"Yeah, they're having some double agents go in later this evening to get everything in place. If everything goes according to plan, it should all happen just before noon." We all turn and follow the path back to camp in silence, each lost in our own thoughts.

The meeting is over when we arrive back, and they're setting up for dinner. Gale and Boggs are nowhere in sight. Sera bounds over to us, smile on her face.

"I'm so glad you guys are back, I was about ready to send out a search party."

"We were fine Sera." Finnick sighs, rolling his eyes and pushing past her. "I'll talk to you two later."

"Katniss? Can I talk to you for a bit?" Sera hops up onto her toes, hands clasped together under her chin.

"Um, sure, I guess so." Katniss answers.

"Great! See you later, Peeta." And then drags her swiftly away to the opposite side of the camp.

I trudge over to the fire, sitting down in an open spot near Finnick as we help prep dinner. We're all quiet, tense. We know what tomorrow will be bringing and we're all on edge, you can practically feel it in the air, the energy we're emitting. I find my eyes drifting over to where Sera and Katniss are talking. It looks more like Sera is doing the talking and Katniss is trying hard to stay there with her.

Night falls and Sera announces she will be staying the night with us. She asks Katniss if she doesn't mind if she bunks with her. Finnick holds back laughter at Katniss' face when Sera interprets her boggled look and lack of answer for a yes. She scampers off to her tent as Katniss stares after her.

Gale and Boggs return to camp after the sun has set and everyone has retired to their tents save for Finnick, Katniss and I. We've all been sitting around the fire in silence for the past few minutes since the Leeg sisters went to their tents. Boggs grunts a good night to us all before going to his own tent. Gale however hovers around the edge of the fire, looking between us all.

"You gonna sit down there, Hawthorne? Or are you going to bounce around like a kid who needs to pee?" Finnick asks after a moment, looking up from the stick he had been whittling into a fine point. Gale doesn't answer, and Finnick glares. "Sit down, or leave. You're making me nervous."

"Sure, sorry." Instead of sitting he shuffles over to Katniss, Finnick and I look away, but we can hear him anyway. "Catnip, hey. I just, I wanted to apologize for yesterday, for all of it. You deserve better. I'm really sorry."

"It's fine Gale." She sighs. "It's alright, just go to bed. You've got a big day tomorrow."

"Yeah, goodnight."

We can hear his boots crunching in the gravel and dirt as he walks away. Several minutes later Katniss speaks. "Do you think she's asleep yet?" Finnick bursts out laughing and she smiles weakly. "I was serious." She frowns. "I thought she wasn't going to shut up earlier."

"It's been half an hour." Finnick points out.

"I'm sure you'll be fine." I add.

"Unless she's just so excited, and she's staying up so you two can have a sleep over."

"Finnick, shut up." I roll my eyes. "Just go look, if she's still awake, you can come back out here."

"Yeah, that's good. I'll be back." She jumps up and sneaks over to her tent, glancing back at us, we both give her thumbs up and she nods and then pries the flaps apart carefully, then jumps back, shaking her head. "She's still awake. She's on the phone. Does she ever stop talking?"

"Yeah, she's chatty, but she knows when to stop talking…most of the time." Finnick amends.

"Well I'm tired."

"Take one of our tents, we can bunk together for the night. We had to when we first came out, not enough tents."

"I don't want to impose, I'd feel-"

"Just take my tent Katniss." I interrupt, not wanting to argue about sleeping arrangements. "It's fine, honest. Finnick's a married man now, so I have nothing to worry about."

"Oi! What's that supposed to mean?" he grouses as Katniss buries her laugh behind her hands.

"Nothing." I laugh when he pushes my shoulder.

"Well, thank you. I'll see you both in the morning. Goodnight." We wave her off as she walks off to my tent.

"I should probably follow her, gotta get my stuff" I say after a minute.

"Yeah, see you in a minute then." Finnick replies, kneeling down to put out the fire.

I rush off to my tent, hoping to catch her before she changes or falls asleep. "Katniss?" I whisper, I hear a muffled response and take that as an affirmative and step in. "What are you doing?" I ask, pulling up short as soon as I'm in. She's curled up on my cot, pillow wrapped in front of her body, face buried in the top of it.

She looks up at me and smiles. "Sorry, I just, it helps me to sleep if I hold something. I can go get my pillow if it bothers you."

"No, it's alright, you might never make it back out again if you do. I have a spare in my duffel anyway." I pick it up and linger almost awkwardly as she watches me with sleepy eyes. "I should go." I whisper.

She nods. "I guess, goodnight, Peeta. Thanks for this."

"Of course, and goodnight. Sleep well."

"I will." She smiles lazily at me and I step out and move next door.

"Seriously?" Finnick asks, when I walk in.

"I thought for sure you'd be staying."

"I'd love to, but you know, there's always that chance that I could wake up to her strangling me, or stabbing me. I don't want to risk it, and I don't want to push her."

"Can you please stop being so good all of the time, you make the rest of us look really bad." He strips off his shirt and lies down on his cot.

I shrug. "I'm not doing it on purpose."

"I know. That's what makes it even worse."

"Whatever, just shut up and sleep." I tell him as I situate myself on the ground. He does, and soon I can hear his quiet even breathing, and soon I'm asleep as well.

Mornings waking up with Finnick are always a little strange. I'm not sure how he manages it, but he moves around in his sleep, this morning is no different, and I find him lying across the bed, hanging off of it, his head dangling near mine. I start, when I open my eyes and see his upside-down face next to mine. I poke him hard in the forehead and he snorts before slowly opening his eyes. "Morning gorgeous." He mumbles, grinning.

"Shut up." I mutter, rolling away from him to dig through my bag for my heavy duty uniform I know I will be required to wear. Finnick rolls out of bed after a minute and we dress in silence. I hold the tent flap open for him as we step out. Most of the squad is already up and eating. Sera is MIA, Katniss is in her full Mockingjay uniform, her bow slung across her back while her quiver and helmet are sitting between her feet.  


* * *

We move around and take seats, wishing the group 'good mornings' as we pass. Sera final stumbles from the tent fifteen minutes later, Boggs looks less than thrilled.

"Alright everyone." He starts. In less than an hour the bombs inside of the Nut will begin going off. We will be collapsing tunnels in there so their only option is to come to the square. If everything goes well, we will be able to apprehend them, and not shoot all of them." He frowns a bit at this, but continues on. "I want you all to not do anything heroic, just follow my lead. We get this taken care of, and we'll be into the Capitol in no time."

The cheer that goes up when he finishes his speech is small, and not very enthusiastic, but he smiles anyway and waves us all off so he can get back to eating. Gale watches his watch like a hawk and Sera plops down beside him; she's finally suited up for war, and starts eating her breakfast.

"How much longer?" she asks, peering over his shoulder.

"Five minutes."

Boggs stands up and tells us to all move out. We fall into line quickly; we have been trained for this. Halfway to the square the first bombs go off.

The first train from the mountain is pulling into the station when we arrive. There are hundreds of Rebels surrounding the area, all of our weapons are ready to fire. I can hear the blood pounding in my ears as the doors of the train slide open. A shot rents the air from our side, and I watch with my heart in my throat as Katniss jumps into the center of the square, rounding on the Rebels before she turns to now plead with the Soldiers. Next to me Boggs tenses, and I can see Cressida waving him down. Finnick grabs the back of my shirt, jolting me back towards him.

I can't hear what she's saying, but I watch her, she's pleading, she's not looking at us, but at the soldiers of District 2. I can feel the rifle in my hands, heavy, and getting harder to hold on to as my palms get slick with sweat. I am watching her on the large screen that dominates the area, and I see her as she looks up at it as well. Another shot is fired, this time from the Soldiers side and I watch as she falls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy dialogue Batman. I apologize (again) for the lengthy wait. RL...Also if there's any serious spelling/grammar issues that's on me. I tried to give it another look, but it's late, and I was more worried about formatting. Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter, there's a lot going on. You can feel free to find me on Tumblr at hellomelusine and pester me for updates if you want.


	21. Chapter 21

Time speeds up and shouts are heard from all directions. Finnick lets me go and I rush forward towards her, I can hear his footsteps behind me, covering me. The bulk of the rebel forces close in on the soldiers. Everything is chaos, everyone is yelling.

"Get down!" Finnick yells suddenly, and I dive, reacting on instinct, on the training thrust upon us in the Arena and in the training fields of Thirteen. I hear another shot fired, and I know it's him.

"What are you doing?!" I turn over to stare up at him.

"Does it matter? Get to her!" He grabs my arm and I stumble up tripping over my feet in the remaining steps to her. Finnick swears and lets me go, I drop to my knees.

"Where the hell is Boggs?" I press my hands to her abdomen and try not to freak out as her warm blood coats them quickly. "Finnick!"

"I know! I know! I'm trying to ping him, but he's not answering."

"Dammit!" I fumble for a minute, and start searching her pockets. Bingo. I pull out the sleek phone and jam the buttons with my fingers.

Haymitch answers before the first ring is over. "What the hell is going on down there?" his voice is loud, but tight. I know he's worried.

"Katniss has been shot." I tell him, tucking the slick phone between my ear and shoulder so I can use my other hand to press on the wound again.

"I saw that. I thought her armor-"

"I know, I did too, but it didn't. Finnick is trying to find someone so we can get her out of here."

"Coin has already called for a hovercraft to be dispatched immediately, it should be there soon. See if you can find a medic, keep pressure on the wound."

"I am!" I look over at Finnick. "Anything yet?"

He shakes his head and turns to look over the crowd.

"Peeta." Haymitch growls in my ear. "You need to stay calm. She's going to be fine, she's a fighter."

"I know," I moan. "I just - where is everyone?! I'm so tired of her playing the hero all the time Haymitch. She always ends up getting herself hurt."

"She'll be fine Peeta, and it's what she does. I suppose she can't help it." I find myself laughing bitterly. "Look, that hovercraft will be there soon. There's a medical team on board ready for her, and we're ready back here for her too. Johanna is pacing the halls, so I hope they make it quick. She's only been gone a week and a half and Jo's about had it."

"How's her mom and Prim?" I ask, trying to ignore her life flowing from between my fingers. The rise and fall of her chest was low, but still steady, eyelids flickering. I was praying she would stay unconscious.

"They're alright. They've been keeping busy, but they're both down at the hospital. I'm sure the doctors are less than thrilled, but they won't be able to keep them away."

"Boggs is on his way." Finnick informs me.

"Good. Gotta go Haymitch. Boggs is on his way."

"See ya kid. Come see me when you get here, alright?"

"Yeah, sure." And the phone disconnects. I lift my head and let it slide from my shoulder to land softly in my lap. I feel so foolish. We had been doing well, making progress, she was making progress. It was stilted and awkward at times, a lot of the time, but she hadn't tried to kill me yet, just mentioned it. I let myself hope. I was selfish, maybe for thinking that out of everyone, we deserved a break, a chance at something, but apparently fate had other ideas for us. For us to come so far and fall so far to pick ourselves back up again with only our bare hands, to stumble and fall again? Where was the fairness in the world.

"Hovercraft is on its way." I inform Boggs when he finally comes upon us. He looks shocked, but nods. Gale stops just behind him, peering down at her over Boggs' shoulder with a frown.

"How is she?" he asks.

"I'm not really a doctor, but she's alive." I mumble and then frown when Gale steps towards us, kneeling down and grasping her hand. He clenches it tight.

"Who shot her?" He looks between Finnick and I.

"I didn't-"

"He's dead." Finnick interrupts, and we all look at him. "He's dead." He repeats, slinging his rifle over his shoulder with a grim smile. I blink up at him, and it falls into place. I couldn't fathom who he would have been trying to shoot at, but this makes sense.

"Well." Boggs pats his shoulder. "Good job. I sent the others to start packing up camp. I guess now we wait."

Time ticks by slowly again, and Finnick sits next to me, pulling out his length of rope and making knots where I can see. Boggs tries to clear out the center so there's space. Everyone is contained on the trains for now until a decision can be made on what to do with them. Another unit sends over medical personnel who check on her before dosing her heavily with morphling and sealing her wound temporarily shut, but tells me to keep pressure on the wound just to be safe.

It hasn't even been half an hour since the incident when the hovercraft appears above us and drops the ladder. Gale grunts and scoops her up and I try not to be jealous of him, because I know I would probably topple over, no matter how well my command over my leg is now, with how I'm shaking. He does let me go up first though, I climb up halfway before he steps on and we're all frozen in place and lifted up by the ladder. The Doctors quickly take her from him once we're in the belly of the ship and Gale and I stand side by side, watching through the closed glass doors as the team converges on her and starts to work. I wonder if the blind fear and panic I'm feeling, but hiding right now, is how Katniss felt after our first Games.

Once we're back in Thirteen I visit Haymitch while Katniss goes into surgery, then I go find Liam. Liam is happy to have me back and shows me all of his school work since I've been gone before interrogating me about what I have been up to and how Katniss is.

The two of us, along with Prim, Gale and Johanna take turns watching over Katniss once she is out of surgery. I try to stick around when Jo is there and let Liam go off with Prim, only because I know she's been trying to mooch off of the pain killers they're pumping into Katniss now.

It's been roughly a week, and they finally decide to stop giving her the medication to keep her in an induced sleep. Jo and I are playing a game of hangman. Jo is arguing with me because I'm not drawing enough on the man before he hangs. Katniss shifts and we both look at her, but she's still asleep, so I explain to Jo that he can't be wearing a suit just so she can have more chances to guess. Jo snatches the paper from the foot of the bed, crumpling it up and is about to throw it at me when a pillow connects with the side of her head.

"Shut up Jo." Katniss groans, falling flat on the bed. "And give me my pillow back."

"You're awake!" Jo jumps up, dropping the paper and picking up the pillow.

"And you've been skimming off my stuff." Katniss glares and Jo at least looks sheepish about it. "I was shot?" She asks next, turning her head to frown at me.

"Real." I nod, ripping the pillow from Jo's hands and shuffling over to the head of the bed. Katniss lifts her head and I tuck it behind her before Jo takes over fluffing it up for her.

"Stop that." She swats Jo's hands away and sits up, grimace on her face. Swinging her legs over the side of the bed, she fumbles with the hem of the hospital gown before lifting it up. "What the hell?" I had looked away to spare her some modesty, but my eyes swing back to look at her, my eyes growing wide at the sight of her torso.

"Damn girl." Jo whistles, coming around to stand next to me, leaning close to get a better look at her. The bullet wound is now an angry red star shaped scab, while a bruise radiates out from it, traveling up her ribcage and wrapping around it.

"They're reworking the armor" I supply uselessly.

"You lost your spleen, and some of your ribs are bruised." Jo counters.

"How long was I out this time?"

"Only a week, so all in all, not so bad." Jo smirks. "I never would have forgiven you if you had really died on me, you know that, right Brainless?"

"Shut up." She takes a deep breath and winces. "Do you think I'm allowed to leave?"

"What? You don't like it here? I thought we were going to be neighbors again." Katniss frowns at this and Jo continues on. "Apparently, you can't have a breakdown like I did and still expect to have your own room."

"Sorry, how are you feeling now?"

"Just peachy. They've been trying to rehabilitate me. Some asshole pushed me into a shower stall yesterday and turned the water on." She jerks her thumb over her shoulder. "He's over there now."

I turn to look and Katniss peers around us and starts laughing. "He should have known better." She snickers.

I turn to look at Jo. "You don't shower?"

I get a hard shove and need to grab the bars at the foot of the bed to keep from falling over completely. "Can it lover-boy. Nobody asked you. And stop looking at me like that!" she rounds on Katniss who is glaring at her.

"Don't push him!"

"I'll push whoever I want! Especially if they question me about that!"

"Well go push around someone else! You know he can't-"

"Drop it Katniss." I cut her off, my voice harder than I meant it to be and she winces before turning her glare on me.

"Don't talk to her like that!" Jo goes in to push me again, but thinks better of it, before poking me hard in the middle of my chest. "Do you want her to think all of that hijacking shit was true?"

"Jo! Leave him alone. I'm alright right now." Katniss stands up, letting the gown flutter down around her knees and unhooks herself quickly from all of the tubing. "We're all leaving."

"I'm not so sure you can just leave like that." I look around uncertainly.

Katniss scoffs. "I'm the Mockingjay. They can deal with it. I need to see Coin."

"That old hag? Why?" Johanna glances at me before turning to look at a swaying Katniss. "Look, you were shot; maybe you should sit back down?"

"No. I can't I need to see-"She falls back onto the bed with a huff. Running her hands over her face she sighs angrily. "I'm not letting this happen again. I'm getting out of this damned bed"

I reach out my hand slowly and I ignore Jo's grunt of protest from beside me when Katniss grins and reaches for my hand. I pull her up and against my chest. "How about I carry you for right now?" She nods and I scoop her up and Jo rolls her eyes but is smiling at the two of us as Katniss wraps her one arm up around my shoulders.

"Come on, let's get her to our room so she can get out of that stupid gown."

"You and Peeta share a room now?" Katniss' head whips around to look at Jo.

"What?! Ew, no. Brainless, come on. Our room, as in the one you and I share. You turn into a real idiot on morphling, that's for sure. It would be better suited for me."

Katniss laughs and buries her head against my chest before looking back at Jo. "I'm not giving it to you!" she crows, kicking her legs out a bit. "Oh! Where are Finnick and Annie? Are they off being adorable together?"

I laugh and Jo groans. "So adorable it's making me nauseous." Jo teases as we cautiously walk out into the hall. "How was he when you gave him the letter?"

"He forced me to dance with him." Katniss laughs and I jump slightly when her fingers lope around the back of my neck sneak up to run through my hair at the nape of my neck.

"Do you even know how to dance?"

"No! Well, I know some dances, but they're from back home, and nothing really fancy. He just sort of pulled me around singing while I tried really hard to avoid stepping on his toes." Katniss laughs again. "Didn't really work."

"Alright lover-boy, just drop her on one of the beds. I'll get her changed then come get you." Jo tells me, while she pushes open the door to the room they share. I place Katniss down on the one to the right and she smiles up at me for a moment before Jo pushes me out of the room and slams the door shut.

I can hear Jo start to lay in on her about leaving the hospital wing and Katniss' answering giggles and I can help but crack a smile. Morphling affects everyone differently, and apparently it gives her the giggles. Several minutes later the door swings open again and Jo pulls me out of the hall. Katniss is still smiling.

"Where to now?" Jo asks as I lean back against the wall.

"To see Coin."

"Damn. Alright, let's go." Jo sighs, slipping out of the room as Katniss struggles to her feet, wincing again.

"Do you want me to carry you again?" I ask hesitantly.

"Oh!" Katniss jumps, looking up at me. "Sorry. I was just trying it out." She shakes her head. "I hate taking morphling you know." She babbles. "It doesn't always help the pain, and then it makes me just feel like a mess. Sort of like I'm dreaming, you know?" Her eyes grow wide, panic stricken.

"This is real, Katniss." I tell her softly, reaching out to pinch her arm.

"Ouch!" she jumps, slapping me lightly before bursting into a fit of giggles again. "That was really mean."

"I wasn't sure if you'd believe me if I just told you it wasn't a dream." She laughs again and I sigh. "Are you sure you want to talk to Coin like this?"

"Yes, why?"

"You can't stop laughing."

She pulls a straight face, but it barely lasts before she's laughing again. "Oh! I'm sorry. I'm trying, really I am. It will be fine. Hopefully she gives me a lecture and she's appalled that I'm laughing about it."

"Yeah, alright, let's go." She puts her arms up and I lift her up again, this time both of her hands wrap around me and she buries her face into the side up my neck as her fingers slink up into my hair.

She takes a deep breath and leans back to look up at me. "You smell good, you know that?" I feel my lips quirk but I don't answer her. "It's weird." She continues, face back against my neck and I fight back the shiver of feeling her lips moving against my skin. "All this time and you still smell like a bakery, you smell like home." She sighs. "I miss food. Good food, like cheese buns and that raisin nut bread and those cookies, those peanut butter ones you would make Prim all the time. Oh! The sugar cookies too, I miss those as well, the ones you would paint pictures on. When we get home, can you make those for me?"

"Katniss-"

She leans back and smiles up at me sadly. "Don't sound like that. We're going to make it. We're going to go back home." She leans in, mouth against my ear. "I can't afford to think any differently." She whispers.

I clear my throat. "Then, when we get home I'll bake you whatever you want."

She laughs again, relaxing against my chest. "I was shot." She says after a few quiet moments, after I've finally caught back up with Jo.

"No duh, Brainless."

"What happened to the guy who shot me?"

"Uh, Finnick might have shot him." I answer.

"I should go thank him!" Jo snorts and I look down at her.

"I don't think that's a good idea." Jo finally ventures. "Maybe wait until you see him at dinner." It's my turn to snort with laughter now and Katniss looks between the two of us. "He and Annie have, uh, been celebrating. A lot." Katniss is still frowning at her and Jo gives me a pleading look, to which I smirk and shake my head. "Sex, Katniss, they've been having sex. All the time. I've walked in on them once, and so has Peeta. So it's best if you just wait until they're out and about."

The dawning realization on Katniss' face is amazing to watch and then she scrunches up her nose looking away, making Jo and I both laugh. We make it to the door of the command center a few minutes later and have a brief staring contest with the guards at the door.

"Victors, checking in." Jo grins, moving to push the doors open. The guard doesn't say anything, but reaches out an arm to stop her. "Oh, I'm sorry, we weren't asking for permission, we're going in. I was just trying to be polite and let you know." Katniss starts laughing again and swinging her legs.

"Can you not do that? Please?" She turns to look at me. "Swinging your legs like that."

"Oh! Sorry, yeah. I wasn't really thinking about it. Are you going to fall?"

"No" I shake my head. "I've got it; mostly it just makes me feel more unbalanced than usual. And most things I carry don't squirm around."

"Well, I'd be really worried if a bag of flour was squirming around." I laugh outright and she joins me.

"Come one you two! We're going in." Jo is still glaring at the guard, but it seems he's finally relented and he allows her to push the door open. Everyone in the room turns to look at us, Coin is frowning and Boggs is biting his lip as Plutarch, Fulvia and Cressida stare at us with wide eyes. Haymitch is staring at us with a bored expression, chin propped up on his hand.

Katniss starts squirming in my arms again. "Haymitch!" She cries, grinning hugely. Coin glares between the two of them before he starts laughing, gruff, belly laughs. "Put me down, Peeta." She pushes at my chest and I gently place her feet on the floor. She stumbles to the table they're at and uses it for balance as she works her way around to seat herself in his lap. "I was shot!" she tells him with wide eyes, making him laugh harder.

"Did you have permission to leave the hospital?" Coin asks. Katniss awkwardly maneuvers herself to turn and look at her and then shakes her head slowly. "And the two of you thought it would be alright to remove her from the premises?"

"Well, no. She unhooked herself from everything, there was very little we could do to stop her." Johanna speaks up.

"She can't even walk!" Coin spits, and Katniss laughs.

"Course I can walk! I've got legs don't I? You just watched me walk over here!"

"Oh, kill me now." I mumble into my hands, Jo laughs quietly.

"Well, why are you here then?" Coin has apparently decided to ignore her earlier statement.

"Oh! Yes." Katniss leans over towards her, expression grim. "I wanted you to know, I wanted to tell you. I'm going to kill Snow."

"Absolutely not!" Coin answers as Haymitch lifts Katniss easily from his lap and deposits her in the chair next to him.

"I wasn't asking."

"Katniss." Plutarch clears his throat. "The issue with Snow is a bit delicate."

She scoffs. "I really don't see how that is possible. No one likes him."

"Yes, but we can't just kill him, there will be a trial."

"Fine! That's fine, but when he's found guilty." She glares around the room at all of them. "And he will be! No one can get away with sentencing 23 kids to death year after year and somehow be found innocent. When you put it on TV and make a big deal out of it, I want to be the one who does it."

"Forgive me." Coin leans back in her chair. "As far as I was aware, you are still a bit unstable, are you not? I really don't think it's in our best interest to allow you to do that."

Katniss shrugs. "I'm the Mockingjay aren't I? After all of this? Plutarch, it will bring in ratings."

"She does have a fair point." Plutarch turns to Coin with that glossy eyed look he gets whenever he thinks about how great ratings will be.

Coin ignores him and turns to us. "Soldier Mellark, Ms. Mason, please escort  _ The Mockingjay _ out of here. You are not to bring her back until she is called upon,  _ if _ and when she is; you are both welcome to escort her here. I would prefer she return to the hospital wing, however, her old rooms may do in a pinch."

Katniss places her palms against the table and helps herself stand before making her way back over to us while tossing glares at Coin over her shoulder. Johanna wraps her arm about her waist and Katniss drapes an arm over her shoulder. I hold the door for them as we leave.

Once we round the corner and are out of earshot from the guards at the door, Jo props Katniss against the wall.

"Seriously? Seriously? I cannot believe you just did that." Jo rounds on her.

Katniss takes a short breath and frowns. "I-I hurt."

"Well you deserve it."

"I was shot!"

"We know! Don't we Peeta?" Jo turns to look at me, but she continues on before I can speak. "Katniss, you can't just do that. You shouldn't have done that. You know that woman isn't your biggest fan."

"So?"

"So? So! She probably wants to be the one to end Snow."

"I'm sure that will go over really well."

"Hey! They ratings would be good at least." I interrupt.

"Shut up, Peeta." Jo growls.

"Shut up, Jo. I don't see why you need to be such a jerk to him all of the time."

"I'm not!"

"You have been since I woke up."

"Peeta. Please tell your girlfriend I'm not always a jerk to you."

"She's not a jerk to me…some of the time." I grin as Jo rolls her eyes.

"I'm not his girlfriend. Right? Am I? Am I your girlfriend?" Katniss turns confused eyes on me and I glare at Jo, who at least has the decency to look upset about it.

I shake my head slowly. "No, no we aren't together."

"We used to be?"

"It was complicated. What do you remember about it?"

Katniss huffs a bit, winces and then slides down the wall to lie on the floor.

"Should we be letting her do that?" Jo asks me quietly and I shrug half-heartedly. We shouldn't be letting her do anything, but we are.

"We were married." Katniss states and Jo snorts. "You forced me to marry you; you threatened to kill me if I didn't."

"Of all the ridiculous – Katniss, do you really believe that? This is Peeta you're talking about. Sweet, innocent, gimpy Peeta."

"Really?" I ask, glaring at Jo again. She nods quickly, biting back a laugh.

"I  _ did _ believe it! Jo, I've been in rehab for my brain. There's a lot of things I believed that I know now aren't true."

"Right, I know Brainless, but that one?"

"I know. Look, I, this is what I remember about what our relationship was defined as. Snow was going to host a big, fancy party, Peeta didn't want it, so we. A Toasting."

I lean over her and she looks up at me. "Are you confessing that you were  _ for  _ the big, fancy wedding Snow wanted to host for us?"

Katniss winces and cracks her knuckles before bringing her hand up and chewing on the skin by her thumb nail. "No?"

"You're asking me, or telling me?"

"No. I don't like big, fancy things?" she shakes her head. "I don't. Simple. There was going to be a party?"

"Maybe." I shrug. "We'll never know for sure now, but you did have a dress."

"A wedding dress. Cinna made me a dress. The dress was bad. The dress." She takes a shuddering breath. "That's what got him killed, you know? Before the Games. I thought he was dead until he walked into my cell." She scrambles around for a minute and Jo reaches down to haul her into a sitting position before she slips down to sit next to her. Katniss' voice drops down into a whisper. "Before the Games, before we got lifted onto the platforms. I had just stepped inside the tube when they came in through the door. They beat him. I thought he was dead, I thought I had watched him die."

"Katniss-"

"It was because of that dress he made me. I remembered, when I put it on, it felt heavier than I remembered. He wrote his own death sentence."

"He knew what he was doing though." Jo bumped her shoulder.

"He shouldn't have done it."

"No, maybe not, for your sake at least, but he did what needed to be done. He sent the right message."

She nods and closes her eyes. "That's why I need to do it. Why I need to be the one to end him. For Cinna, for Rue, Thresh, for all of them, for their families, for Haymitch, for you, and me."

"Do you think it will help?" Jo asks after a silent moment passes between us.

Katniss laughs bitterly. "Well, I certainly don't think it will hurt anything."

"That's not funny." I tell her with a frown.

She sneers at me. "It wasn't meant to be. Now help me up." She extends her arm up to me and I grasp it, tugging her up as gently as I can. Jo grunts at the pained whimper that escapes her.

"Alright, Brainless. Clearly the fun time has worn off. Let's see if we can't get you doped up again."

"I don't want to be on it." Katniss mumbles, shrugging away from me. "I don't like the way it makes me feel."

"It makes you feel good, what are you talking about?"

"No, no, it's not that, it's the way it makes things seem in my brain. It's like I never left."

"Maybe we can see about other options they might have for you." Jo sighs.

We fall silent, only the sounds of our shuffled steps echoing through the halls we walk. I trudge along behind Katniss and Jo as they stumble down the hall.

"You know," Katniss speaks quietly. "I thought I had watched him die, and then I did." He voice catches and takes on a whining tone that it's hardly ever had before. "Why was that alright?"

Jo pulls her up short and grips her shoulders as she turns her to face her. "Look, it wasn't okay, what happened was wrong. I still can't sleep, and you can forget about showers. Katniss, we're all messed up in our own special way. Snow, he knows what he's doing; he plays his hand correctly every time, and wins." She breathes in sharply through her nose. "If things work out the way you want. I want you to promise to do one thing for me." Katniss nods slowly. "Kill him. Promise me you will, free me from the nightmares."

"Jo." Katniss whispers, her hand reaching up to grasp the other girls before its jerked away and Katniss loses her balance, shooting a hand out to steady herself against the wall.

"Don't." Jo backs away. "Don't look at me like that." She looks quickly to me. "I-I need to go. Sorry."

Katniss and I watch her disappear around the corner. "I'm sorry." Katniss turns to me. The look I give her must prompt her to continue. "I'm all over the place. I know I am. I'm sorry," She twists her hands frantically, now having found her balance. "This must be difficult for you."

"Don't worry about it Katniss. I'm here for you; I always will be, no matter what." Her face scrunches and I grin. "If you want me to leave-"

"No, it's not that. Do you always say sappy things like that?" I shrug and she eyes me shrewdly. "If you were in my place, what do you think I'd be doing?"

"Saving the world."

"I was serious."

"I'm being serious. I think it would be different though, if I had been the one. I don't think my recovery would go as well as yours is going now, and I think you'd run away into the fray to avoid having to face me as a problem."

"Why wouldn't you recover like I am?"

"We can talk about that later."

"So can we talk about how you just called me a terrible person?"

I laugh. "I did not, but you tend to handle situations that turn crappy in a pretty poor way, at least when I seem to be involved."

"Why?"

"Why do you think?"

"Guilt?"

I sigh. "How about we have this conversation later as well?"

"When?"

"When you're ready for it, when you know you won't have a breakdown, when all of this is over and everyone is safe again."

"What if I'm never ready?"

"Then that's alright. We don't have to talk about it."

"But my memories-"

"-Will start to come back, the way they have been."

"You don't know that. You're far too optimistic." She chews at her finger again, looking up at me through her lashes. "Do you really believe that?"

"Don't you?"

She shakes her head. "No. I don't. They told me they won't all come back, no matter what. No matter how many reverse treatments they put me through." She looks almost guilty. "I asked them to stop treatment for that. Do you think that's stupid?"

"Does it matter?"

"I'm not asking you for nothing, Peeta." She growls.

"I think I can understand why you want to do that, but, yeah, I think it's stupid."

"Because then you can't have me back."

I take a step back, gaping at her, I shake my head. "No, it's not that. Katniss, I would never – whatever happens between the two of us from here on out was meant to happen. All I want is for you to be healthy, and maybe one day, find happiness."

Katniss eyes me for a while in silence. "Why did you like me? The memories I have, I'm a bit of a bitch."

I laugh. "No. I never thought that of you. I never saw you that way."

"I don't believe you."

"You don't need to, at least not right now, one day though, you might." I take a breath. "Now, I think it's time we got you back to the hospital wing, we can discuss this later, if you want."

She nods slowly and steps toward me. "Can you carry me back?" her voice is tiny when she speaks, I don't answer, instead scooping her up into my arms. "You tell no one about this, you understand? If anyone asks, you deny it." She grumps as we near the doors to the wing and I set her down on her feet.

I give her a short salute. "Understood." She rolls her eyes and gives me a small wave before disappearing through the doors. I shove my hands deep in my pockets with a heavy sigh and hope desperately this all ends soon, that one day the odds will be in our favor, but until that time comes, I have more training to do. I need to be better, faster, stronger, for her and for me. We need to end this.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know Katniss is mostly OOC here, but I mostly pulled heavily on what happened to me after I had a surgery and was on super powerful painkillers. It was OOC for me too ;p  
> Again, I'm just looking at this on my own, and tried to catch mistakes, so I apologize if there are any glaringly obvious ones (I tend to be guilty of that).  
> If you're still here, thanks for putting up with me, and my terrible update habits. Thanks for reading!


	22. Chapter 22

"I don't have time to be sitting around 'recovering'" I can hear her ranting as I approach them, sprawled out on the ground.

"Brainless - oh, hey lover boy. What brings you over here to the losers section of the yard?"

"Boggs." I shrug, looking back over my shoulder at the man.

"What's he want?" Johanna tilts her head to glare at him while Katniss sighs and rolls over onto her stomach, then pushes herself into a standing position. Her scowl is in place when she finally turns around to look past me at Boggs.

"Are you alright?" I ask quickly.

"Course she isn't. Idiot still has an oozing wound, but no, can't stay in the hospital any longer."

Katniss' lips twist into a smirk. "You're just upset because you aren't getting any morphling again. And it's not oozing. Look!" She lifts her shirt and turns to Jo while she prods the raised pink skin on her abdomen.

"What do you know." Johanna deflects, and stands as well. "Do we have to keep running?" she whines.

"No. There's a meeting actually." I step in before Katniss can respond. "After, Katniss, you're to go to the hospital again for the final checkup, then see your prep team about the Mockingjay armor."

"Did they get it fixed?" Jo asks, marching off in front of us.

"They think they have, yes. They looked over the blueprints and mockups again and found the problem."

"Well good thing it only took me losing a spleen, huh?" Katniss snarks.

"Not funny Brainless."

"You weren't the one shot; I think I can say what I want about it."

"Still doesn't make it funny."

"I'm not a funny person."

"Oh, we're all very aware of that Ms. no nonsense."

"You aren't that funny either Jo!"

"I'm hilarious, what are you talking about. Peeta, tell Brainless how funny I am."

"Uhhh, am I really supposed to answer that?"

Katniss snorts in laughter and Jo whips around to bat at my arm. "You both suck." she pouts as we enter the building. "Oh! Hey guys!" she greets, almost running into Finnick, Annie and Gale.

"We're late for the meeting." Gale supplies.

"Well Boggs is still outside." Katniss rolls her eyes. "So we aren't that late."

The door swings open once more and Boggs steps through, looks around at all of us, checks his watch and looks back up at us again. "You're all late."

Annie smiles weakly and grasps Finnick's hand, tugging him away, down the hall towards the command center.

Jo and I fall into step next to each other and Katniss falls in beside Boggs while Gale trudges ahead of all of us.

"We can't be late if you are too. Besides, I think the expectation of us being prompt is pretty low." Katniss grumbles.

Boggs laughs. "I suppose I can vouch for all of you"

We file in one by one and situate ourselves around the table that Coin, Haymitch and Plutarch are already occupying, the rest of our squad is scattered about the room, standing on the fringes. I watch, hiding a grin as Boggs approaches the frowning Coin and whispers in her ear. The frown deepens but she nods once, glancing around the table and Boggs finds his seat.

"Now that all of you have finally decided to grace us with your presence. We can begin."

The meeting is boring, I'm not even paying attention to what's being said, but rather Finnick and Katniss, who are sitting next to one another. Finnick still has one hand in Annie's but his other is dancing over the rope in Katniss' hands who is following his instructions and nodding. Jo kicks my leg and I turn to glare at her, as I've only got one good one left I'd really rather try to take care of it, but she's looking pointedly at Boggs who is now zeroed in on Katniss and Finnick.

He clears his throat. "If you two are quite finished with arts and crafts hour down there." His voice booms around the room. Katniss starts and drops the rope completely as her hands grip the table, her knuckles turning white even as Finnick rolls his eyes and leans back over towards his wife to drape an arm around her. "As your C.O. I expect more from the two of you. Understood?"

They nod silently and Boggs relaxes a bit, pulling a thick disc from his pocket. "Now, this is what I'd like to show you." He places it on the tables surface, presses a few buttons and then steps back. In moments an image flickers to life in the space above it. It's got dimension and I realize it's a map with pulsing points of light. "We got this in last night from one of our people on the inside. Now that District 2 is officially out of commission, it's time to move into the Capitol."

Katniss stands suddenly and makes her way around the table to stand as close as possible to the hologram. Boggs clears his throat when it becomes clear she isn't going to say anything. "Our squad will go in first, we're small, so we're less likely to draw a lot of attention. However, those points of light on the map are all pitfalls. Anything could be in them. This red one here collapses the entire street, for instance. We want to go in and try to deactivate as many as possible before we move on" Katniss reaches forward and cups the plinking light in her hands.

"Ladies and gentlemen." Finnick drawls in an almost perfect imitation of Caesar Flickerman.

"Let the 76th Hunger Games begin." Katniss finishes with him, still staring at the light.

Haymitch is almost smiling and Coin is staring, unblinkingly at Katniss. "We have transport out of here tomorrow morning, 0800 hours. I expect you all to be there on time tomorrow. No excuses. If you're late, you're staying here. Understood?"

"Yes Sir." Is the universal reply, and then we're all dismissed. Annie tugs Finnick from room quickly and Johanna saunters after them.

Katniss blinks quickly when Boggs deactivates the holo. "I believe they're expecting you in the hospital ward, Soldier Everdeen." Coin states, still staring at her.

Nodding, Katniss winds her way through the room and darts out the door. Haymitch gives me a pointed look and I look around the room, note Gale is gone as well and try to escape the room as quickly as possible without being obvious.

Katniss has her good days and bad days with me. She's making an effort, and I'm not pushing, instead letting her seek me out. I've only been assaulted twice since we got lifted from 2. I had a black eye for a few days, which is a step up from the scars that run the length of my face. Her relationship with Gale however has been stilted since he went after her in 2. She tends to take on a slightly panicked look whenever he's near her and she tries to run as quickly as possible. I'm not sure if it's because he kissed her, or if her memories of me weren't the only ones they tampered with when she was locked up.

"I said leave me alone, Gale. I have somewhere to be." I can hear her voice from a corridor away. I can't make out what Gale is saying, but I can hear the timbre of his voice.

I round the corner and find Katniss, her back against the wall, with Gale boxing her in, keeping both of his hands on the wall at either side of her head.

"I don't know what your problem is lately-" Katniss snarls, hands curled into fists at her side.

"My problem? What about you?"

"Screw you Gale." She pushes at him. "I don't know when you decided to turn into such a jerk, but it would be great to have my best friend back, for just a minute." She pushes at his chest again and he falls back a step from her. "Peeta, mutt that he is, understands."

Gale scoffs and shakes his head. "No he doesn't."

Katniss nods fervently. "Yes. He does. I ask for space. I get it. I ask you for space, and all you do is invade it. I'm trying here, I really am, but you're making this so difficult for me."

Gale crosses his arms in front of his chest. "Tell me what you want Katniss, and I'll do it."

"I want you to leave me alone Gale. At least for now. I need time and space and my head." Katniss grips the sides of her face tightly. "It's a mess in there right now, and I don't need your help to keep it messed up." She glares up at him and he meets her steady gaze before nodding sharply.

"Fine, if that's what you want." Her expression doesn't change and he sighs. "See you tomorrow then Soldier Everdeen."

She watches him as he stalks away down the hall and then shakes her head. "Soldier Everdeen." she mutters, reaching out to trace along the grout lines in the wall. "Are you going to stand there all day?" She turns and gives me a quick smile before turning back around. "He's different now, or maybe it's me. I know I am, but he just seems, he's not Gale anymore. Even when he came to see me when I first got back, he was different, they couldn't touch my memories of him like they did with you, so I think that made it worse, because he changed all on his own. I talked to Beetee before I left, he told me about the traps they are designing." She grunts and pushes away from the wall. "They aren't right; it's one thing to trap the animals to feed yourself, but to do that on a bigger scale, to humans. It's like they ripped out his heart here and just replaced it with some electronic device and he can't feel anymore." I glance sideways at her, hands shoved deep in my pockets. "Sorry, it's just weird, and frustrating, and I hate it, I hate what I've become."

"Katniss, it's okay. You're allowed to feel all of those things, but you shouldn't hate yourself. You're fighting, you've shown so much progress, it's going to get better."

"Maybe." she sighs, "How's Liam?" she asks quickly, focusing on something new, different, something that isn't so tainted.

"He's been good. Harassing Prim whenever he gets a chance."

"I think it's cute. His crush on her."

"Yeah, well, she's still got that crush on Rory, so he's mostly just following her around like a sad puppy."

Katniss bites her lip and looks, wide eyed at me before snorting in disbelief.

"Well it's true." I mutter.

"When all of this is over, are you bringing him back with you?"

"Of course. We've already talked about it. It's not very ideal, really, but he's got no one else, and neither do I."

Her face scrunches up. "That- that's very nice of you."

"But not what Capitol Peeta would do, right?" I hedge.

She shakes her head. "No, no, I don't think so." We reach the tall chrome doors that lead into the hospital wing. "I can't wait until I'm finished seeing the inside of this place." I hum in agreement, remembering the long days I spent here, some forced, many voluntary as I spent time learning knots with Finnick. "Can you wait for me?" she turns and I raise my eyebrows at her. "Sorry, if you need to be somewhere else, I just don't want to face my prep team alone."

"So you think if I'm there it will be better?" I ask incredulously.

She laughs. "Not better, just bearable. You can talk to them while they make a fuss."

"Oh, I get it now; you just use me for my likability and easy banter with everyone."

"Whatever." she rolls her eyes and pushes through the doors. They close with a thud that echoes around the vast hallway as I lean back against the wall, hoping this won't take too long. I'd sit on the floor, but I know my ability to stand quickly has been vastly reduced, despite having a new and improved prosthetic. I withdraw the rope that's always in my pocket and let my hands blindly work as I watch the doors. I count my knots as I make them and undo them. I'm up to fifteen by the time she reemerges.

"Cleared for duty." she informs me as I re-pocket the rope. "I'm pretty sure they would have cleared me even if I  _ did _ have an oozing wound." she tugs gently on my shirt sleeve as she begins to walk down the hall. "I need you to do me a favor." she says lowly, after taking a deep breath.

"Yeah, sure." I agree quickly.

"No." She stops and looks around before tugging me into a small alcove. She stares up at me through narrowed eyes while chewing her bottom lip. "No, you don't understand." She brings her hand up to chew at her ragged thumbnail. "Peeta." she exhales. "If anything happens, if I try anything. I don't know what's going to happen to me, how being back will affect me. I don't want to go back, I really don't. I need you to take me out."

I can feel my entire face fall slack and I just gape at her. "Katniss-"

"No, P-Peeta." she stutters out my name with a frown. "Please, I don't want you to suffer unnecessarily because of me." I bark out a laugh at her, but she plows on. "I'll talk to Boggs too, but we all know I'm just a walking time bomb, especially with you around. That's not fair to you, or the mission. You're a soldier now, right?"

"Yes, I am, but that doesn't mean that I'm just going to-"

"You might need to. I could try to kill you again, and then he would win. We can't let him win." She wrings her hands and takes a breath. "I'm having a good day today, a really good day, all things considered. My memory isn't the complete muddled mess it usually tends to be, so I need to do this. I need you to do this for me, we're all going to be issued some extra stuff, non-standard. I'm not asking you to  _ kill _ me, but just keep me contained. We'll have handcuffs. Use them. Don't let them take me again, don't leave me behind, because I can't, you can't let them. Please don't let them." Her breathing becomes erratic and her lower lip wobbles.

"Katniss, don't, shhh." I reach a tentative hand out to her and she flings herself into my chest, causing me to stumble back with a slight 'oof' "I promise I won't let them take you again. No matter what. So, just, please calm down, alright, it's going to be okay. You'll be safe. And you'll have a whole team with you, to keep you safe"

She sniffs. "You don't know what it was like."

I let an arm fall around her and rub her back. "No, I don't, but I know what the outcome was, and that's enough for me to never let it happen again."

She pulls away and looks up at me with a blotchy face and red rimmed eyes, wiping away a few stray tears. "You're too good for me, real or not real?"

I frown. "Have you been talking to Haymitch? Fuck, I told him to stop saying that shit to you."

She garbles out a laugh and steps away. "Maybe. Yes. He's easy to be around, doesn't treat me like I'm china." She screws up her face "Ain't nothin you can do Sweetheart, that could make you deserve that boy. You could live a thousand lifetimes and not deserve him." Her voice dipped low into a raspy rumbling as she imitates our Mentor.

"He said that to you?" I ask, a bit incredulous.

"Ahhh, yes. Two, no, three days ago. I remember it. So, real or not real?"

"Katniss, why would you even worry about that. You're." I run a hand over my face. "I love you, I don't care what Haymitch has to say on it, and I'm pretty sure that's not how love works."

She smiles weakly at me and nods. "It's true though, I know that. I remember.” she waves a hand gesturing at me “And then you just do things like that, say things like that, and me? I'm not a nice person, and I wasn't nice to you. I'm selfish." 

I bark out a laugh. "You really think I'm not?" I ask.

"No." She steps back into the hall. "Not like I am, now. Come on, we're going to be late, and you know how my prep team feels about tardiness.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So these chapters are shorter than the behemoths I feel like I've given you in the past, sorry if you like long chapters, you short chapter fans, hey! I'm also sorry if it seems like I've been doing some mild Gale-bashing, I've never really liked his character, respected the lengths he would go to, absolutely, but I just was never a big fan :( I blame my Everlark loving heart.
> 
> Thanks for reading, and all of the kudos, please feel free to let me know what you think.


	23. Chapter 23

I watch her silently out of the corner of my eye, very aware that everyone else has their eyes on her as well. She sits, strapped into a seat on the hovercraft, one leg pulled up and her foot tucked beneath her other leg, while her rifle rests across her lap. Her other leg dangles, swinging slightly while her hands twist the end of her braid.

The Leeg sisters are whispering quietly amongst themselves next to me while Cressida jots down notes and checks on Castor and Pollux and their equipment every five minutes, acting for all the world like we aren't on our way to the Capitol, aren't on our way to likely death.

I find my own finger idly tracing patterns on my thigh, while Finnick hums a quiet tune and makes knots across from me. This has been one of the longest hours of my life, those hovercraft trips to the arena aside. I tilt my head back and close my eyes, breathing deep as I try to quell my nerves. I've been lucky enough to survive two arenas; I only hope my luck holds out for the most brutal of them all. This will be no gamemakers playground, but Snow's carefully orchestrated death trap.

"We have just under an hour left." Boggs informs us after another quarter hour of tense almost silence. "We're planning on touching down in the outskirts of the Capitol. Since the fall of District 2 the citizens have been getting restless and worried, our intel states that all citizens are moving towards the presidents mansion to seek out safety from the Rebels. I've mapped a path to take us there. Some of the hazards will be easy to trip, others will require a bit of work."

"Any other advice?" Gale asks, drumming his fingers along the barrel of the rifle.

Katniss snorts and all eyes dart back to look at her. "Stay alive." she grunts, staring straight ahead of her at the wall.

"Well, that isn't very helpful." Cressida says with a small pout.

"No, it isn't, is it? Someone, please tell that to Haymitch." her eyes roll and Finnick snorts in amusement.

"You and Haymitch would have made quite the pair as mentors, then." He says, still laughing. Katniss turns to glare at him, which sets him off even more. Boggs clears his throat and we direct our attention to him once more.

"We're going into a war zone, but footage still needs to be shot, so I need everyone paying attention and following orders without question. In the event that something should happen, you each have a small tear away pocket right here in your uniforms." He pats near his left shoulder. "It's a pill, deadly. We've named it nightlock." His eyes flicker to Katniss and I before he continues on about how we are only to take them if the Capitol captures us. He's wrapping up the lengthy lecture when we finally touch down.

The doors open and everyone unstraps themselves, leaping from the hovercraft chairs. Katniss retrieves her helmet and jams it down on her head with a scowl when Boggs approaches her. They exchange quiet words, her eyes wide when he finally hands something over to her. I recognize the clip, real bullets. Surrendering she releases the current clip in the chamber and hands it over to him before snapping the new on in place and strapping a few others onto her utility belt.

Once we're all on the ground, Boggs gives the word and the hovercraft takes off, leaving us alone, a handful of rebels trapped within the Capitol. Mitchell and Boggs consult the Holo while telling all of us not to move while Cressida readies her small crew.

"Right, listen up." Boggs catches our attention; Katniss keeps her eyes firmly affixed to the colorful bricks that make up the road we're standing on. "There's a pod roughly fifteen feet ahead." He points to the pulsing light on the Holo and we all nod. "Cressida wants to shoot some footage, so I want all of you shooting out the windows. Hawthorne, I want you to activate the pod. Once it's activated, everyone down and out of the way, situate yourselves so you have somewhere to hide. Got it?" We all answer in the affirmative and he sends us off.

Pollux trails me and I watch Castor follow behind Gale, both of them careful to stay out of the other's shot. Messalla tosses out a couple of smoke charges, 'for atmosphere', we're told and then we wait, not for Boggs, but for the call of 'Action' from Cressida. When it comes we all take quick turns to blow out sections of windows before Gale takes aim. When the pod activates we all dive for cover, some of us flat against the street while others duck into the scattered doorways around us as a hail of bullets sweeps over our heads. When it stops, Boggs gives us the all clear to move forward.

Cressida's shout stops us in our tracks before any of us can move. She informs us she needs some close-up shots. With a heavy sigh we all take turns reenacting our responses, which quickly gets out of hand. Turns out Mitchell is an even worse actor than Katniss is and his reenactment has us all laughing after his second shot.

"Pull it together, Four-Five-One" Boggs reprimands from in front of us, fighting a grin of his own as he's double checking the next pod. I watch him as he positions the Holo, attempting to find the best light in the hazy air around us. He gives the squad a firm look as his left foot steps back onto an orange paving stone. Nothing happens right away and then suddenly a blast erupts from beneath him.

Several more windows around us shatter with the detonation and I can hear screams now, instead of laughter. Real smoke coils up around us, darkening the lighter smoke of the charges Messalla set off.

A second explosion sounds, leaving my ears ringing and my arms feeling numb, but I can't make out where it came from. I look around frantically before my heart settles somewhere deep in the pit of me when I catch sight of one of the Leeg sisters, I think it's 2 with a dart through her head and several more through her uniform, pinning her grotesquely to the wall she was standing by.  
Swallowing and trying to ignore the sight of her, I stumble towards Boggs, still hearing screams while Finnick's voice shouts over them. Katniss is there having darted out from the closest archway to him. She is kneeling on the cobblestones, eyes wide as she takes in the damage to his lower half. Homes cuts in front of me, pulling out a first-aid kit as Boggs reaches up to grip Katniss' wrist. I watch, his pallor fading fast, his breaths coming short and quick. His next words are an order. "The Holo."

Despite being back here, where she lost herself, the bomb and Bogg's injury seems to have jolted her back into her old self, serious, on the verge of commanding, but she's holding it together as she scrambles around, searching. I almost retch when I see her pick it up, wedged into a stair well sitting next to one of his boots. She wipes it clean as she rushes back to him, handing it over.  
Homes has the stump of Bogg's left thigh wrapped up in some sort of bandage I've never seen before while he attempts to tourniquet the other above his existing knee. Blood is all over the street. The squad, having calmed down, quickly assemble into a protective formation around us as I kneel next to Homes and grip Boggs' other hand. I glance up and see Finnick attempting to revive Messalla, who was thrown into a wall from the blast while Jackson shouts into a field communicator, trying to reach the hovercraft that just left us. It's too late though, if the amount of blood gathering around us, turning the bright tiles a deep red, didn't give it away, Katniss' expression does. I'm thrown back into our first arena, where this expression swam in and out of my vision for what seemed like days. She knew what I knew then, that I was dead without help, still lucky to be fighting for breath.

Boggs glares at me before grabbing at my arm and pulling me towards his head before he wrenches his hand away, working on the Holo quickly. He types in some sort of command, pressing his thumb down before speaking a code at the prompt. Green light bursts from the Holo and lights his face. "Unfit for command. Transfer of prime security clearance to squad Four-Five-One Soldier Peeta Mellark." His hands shakes as he turns to Holo to me. "Say your name." he chokes wetly.

"Peeta Mellark." I speak the words slowly, staring at Boggs with a mixture of shock and fear before the light flares again, flickering rapidly. 

"What did you do?" Katniss rasps, staring down at him in shock as his hands fumble with the Holo once more.

"Prepare to retreat!" Jackson hollers from above us.

Finnick yells something else as I pull Homes up quickly and we turn to see him gesturing wildly at the end of the block, the area we had started from. Black oily matter spouts from the street, billowing between the buildings. It turns everything it touches into darkness I can't see beyond. I don't know what it is, if it's liquid or gas, but I know it can't be good, and will probably kill us if it gets too close. There's no going back now, we're stuck in the Capitol.

Gunfire opens suddenly and Katniss stumbles to her feet as Gale and Leeg 1 begin to blast a path across the stones at the far end of the block. I watch bewildered, wondering what the hell they're doing, but I understand suddenly when another bomb, roughly ten yards away, detonates, blasting a hole in the middle of the street, wider than I am tall. Minesweeping, not the best way to go about it, I think, even with my limited tactical knowledge. Right now though, it's the best way we can do it, given what's happening.

Homes grips my arm tightly and gestures down to Boggs, I frown, but nod, and we each grip an arm, pulling him after us as Katniss takes off down the street behind the rest of the squad. Boggs' screams seem almost inhuman as he cries out; I look over at Homes who shakes his head grimly before glancing behind us as the rising blackness, coming towards us quickly.

I lose my grip on Boggs suddenly, as I'm yanked sideways, slammed into the stones. Katniss stares down at me, heel of one foot digging into my shoulder as she raises her rifle and I'm momentarily thankful that she isn't aiming it, but rather is readying to slam the butt end into my face. Her eyes are wide, and I know she's gone, lost to the Haze of the venom. I take a breath, and move to catch the blow but she's ripped away from me. I roll over to see her struggle with Mitchell as he tries to pin her to the ground, but whatever is inside of her riling her up is not match for him. They struggle for a moment and she gets out of his grasp before she leaps up and away from him even as he grabs after her, Katniss snarls and then shoves him hard in the chest. His eyes go wide as he flails backwards and then trips over one of the paving stones.

There's a loud snap as a trap pod activates. Four cables, attached to tracks on the buildings around us break through the stones, dragging a net up that encases Mitchell. I can't make sense of what I'm seeing right away, how completely bloody he is, we notice, almost collectively the barbs sticking from the wire. Gale calls for him not to move, and I begin coughing, the blackness finally catching up to all of us.

Gale spins around and with Leeg 1 they shoot through the lock on the corner buildings door before turning to start firing at the cables suspending Mitchell's net as Leeg 1 kicks in the door. Jackson is now attempting to restrain Katniss. I stumble back towards Boggs. Homes and I struggle to drag him into the building, across someone's pink and white living room, down a hall and finally onto the marble floor of the kitchen, where we finally collapse. Castor and Pollux are now carrying in a writhing Katniss as Jackson snaps the cuffs onto her. I watch as they shove her into the pantry after she starts attempting to bite them once she registers the cuffs are on her.

The front door slams, someone shouts something, and then footsteps pound down the hall towards the kitchen. The black wave rushes past. We're still and quiet, we can hear the windows groan, and then shatter before the noxious smell of tar fills the air. Finnick carries in Messalla and I move over to help him as Leeg 1 and Cressida stumble into the room behind them, coughing.  
Gale brings up the rear, slamming the door shut behind him, choking out the word 'fumes' Castor and Pollux move quickly, grabbing towels and aprons, everything they can get their hands on, before stuffing them into the cracks around the door as Gale retches into the sink, before turning on the water and sticking his face under the steady stream.

I kneel back by Boggs and he wastes no time pressing the Holo into my hands. His lips move rapidly, but I can't make out anything he's saying to me. I lean down, almost plastering my ear against his mouth just to be able to hear his harsh whisper. "Don't trust them. Don't go back, you must press forward. Kill Katniss." I suck in a deep breath at this. "Do what you need to do."

I pull away from him and look down in shock. "What? Boggs? Boggs?" I shake at his shoulder. His eyes are still open wide, staring past me, dead. Pressed into my hand, sticky from his blood, is the Holo.

Katniss' feet suddenly slam into the pantry door, causing us all to jump. She's screaming, spitting angry words at all of us even as she continues to kick, but it quickly becomes less insistent, and her screams diminish into quiet cries, until all is quiet once more.

"He's gone?" Finnick asks, jerking me back to the kitchen and away from the pantry door, he's looking down at Boggs. I nod. "We need to get out of here. Now. You can bet they've got us all on surveillance and we just set off and entire street full of pods."

"All streets are covered by cameras." Castor speaks up. "They probably manually set off the black wave after they saw us filming that propo."

"Our radio communicators went dead too, probably an electromagnetic pulse device was set off as well with that wave. We need to try to get back to the drop off point, retreat. Give me the Holo." Jackson reaches for it, but I step away, holding it to my chest.

"No. Boggs gave it to me." I tell her.

"Don't be ridiculous." She snaps. I understand, really I do, about why she thinks it should be hers. She's second in command.

"It's true." Homes pipes up suddenly from where he rests near Bogg's legs. "He transferred prime security clearance before he died. I saw it."

"Why would he do that?" Jackson snaps.

I shrug, knowing there is nothing I could say to placate her. I look around at the squad and have trouble wrapping my head around the events of the last five minutes. I think of his last orders and wonder what he meant. Who can't I trust? Coin? My squad? I dismiss the last one immediately, these people, I've spent months with them, fighting with them, fighting FOR them, I would never abandon them, and I know they wouldn't abandon me either. I won't go back, we won't, we can't, and Boggs should have known that I would never, ever kill Katniss, no matter what happened. I know what needs to be done, that as much as we're here to try and detain the Capitol, clear the streets, make a path, so the real troops can move through, I can't help but wonder if we would be better served at another task. An assassination.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, wow. So obviously some of this was taken straight from MockingJay, It's definitely not word for word, I tried to change most of it up and use different words while I wrote this, and obviously its from a different POV, soooo... no plagiarism or copyright infringement intended, all of that stuff. It's actually been a while since I read MockingJay, so there was some heavy consulting going on, but I really enjoyed the way this part was written, which is why I kept it so close. Next chapter will veer off in similarities.
> 
> Thanks so much for all of the kudos and comments!


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